Chapter 19

CHAPTER19

Something was dripping onto his face.

Elric didn’t know how that was possible, because he was supposed to be dead.

But there he was, slowly waking to a body that was in so much agony it was impossible to believe he was anything but alive. How, he didn’t know, because there had been so much fire, so much heat, and while it had been almost comforting at first, it had quickly become more than he could stand.

He slowly opened his eyes, coming face to face with the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life.

Athan.

Athan, whose red hair was flowing around his shoulders, who was glowing with a bright flame, who was crying for him. He was so bright, it was hard to see him properly—impossible to tell if he was a human or a bird, but either way he was beautiful.

He wanted to reach up and touch the phoenix’s wide wings, heat be damned, but his body would have none of that. It wouldn’t respond to his instructions, not at first. Even lifting a finger was beyond him, and even trying provoked extreme agony.

But bit by bit, the pain began to recede.

“Athan,” he whispered, tasting blood and soot and something bitter and acrid. “You’re alive.”

“I don’t ever die,” Athan answered, his voice both melodic and cracking all at once. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Athan lowered his head so that their foreheads touched. Unbearable heat spread through Elric, making his wounds flare up in pain—but the sensation softened into a gentle warmth.

“I would’ve lost you,” Elric said, though his voice was little more than a strained gasp. “I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want Callan to win.”

Even though Callan would’ve given Elric everything he’d ever wanted.

Everything… except Athan.

The cost would’ve been too much to bear.

“Do you remember?” Athan asked quietly.

Elric nodded, because he did remember. Not just what had just happened, but other things that made him feel warm inside. These were the memories that Callan had stolen from him—tiny, insignificant, yet so many that in the end Callan had taken more of him that he could afford.

A lake where he and Larkin had played together, laughing and dipping their toes into the water. The morning of Larkin’s birth, when Elric had first gotten to see his new little brother. His mother reading to him, kissing him on the forehead and tucking him into bed.

His father, alive and smiling and telling Elric how proud of him he was.

“When I told you about the kittens, and you said it was good I saved them,” Athan continued, pressing kisses to Elric’s forehead. “I wondered if I shouldn’t have. If I had the right to take life from elsewhere. But I’m not wondering this time, Elric. It was never a question.”

“You’re taking life from…” Elric realized, shaking his head as much as he could—which was more, as life continued to flow into him. “You can’t bleed yourself dry for me. It wouldn’t…” Tears rolled down his cheeks, clear and salty. “I don’t want to live in a world without you in it, Athan.”

“If this life ends a hundred years earlier, it wouldn’t make a difference, Elric.” Athan brought their lips together, his warm breath invading Elric’s mouth and filling Elric’s lungs.

Ethan let it in, let the warmth expand his chest like the shadowy tendrils had constricted it. The pain was fading quickly, and he found he could lift a hand. He broke away from the kiss to look at it. It was scarred and blistered.

“Am I scarred?” he asked, afraid of the answer. “Do I look hideous?”

Athan shook his head, taking Elric’s hand and kissing it. “You’ve never been more beautiful, Elric. I knew you would be this way, when you were whole, when you finally cast off the rust… if you would just let yourself be, instead of clinging to the darkness…”

Elric didn’t want to insist on knowing how he looked physically. It felt inane, when Athan seemed to treasure what he could see inside far more important. “I’m still rusted,” he said, and he was somehow sure of that. “I’m still broken, too. I always will be. You can’t… You can’t heal what I’ve done.”

His mother’s assassination.

His brother’s…

He couldn’t even think about what he’d done to Larkin.

“Shh. Worry about it later. I need to get your body healthy again.”

Athan kissed along Elric’s arm, down to his shoulders, his collar, his chest. He lingered on Elric’s nipples, drawing small circles around them with his tongue.

Elric moaned at the shock of pleasure. Had his nipples always been this sensitive? Or maybe it was the magic flooding him, mending his flesh. “Is this—is this how you always cure people?”

Athan chuckled brightly. “If I like the person, yes.”

“I should hope you didn’t do this to the cats,” Elric said, his voice dry as he smirked at Athan.

Another laugh, and Athan’s feathers brushed along blistered skin. Everything tingled in their wake, followed by a sharp pain as Elric’s body rushed to heal.

Elric brushed his fingers along those feathers, nestling deep into the downy, small feathers hidden beneath the larger ones. They all felt so real, radiating heat but no longer glowing as much. They’d felt like shockwaves of energy before, when he’d held them in his hands—when he’d swallowed them, letting them burn his insides so he could kiss the flames into Callan.

Athan groaned in response to the touches, reminding Elric of the last time he’d been this close to Athan in phoenix form. Elric was still weak, but he tried to put a little more pressure into his touches despite that.

“You’re doing it again,” Athan complained, sliding farther down and out of Elric’s reach. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you right now.”

Elric let his fingers slide free, but he smiled a little at Athan. “Who says I can’t take care of you at the same time?” he replied, but it was a relief to have Athan tending to the wounds farther down on his body.

The pain was returning, a low thrum at first, then a heavier sensation that left his vision blurred… then it all felt so much better, as those feathers lightly brushed his skin and left healed flesh in their wake.

Just how much of Athan’s life force was he offering? “Athan… be careful,” he said.

Athan kissed the inside of Elric’s thigh, sending more magic through the skin and buffeting the entire area in gentle warmth. Elric felt the first stirrings of his cock, but there was nothing urgent about the sensation. Soft arousal, with no pressing need to act on it.

“You’re the first,” Athan said, as he kissed his way down Elric’s legs.

Elric shivered, but he frowned at Athan. “What do you mean? The first what?”

Athan paused by Elric’s ankles and brushed his lips against them. “The first to reject my gifts. The first to ask me to leave. The first to sacrifice themselves for me.” He looked up, his eyes shimmering with tears. “How can you think you’re ugly, when you’re the most beautiful person I’ve met? It’s easy to be good when life is gentle. It’s easy to love when you’ve never been hurt. And you aren’t the first person to hurt, you aren’t the first person to cry, you aren’t the first person I’ve attempted to fix—but you’re the first person who tried to break themselves more just to spare me.”

Elric swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, unsure of what to say to any of that. Maybe that was true, but he’d only done it for Athan. He hadn’t done it for his own family. “I… Callan wasn’t lying,” he said, his voice cracking. He had to say it now, before he lost the courage to say it later.

“I know.” Athan lifted Elric’s foot and kissed the top, like a worshiper kissing a temple statue. “But… that’s all right. You can change—you have changed. You’ve warped your shape forever, turned into something new.” He smiled sadly at Elric. “When I repair items, you might still be able to see the cracks, but they’re functional again. They’ll live on to be useful or to give joy or simply to be admired as art. Some people might never enjoy them as much as if they’d been brand new, but that doesn’t mean the items are worthless.”

“I have no worth any longer,” Elric said, just as sadly, as he sat up. “I have no purpose. I…” He drew in a shuddering breath. “I won’t try to reclaim Kithage. But that means I have… nothing.” Tears welled up in his eyes, that thought hurting more than anything else. “It’s all I ever wanted, to make my father proud and lead this land into greatness, but that path is… not one I’ll walk again.”

Athan took Elric’s hand—which was no longer a blistered mess—and pulled him into an embrace. Despite Athan’s hair fluttering in the wind like flame, and despite the heat he was exuding, his touch was only a comfortable warmth. Elric buried his face in Athan’s shoulder.

“We’ll figure it out,” Athan said, kissing the top of Elric’s head. “You and me, together.”

“Together,” Elric echoed, unsure of what to make of the word. He’d always been alone, and the idea of having someone to do these things together with seemed like so much. He leaned up, kissing Athan’s lips and running his hand through one of Athan’s wings again. He was more purposeful this time, remembering what had made the phoenix react so strongly to his touch.

Athan moaned against his lips, but he didn’t try to prevent Elric from touching him. If anything, he only deepened the kiss, running his tongue along the inside of Elric’s mouth and sending more heat into him.

Elric groaned as the heat flooded him. Maybe it should’ve been uncomfortable, even unbearable, but it only felt… warm. Soothing. He brought his other hand up and buried it in the downy feathers on the other side, kissing the soft lips of the half-shifted phoenix.

He’d never felt safer… or more loved.

Athan’s feathers—fingers—trailed down Elric’s side, settling just next to his cock. “I want to be inside you,” Athan said, only a hair’s breadth between their lips.

Elric shuddered, spreading his legs without having to think about it. “Yes,” he whispered. He was still healing, still tainted on more than one level, but each time Athan filled him, he felt a little more…

Human.

That was what it was, wasn’t it? The greed and ambition had been festering inside of him, just like Athan had said. But the phoenix had healed him of so much. How much more could he heal?

“Yes,” he said again, kissing Athan deeply.

They made out while Athan got his hand on both their cocks, stroking them to hardness. Elric rolled his hips to slide his cock along Athan’s, groaning at the frisson of pleasure.

Then Athan did something, and the pressure and warmth on his cock increased. Elric broke their kiss to look down between them.

He frowned. “Wait. What?”

The image was hard to parse at first—his cock, with thick flesh wound around it. With Athan’s cock coiled around it. The tip of Athan’s cock leaked against Elric’s.

Athan laughed, sucking lightly on Elric’s neck. “I usually leave it coiled tight,” Athan said. “But I like gripping you like this.”

Elric blinked down at it, then reached down to touch it. It felt beyond strange, but warm and tight, too, and it was almost better than being able to take Athan’s ass—

He stopped thinking about that instantly.

“I like it too,” Elric said, panting. His head got fuzzy with arousal, and he wasn’t sure he’d last long enough for Athan to even get inside him. Especially not when Athan ran his feathery fingers over the slit and teased the skin.

He gasped at that, his hips arching up.

“Fuck!” Elric said, his fingers shoving deep into Athan’s wings. He wanted the phoenix to feel as good as he did.

“I’ll—I’ll spend if you keep doing that.” Athan groaned and nipped at the underside of Elric’s jaw. “Maybe… maybe you should get on your back and spread your legs for me.”

“I’ll spend if you keep doing this.” Elric wriggled free so he could spread out on his back and lift his ass in the air. He watched as Athan’s cock uncoiled from around his own. “How does that work?” he asked curiously.

“It’s… hard to describe. It’s the only cock I’ve ever had,” Athan said, laughing. He gripped his cock, and it folded down just enough to look like it was one solid mass with only a thick curve along the length. “But I like how flexible it is.” He lined himself up and rubbed his cock over Elric’s balls, all the way down to his hole. His precum left a hot, messy tingle in its wake.

Elric shuddered, lifting his hips a little more to invite Athan to do more. “Don’t make me wait,” he begged. “I’ve been waiting too long.” It felt like too long, anyway.

“Relax. I’ve got you.” Athan pressed the tip of his cock against Elric’s hole. More precum gushed out, easing the way for his cock to slide inside.

It was so good, too good, but it wasn’t as borderline painful as it usually was. “Did you siphon off too much of your heat to save me?” he asked, alarmed as his fingers again wound in Athan’s downy feathers.

“My fire is eternal, Elric.” Athan leaned down, forcing Elric’s thighs wider, to kiss him. “There is no danger to me. But…” he let out a long groan, “you feel warmer to me than before.”

“Do I?” Elric asked, surprised. He kissed Athan hard and long, fierce, and deep, and he relaxed a little.

Athan’s next thrust had him deeper inside Elric than ever before, reaching places Elric didn’t think were possible. That endless fire pooled just under his belly and shot up his body, coursing through every artery and vein.

Elric imagined his blood replaced by lava, and it didn’t scare him at all. He smiled and kept kissing Athan. Each thrust was warm, but not impossibly hot, and when Athan spilled into him, it was… not uncomfortable this time. It felt just right, and it sent him hurtling over the edge into his own climax—which felt strangely hot in turn.

He looked up at Athan, who was almost too bright for his eyes to handle. The dark sky was washed out by Athan’s glow, a flame to light the way for any lost creatures of the night. His feathers lapped at the air like flames, constantly shifting and moving, but they didn’t burn when Elric touched them.

Strange. Unexpected. But so, so very welcome.

Part of him cared about the shift in heat, worried about it, but the other part of him was too concerned with how good it had felt. Besides, if Athan had been alarmed, he’d have said something instead of falling into a comfortable silence and winding his fingers through the remnants of Elric’s short hair.

That, of course, was mostly gone, and Elric grimaced a little at the reminder. “How do I look with barely any hair?” he asked, trying for humor but sounding a little anxious instead.

“Hair grows back,” Athan murmured, still petting. “But it isn’t a bad look for you.”

He hadn’t pulled out yet, and Elric didn’t want him to. He liked the feeling of Athan pulsing inside him, gentle and warm. He closed his eyes. He should’ve been uncomfortable, but the ground was… not ashy anymore, but starting to grow back beneath him. Soft, and plush, with grass repopulating where the earth had been burned away.

He sighed softly, running his hands down Athan’s arms as the wings slowly shifted back to become fully human skin again.

“I like your wings,” he murmured.

“I like you,” Athan answered, smiling beautifully.

Elric tried to smile, but he couldn’t quite manage it. “I like you, too. A great deal. I…” He let out a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry I made you think I’d betray you. If you’d died believing that…”

Athan pulled Elric closer to his chest. “You were clever. You used the skills you already had. And it hurt, but I have never, not once, regretted any of the hurts I’ve suffered. That still hasn’t changed.”

Elric clung to Athan. “Why didn’t you just leave? After all he’d said… after what I’ve done…” He trembled, his arms tight around Athan as though he was afraid the phoenix would leave now that it was over.

“Do I seem like the type to run away simply because things aren’t going my way?” Athan nuzzled his face against the top of Elric’s head. “I’d stuck with you this far. I wasn’t going to abandon you. I… I love you, Elric.”

Love.

The word hit Elric like a shot to the heart, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t possible that someone like Athan could love him. Not knowing what he was. What he’d done. The phoenix was too kind, and the revelation about Larkin had shaken him badly when Callan had first called Elric out for what he’d done. Eventually that would become too much.

It was already too much for Elric, who regretted what he’d done so fervently but had no one to blame but himself. He couldn’t even blame Callan’s influence.

“I love you, Athan,” he rasped out, but he was so afraid of those words. He hadn’t said them in so long, and he hadn’t meant them in even longer. Not since his father…

Athan tilted Elric’s head up to kiss him, and Elric pushed away the darker thoughts.

He wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t as good as Athan thought he was.

But maybe, with Athan’s help, he could get there.