chapter 32

T he cold air of Paris failed to nip, for my heart beamed brighter than the sun. Night kept me shrouded beneath my hat and cloak as I walked the streets amongst its inhabitants. To them, this shadow was just another man in the late hour on his way home. They would be too busy to notice there was no face beneath the brim. Only a void where my black false face sat.

Only venturing out on this eve to collect the small package in my pocket that was too precious for another's delivery of it. Too precious to leave to fate.

I would hurry home had I not another engagement. I wished I were home. That was where she waited for me now. Rewriting the very lyrics I had given her earlier in the day.

It pained me to leave her on this night. The sad little heart of my love, hurt after lunch with friends. To see her so broken twisted my chest. Yet, my heart still danced like pixies amongst flowers that I was her safety. Her home .

Every minute apart from my Melody was too long. So, I prayed this meeting with Ardashir moved along quickly.

He'd written of his arrival back to Paris and just so happened to be staying near a shop I had an appointment with.

Getting into his room was rather easy. Locks were never an obstacle, only a minor delay.

My friend slept peacefully in the small bed. His clothing and pistol laid out on a chair across the room. Not very smart on his part.

Curiosity called me to the notepad on his nightstand. His lovely hat—which he has refused to part with, beside it. My feet carried me as though I walked on clouds across the small room.

My Persian was a bit out of use, but parts of his notes made sense. Working different cases, as he should. One here in Paris. A missing wife.

Paris would burn if Melody were to go missing. Sanity would play no part. More than my fractured mind could comprehend anyway.

Even now I calm myself at the thought.

My curious fingers halted within the pages when the snoring in the room broke. Ardashir rustled in his sleep. In wait, I watched for him to still again.

"I'm going to kill you, fucker!" he shouted, bolting up in his bed.

"I no longer wish to taunt death, dear friend," I said, holding my hands up in surrender.

Ardashir could never win against me, even if he tried. And I adored him for that.

"Erique! You bastard," he said, throwing a pillow, hitting me directly in the chest. Amused by the reaction, I caught it and tossed it aside.

"Forgive the late hour," I said.

"We're supposed to meet tomorrow morning," he groaned, running his hand over his face.

"I had an appointment in the area and thought why not come see my dear friend now."

"You? An appointment? At nine thirty at night? For what?"

"I am… Trying new things," I said. "Would you believe that?"

Ardashir groaned. "No." and rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright. Sit."

I continued to stand, keeping a watchful eye on my friend. He had been gone some time. It was uncertain what he saw as my fate.

"I would have simply written you my findings, but I have another case here and thought I'd check in on you," he said.

"Ah. The missing woman?"

"Of course, you know," he glanced at the notepad. "Anyway. I did visit the chorus girl's friend. The deceased had written her telling of a proposed marriage with an unnamed patron, because she was with child. They were going to run away together…"

The only patron that came to mind was one that could threaten my union with Melody. She may think in her mind he was nothing, the fact remained he was an interference.

Though chances were slim as to his involvement, since it was before he and his charming little shadow slinked into the halls of my opera more often.

Even so. It would be delicious to disembowel the vermin. An act never having crossed my mind until now.

"…The reason it took so long to get back from Toulouse was that someone had murdered the poor girl after we spoke. The local police and I investigated for several weeks. Nothing came up unfortunately. I am sorry my friend. This will probably go unsolved. Though I will not give up."

There would be no punishment for a wrongful death and that disgusted me. "The Ghost will continue to take claim of a death not done at his hand," I said, disappointed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more help in this," he said. "I am also sorry it took me this long to return. My wife gave birth last month and I wanted to be there."

My waning attention was pulled back again. Age had shown on his face for many years now. Old was he when I was young. It hadn't occurred to me a child would come to him after all these years. What a terribly wonderful thing.

For them.

"A child?" I asked.

"I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up. It has taken many years to be free of the black within my mind at the loss of my family at home…"

My heart recoiled at mention of the past. A past in which I was to blame for the loss of everything in this good man's life.

He continued. "…But Isabella has healed my heart in many ways and now she gifts me with a new family to protect in honor of the one lost to me. I am at peace. I will miss nothing if I can. Which means I will also be departing in a week's time."

A family.

Not until the mock Masq had I imagined such a thing. It was out of spite in which it even crossed my mind in the first place. All to shut the cretin up.

After pulling her to me, swearing I'd be able to care for her and more, with my hand on her belly. This creature suddenly wished it were swollen with child. My child. Our child.

My cock twitched in anger at not having penetrated when she begged so often. If my fixation on needing her love had not trumped my desires, she could be glowing more than she already does.

Would I wish this curse on a child? Would I desire a child? Would she?

‘We will know soon enough,' the Ghost said.

I palmed a small item in the pocket of my trousers, fiddling about with it. "Never apologize for love," I said. "I have learned it to be a precious thing. And I bid you any and all happiness. You are the most deserving of it."

Ardashir stared bewildered. "Right." He squinted, eyes full of suspicion. "What is different? You're less arrogant than usual."

"Even I doubt that."

"I've known you for over twenty years, my friend. You are different."

A light smile befell my lips. It unsettled him. "I have been kissed by a woman, Ardashir." Surprised at my own quick confession. "She waits for me even now to return to kiss her again."

He jumped from his bed. Eyes widened as if he were seeing the most horrific sights again. "You what? What have you done? Is she the woman I'm looking for?"

"Pardon?"

"Erique? Where is she?"

"Home."

"You did it. I can't believe you finally did it," he said, avoiding my gaze. Chastising himself for not arresting me years ago. "If you return her now. I will not kill you."

"She is not who you seek. I would do no such thing." Would I?

‘Christine would have had the fate in which our friend accuses,' the Ghost reminded.

"There was a time I may not have been… well. But that time is no more," I said, in an attempt to convince myself. "Would it be so shocking that someone could love me?"

"You can't force someone to love you, Erique!"

Old fears and uncertainties crawled from the depths. With an awkwardness I had not felt since adolescence, I cleared my throat.

"I'm certain she does."

"Anyone would make you believe they love you. Do what it takes to survive if they're being held against their will," he spit.

"She kisses me. Whispers words of affirmation. Touches me. Holds me like I matter. My beautiful angel lets me bring her to bliss I'd only ever dreamt of," I said, stepping closer to Ardashir. "A future has opened bright and for once I see myself there."

"You lie to yourself, why?" he asked. The sincerity in his voice almost crossed as worried. Had his mind convinced him I was indeed mad?

Was I?

"It is no lie. She begs for my kiss. My touch. My cock! Does that sound like a prisoner to you? Someone pretending to want me?" I growled. "Why does doubt plague your mind of me? Why do you think me so wicked? You are happy. Why can I not be?"

"Because you don't deserve it, Erique!" he bit.

The past had come full circle, and I was left with truth. I loved her more than I wished for grace. But would never be deserving of her.

Ardashir's shoulders dropped along with the volume of his voice. "You're broken, my friend. I am sorry for the truth of it. But the ailment that twists your face warps your brilliant mind. It always has. Your hands are tainted with death. Your soul is just as black. You would ruin her."

It is something I've always known. I could not pretend the truth of his words did not rip me limb from limb.

What he failed to understand was that this mind had never been more calm. More quiet.

"I wouldn't!" I said in a harsh tone. "I love her."

He sighed. "Has she seen you? Know who you really are?"

Hesitation grabbed hold. Did it really matter that she had not seen my face? Every inch of damage to my body? Experience at her care told the story of a woman that did not care what hid behind the mask. Yet I would still not risk it.

"She kisses me. Here." I pointed to my lips as if it would prove something.

"Do not deflect. Has she seen what is beneath that false face of yours?"

Rocking my jaw, I blink back a rogue manifestation of my rising doubt and turn away.

Ardashir slumped onto the bed and hung his head low, exhaling with heavy weight. "You didn't answer. Does she know who you really are?"

I nod. "Melody knows everything, and she still cares for me."

His brows lifted and demeanor changed. "The American?"

I nod again, curious now at his quick change.

"Huh. I admit I would have thought it was the little songbird you would pay attention to. All those ‘accidents' were for her, right?" he asked.

That little songbird would have been caged until she loved me. Which is how I knew change had grown within me.

"...I had not thought the American would be in your sights. I guess she wasn't ‘nothing' after all?"

I shifted, standing tall once again. "I am changed, Daroga. I would like to think for the better."

"This Melody is the reason for this change?"

My chest sinks with a sigh. "Anger and hatred have subsided with her friendship. After a lifetime of being loathed for simply a face I was born with. Forced to be the embodiment of fear. Live an existence of loneliness and hollow fantasies. Forgotten so easily by the world that threw me away. I now see beauty in my shattered mind. Where there was delusion, I now see hope. I saw her… Held her," I said, digging the tips of my fingers into my chest. "In that moment, I wanted to be wanted. Do you know what it is like to be wanted? I wanted her. A life. Love. And she has chosen me. Willingly."

Passion and truth lit my tongue. With hope it burned my friend so that he may see who I had become.

"I know this mind is fractured. Daroga, she is so beautifully broken too. Our broken pieces fit together and made us one. Never have I felt such peace." I dropped my fists and took a ragged breath. "I thought I was dead and she was my heaven. But I live and she is real. Never did I think this path was an option. You were right to fear what I may have done had she not literally fallen into my arms. She has given me the one thing I have always wanted. My Angel wants me for me. For some reason beyond this world, I was given a chance. And now she owns me. Every part of me. I will do nothing to betray. This I swear to you."

The dark eyes of my friend turned soft at my declaration. Free seemed the weight on his shoulders as he neared me. "She loves you then?" he asked.

Muffled shouting from outside the window drew my attention. A low growl rumbled in my chest at what I found. Le Comte vermin stood in wait outside his lavish carriage yelling at some other vermin.

‘What a treat on this interesting evening,' the Ghost seethed.

And I agree.

"As always, I enjoy our conversations," I said and meant every word.

"Erique," he said, attempting to rest a hand on my shoulder. "I feel I should…"

With haste, I slipped from his hand and rushed to the door. "Good night, dear Ardashir. Go home. Perhaps the next time we meet, it will be on a joyous occasion. You will see."

I held nothing my friend said against him. He had been the only person to speak freely with me all these years, unafraid.

As my feet moved swiftly down the stairway, I found myself looking forward to proving him wrong. The things I would do to end his doubt of me.

After I'd finished my business with le Comte de Vermin's carriage, I rushed home only to be greeted with a greedy mouth and arms wrapped so tightly around my neck, breathing was suddenly a memory.

"I missed you," she said between heated kisses. "I want to try something tonight. If you're ok with it."

Always so worried about my comfort. The sweetness of her rotted me.

My aching cock thrummed with images of her nakedness basking in the glow of candlelight.

I tore my shirt from her wanting body. She moaned and gripped me tighter when I bit into the flesh of her neck as we rocked towards our bedroom.

Our bedroom.

"Come away with me," I said, running my disgusting lips up to her ear.

"What?" she asked.

"Come away with me."

"I can't leave," she tried to protest weakly.

I ran my lips along her jaw, my hand mirroring the act along the other side. "Let me take you away for a short while."

"Really?" she barely said.

"My Heart. Just say yes."

Brown eyes stared with curious confusion as I hovered swollen lips. "We would go together?" she asked.

"You and me."

"Erique, I'm…"

"Say yes."

She chewed on her lip as a smile grew on her cherub face. "Yes!" she said and pulled me closer. "Do you trust me?" she asked, caressing along the visible part of my distorted soul.

"Unequivocally."

Ardashir was wrong. So very wrong. She loved me willingly. I know it.