Chapter 29 - Victoria

Victoria

W hy did you come to London?

Bennet’s question rattled through my brain as I stood on the sidewalk in a downpour.

The answer is obvious.

Glancing up at Xavier’s white stone townhouse, I finally allowed the tears to flow. I came here for him. Jordan knew I would and played on it and now…now I’ve ruined everything.

The rain fell harder, soaking me to the bone. I forced myself to approach the front door. As I attempted to ring the bell, the door swung open.

Xavier and I stared at one another in silence. Flickers of anger, concern, and regret cycled through his features.

Oh my God, he knows .

Arctic eyes swept over me in one steady, controlled movement. “Get out of the rain, Tori.”

Reaching for my hand, he pulled me inside. He led me to his bedroom in silence, rummaged through his closet, and handed me dry clothes. I just stood there like an idiot, holding the clothes and fighting back tears.

After a few seconds Xavier took the clothes, put them on the bed, and started undressing me. Well, it wasn’t so much undressing me as it was more peeling off my blouse, skirt, bra, and panties. Everything was drenched.

I’ve stood naked in front of him countless times but I’ve never felt as bare as I did now.

Xavier stared at my neck while he towel dried my hair. Rage twisted his mouth into a snarl when he brushed his fingers over my skin. I swallowed, looking down.

It didn’t register with me that I’d been shivering until he pulled a sweatshirt over my head. When he knelt to help me step into his warmup pants, I grabbed onto his shoulders. He stopped, looking up at me briefly.

My heart did the thing it always does when I see him on his knees. It pounded with reckless abandon.

Slowly, and with great care, he pulled the pants up my legs and over my hips. Then he stroked a finger down my neck again before taking my hand.

The silence continued when he led me to the kitchen and I watched him prepare a kettle of water. He grabbed two mugs, two tea bags, and two spoons. I won’t lie, all this quiet and the mundane tasks were getting to me.

“Xavier,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Scrubbing his face with his hands, he exhaled a harsh breath. “Jesus,” he muttered, yanking me into a rough embrace. I clung to him while choking out a sob. “It’s okay, love. You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry.” I buried my face in his chest, embarrassed and furious with myself. “I thought I could handle him. I wanted—”

Xavier’s kiss cut me off. “You,” he whispered on my lips. Feather-light strokes along my jaw soothed my erratic pulse. “We have all night to talk about what happened. Right now, my only concern is getting you comfortable.”

I nodded, melting into his hug.

The kettle clicked off once the water boiled. Xavier escorted me to the couch and finished preparing our tea. When he sat with me, I curled up next to him, resting my head in his lap. We stayed like this —me nestled against his thigh, him running a hand through my hair— listening to the rain.

Instead of enjoying the serenity, all the shitty things Jordan said polluted my mind.

“Xavier?”

“Yes, love.”

“Did I make everything worse for us?”

His touch stilled, and he stiffened.

“Don’t sugar coat it.” I sat up. “I broke your trust. I did the one thing you asked me not to do.”

Xavier closed his eyes, his expression oscillating between anguish and annoyance. “Nothing is broken.” The heat behind his stare when he looked at me added emphasis to his words. A marked heaviness edged his tone. “Nothing will ever be broken between us.”

“How did you know I went to see him?”

“Bennet texted me when your taxi pulled up here.”

My mouth popped open. “He had me followed?”

“Apparently.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

He remained quiet long enough for me to regret asking.

“With you? No,” he finally said. “I’m not happy you put yourself in that situation but I get it.” Our eyes locked. “Although the possibility of losing you terrified me.”

A lump burned in my throat. When I rubbed along the column of my neck, Xavier placed his hand over mine.

“He hurt you.” His voice lowered to a dangerous decibel as the atmosphere turned ominous. “What happened?”

Telling him everything will trigger a series of events that cannot be undone. A long silence passed before I answered.

“I told him to leave you alone or I’ll have him formally charged with rape for what he did to my sister.” My lips thinned into a tense line. “He didn’t like that so I ended up in a chokehold.”

Slow, poisonous rage crept into Xavier’s eyes. “I see. Is there anything else?”

I nodded, relaying what Jordan said about my dad and the investments, and his threats to destroy me and my family if I ever went to the authorities. “I don’t know if he’s lying about the investments. I need to talk to my father.” I conveniently left out the part where he pressed his dick against my body.

“Is there more?”

“He threatened to go after you.”

A small, joyless laugh shook his body for a moment. “Nothing new there.” The feel of his hand on my thigh alleviated some stress. I almost relaxed into the cushions. Almost. Xavier’s anger rolled in like a wave, slow and calculating as it devoured everything in sight but when he spoke, his tone was smooth and even-tempered.

“What aren’t you telling me, Tori?”

“He, um,” I swallowed, attempting to control the obvious shake in my voice. “He had a tight hold on me so we were standing close and—” I collected myself and continued with more confidence “—I could feel his erection. He said a few vulgar things to me. I guess intimidating women turns him on.” Xavier’s hand remained on my thigh, gently stroking it. I blurted out the rest in a rush. “He let go of me, mentioned he knew about the foundation, and then told me to ask you if you still share your girlfriends.”

A rouge tear slid down my cheek. Not quite the image of composure I wanted to convey.

Xavier’s chest rumbled from a low growl. He rubbed the tear away with his thumb, his touch calm and loving, but his eyes blazed with ruthless intentions.

“I see.” I wasn’t fooled by the measured softness in his tone. “Our tea must be cold by now. I’m going to put on the kettle. It’ll only take a minute.”

I sat in numb silence, watching him move through the townhouse with his trademark sleek fluidity. His body language betrayed nothing. On the surface, he appeared unbothered.

Slumping into the couch, I twisted the sweatshirt’s hem in my fingers. It smelled like Xavier. Clean and outdoorsy and comforting. Grasping the neckline, I pulled it over my nose, breathing him in. Our encounters over the last few months played over and over in my mind.

His overconfident flirtatious advances.

My feeble attempts at resisting.

Our lives and pasts intersecting, becoming irrevocably entwined.

I will risk everything, Victoria. I will fucking destroy him if he comes near you again.

That day on the beach felt like a lifetime ago. Xavier’s not-so-quiet promise of violence didn’t concern me at the time. Even the best of us succumb to hyperbole when emotions run high.

Now?

Maybe I shouldn’t like hearing he’d go to extreme lengths for me. But deep down, I did. I liked the way his dark, protective nature sizzled through me.

I liked knowing he would always be in my corner, no matter what.

But righting this wrong could shatter everything.

Xavier ambled back into the living room nearly ten minutes later, sans hot water or tea. He lowered himself, almost regally, onto the cushion. An eyebrow arched when he looked at me.

“Is there a reason your face is buried in my sweatshirt?”

I pulled it down. “It smells good.”

“Thought so.” Enough of a smile appeared to reveal his dimple. “Feeling okay?”

“I guess.”

Xavier pushed a hand through his hair and nodded. “We should…there’s quite a bit we should talk about.”

My stomach tumbled into free fall. “What were you doing just now? You weren’t making tea.”

“Can’t get anything past you, can I?”

I bristled at his flippant attitude. “I’m not in the mood for your nonsense.”

“Sorry, love.” He dipped his head and kissed my cheek. “I was taking care of a few things.”

“What things?”

His lack of an immediate answer irked me. I folded my arms, leveling my best I’m waiting stare at him. Unease simmered beneath his eyes. It bubbled, growing impatient, the energy building like a restless spirit.

“I wanted to make sure Jordan wasn’t planning to go to New York.” His words poured out like hot steam. “The fucking coward chartered a flight somewhere. I’m not letting you out of my sight until I know where he is.”

A dull ache throbbed behind my eyes. “I doubt he’ll go to Manhattan. It’s too obvious.”

“Nothing is too obvious for him.”

“Was that the only thing you were taking care of, or do you have more?”

“That’s the only one that matters right now.”

I sensed I was approaching the vault of secrets again so I steered the conversation another direction. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

Xavier’s whole body shuddered. “All of it.”

I scooted closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. That lasted a total of three seconds before he pulled me onto his lap.

“I was comfortable,” I muttered.

“And now we’re both comfortable.”

When his fingers caressed my neck, I swallowed hard. “Is there a mark?”

“Yes.”

“Is it super noticeable?”

Flames burned deep in his eyes. “It is to me.”

I tipped his chin up until our gazes met. “Then keep those pretty blues here.”

The strength of his stare made my cheeks flush, which then caused his breathing to stagger. Without missing a beat, he ran the pad of his thumb over my lips. A shiver skipped up and down my spine.

“You’re doing the thing again.” A wicked grin played on his mouth when he noticed my confusion. “Flipping the script on me. The push and pull.”

“Oh, you mean our little game of cause and effect. You make me blush, I make you forget how to breathe. Stuff like that.”

“Maybe.” His deep, soft laugh stirred the embers smoldering deep inside me. “Whatever you want to call it, I like it.”

Cupping a hand behind my neck, he pulled our foreheads together. I knew he was stalling. I knew he was avoiding the inevitable. Today has been explosive on so many levels. Taking this moment of solace seemed appropriate.

I pressed a hand to his chest. Xavier always felt strong and solid beneath my touch. The steady beat of his heart vibrated through my skin. Its rhythm invaded my senses, accelerating my longing to know every broken inch of him. Every shadow, every buried secret, every part of this beautiful, fractured, multilayered man.

Please don’t ever take your light away.

Holding him tighter, I silently vowed to pour as much of my light into his soul as I could. I didn’t have much, but what existed belonged to him.

“I was at the bonfire that night.”

Pain clawed at my insides hearing his admission as the intersection of our pasts sharpened into vivid reality. “Did you see her?”

“No.” A soft kiss brushed against my cheek. “I never saw her. But...” He released a shuddering breath. “Jordan and I got into a fight, as usual. Stupid shit. Football, girls. He mouthed off about Millie’s friends being there.” I stopped breathing. “Twins. He only said twins. I was hell bent on defending Millie, so I hit him again.”

He covered my hand with his, anguish lining his mouth.

“If I’d known what he was about to do, I never would have provoked him like that. I feel…maybe…”

Resting my fingertips on his lips, I silenced him. “We didn’t know one another back then. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to feel any responsibility for what happened. Charlotte made her own choices.”

Echoes of her decisions continued to reverberate through so many people’s lives. Tiny cracks of the aftermath spread along the fragile glass of time. Seeing the events of my teenage years through the lens of adulthood was something I’d struggled to achieve. My default was always to blame myself, drown in the ocean of guilt, and repeat the cycle.

This glimmer of clarity provided strength for me to say what I said next.

“Charlotte’s death tore my family apart because we let it. We never healed. All we did was allow the grief to consume what remained.”

“I know you now. I have a real fucking problem with him putting his hands on you and hurting you like this.” Agony twisted Xavier’s features while he gently stroked the bruised skin on my neck. “What he chooses to do to me is inconsequential. He will not touch you again. Ever.”

“It’s not inconsequential to me.” Tears burned at the corners of my eyes. “He said…he said there’s a lot the public doesn’t know about you. What did he mean by that?”

Shaking his head, Xavier slouched into the cushions. I’d never seen him look so distraught. Approaching this vault of secrets might not be the best idea right now.

“You don’t have to—”

“I do.” He rested his hands on my thighs. “I started to at your team’s celebration and I’ve put it off long enough.”

Anxiety settled in my stomach, bracing for what he’d say next.

“Millie and I dated when we were twenty-four. It only lasted about six months. I wasn’t what anyone would consider boyfriend material. I preferred things to be less serious and I pretty much did as I pleased. But we’d been friends for a long time and she seemed to understand what my preferences were, so, I thought it would be okay.”

“Did you—”

“No.” His thumb caressed my jaw. “I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is no. She knew what I liked. We tried a few times but she wasn’t comfortable with actually doing it.” Another soft stroke of his thumb passed over my jaw. “I meant it when I said nobody has ever seen me the way you do.”

Too many questions flooded my mind. I took a deep breath, attempting to pacify my ever increasing pulse rate.

“Do you want me to continue?”

For once I didn’t fight against answering how he wanted. “Green.”

Several seconds passed before he spoke. “I’m going to sound like an absolute cad when I say this. And I want you to know, at the time, I was.”

I shifted on his lap to straddle him and laced my fingers behind his neck. A satisfied growl rumbled through his chest.

“You have no idea how much having you this close is helping,” he whispered, dragging his hands up my thighs until they rested on my waist. “Cade wanted to show off his new house so he invited basically everyone he knew over one weekend. The party was massive. Drinking, drugs, girls everywhere.”

“A lot of temptation for a group of young athletes.”

He nodded. “Too much. And we were more than willing to take advantage of it.”

I leaned back slightly, running my hands down his chest. “What happened?”

Anticipation filled the space between us.

“Millie and I weren’t technically together anymore at this point but we hung out at the party. I got drunk. She got drunk. We started messing around on the couch in front of everyone. After a bit, she didn’t feel comfortable and told me to stop, which I did. She excused herself to use the loo. I went to find Cade and ended up running into fucking McKennie.”

“He was there?”

“Yeah.” Bitterness coated his tone. “He made some vulgar remark about what I’d been doing with Millie on the couch. I almost punched him out but one of the lads from United walked over and Jordan left. I got wrapped up in a conversation. When I went back to the other room, she was gone.”

“Gone? Like, she left?”

“That’s the impression I got after asking around. A few people told me they saw her walk out. So, I stayed, hung out with Cade, had more drinks.” He looked away. “I was young and reckless and impulsive. I didn’t care about consequences. I let my selfish needs dictate my actions and— Cade and I flirted with these two girls. Things escalated and we all had sex.”

My eyes widened. “All four of you?”

“Yes. Well, not Cade and I but we shared the girls. It’s something we’ve done from time to time. In the middle of everything, Millie walked in. Turns out, she’d never left the party. She’d just gone outside with some friends.”

“Xavier,” I gasped. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I’m an arrogant asshole with the whole fucking world at my disposal.” A scowl marred his mouth. “I thought I was untouchable, that I could do anything I wanted. You want to know the best part?” Acid dripped from his words. “Jordan was the one who told her to come back inside. He’d seen what Cade and I were doing, and made sure Millie did, too.”

His grip on my waist tightened.

“After she ran out, he cornered me and said it was payback for shagging his fiancée.”

I needed a minute to collect my thoughts. When Jordan found me in Manhattan, he’d mentioned something about Xavier stealing his fiancée.

When I’d pressed Xavier about it the night we reunited on the terrace, he’d told me he messed around with her. Although, he’d positioned it as she was cheating on Jordan with him and another soccer player.

My brain shifted into work mode, more for self-preservation than anything else.

“Going back to what Jordan said about the public not knowing a lot about you. Is this all he meant? Or is there more?”

“My reputation is well-known.” Anger blazed behind his eyes. “I was sixteen when I entered this life. I worked hard. Nothing was handed to me. But after I signed my contract, something inside me became more,” he struggled to find the word, “ aware , I guess you could say. I burned the candle at both ends, never caring about any ramifications because there weren’t any.”

“Did it ever affect your ability to play the game?”

His dismissive laugh hung in the room. “No. I was good at keeping up appearances. But after what happened with Millie I sort of…I spiraled. I sought revenge on Jordan at every turn and became even more reckless. Bennet was always the one to clean up any messes in the media but things were slipping. I had more paparazzi on me. Not to mention anyone with a mobile phone who felt like recording a video or taking a picture. I couldn’t control what was happening. Bennet finally reached his limit. He told me to get my shit together or he’d sell my contract to another club so I’d become someone else’s problem.”

My heart broke. “Why even—”

Something vibrated beneath me. Xavier shoved his hand in his pocket and grabbed his phone. He swore under his breath.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. Just...nothing.”

“Xavier.” I held his chin when he looked away. “Tell me.”

He sighed. “Remember the woman on the sideline after the match in Paris?”

“Remember?” I huffed. “Yeah. She had her hands all over you. What does she want now?”

“There’s a nonsense gossip article online about me. She wanted a comment.”

“She’s a reporter ? After what you just told me you still fucked around with a—” Incredulity slackened my jaw. “What does the article say?”

He showed me the text. I opened the link and was floored by what I saw. The headline blared Can’t Keep Her Hands Off The Keeper: Has England’s Number One Returned to His Old Ways? A photo of Xavier laughing with a blonde woman accompanied the so-called article.

My heart skipped several beats. “I’ll be right back.”

Hopping off his lap, I trotted to the bedroom and grabbed my phone. When I returned, I repositioned myself on his lap and opened the texts I’d received the other night. Taking a deep breath, I showed him the screen. Shock washed across his face.

“Who sent this to you?”

“Jordan.” I glanced at the photo of him and the same blonde. “Who is she?”

Xavier stiffened beneath me. “How did he get your number?”

“I don’t know. He just said he sent the photos and—”

“Photos? There’s more than one?”

Squeezing the phone, I braced myself for what was about to happen. “I got this one the same night.” I showed him the screen. “At first, I thought it was someone from my past trying to stir up trouble but Jordan said he’s experimenting with new technology. Creating fake photos that appear real.”

“I see.” The same measured softness colored his tone but indignation blazed in his eyes. “Change your number. Immediately.”

“No. I already blocked—”

“Change it,” he snapped. “That’s final.”

Frustration surged through me. I’m not one who takes too kindly to being ordered around. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

We stared at one another for a long stretch of uncomfortable beats. Stubbornness seemed to be a vice we both shared.

Xavier backed down first. “Sorry. I’m just trying to keep you out of his reach.”

“I know. But if he found my phone number once, he’ll find it again.” I laced my fingers behind his neck. “Who is the blonde in the picture?”

“Nobody. She walked over to Cade and I at dinner with her friend. You know how Cade is. Never passes up an opportunity to flirt. They sat with us. She hit on me and invited me to her flat.” Shivers rattled my body. Xavier pinned an intense stare on me. “I excused myself and ended up running into Jordan at the bar. You know what happened after that.”

“You’re not glossing over anything?” The question tumbled out with more animosity than I intended.

“I’m not. I would never—” he winced “—I’m not that guy anymore.” Xavier frowned, keeping me locked in his cobalt gaze. “You believe me, right?”

I nodded, my head spinning. I didn’t know what to focus on first. In my heart, I believed what he said about the blonde. His actions years ago didn’t surprise me. I’d seen many young athletes get swept up in the fast lifestyle associated with going pro.

I would never judge him for any of it. I don’t have the right. My track record with instant physical gratification was just as shocking.

The screw tightened in my chest. Exhaustion smothered every muscle in my body.

Part of me wanted to curl up with my boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. The other part longed for a quiet space to make sense of everything.

“I should go back to the hotel,” I said quietly.

Resignation swept through Xavier. He caressed my thighs for a brief moment before removing his hands. A hard swallow disrupted the strong column of his throat.

“Is there anything I can do to convince you to spend the night?”

Asking that question was more than enough to convince me. I wanted to. I wanted it so much I suffocated in the desire. Crushing sadness squeezed my chest.

“I fly out first thing in the morning. We have our home opener in two days.” My shoulders sagged. “I just…I need time to process everything. If I stay with you, we’ll fall into our usual pattern and,” my voice hitched, “I really want to do this the right way.”

Sapphire eyes pleaded for me to stay, their usual vibrance dulled by regret and fear.

In an effort to soothe any doubts, I leaned close and kissed the soft skin beneath his ear. “I’m not leaving forever. I’m just going home.” I kissed his neck again, letting my lips linger.

Xavier held me in a vice-like grip. I felt every shudder, every ragged breath that tormented his body. Pieces of my fractured heart scraped through my veins. Leaving him in such a vulnerable state broke me.

Thick tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away forcefully and stood up, somehow making my way to the bedroom to gather my belongings and call for a taxi.

When I returned to the living room, Xavier stood by the door. I couldn’t stomach the utter look of defeat on his face. Without saying a word, I walked over to him, placed my hand on his chest, and stared into his eyes. They stared back, filled with dismay.

“I’ll be back before you know it.” I tried sounding cheerful but my voice betrayed me. “I promise.”

Coming here wasn’t a mistake. Learning more about his past wasn’t a mistake.

Then why did I feel like nothing would ever be the same between us?