Chapter 19

I wasn't expecting CeCe to take such a long nap this afternoon. In fact, I don't even think I was expecting her to nap at all, but she fell asleep on me while we were watching a movie and I haven't had the heart to move her. Although, my arm feels like it's falling asleep and I'd like to stretch my legs just a little since they've been scrunched up for over an hour.

Lifting CeCe's arm, I move myself slowly from the couch, practically sliding my body nearly onto the floor to avoid moving her too much and waking her. My left hand plants firmly on the area rug when I hear the front door open and close and heavy footsteps making their way toward me. I look like I'm playing a damn game of Twister in this position.

Chase goes to speak, but notices CeCe asleep on the couch and simply shakes his head at me as I continue to slither out from under her surprisingly strong grasp.

"You're free," Chase says with a tight-lipped smirk when I walk into the kitchen. His hair is sweaty and the shirt he's wearing looks like it's also stained in sweat. Usually, he showers after workouts before coming home, but doesn't look like he took the time today.

"What are you feeding her? She's freakishly strong," I joke, walking past him to the chair my purse is hanging on.

"I buy strawberries in bulk," Chase replies with a chuckle.

He moves around the kitchen quietly. My pulse quickens when he takes a seat on a stool next to where I'm standing, his thighs dangerously close to touching my arm hanging beside me.

He groans as he leans back, allowing his head to fall completely back in a stretch.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he says, twisting his body and I hear a few cracks from his back and wince. "I'm okay, just sore. My knees aren't what they used to be."

Both of his hands grip his knees, causing my eyes to glue themselves to his skin. He slides his hands over his quad muscles, lightly squeezing as he goes and his shorts begin moving up slightly with the gesture, causing my tongue to glide between my lips.

"Oh," I choke out. My heart turns over in response to his body being so close to me and the desire to touch him feels all consuming.

When we spoke about our kiss, he made it clear it wasn't going to happen again. A decision I've convinced myself to accept. But it doesn't change the fact that everything Chase does will always flip my world upside down.

"I'm actually going to go to Mia's gym later, I think. The one in my building is closed for renovations, so I've been using hers. It's just kind of far for me, but it is what it is."

"There's a gym here." It spills from Chase's lips before I think he even recognizes what he said. He instantly looks like it's a sentence he wants to take back, but in true gentlemanlike Chase form, he continues on.

"I just mean… if you need somewhere to workout, take my extra gym card and use the one here. There's a sauna, it's nice."

He smiles at me courteously and then looks back down at the planner in front of him. I watch as he highlights a date on the calendar and writes "Friendsgiving" in the lined box.

"If memory serves, your gym is really difficult to find and you're not so great at giving out directions."

He mumbles under his breath and then glances up at me. I'm taken back by the glint behind his eyes.

"Something tells me you might be better at following directions than my sister is."

"That's debatable. I'm easily distracted," I quip, looking back down at his thighs.

Chase's hands both rise from the table and he holds up one finger on each. I can't help but stare at the massive state of his hands and fingers. How can a hand look so muscular?

"You can see both my fingers right?" He wiggles his index fingers at me and my toes want to curl right into the floor.

I can only nod my head up and down in response.

"Pick one and follow it."

He moves his fingers back and forth in front of me like he's giving me some kind of eye test and I'm probably going to fail out of sheer mesmerization.

My eyes follow his left finger every which way it moves. He keeps it still and moves it in circles, then goes back and forth and up and down. I desperately feel like I need a sip of water or a shot of tequila. I can feel Chase's eyes on me as I'm following his finger movements. A silly little exercise like this shouldn't have me feeling all out of sorts. I'm actually embarrassed that I'm so worked up over this.

"See?" He puts his hand down, clearing his throat and turning away from me. "You weren't even paying attention to my right hand to notice I was drawing this smiley face. I think you can remain focused long enough to follow signs that say gym ."

I laugh nervously, feeling flushed and unsteady on my feet all of a sudden. What a risky little game he chose to play, knowing that a temptation like that would rile me up. He's the one who said we can't kiss again, not me. If anything, I should be the one tempting him .

Shaking my head, I try to regain my composure and bring myself back to the present, rather than staying lost in the size of his hands in front of my face.

"The card is in that bowl on the counter. Really, just use it. I don't usually workout down there, but I do use the sauna when I can. The whole place is usually empty, so have at it."

"Thanks," I say, finally finding my footing and grabbing my purse to leave. I hate leaving while CeCe is asleep, but if I don't get out of this apartment immediately, who knows what I might say or do after that little finger ordeal.

The gym key card is neatly placed in the stack of other belongings in the bowl, almost daring me to just take it and put it in my purse. I cave to the pressure, shoving the card in the pocket of my purse and heading for the door.

It amazes me that he can make me feel hot and flustered and then irritated all at once. Maybe this is how I make him feel? But I can't imagine I turn him on in the same way. Irritate him, though? No test needed for that.

"Is it your husband or your mother? No? Great, silence your phone, Abby! This is important." Mia pulls a tank top over her sports bra as Abby and I both sit on her bed waiting for her to get ready for the game.

"Ah, sorry, sorry." Abby presses the ignore button on her phone and pulls the pillow back to her chest. "Okay, you were saying…"

"Chase kissed me," I repeat, bringing both hands to my cheeks and feeling the rush of the moment all over again. "I wanted to tell you both sooner. Like the second after it happened, but wanted it to be just us in person."

"Oh my god! How was it? Perfect? Everything you ever thought it would be? Or underwhelming?" Mia asks.

"It was… unbelievable ."

"Was it rough and hungry? I mean he hasn't kissed anyone in God knows how long, I would picture him just being so needy, so animalistic about it." Mia sits down next to Abby and me.

"I mean at first it was really intense. We both just kind of let the adrenaline take us and it felt so consuming, but then it slowed and we just kind of sunk into the rhythm of it."

"Oooo," Mia moans and closes her eyes. "Okay, so where did it happen?"

"The night we had that storm. I was with CeCe and he got home later than expected. He was insisting I didn't drive home because of the weather and we just hung out all night. Actually, it felt like that one night at the cabin trip we took years ago." I gesture to Abby. "When Chase and I were the only two left up after everyone else fell asleep in the middle of that scary movie. We didn't kiss then, obviously. But he's so much less guarded when it's just one on one. Like he lets himself be himself, I don't know." I shrug.

"I want all the details. I swear this pregnancy is making me feel so horny. Like where were his hands? Was it just the one kiss?" Mia holds my stare.

"In his kitchen… It started out against the counter, like he basically blocked me in, pushed me against it. But then he picked me up and put me on top of the counter."

Another moan falls from Mia—causing Abby and I both to laugh.

"His hands held my thighs, and it felt so possessive and I… ugh, I loved it."

"So you're just kissing all the time now?" Abby playfully shoves my shoulder.

"No. It's not happening again."

"What? He kissed you knowing how you feel about him without the intention of doing it again? I'm going to kill him."

"No, no. It wasn't like that," I assure Abby. "To tell you the truth, I understand where he's coming from. Of course I want to keep kissing him, but we both just got swept up in the moment, in the atmosphere of no power and the middle of the night and rain outside. It was literally the perfect recipe for a midnight one-time kiss. If this would've happened at sixteen, or twenty, even… then yeah, I would've been upset, I think. But sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss and doesn't mean there's going to be more."

"Blink twice if you're secretly hooking up."

"Mia!" Abby says through a laugh.

"What? I don't believe for one second that they're just never going to kiss again."

"We did talk about the kiss. He told me he wanted to kiss me again, but doesn't want himself to kiss me." I chuckle. "He did admit that, at least. But he laid out his reasons why he can't ." I sigh. "I don't know, but Chase is one person I never want to force things with."

Mia scoffs and reaches for the door knob when we all leave her room. "Yeah, but… ugh, you're supposed to end up together."

There's a thrill that feels like it's running rampant through my body when I wake up this morning. My bed is cozy and warm, the blinds are closed, but a small speck of sunlight is peeking through casting just the right amount of light across my bedspread.

It's been weeks since Chase and I have kissed. Weeks since I got to experience everything I ever dreamed of since I was a teenager. A first kiss is often full of awkwardness and hesitations, too much overthinking and uncertainty. But with Chase it felt like home. His embrace felt like something I'd been wrapped up in long before our kiss. It wasn't any of those things that a first kiss can often be and I can't help but wonder if he also felt like that with me, too.

We've worked out a pretty good schedule in the last few weeks with me helping with CeCe a few times a week and then Abby helping when she's available. There's only a couple more months left in the season—if they make the playoffs, that is. Otherwise, this will be over after Christmas. I can't see that being the case, though. Despite the fact that the team isn't playing great, I don't think I've ever seen them end a season after the regular season. There's always been playoffs.

As I stand in front of the mirror in my bathroom getting ready, I take an extra second to stare at my body clothed in only a bra and underwear.

So it might look a little more pear shaped than before, and I may desperately need some sunshine to put some color on my pale skin, but there's still so much to love about what I see. The roundness of my face is where endless smiles take place for little kids who need them. My arms that feel a bit flappier have helped countless people in and out of beds and wheelchairs. My hips take up more space than I remember this time last year, but the curves on my body show young girls that it's okay to have them on theirs .

"Where are the mashed potatoes?" Liam's voice is the first thing I hear when I walk into Nate and Mia's for Friendsgiving this afternoon.

CeCe—along with Nate and Mia's twin boys—is in the living room with the television on and tons of toys scattered around the room. I can see straight through giant sliding glass doors to the deck out back and spot Ford, Chase, and Nate all seated around a table. Liam's voice still carries through from the kitchen where it sounds like he's making Abby and Mia crazy with questions and opinions on things.

"Can you just go outside?" Mia finally snaps, playfully pushing his arm out of her way.

"Hello," I say as I'm walking in and Mia's giving me a get him out of here look when I put my bag down.

"Add pecans on top of that." Liam points as I grab his arm, pulling him with me.

"It's Mia's first time hosting this, leave her alone and let her do it. She's excited and you're stressing her out." I open the door as Liam laughs.

"Yeah, you know. I realized I went too far when I told her the turkey needed more thyme on the top."

My eyes roll, and I practically shove Liam's giant frame through the door, closing it behind him. But before I turn back around to the kitchen, a pair of light brown eyes latch onto me.

And Chase stares at me like I'm the main course and he wants nothing more than to dive in.