Chapter 8

ELODIE

I waved over at Mac. When he caught my gaze, his eyebrows rose.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked ruefully.

That's a great fucking question.

"You're pretty recognizable," I lied, not wanting to admit that I knew about him using a decoy whenever he left the stadium.

Mac took me to his car and opened the passenger door for me to get into the front seat. "Sorry for the wait," he said. "I have to use a decoy whenever I leave."

I raised my eyebrows, trying to look surprised. "Seriously?"

"He's my brother." When my eyes widened in real surprise, Mac chuckled. "Yeah, I know. But he does get paid for it in free tickets. And access to lots of women." Now Mac sounded annoyed. "Some of them married."

"Your brother, then . . ."

Mac shrugged. "Is having an affair with a married woman? Yeah. Not me. That nice little story bit me in the ass, though. And I told Brian to cool it because his behavior was fucking me over. He did, but it was too late. The damage was done."

Now that was a juicy bit of intel—except it was only juicy to me. If I went to Roy and told him that Brian Mackenzie had been the one fooling around with a married woman, Roy would kick me out on my ass.

Who the fuck is Brian Mackenzie, and why do you think I give a rat's ass who he's screwing? I could hear Roy's growling voice in my head.

"Don't tell anyone that," said Mac, his tone serious. "The press hasn't caught on yet."

Now, I was confused. "Don't you want to set the record straight, though? That rumor hasn't done you any favors."

"And admit to everyone they were excited to see my brother, the insurance salesman?" Mac smiled wryly. "I doubt it. Besides, it's not the worst thing the press has written about me. It comes with the territory."

Guilt made me feel a little nauseous. It'd been easy to tell myself that following these celebs and writing stories about any dirt I could find on them was just part of the game. The celebs understood that. If Mac learned I was a reporter, he'd never trust me again.

You're getting attached , my mind warned me.

"I think you might have to dock your brother's pay," I joked. "Or maybe fire him."

"I tried. The man is relentless. It's why he makes an excellent salesman. He can sell anything—even himself." Mac rolled his eyes. "I've been buying his shit for twenty-five years."

I could hear fondness underneath the frustration, though. I so desperately wanted to ask more about Mac's family. I'd assumed he was estranged from all of them, but apparently not. Did Brian know about Mac's going to The Scarlet Rope? I wondered if Mac's understanding of Brian's behavior was due to his not wanting to seem hypocritical.

Then again, having consensual BDSM sex wasn't exactly the same as having an affair with a married woman.

"Let's get out of here," Mac suddenly said.

"Umm . . ."

"Come on, I won't bite. At least not unless they take too long to bring my food. I'm freaking starving."

I smiled. "Okay."

We drove to a greasy diner far enough from the stadium to avoid fans but not so far that Mac couldn't drive me back to my car easily. When we arrived, Mac stuffed his hair into a baseball cap and added a pair of thick glasses to his face.

"Does that always work?" I asked as we sat down, gesturing to his disguise.

"Usually. It also helps to take off my Blades sweatshirt," he said with a wink.

I blushed. He'd stripped off his Blades shirt in the car, changing into a nondescript red sweater instead. It'd taken all my self-control not to ogle him. He'd laughed at me, teasing it was okay to peek, which had only increased my embarrassment.

We ordered pie and coffee. According to Mac, this place had the best apple pie in the area. As I dug into my slice, I had to agree. Even the coffee was decent, at least by diner standards.

"I love this place," Mac said.

He practically shoveled his pie slice into his mouth in one bite. Yet he somehow managed to seem downright sexy doing it. Maybe it was because he ate with such confidence, not giving a shit what anybody thought about him. Or perhaps it was because he made little groans of pleasure as he ate.

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm getting turned on from this guy eating pie. I had to mentally shake myself.

We ate in companionable silence. All the things I wanted to ask him were forbidden, or I didn't have the courage to say them out loud.

As if reading my mind, Mac said, "I can't stop thinking about you."

My entire body reacted to those words like a match lit a fire. I slowly set my coffee mug down because my hands started shaking.

"Me too," I admitted, my mouth dry.

Mac's heated gaze seemed to see straight through me. "I thought so," he said in a low voice.

I swallowed. My heart pounded like crazy. "So what do you want, then?" I asked.

"You saw what I liked at the club. I want that. With you."

The thought of letting Mac tie me up, whip me, gag me, punish me—and then bring me to the heights of pleasure? My brain didn't even know how to compute that information. My body, on the other hand? It felt ready, even if it truly didn't know what it was getting itself into.

"You want me to be your submissive, then?" I asked.

"I want to explore things with you, yeah. But there aren't set rules. We can make our own. I know what I like, but I want you to like it, too." A seductive smile crossed his face. "Not just like. Love. Want with your entire being."

"What if I want to tie you up?" I quipped.

He chuckled. "I wouldn't be against it, if you really wanted to. But like I told you before, I prefer to be the dominant in a relationship. Do you think you could handle being a submissive? I take it that it's something you've never done before. "

"No, I haven't." I shook my head. "And I'm not sure I could handle it, to be honest."

"Does it appeal to you? At all?"

I lowered my gaze to my coffee mug. "Yeah," I said softly.

"Our relationship would be discussed extensively before anything happened. I'd draw up a contract—"

"Seriously?"

Mac didn't laugh this time. His face was dead serious. "Yeah. I don't fuck around with stuff like this. Anyone who says they're into BDSM but doesn't iron out every detail has no fucking business in the community. That would be extremely risky. The contract protects both parties."

I licked my lips. "I guess that's reassuring."

"As my submissive, you'd submit to whatever I wanted. But we'd discuss what your limits would be, along with a safe word." His lips quirked up. "It's all about pleasure in the end. Nothing is actually supposed to feel bad, even if you experience a little pain. Although submissives submit, they actually call all the shots. They get to say when they're done or when they don't want to do something. And aftercare is imperative after every session."

I had to admit I was intrigued. Combined with my intense attraction to Mac, I was tempted to . . . well, submit.

Besides, if I wanted out, I could leave, right?

What about Todd?

That thought was a dash of ice water spilled over my head. Fuck me, how could I forget about my boyfriend?

Sure, lately we hadn't been acting much like a couple. We'd barely texted since I'd returned to LA after our disastrous weekend in San Francisco.

Worst of all, I hadn't missed Todd at all. I'd been so focused on Mac that Todd's lack of interest hadn't even fazed me.

"And just as important," Mac was saying, "your privacy and mine. Neither of us would talk to anybody about our arrangement. The only reason people talk in the BDSM community is when somebody behaves badly. Otherwise, discretion is paramount."

"That makes sense," I replied. Lord knows, I certainly didn't want anyone finding out about this.

I felt torn between what my body wanted and what my head thought I should do. And what would it mean for my heart if I gave in to this temptation? Would I be able to walk away unscathed?

"So?" Mac took my hand. "Thoughts?"

"I don't know. I mean, I do have a boyfriend."

Mac released my hand. "Right." His expression turned grim.

"Though things aren't going great right now. I told you I don't want to move to San Francisco, and he wants me to." Seeing Mac's expression grow darker, I said hurriedly, "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"Well, if you are interested, then the ball's in your court. But I won't pursue you if you're in a relationship with someone else. I'm not about that."

That last statement from Mac caused him to clench his jaw. Was he thinking about Brian? Maybe he wasn't as forgiving of his brother as I'd initially thought.

We eventually exchanged numbers, Mac assuring me that I would need to be the one to reach out if I wanted to pursue things further. He drove me back to my car, not touching me the entire way, even as I wished he would.

Even as I wished he wouldn't , because I knew the second he touched me, I'd be a goner.

Hannah's eyes widened so far that she looked like an owl. "He seriously propositioned you?"

"I mean, I guess so."

I'd driven straight to Hannah's place after talking with Mac, needing to discuss this with somebody. Although I knew I was breaking all kinds of promises, along with the NDA I'd signed at the club.

But Hannah was my best friend. She wouldn't spill the beans. And I couldn't keep this whole thing to myself.I needed to make sure I wasn't crazy for even pondering it.

"What should I do?" I asked her

Hannah shook her head and then refilled both of our wineglasses. "Girl, you know I'd ride that pony to pound town. Or to the stable. Whatever. How could you even think about hesitating?"

"But what about Todd?"

Hannah grimaced. "Shit. I forgot about him."

"You know what's worse? I forgot about him, too."

That made Hannah burst out laughing. I laughed, too, even as I felt like a terrible person. How could I forget my own boyfriend?

"You should just break up with him already," Hannah said. She leaned back into her chair, completely relaxed. "He's a total bore."

"He's a nice guy," I said, feeling defensive.

"So nice that he's been trying to guilt-trip you into moving to a city you don't want to move to."

"You have to make sacrifices for your relationship."

Hannah's eyes narrowed. "Then why haven't you moved already?"

I groaned and collapsed onto the couch, the wine already going to my head. I wished I had an easy answer for that.Then again, I already knew what I should do. I should break things off with Todd.

"You know what my philosophy is?" Hannah asked.

"I'm almost afraid to ask . . ."

She smiled. "If you're even considering being with a second man, dump the first one. Because you wouldn't be if he kept your attention."

Fuck. She had a point. "But what if I'm just caught up in this because it's exciting? Todd is reliable."

Hanna feigned a yawn. "Boring. You know I've never been a fan of his."

I blinked in shock. "What? Since when?"

"Since forever! He's boring as fuck. He probably gets turned on whenever the Dow Jones goes up or whatever. Full-on jizz in the pants excitement." Hannah rolled her eyes. "You deserve a guy who'd jizz in his pants just looking at you , not his stock options."

I started laughing so hard tears rolled down my face. "That's not fair," I countered, even as I couldn't really disagree. "And Mac would never jizz in his pants."

"Fair enough." Hannah smiled wickedly. "He'd definitely make sure to jizz on your face instead."

I tossed a pillow at her. Though she wasn't wrong, was she? Well, maybe about Mac jizzing on my face.

But as far as my relationship with Todd…that had grown stagnant a while ago. It had grown routine, and not in a good way. But I was too much of a coward to admit it to myself because that would mean breaking things off. I hated conflict, and even as much as I was tired of our relationship, I did care about Todd. I didn't want to hurt him.

"You need to make a decision," said Hannah. "This dillydallying isn't helping anybody."

I sat up, scowling. "That's easy for you to say. You're not in my position."

"Oh, poor Elodie. She has the hottest hockey player around wanting to bang her silly."

I gave her the finger. It only made Hannah cackle.

I gave her all the details about signing a contract with Mac, which widened her eyes. She asked me so many questions that my head spun by the end of the conversation. I also ended up writing some of her questions down because they were definitely things I needed to ask Mac before I signed anything.

Now I'm thinking about this as a when, not an if. That thought alone made me shiver in excitement.

"Do you think I'm insane?" I asked.

Hannah raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "I mean, yeah. But not in a bad way." She leaned forward, pointing a finger at me. "You need to stop doubting yourself and let yourself have fun."

"Have you ever done BDSM?"

Hannah laughed. "Me? I'm not the submissive type. I'd probably take that whip and break it over a dude's head before I'd let him tell me what to do." Hannah shot me a look. "Do you think you are? I never got submissive vibes from you."

"I mean, I think there's something kind of appealing about not having to make any decisions . . ." I shrugged. "At least in the bedroom anyway."

Hannah was the type of person who reveled in being independent. She'd lamented that trait, mostly because she had a tendency to intimidate any weaker-willed men. Hannah had inadvertently chased off a guy more than once because she hadn't shown that she'd "needed" him.

I'd never had that problem. I didn't mind having a guy wanting to feel needed while dating me. But I'd also pretty much been on my own since I was eighteen when my mom had died. I'd had to take care of myself because there hadn't been anyone else to take care of me.

Hannah had the choice to be independent. I hadn't. So the thought of giving over the reins to somebody else, especially a man as capable as Mac . . . Yeah, it definitely held an appeal.

It helped that I was attracted to him, dreamed about him constantly, thought about him as often as possible, fantasized about what he'd do to my body if I gave him a chance—

"Elodie? Hello?" Hannah poked me with her foot. "I asked you a question."

I shook myself. "Sorry. What?"

Hannah waved a hand. "It doesn't matter. But you do need to make a decision, you know that, right? Whatever you decide, I'm here for you. Especially if it's getting some amazing BDSM hockey dick." She winked at me.

When I arrived home, I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. The thought of hurting Todd because I was already attracted to another man didn't sit right with me.

Was I just feeling this way because I didn't want to move to San Francisco? I didn't know anymore.

Or was this thing with Mac for real? Would I regret it if I didn't let myself have some fun for once?