Chapter 19

MAC

"What the hell is the matter with you, Mackenzie?" Coach nearly roared when I missed another pass from Brady.

Coach Dallas was still an imposing presence despite being close to sixty, balding, and with a dad bod. He'd once been one of the best hockey players in the NHL, and he'd gone on to have an impressive career as a coach after an injury had derailed him.

I'd respected Coach since he never played favorites. If you fucked up, he'd tell you. If you did well—he might give you a shoulder slap paired with his famous lopsided grin. Once, when I'd scored a winning goal at the very last second, he'd even hugged me.

Today, though, Coach wasn't going to hug me. He might actually throttle me. He was beet red and beyond frustrated to the point that my teammates gave him a wide berth.

"Mac! You hear me? When are you going to get your head on straight? Did you fall and break your skull when you got punched or what?" Coach yelled as I skated past.

I scowled. Everybody had been ribbing me since that stupid video had been posted online. Coach had taken me aside to ask me what the hell was going on, but I'd lied and said it was just a misunderstanding.

"What? Did you screw another guy's wife?" Coach had demanded.

"No." Not recently, at any rate.

I thought about the irony that I'd been accused of sleeping with a married woman this year. While that allegation was false, it certainly wasn't unfamiliar territory for me, was it? Except the actual situation was far more scandalous than anyone could've ever imagined. I forced myself to try to concentrate. I couldn't keep letting thoughts of Caroline dying distract me. Or worse, the look on Elodie's face when I told her how old I'd been when Caroline and I had first started sleeping together.

She'd looked at me with pity. Pity! I didn't want her pity. I didn't want her judgment either. I tried to convince myself that she didn't understand, that the only people who truly understood were Caroline and me. I didn't need anyone telling me how I should feel about my own goddamn life. But Elodie's reaction to my age at the time of my affair with Caroline affected me. It made me doubt my own judgment. It made me think I should've been more traumatized, even if I'd never felt that way. At sixteen, I'd felt like a man, even if looking back now that seemed like a joke. And I'd never considered my parents' opinion to mean much because they were biased. But Elodie's shocked reaction was probably the first time I realized I wasn't a man back then at all.

I passed the puck to Brady, but I hit it so hard that it went up and then bounded off the side of the rink. Brady shot me an annoyed look.

"Dude, I didn't do anything," Brady joked. "Try not to break my face, okay?"

"Sorry," I grumbled.

I'd just managed to get back into Coach's good graces at the end of practice when our last scrimmage showed off our newest play to its advantage. Coach looked at me with narrowed eyes as I went to the locker room, but he didn't say a word. I would take that as a win for now.

I didn't want to go home, though. I also didn't want to go out with the guys or even go to the club. I texted Elodie, asking if she wanted to do something, but there was no reply.

Annoyed, I drove to her place without a second thought. I told myself I was just worried about her. She was always prompt in replying to my texts.

Didn't you just ignore her calls and texts when you were in Idaho?

I told myself that this was different. I even called her twice on my way to her place, but there was no answer.

Her car was in the driveway. I knocked, but once again, there was no answer. I peered through her windows, feeling like a total creep.

I was about to let myself in when the door opened. To my shock, it wasn't Elodie: it was a man I'd never seen before.

"Yes?" he asked me like he owned the place.

The guy was of average height and build. He wore glasses and looked like your average pencil pusher.

But why the hell was this guy at Elodie's house?

"Who the hell are you?" I growled, my blood pressure rising by the second.

The guy seemed surprised. "Uh, who the hell are you ?"

That was when Elodie came to the door. When she spotted me, her eyes widened.

"Mac! What are you doing here?"

I scowled. "Who the hell is this guy, Elodie?"

The guy turned toward Elodie. "Elodie, who is this?"

Elodie sighed, shaking her head. "Mac, this is Todd, my ex-boyfriend. Todd, Mac is a...friend."

Todd, her ex? The man she'd broken up with before we'd gotten involved? Was she back with him again? A sinking feeling developed in my stomach.

I had the intense, sudden urge to punch Todd's teeth in. It didn't help that he had a smug face. Plus, he kept looking at me like I was a pest he'd found in the garbage.

It was only Elodie coming outside that kept me from getting into a brawl. Todd opened his mouth to protest, but Elodie shook her head.

Elodie folded her arms across her chest after she shut the front door. She walked me over to her car. Which meant she didn't want Todd to overhear our conversation.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I wanted to see you. I didn't think you'd have company." I nearly snarled the word company.

I knew I was acting like an asshole, but I didn't care. Seeing a man at Elodie's door had ignited something feral inside me. I knew she didn't technically belong to me. But at the same time... she belonged to me .

"Todd just wanted to talk," she explained.

"I thought you two had broken up."

"We did. We are broken up. But he's still a friend."

I let out an incredulous laugh. "Baby, you think he just wants to be friends? Come on. He wants you back. He acted like your guard dog back there."

"So what? He's protective of me. We were together for five years. He was there for me after my mom died." Elodie tipped her head up, her jaw a stubborn line. "I'm not going to apologize for seeing a friend."

A friend? Was she serious? And I didn't want her to apologize. I wanted—what the fuck did I want? If I could, I'd never let another man so much as look at her.

We stared at each other, clearly at an impasse. I suddenly wished I hadn't come. It wasn't like our arrangement had meant we'd be monogamous. If Elodie wanted to get back with her ex, who was I to stop her?

Elodie reached out to touch my arm. "Trust me. This isn't anything to worry about. Todd is just here to talk."

I wanted to believe her. I hated that I didn't. I wished I didn't give a fuck. What was it about Elodie that made me feel like up was down, down was up, and that my entire life was a fucking mess?

"Does he know about us?" I asked.

"No. I didn't think he needed to know." She took a step closer to me. "What's between us is between us. Besides, Todd wouldn't understand."

"You mean he'd try to talk you out of it."

Elodie shrugged. "Maybe. I don't really care what his opinion would be."

I was slightly mollified by that statement. At least Todd wasn't so influential in Elodie's life that she'd let his opinions sway her.

"I'll call you later," she said. "Okay? Trust me."

I went home and opened a new bottle of whiskey. I didn't like to drink alone, but it seemed to have become a habit. The whole thing with Caroline, along with my relationship with Elodie, had twisted me up inside and out.

I sighed, irritated with myself. I'd always prided myself on being rational. Logical. I didn't let emotions get in the way.

But it felt like they were constantly clouding my judgment lately. I needed to get control of myself before things got worse.

I drank one glass of whiskey and then another. I was considering having a third when my doorbell rang.

It was Elodie. I glanced at my watch. I hadn't realized it'd already been three hours since I'd been at her place.

"I thought you were going to call," I said, stepping aside to let her in.

"I thought it'd be better to talk in person."

I grunted and led her to the living room. I offered her a drink, but she declined. I decided to put the whiskey bottle away. I didn't need to get drunk with Elodie here.

She sat down and wiped her palms against her jeans. "About Todd," she began.

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't owe me an explanation, you know."

"I know. But I want to give you one. Like I said, we're friends. We talked for a bit, and then he left."

"He didn't try to make a pass at you?" I tried to sound like I was joking, but the joke fell flat based on Elodie's expression.

"No, not at all. He did ask me questions about you, though."

I grimaced. "And what did you tell him?"

"That my relationship with you was between you and me. And after that, he didn't ask me again."

I snorted. Todd was a better man than me. Then again, it didn't sound like he wanted to fight for Elodie, which pissed me off for some strange reason. What man in his right mind wouldn't fight for a woman like her? How fucking stupid was this Todd guy?

"I first met Todd in high school," Elodie said, forcing me to pay attention again. "We dated for a bit in tenth grade, then got back together after college. We've known each other for a long time." She sighed. "He was there for me after my mom died. I was just eighteen, you know. Barely an adult. Todd and his family were kind to me. I didn't have any other family around to help me."

"Didn't you say that your mom's family lives in the city?"

"Yeah, but I don't know them. Never did growing up. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that Todd represented a big part of my life. Our romantic relationship has ended, but it's not so easy for either of us to completely let go. We grew up together, in a way. Does that make sense?"

I suddenly felt guilty because my reaction earlier had clearly made Elodie feel like she needed to explain herself. I also realized I was being a huge hypocrite. I'd run back to Caroline's side after I'd found out she was dying, and we hadn't been together in a decade.

"I'm sorry," I said finally. "I was an asshole."

"A little bit." Elodie's lips quirked.

I took her hand, needing to feel her touch. "We both have baggage, don't we? Here I'm snarling about your ex-boyfriend when I went to see my ex in the hospital without telling you."

Elodie tensed. "Like you said, we never agreed to be monogamous."

I wanted to tell her she was wrong, which was insane. I didn't understand my own feelings. Me. I'd prided myself on always being in control, but I couldn't control my own emotions.

"I guess we just have to be patient with each other," Elodie mused.

I snorted. "That's too simple of a solution, clearly."

"Well, it's better than you breaking Todd's kneecaps."

"I wasn't going to break his kneecaps."

"Oh really? You were pissed, Cole Mackenzie. Don't even act like you weren't."

"I wasn't going to break his kneecaps, but I might've punched him," I joked.

"That's what I thought." She sighed.

"When some strange guy answered your door after you'd ignored my calls and texts? Yeah, I was pissed." I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her close. "You're mine. Even if it's just temporary."

Her lower lip started trembling. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you don't get to see other men if you're seeing me."

She jutted her chin out. "And what about you? What about other women?"

"I'm not interested in any woman but you."

She inhaled sharply. I could see her breathing quicken, a flush crawling up her cheeks. In a moment, her nipples would harden like they always did. When I saw them peak and press against the thin fabric of her shirt, I smiled in triumph.

"What happens from here?" Elodie whispered.

I bent, my mouth a hairsbreadth from hers. "Fuck if I know," I said before I kissed her hard.