Chapter 16

Chapter

Sixteen

Paul had to sit in the courtroom and watch for days, unable to hold Shay's hand or help her in any way. He prayed for her constantly in his mind and gave her a reassuring smile every time she looked his way.

The trial was dramatic, but there was closure and hope as well. Shay was brave and as poised on the stand as she was on the block preparing for a huge race. She was herself, told the truth, and didn't get ruffled by the high-dollar defense attorney. With her testimony, it was unlikely Big T would ever see daylight again. The prosecuting attorney wrapped up with Aiden Porter on the stand. It was a brilliant move. Aiden shared that Big T was in cahoots with none other than Benjamin Oliver. The prosecuting attorney had testimony of Agent Turner and of Big T's man who had been arrested when they rescued Turner's wife, baby, and Agent Meacham. It was the nail in the coffin. No jury member was going to let Big T off the hook.

Of course the trial stretched on for days with the defense's witnesses, cross-examination, and the jury's deliberation. Paul didn't get to see Shay outside the courtroom. Aiden reassured him she was safe and doing well, but the separation from her was a mental and physical ache. He went over and over again in his head what to say to Darian and how to make things right. He was going to talk to Darian for the right reasons and had felt God's forgiveness, but how would he go on if Shay decided she couldn't forgive him and needed to stand by her brother?

Finally, late in the afternoon on day five, the judge read the jury's verdict. Big T was guilty on all counts and charged with first degree murder, kidnapping, extortion, and some lesser charges. He was sentenced to a consecutive life in prison, ensuring he'd never get out. Big T was hauled away, surprisingly quiet and resigned.

Everyone stood as the judge left the stand.

It was over. Paul was relieved, ready to be with Shay, and ready to take the next steps of finding Darian and seeing if he and Shay could move forward with a relationship. If it was the Lord's will, he prayed she could forgive him and someday love him like he loved her.

Shay turned to him, a shy smile on her beautiful lips. He started her direction, his heart fluttering with hope. She pushed through the people trying to speak with her, nodding and saying, "Thank you," over and over again, but she was completely focused on him.

Paul's heart missed a beat as she made it down the aisle and finally collided into his arms. He closed his eyes and simply held her. The world was right again. He loved this impetuous, brave, hard-working, talented, and beautiful lady. Could she love him back, or would it be too much with her brother hating him and the secrets Paul had held too tight to his chest for too long?

"You did amazing," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear and then her temple, sparks lighting up the crowded courtroom. He didn't even look at the people pressing in around them.

"Thank you. This has been overwhelming and stressful, but I kept telling myself that God was on my side and you were on my side and I did much harder things at World Championship races, qualifying for the Olympics, and coaching teenagers." She winked and smiled.

"All are true. You're incredible." He paused, wondering if he dared ask her if he could stay by her side. Where would she go now? Were her Olympic hopes gone, or would she go back to training? "Can we go talk somewhere … alone?"

"Yes," she said, bobbing her head.

He ushered her into the crook of his arm and hurried her past people clambering to talk to her. She was a hero in every sense of the word, defeating Big T, forgiving and helping Agent Turner, helping Paul to put his anger at Turner away and forgive the man and in turn feel the sweet peace of forgiveness from heaven.

Shay had come straight to him and into his arms. Did that mean she could forgive and love him?

They made it out into the hallway, and Paul rushed her away from the main doors, down the hall, up the stairs, and into the conference room they'd spent that first morning in, monitoring the Turners' rescue.

As soon as he shut the door behind them, she turned into his arms and hugged him fiercely. He closed his eyes, savoring each second .

"Paul." She pulled back slightly. "I've had way too much time to think over the past five days."

He half-laughed at that, but his nerves made his throat tight and his pulse race. "I know how that goes. What have you thought?"

"I was upset at you."

"I understand." His arms softened around her.

"Let me finish. So salty." She smiled, but then she backed away and his fears grew. He wanted to do the right things for the right reasons, but he didn't want to lose her.

She wrapped her arms around herself and she suddenly looked frail and exhausted. "I was upset that you didn't tell anyone where Carrie had gone and that you didn't tell Darian the truth, but I can understand that he wouldn't talk to you."

He nodded.

"I can forgive you, Paul. You shouldn't have emailed her every day for a year, but I can understand you thought it was as friends and it's not like I've never made mistakes. How could you have known that Carrie would crash and die? You couldn't have. You were embarrassed and she threw herself at you and tried to get you to love her and betray your friend. It was an accident, and you weren't at fault, Paul."

Paul blinked at her. His parents, the pastors, even the sheriff had tried to convince him it wasn't his fault that she died or that Darian blamed him and hated him. Maybe he could've prevented her death by following her or getting ahold of Darian after she left his house, but they didn't know that. Shay saying these words felt like a breakthrough, a ray of sunshine, the light at the end of the tunnel. He hadn't caused Carrie's death. Shay was forgiving him. God had let his forgiveness be known days ago, in this very room. Paul knew he should've trusted in God's forgiveness sooner, but it felt incredible to have Shay's forgiveness, his own forgiveness, and now heaven forgave him.

"Thank you," he managed.

"Have you forgiven yourself?" she asked.

"I've prayed for forgiveness and to put it behind me, but I hadn't really forgiven myself. When I prayed in this room, for Turner and for you and for us all to forgive and feel forgiveness, I had peace wash over me. I have forgiven myself, Shay."

"I'm so glad." She sniffled and a tear slid down her smooth cheek.

Paul couldn't resist easing closer to her. She blinked up at him, sweet and forgiving. He didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness, but he'd prayed for it and it had been granted.

He bent and kissed the tear, tasting the salt and the sweetness of her skin. She sighed, unfolded her arms, and leaned into him. He gathered her close.

She sniffled again.

"Shay," he said. "I have to go to Darian and share everything."

"I know." She blinked up at him. "The problem is, Darian is so bitter at you. What you've shared with me is going to make it worse, not better."

He acknowledged that with a nod. He rested his face against her silky hair and wondered if he was strong enough to keep his distance if that's what she needed.

"Shay," he whispered, easing back to look at her eyes. "I don't want to tear your family apart."

"Neither do I."

"If Darian and I can't sort it out, if he can't forgive me …" He swallowed and forced himself to say it, to do the right thing for th e right reason. "I'll keep my distance from you, even if it tears me apart."

"Paul Braven," she shot angrily at him, yanking away from his arms. "That is cap."

"Cap?"

"A lie. You're lying to me and to yourself. If you don't care about your girl, then keep your distance. If you feel a fraction of what I feel for you, you'll fight Darian and anyone else who tries to pull us apart."

Paul stared into her teal eyes, fierce with determination. She was a world-class athlete, and it showed in her bravery, confidence, and resolve.

He stepped in and wrapped his palms around her warm shoulders. "Shay … I don't know how deeply you feel for me, but I offered to stay away because I love you so much I can't stand the thought of hurting you. I want you to be my girl and I will fight anyone who tries to pull us apart."

Had he just admitted he loved her?

Shay blinked at him, licked her lips, blinked again, and then she crashed into him. "You love me?"

He nodded. "I do. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you bravely fighting off those scum balls in your swimming suit."

Her eyes glistened again. "I fell in love with you when I was fourteen." She grinned and his pulse took off at her admission. "But that was a shallow infatuation kind of love. When you burst out of the cockpit with your gun drawn and then thumped that brute Jonah to rescue me, I knew I loved you. Every look, touch, and word you speak just confirms it."

He snuggled her closer and savored this moment with her. He'd clear the air with Darian for the right reasons, but he'd do it with Shay by his side. She'd support him just as he wanted to support her.

After a few quiet moments, she looked up at him, her teal eyes full of him and her lips begging him to claim them.

"What about my kiss?" he asked. "Does that confirm anything?"

"Your kiss is fire, bussin', gucci, dope, lit. It slaps and hits different."

Paul laughed. "Does all that mean good?"

"Better than good. It means amaze-z-zing." She went on tiptoes and kissed him.

Paul returned the kiss hungrily. He'd gone from despair and willing to cut out his own heart, to Shay in his arms and ‘fire' kisses. Most importantly, he knew they'd walk through the battle with Darian together and hopefully the rest of their lives as one.

He'd have to send up many prayers of gratitude.

After he finished kissing Shay.