Chapter Twenty-One

T here was no point in knocking. Anna had told him to expect him, and she was right on time.

Or relatively on time. She was actually half an hour late. But she couldn't decide on what to wear. What should one look like when skulking through the corridors after everyone had gone to bed? This was all new to her. Her tardiness should be excused.

Confidence, Anna. Confidence. She stared at the cream-colored wood. Just open the door. Just open the —

The door swung open. A disgruntled-looking Jacob scowled at her before quickly craning his neck past the threshold.

"Get inside," he said, grabbing her forearm and yanking her into his room. He slammed the door behind her. "Christ, you're in your nightgown."

Jacob stood in front of her, running his hand through his hair. He didn't let go of it. He tugged at the ends while he regarded her with a ferocious scowl.

Anna wrapped her arms around her waist, feeling incredibly vulnerable… and annoyed. This interlude was supposed to be exciting, heartwarming, life-affirming… and the incorrigible man was behaving as if she was a large bother.

She gathered her courage. "Fine. You don't want me here, then I'll just go—"

Anna spun to the door, but she didn't get far. She felt Jacob's arms encircle her hips, holding her in place.

"Now, I didn't say all that." His mouth grazed her ear, causing the hair on the back of her neck to tingle. "I'm just trying to understand what game you're playing, is all."

"There's no game," Anna said, twisting in his embrace. Jacob hadn't disrobed yet and was still dressed in his dinner jacket. She ran her hands under the heavy wool. His waistcoat was white and silky, and she liked how she could feel his body underneath her fingertips, feel the bumps and ridges of his ribcage. "I told you I would come, and now I'm here. You won't let me leave, so I assume you are in agreement with what will happen tonight."

Like a piece of leather left out in the sun, his resolve was softening. "And just what will happen tonight?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

Anna almost rolled her eyes. "I already told you." Even in his arms in his bedroom, she didn't want to have to say it again.

But that man wouldn't let up. "But why?"

"Because I want to."

"But why?"

Anna wanted to pinch him. If she could find an ounce of fat on his body, she might have. She lowered her head so that she was staring at his chest. "You know why."

"I don't. Ow! Don't pinch me! I just want to make sure we're doing this for the right reasons."

What were the right reasons? Anna had made love to Phillip and thought his need was the only reason. He'd wanted her, and that had been reason enough for her. It was only now that she realized giving a man you thought you loved something that they wanted wasn't the same as wanting it yourself. She'd wanted Phillip so much that she'd given him everything without stopping to consider how it would affect her.

Not anymore. Anna wanted this. She wanted Jacob. And she was tired of not getting what she wanted.

She dredged up all the confidence in her body and finally looked him in the eye once more. Jacob's face was so open, so accepting. But he was also wary. He was protecting his heart, and Anna couldn't fault him for that.

"I want to make love to you, Jacob. You once told me that you knew what lust felt like. I've never experienced that, and I want to with you. That's all I'm offering here tonight. I've already told you, I have no dreams of marriage or love. But I will accept passion, if you'll share it with me."

Anna's body felt light, like everything had just been dragged out of her and put on display. Jacob studied her for a long pause, making her stomach even more jittery.

"I thought you said lust was weak," he murmured. "And you are not weak."

He played with the short ends of her hair. It was like feeling the breeze on a scorching day, so blissfully necessary. "It's only a weakness if you let it rule you." Anna let her fingers explore. Starting at his throat, she unwound his necktie, not stopping until the long piece of fabric was on the floor. She wasted no time with the buttons, unfastening them at his waistcoat and then the top half of his shirt. He tensed while she worked. Even his breath seemed suspended between them as his entire being centered on her.

When she dipped her hands into the opening of his shirt, Jacob's shoulders finally trembled like a tiny earthquake, here one moment, gone the next. Anna leaned forward, filling her lungs with his essence, filling her future memories with the masculine aroma that was Jacob, the spicy scent that made her knees tremble so badly she had to lock them into place. She didn't know what had come over her as she rubbed her face back and forth against him, coating herself in that smell. "Lust doesn't rule me. I am ruling lust."

The black hair on Jacob's chest scratched her as he laughed. His arms tightened around her waist. A connection was made. Their bodies formed a knot that would not be broken tonight. "Silly woman." His voice was deep and husky, and a chill ran through Anna. Oddly enough, it made her want to rip off their clothes, as if being skin to skin was the only way she could feel warm again. "There's no controlling passion."

"There isn't?"

She tilted her head to see Jacob's lopsided grin. He shook his head.

Anna returned a teasing frown. "Then should I give up now?"

Jacob's embrace squeezed the breath out of her. "Where would the fun be in that?"

Anna let out a yelp as he hoisted her up in his arms. She had enough time to sweep her arms around his neck as he lifted her legs around his middle and palmed her backside with his hands. There was nothing lopsided about his smile now. He grinned from ear to ear as he led her to his bed.

His carefree demeanor was enchanting, and instantly Anna knew that she'd made the right decision. He would never lie to her or take advantage of her. Her heart was safe.

Gently, Jacob placed her on the bed. Anna only had a second to admire the soft royal-blue brocade and matching bed curtains before he stole all her attention. He stood to the side stripping off his clothes. Anna dug her fingers into the mattress as if it were a life raft.

Her giggle surprised her. Jacob raised an eyebrow at the sound but didn't halt in his undressing. He wasn't trying to be funny; however, the slapdash way he tore the clothes from his body, messing up his hair in the process, was adorably impatient.

Anna had never actually seen a naked man before. In the few times she'd been with Phillip, he had never taken off all his clothing, and she had never taken all of hers off either. It had all been so hurried, so clandestine, so… perfunctory . Love, apparently, had a time limit.

Well, lust and passion did not. Because even after Jacob was completely naked in front of her—without a hint of shame or embarrassment—he didn't jump on her. His chest rose and fell while he looked his fill of her. As if Anna was the one on display. As if she was the only gift that had been opened in that room.

"You're a beautiful man," she blurted out. Had she gone insane? Why else would her lips suddenly feel so untethered to her mind?

Nevertheless, Anna wasn't lying. Jacob's body was beautiful to her. His lineage was written in his blood, chiseled in his bones. She could see the knights of his ancestors carved into the lines of muscles that flowed effortlessly over his figure. How could anyone mistake him for anything other than a viscount?

For a man of his height, Jacob wasn't wiry or lanky. His limbs were long and well formed, his shoulders broad, his hips narrow. Hair was sprinkled across his chest and tapered down to his waist, where it nestled along his manhood.

Anna's cheeks flamed as she admired him—all of him.

"I've never had anyone call me that before," Jacob said.

"Fools, all of them." The flush along his cheekbones made Anna bolder. "Are you done standing there?" she asked, raising her knee. "Are you done begging for my admiration?"

Jacob choked on a laugh. He ran a hand over his face, attempting to contain himself. "Believe me, I'm not begging for anything. I'm trying to figure out what to do with you."

Anna's nerve wavered. "I thought that would be obvious, no? Our goal is to let passion and lust guide us."

Jacob's cheeks ballooned before he released a monumental sigh. Anna realized he was holding back. She just couldn't understand why.

"I don't know if that's a wise decision."

"Why?"

Mercifully, Jacob came toward her. He placed his hands on either side of her face, ducking his head until his lips were inches from hers. "Because once I taste you… once I taste what has been simmering between us, I'm afraid I won't be able to live without it."

Anna rubbed his shoulders, massaging the ball-like muscles. Her smile was thin. Her body was screaming for something to happen, and Jacob continued to take his sweet time. "That's what makes passion so special," she said, pulling him until he crawled on top of her. He held half of his weight on his arms, but the rest of him was enough. Jacob on top of her was like being covered in sand, warm and intense, claustrophobically safe.

She trailed her nose along his collarbone, licking at the thin skin covering it. "Passion fades. Lust fades. This is why we are taking advantage of each other now. This is the best it is ever going to be. There's no reason to hold on to something that is destined to end."

Jacob pushed her back to the bed. His scowl confused her. "And you're so certain our passion will fade?"

"All passion does. Cleopatra betrayed Mark Antony; Napoleon divorced Josephine; Peter Abelard was castrated by Heloise's father."

"Are we really talking about castration right now?"

"I'm just making a point," Anna said. "Happily ever afters are a thing of myth, so let's be happy now. Can you do that for me, Jacob? Can you make me happy now?"

He closed his eyes. It seemed like he was in the middle of some debate with himself. Why did he continue to resist her? What was the point? He was lying on top of her, naked—why torture himself with questions that needed no answers?

Anna reached up and kissed his neck, light, fleeting kisses that were meant to entice, to distract. "Please, Jacob," she whispered, undulating her hips. She heard a hiss between his teeth. "Share yourself with me. I promise, I won't bite."

Jacob's head hung like a flower with a broken stalk. She could feel his hot, quick breath through her robe. "What if I want you to bite?" he said finally.

Anna hooked her leg over his bottom, rubbing her feet down the back of his legs. Jacob lifted his head, and she could see his pupils grow big. "Then I will bite until you tell me to stop."

He dug his hand underneath her body. When he found the soft mound of her bottom, he palmed her flesh with an intensity that made her limbs feel boneless, her insides ache with raw need. She undulated into him again, and he returned the movement, rocking into her pelvis with a rhythm that made her wild.

All consideration was gone. In its place was a man with a woman he desired in his possession. Anna wanted him to use her, wanted him to slake that need with her until all that was left of them was sweat and exhaustion, and absolutely no regrets.

Jacob's hand continued to venture higher, taking Anna's robe and nightgown with it. Without finesse or any care for the poor garments, he slid them over her head and tossed them on the floor. She didn't have time for embarrassment. Jacob came back to her in an instant, clothing her with his body, his hands falling over her skin in naked abandon.

It was electric, this pairing. Their hands roved and their legs mingled. Anna worried that Jacob might try to kiss her. She hadn't reminded him that she wouldn't allow it, assuming that he would remember her dictates, but she didn't want to have to tell him here and now. She wanted no more breaks in intimacy. Anna only wanted to feel him inside her.

She reached between their slick bodies, pressing into his skin. Jacob's manhood was hard and swollen, and as he arched his hips back, Anna took him in her hand.

Jacob groaned, his elbows shaking as he almost buckled on top of her. "Yes, Anna," he raped, nipping her in the neck. He thrust into her hand, and the tip of his staff jutted into her lower belly. She ran her thumb over the sensitive tip, marveling at the delicate texture.

He laid his head in the valley of her breasts. Over his shoulder, Anna watched the delectable curve of his behind clench and release as he drove into her hand, the power behind the action, the way all the muscles clicked together in an elegant, animalistic design.

He licked her nipple, causing Anna to close her eyes, all appreciation diverted to what he was doing with his tongue. He flicked at it quickly, breaking away to blow cold air on the bud, driving her insane with the maelstrom of sensations. He palmed her other breast, fondling and massaging the soft mound.

Anna was weightless, light as air, and Jacob's words floated to her on this cloud of passion. "Place me inside you," he said, pumping into her hand once more. She opened her eyes and gazed at the ceiling. Jacob's hands were incessant, and his mouth even more so. His body controlled her; his touches bewitched her. Any more than this and she would forget her name.

But that was what she'd wanted, wasn't it? Pure, unadulterated lust. Jacob had been right. There was nothing weak about it.

Anna opened her legs a little further and guided him to her entrance. She felt herself open for him as he slowly nudged inside her, an inch at a time. Anna tensed. It had been years, but she remembered not liking this part, knowing it would hurt.

Jacob slid his hands under her shoulders, cupping them as he pressed inside her passage. "It will be all right," he said. "Just relax for me, sweetheart."

Anna couldn't begin to understand how she was supposed to do that. She was thinking too much. Anxiety was running rampant inside her, dousing all the excitement. She flexed her inner thighs and clenched her teeth as she waited for him to invade her.

Jacob raised his head from her breasts, a sympathetic smile on his face. His skin had a healthy glow. Anna imagined herself as pale as a ghost.

"I don't know how to," she said, embarrassed by the pathetic sound in her voice. What was wrong with her? She wasn't a virgin. Why was she making this so difficult? She tried to pull him back to her. "Can you just… do it? I don't mind the pain; I will deal with it. I want you to feel pleasure."

A deep growl rumbled from Jacob's throat. "It's not going to hurt. I promise you. At least… not like that. Here. Wait."

Withdrawing from Anna, Jacob grabbed the two pillows next to her on the bed. He lifted her pelvis to place them underneath. Her lower half was now at an incline toward him. Jacob took her legs and wrapped them around his hips and came back to her, once more pushing inside her with tender insistence.

"Is that better?" he asked, watching her intently as he seated himself inside her.

Anna didn't want to harm his feelings. But she didn't want to tell him the truth either. It felt… It felt like…

Jacob placed his hands on her belly, stretching out his fingers until he covered her. Then he lifted them until nothing was touching her except the tips of his fingers. Like a wing fluttering over her body, he tickled her skin, slow and languid. Her body was a canvas and Jacob was a painter, sweeping a brush over her hips and breasts, highlighting the curves and valleys of her expanse. She relaxed under his ministrations, delighting in the soft, barely there sensations that made her feel so incredibly cherished.

And with those soothing strokes came something deep and full between her legs. Jacob waited until she was ready for him, and the moment her guard went down, he charged forward, filling her core, connecting their bodies in this holy alliance.

"Oh, sweetheart, you feel so good," Jacob murmured as he arched back slowly and drove into Anna again. "I've never… Fuck… I can't…"

His hands continued to do what his words couldn't. Because even as he worked inside Anna, they didn't stop their dance. They roved over her, continuing to offer solace and a sweet distraction to the pain that never came.

It was like lying naked while rain dropped from heaven, like being kissed in a thousand different places.

It was like being loved. Wholly and exquisitely loved.

And Anna could not have that.

Jacob's pace was leisurely and pensive… a puff of wind causing a field of wheat to ripple. His hips were hypnotic, his gaze watchful and magnetic. They watched each other in silence as their bodies worked in tandem. Each giving. Each taking. A balancing act when all they wanted was to free-fall. Jacob's face betrayed him. There was too much caring. Too much affection.

Undiluted devotion scored into her bones.

And it frightened her.

Because that was not what she'd asked for. Because she still didn't deserve it.

In a fit of fury, Anna held tight to Jacob's forearms and slammed her pelvis into him just as he was filling her. They cried out at the heady sensation. He was so deep inside her. Anna felt him stretch her walls, felt him reach to the ends of her. The pain hit her then. But it was a good pain, a pain she could live with—a pain that shielded her from everything else.

It was another distraction, but this time of her own making.

"Harder," she said.

Jacob planted his hands at her sides. As if he were testing her, he slammed into her, jerking her body on the bed. Anna smiled while she arched her back to the ceiling.

"Harder," she repeated.

"I don't want to hurt you," Jacob replied, but he betrayed his words by charging into her again. He licked his lip as he watched her breasts bounce from the action, and he didn't wait for her to say anything more.

And then he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop. Not with Anna urging him on with her mews and purrs, with her insistent movements, her hips, which gave as good as they got. In no time, their bodies were wet and slick, their chests straining for breath. Jacob's pace was punishing, every push and pull finding him deeper, massaging her walls with ruthless abandon.

Passion took over. They weren't driving the carriage; they were mere passengers as lust showed Anna just how powerful it could be. All thinking was gone. All worry ran out the door. Their bodies and souls embraced in a way that minds couldn't.

The climax hit her without notice. An avalanche of sensations buried her, spurring Jacob to find his own. He grabbed her hips and crashed into her, again and again. The tops of his thighs slapped into her, making a sound that almost made Anna come a second time. She loved the primal way they poured into one another, the dazed look Jacob had when he pumped his final time, crying out in release.

When Jacob fell on top of her, Anna didn't even have enough strength left to fold her arms around him. She kissed the top of his head, though.

And then she smiled. Because she'd managed to avert disaster. Just in time.

All that was left of them was sweat and exhaustion. Minds perfectly clear. No thoughts to be found.

It was a good little death.