Chapter 11

I'd never been someone who suffered with the Sunday Scaries, that feeling when you're dreading the start of the working week, because I'd always worked with books and books brighten any day. But I really was dreading seeing Noah again as I had no idea if he'd be just my bad-tempered boss or whether, like I had on Saturday, I'd see another glimpse of the Noah I'd known and loved. But most of all, I wasn't sure which one I was actually hoping for.

I tried the usual self-care activities that always made me feel better. I went for an early walk to my favourite park and took photos of the gorgeous autumn colours to post on Instagram. Then I came home and had brunch followed by a bubble bath with my Kindle. I started to read a new book but I quickly realised it was a second-chance romance and I did not need that messing with my heart, so I swapped it for one of Deborah Day's books that I hadn't read and was relieved that this was enemies-to-lovers with a supernatural twist. After my bath, I put on a loungewear set and curled up with tea and a Netflix series I was in the middle of.

But if I was honest, nothing could completely erase Noah from my brain. It was still so crazy that he was back here in London. When he left me, I'd had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never see or speak to him again. And when you've been so in love, it's not like you can turn it off like a tap. I had still loved him even though he'd stopped feeling anything for me. And my heart. My body. They remembered Noah far too well.

It didn't help matters that I'd sworn off dating so it had been longer than I cared to admit since I'd spent the night with anyone. And getting flashes of my nights with Noah coupled with no one to help me forget them was making me crave them all over again.

I sighed, switched off Netflix and picked up the book again, but I was getting close to a sex scene and that didn't seem like a good idea. So I grabbed my phone and went to the app store. My fingers hovered over the dating app I'd used in the past. But I knew I was only considering it because Noah was back, not because I actually wanted to go through all that again. I'd made a plan to focus on my publishing career and I didn't want him to derail that.

Noah was my past. I had to focus on my future. I had to forget how he was with me on Saturday and tell myself he was just my grumpy boss. And dating your boss? Surely that was an even worse idea than going back to an ex. So, there we had it. Noah was off limits with a capital O and a capital L.

Throwing my phone down, I got up and decided pasta and wine were in order and then an early night so I'd be on the ball for our meeting with Deborah Day tomorrow.

I had no idea I was right to be feeling the Sunday Scaries because my first meeting with Deborah Day was not something I'd forget in a hurry.

I got to work early on Monday to get things ready for our meeting. I wanted to make a good impression on the author and her agent and prove that I was meant to work in publishing. This felt like my first test at Turn the Pages, and I wanted it to be a success.

‘Oh, you're here.' Noah stopped short in the doorway of the boardroom as I was putting out a bottle of water and glasses for four on the long table.

He was in a crisp suit but his hair was ruffled and his stubble was ever so slightly unkempt. And were those bags under his eyes?

I frowned. ‘You look tired.'

‘And I'm the one that lacks people skills?' He sighed as he put his leather-bound notebook and pen next to my things on the table. ‘It's been a working weekend. The phone call I took at the park was my father and I had to send things over to him yesterday.' He raised an eyebrow. ‘Then he wanted to know how suddenly everyone here seemed to know I was his son.'

I stopped putting out biscuits onto a plate.

‘Oh.' I straightened up and allowed myself to meet his gaze. ‘That was me.'

‘So I assumed,' he said dryly.

I put my hands on my hips. ‘Well, I didn't want anyone else to almost have a heart attack when they realised you lie about your name and who you're related to. And why hide it? If you don't think your father got you this job, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks.'

Noah stared back at me. ‘I don't think that,' he said coldly. ‘But, naturally, it's made my father even more demanding that we get results and quickly to stop anyone crying nepotism. And maybe I had a plan as to when and how I was going to tell everyone. You didn't give me the chance.'

‘Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice…' I muttered.

‘Excuse me?'

‘What does it matter? The cat is out of the bag and we just have to make this a success, same as we had to before I told anyone.'

Noah sighed. ‘I forgot how black and white you see the world.'

I finished piling the plate with biscuits. ‘And you still like to play in the grey it seems but after what happened last time, you can count me out of joining in,' I replied, trying not to let him get to me, but it wasn't easy.

‘Last time?'

This was not how I wanted to start the working week. After telling myself to label Noah as my boss and my boss only, he was suddenly becoming all chatty about the past.

I threw my hands up. ‘You lied to me for a whole year about your real name and who your father was. Why should I keep your secret now?'

The anger I'd been trying to reign in was spilling out. I could blame nerves for this meeting but mostly it was the calm way Noah was watching and talking to me. Like he didn't have a clue about how much he had lied. How it had been all part of a game that I hadn't known I was playing. He could say I saw the world in black and white but it was definitely preferable when people were genuine and gave it to you straight. Why pretend you loved someone when you always had one eye on the door?

He pushed the sleeves of his shirt up. ‘I didn't lie because…' He trailed off. ‘I didn't want you to think…' He looked as if he was struggling with what to say.

I crossed my hands over my chest. ‘You lied. About everything.'

Noah looked flummoxed, which was a relief as Emily appeared in the doorway then. ‘They are here,' she said. ‘I'll make them coffees and bring them in, if you're ready, Stevie?'

I smiled. ‘We are, thank you, Emily, that would be great.'

She nodded and disappeared again.

‘I get no say then,' Noah said under his breath. ‘We need to talk, Stevie,' he said, more firmly.

‘What else is there to say?' I asked him.

Taking a breath, I focused on smiling at the door, ready to greet our visitors, and hoped I could ignore the waves of resentment rolling off Noah beside me. I had no idea why he was annoyed with me when it clearly should be the other way around.

‘You said it yourself on Saturday. We should just focus on work, right?' I said through gritted teeth.

‘Fine,' he snapped.