Chapter 10

Chapter

Ten

The next few days passed too quickly. They had a great time together, but Shay kept some distance between them, and Paul tried to erect his walls again. Him breaking away from a kiss that night must've hurt her. He hated that, but it made it easier to not let down his guard and tell her how incredible she was and how perfectly they fit together. Every time they incidentally touched or she glanced his way or they laughed together, it was like gripping the edge of the cliff with white knuckles to not wrap her up and kiss her, tell her he wanted to figure out how to date her properly when this was all over.

Easton or Walker or their new friend Hunter were always there to make sure they were safe and cleared to do an activity and not run into the other people who were staying at the ranch. They swam every day, lifted weights together, went on walks and horseback rides, watched movies, ate Mama's delicious meals, and even got to have Mama Millie and Papa Jared over for dinner one evening. They didn't see Clint at all, and Easton evasively said the sheriff was dealing with a local situation.

Easton still flirted with Shay and she teased back with him, but she seemed unaffected by one of the most charming and handsome cowboys coming onto her. Paul could admit he liked that.

He and Shay prayed together at mealtimes and before they went to their separate bedrooms at night. They talked about scripture and Christian philosophies, and he was amazed at the depth of her faith. He felt closer to Shay than he had to anyone but his family, military unit, and Aiden. He'd never felt closeness like this with a woman, especially not a woman who was irresistible to him. He had to keep reminding himself he was protecting her, not falling for her. Her brother loathed him, and he and Shay lived very different lives. He didn't know if they could ever come together, even if he wanted to.

Oh, how he wanted to.

But if he let himself cross that line, he'd have to pull down walls he'd never removed around a woman. He'd have to share all the details of what happened with him, Carrie, and Darian. He'd also have to go talk it all out with Darian, ask for forgiveness, and find a way to forgive himself once and for all. It seemed whenever he thought he had a handle on the guilt, something happened to make it resurface.

Paul should've felt guilty for lying to Shay about what he'd thought glaze meant. He'd assumed as he held her in the water that glaze meant making a move or going for a kiss. He could not admit that when they were in such a perfect position for a kiss. How was he going to stay strong?

It was Monday night and they'd be up early the next morning to fly to Denver for the trial. It was only eight-thirty, but they decided to get to bed early.

Paul did a sweep of the master and brushed too close to Shay as he exited. He paused, his heart racing, and stared down at her beautiful face in the dimly lit hall.

"Goodnight," he managed through a thick throat. Tomorrow he'd take her to the trial and then he'd move on to the next assignment. He'd have to walk away from Shay. That stabbed at him like a hot poker. He didn't want to be away from her. He wanted to step up and face his issues and his past. For her.

"I pray your rest hits different," she said, teasing him as usual.

"Hits different?" He moistened his lips and imagined pinning her against the doorframe and kissing her for a very long time. Who needed sleep?

"It means … affects you in a meaningful or special way." She smiled.

She affected him in a meaningful and special way. Was it time to reveal that? Warm pressure was building inside his chest, and he didn't know how to cling to his reasons for keeping a distance any longer. Tomorrow was coming too quickly. He had to step up and do something about the way she made him feel.

Paul stepped closer, resting his hand on the doorframe above her head. She blinked up at him. Shay was gorgeous, but it was more than that for him. She was the light and joy he prayed for but found elusive in his demanding and often violent security career. Could she be the reason he finally resolved everything with Darian and moved past that guilt and forgave himself?

"Shay." He swallowed and admitted before he could stop himself, "You hit different for me. "

Her mouth softened. She lifted her hands and set them on his shoulders. His heart raced from her gentle touch. When her thumbs traced along the front of his shoulders, his entire body flushed. He was warm, willing, and able to show her how special and meaningful she was. Forget his hangups. He could deal with them … later.

"Does that mean you don't think of me as a little sister?"

He framed her face with his hands, his palms cupping her jaw, his fingers savoring the softness of her neck and cheeks and his thumbs dangerously close to her luscious lips.

"No," he admitted. "There's nothing in the way I feel for you that is like a little sister." His heart threatened to beat out of his chest. What was he doing admitting to that? How would he keep his distance now?

He didn't want distance. He wanted her closer. Much closer. He eased in until he pressed her against the doorframe with his larger body. His right thumb trailed across her lower lip. She let out a soft moan that undid him.

"I feel like you are the sun, moon, and stars for me," Paul said in a husky voice. He should've been startled by his sappy words. He'd never talked like that to any woman. But the words felt right, and more importantly, Shay felt right.

"I've had a crush on you since I was fourteen," she whispered.

He smiled at that. "Does my adult self live up to your teenage crush?"

"And more, Paul. You are heroic and perfect and everything I've ever wanted."

Paul's eyes widened at her declaration, and he knew he was done resisting the pull to her. He bent down as she arched up. They connected in the middle. Her supple mouth under his own changed the trajectory of his life.

Shay's hands slid to his biceps, and she clung to him. He tilted her head slightly and the kiss grew to a new intensity. Passion and warmth wrapped around them like stars and sparkles in some romance movie.

He slowed down the kisses and wrapped her up tight in his arms. Shay slid her arms around his back and clung to him. They were both short of breath.

Paul had never felt this level of emotion and devotion. Could Shay be the one to break through his walls and give him a purpose and joy in life he never thought possible for him? He had imagined he'd missed his window of finding someone to love and be loved by because he wouldn't let down his guard or fully forgive himself.

Was he wrong? Could Shay help him and heal him? Was that fair to ask of her? Was he ready to face up to his past, admit the truth, and make amends?

"Shay," he whispered. "There are some things I need to tell you." He pulled back just enough to look into her beautiful face.

"Okay." She tilted her head toward the master. "Do you want to sit on the couch?"

"No. Not in there." He loved her innocence. "After a kiss like that, I don't want to be alone in a bedroom with you."

Her eyes widened, but then she gave him an almost smug smile. "You are low-key gone over me, aren't you?"

Paul half-laughed and half-groaned. "Oh, Shay. I've been fighting my feelings for you like you can't believe."

"Oh, I believe it." She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled his head down toward hers. "Let me show you what I'm feeling for you. "

Paul didn't resist as her pliable mouth met his. The warmth and yearning in her kiss circled ribbons of desire through his entire body. He gave himself completely to the kiss, tasting, feeling, loving.

Shay was meant to be his. He knew that now. Could they get through the stumbling block she didn't even know about?