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Chapter 25 - Xavier

Victoria

S uppressing the urge to pace around the media room was harder than I wanted it to be. Besides, listening to the coach drone on and on about the final preseason loss wasn’t exactly inspiring or relaxing.

We’re seeing what works. Adjustments will be made. Blah, blah, blah.

I shifted on my feet. Only a couple more interviews to go and then I can head out. Thank goodness this was a home game.

Noah Tate was up next, then Jaxon Oliver. Both of them remained brief and on message. Jax threw in a couple of one-liners just to liven up the room but stuck to his talking points.

I barely said good night to Hannah and Glen before beelining it for my car. Well, not my car but I digress.

Marcus greeted me with a cordial nod and off we went. I’d hoped to talk to Xavier before the game started but he didn’t answer when I tried calling him. He’d mentioned going out with Cade so maybe he got wrapped up in a spontaneous adventure. Still, it wasn’t like him not to send a text if he saw a missed call from me.

Fortunately, there wasn’t much traffic on the ride home. I thanked Marcus and wished him a good weekend. Since I didn’t have any plans, I basically ordered him to take the next couple days off.

Calm silence greeted me when I walked into my condo. I went straight to the bathroom and filled the tub with warm water. A bubble bath sounded like heaven even though it was late.

Killian and Max were living it up at some swanky event. They’d been texting me most of the night, giving me updates on who’s there, who they’ve met, and who looks dreadful. I’m hoping to get through this bath without being bombarded with more. Unless Killian met his favorite actor, who also happened to be at the same event. I was warned to expect not just texts, but photos and videos as well.

I’d just settled into the tub when my phone chimed.

Of course .

Unknown: Hi Victoria

I didn’t recognize the number but the area code was local. A reporter maybe? What could they possibly want now? My jaw tensed in annoyance. They knew better than to text me on my personal phone after hours.

Unknown: Remember this?

A blurry photo accompanied the message. It looked like a still shot from a video. My brows pulled together as I tried to see what it could—

Panic curdled in my stomach.

I nearly dropped the phone in the bath water.

That was me. The photo was cropped to make it appear like I was the main target. My face wasn’t visible but I’d recognize that sparkly red dress anywhere.

Bile rose in my throat.

My face wasn’t visible because I was on my knees in front of someone. Someone who had their hands on my head while I—

Someone who was not Xavier.

Someone, judging by what little else I could see in the picture, I’d met at a party.

Remember this?

A party. Red sparkly dress.

I got out of the tub so fast water surged over the edge and soaked the floor. Grabbing a towel, I ran to my laptop and searched through my photos.

Draft parties. Championship parties. Ring presentations. Charity events.

Nothing.

So it wasn’t a football or work related event. That means it could be from just about anything else. All I heard in the back of my head was Killian’s voice.

I seem to remember one New Year’s Eve when you and whoever the flavor of the month was at the time were going at it in the corner of my living room at the party. You have no shame.

I scrolled through more photos, pausing any time I saw flashes of red. I’d worn this red dress to a few parties but my hair was always pulled up. It was down in this random photo.

My phone chimed again. An eerie sensation crawled up the back of my neck.

Unknown: Looks like someone is enjoying themselves tonight

Another photo was attached. I gasped, staring at the image of a blonde woman sitting much too close to Xavier, and clearly flirting. I didn’t like the seductive smile tilting her lips or the way she looked at him. I clenched my jaw, studying the picture.

I couldn’t see his face, but I could see her hand resting on his leg. I looked closer. Actually, that was his upper thigh.

No you fucking don’t .

Annoyance clouded my vision.

A surprised yelp passed my lips when my phone rang. It took me a second to calm the erratic beating of my heart before answering.

“Tori.” Killian’s voice was like a soothing balm. “Guess who you’re talking to.”

I indulged in several calming breaths before pretending everything was normal.

“NASA’s selection for the first human on Mars?”

“Why are you like this? Better than that.”

“Beyoncé’s personal assistant?”

“Not quite as good as that. I’ll give you one more guess.”

Flicking my eyes over the dozens of photos still up on my screen, I clenched my hand into a fist.

“Host and musical guest for the season premiere of SNL?”

His exasperated sigh really did make all my button-pushing worth it. I could practically hear his violent eye roll.

“Your contract as my best friend is up for renegotiation this year,” he grumbled.

“You wanted me to guess. And like an idiot, gave me three chances.”

“Moving on. You are talking to the newly minted Chief Branding Officer for the Amber Sky Media Group.”

My jaw dropped. Amber Sky was the biggest digital media corporation in Manhattan. “That’s amazing. Tell me everything.”

“I will. Tomorrow. I’m in a limo right now heading to the after party with Max and a bunch of others. I just wanted to tell you the good news before stuff got crazy.”

If there’s one thing Killian Monroe will always excel at, it’s finding the biggest see and be seen social events in Manhattan. Normally I’d be right be his side with Maxim but once football season starts, my fun time diminishes dramatically.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That’s not a huge list to pull from.” He paused. “Are you okay? You sound weird.”

I absently scrolled through more photos, failing to find what I needed.

“Well, we lost tonight so I’m decompressing from that. Otherwise, I’m alright.” If alright means sitting in a towel fuming over a random photo of my boyfriend getting pawed by some blonde.

“Isn’t preseason like practice for you guys? The Legends lost.” I heard muffled laughter in the background. “Max wants to say hi.”

The low buzz of conversation and music vibrated through my ear when he passed the phone to Maxim.

“Hey gorgeous. We miss you. Dinner tomorrow?”

“Miss you more. Dinner sounds fantastic.”

We made plans before hanging up. Asking them to meet for lunch was comical since they’d probably be out all night. Killian was as cuddly as a velociraptor if he didn’t get enough sleep. Max wasn’t as ornery but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Talking to the boys helped get my mind off the texts for a short time. And by short time, I meant thirty seconds.

For me, jealousy was a foreign emotion, especially when it came to relationships.

I stared at the photo. Knowing Xavier, he probably entertained her advances for a minute and then sent her on her way. From what I’ve seen of his interactions with women, he was always polite but set firm boundaries.

It wasn’t my most romantic thought of Xavier but it triggered a longing so intense I gasped for air. Relationships were never really my thing. After my twin died, I figured nobody would want the mess that dwelled beneath my curated outer layer. Casual flings became routine. Dating was off limits. It had the potential to lead to sharing and being vulnerable; two things I refused to allow.

But now here I am, months into an actual relationship and missing him so much it fucking hurt.

Our communication had been so limited the last few weeks. Texting was fine but I wanted to see him, even if it was only on a video call, which we barely had time for.

An uneasy twinge fluttered through me. It really wasn’t like him to go radio silent, especially if we’d planned to talk.

I glanced at the blurry photo of what I assumed was me in a red dress and scowled. Now that I’m splashed all over the gossip sites, it shouldn’t surprise me that someone would stir up trouble. Just because I remained civilized about my encounters doesn’t mean others will do the same.

The April version of me wouldn’t be so bothered by messages like this. I’d have responded with a smart ass one-liner and gone on with my life.

Actually, the almost-September version of me would still do the same thing.

Seriously, screw this fucking person.

I grabbed my phone, typed go touch grass , and hit send.

Satisfied, I put on some pajamas and crawled into bed. Sleep was just about to welcome me with open arms when my phone chimed. I groaned into the pillow. It must be Killian so I chose to ignore it.

A few seconds passed before it beeped again. And again.

“This better be good,” I muttered, grabbing the phone.

Mildly Hot: Are you still up?

Mildly Hot: Tori

Mildly Hot: Answer me

My hands went clammy. Xavier never texts me at this hour. It’s the middle of the night in England. And middle of the night rapid-fire texts never led to anything good.

Me: What’s wrong?

The phone rang in my hand when he started a video call.

“Hey.” I answered, studying his face. It was pale and drawn. Dark circles shadowed his normally vibrant eyes. Christ, he looked awful.

“I’m sorry.”

Tightness squeezed my chest. “For texting so late? Don’t be.”

“No. For what I did.”

“I don’t understand.” Exhaustion spread across his features but his eyes dilated with the wildness of overwhelm. “Have you been awake all night?”

“Yeah. Mostly. I guess.” The keyed up way he answered tore through me. “I was at dinner with Cade. I didn’t know he’d be there. I relived it again. It hasn’t happened in years. And he was there. Right fucking there and I went after him. I wanted to fucking kill him. I did it for—”

“Xavier, breathe.”

“—you. Just like I had to after you showed me your sister’s journal. I had to do something. I couldn’t—”

“Xavier, please listen to—”

“—let him get away with it. I’m tired of—”

“ Xavier .” I kept my tone calm and even. “Focus on me. Look at me.”

Breathing fast, he stared at me but didn’t quite see me. I’ve had enough anxiety attacks to recognize the beginnings of one.

“Listen to the sound of my voice, okay? I need you to take a deep breath. Slowly. In. Out. That’s it, just like that. Can you do another one for me?” I inhaled and exhaled with him. “Perfect. Keep looking at me, Xavier. You know how much I love those pretty blue eyes.”

I guided him through more breathing exercises, inhaling and exhaling with him. After a few minutes, he started to calm down. All I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and never let go.

He ran a hand through his hair, looking a little lost.

“Does this happen to you often?” I asked, trying to disguise the shakiness in my voice.

“No. It only—” Our eyes locked through the screen, filling the air with electricity. “Thank you.”

“For teaching you how to breathe? It’s a hidden talent.”

His lips curved into the crooked, dimpled smile I adore but he still looked off. Seeing him like this shredded my heart.

Several quiet minutes passed between us before he broke the silence with, “I fucking miss you.”

“I miss you, too. Feeling a little better?”

He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry for the…thing.”

“No need to apologize. You’d do the same for me.”

The intense stare he leveled at me stilled my heart.

“I would do anything for you, Tori. Anything. I’d risk it all for you.”

His words seared through me, imprinting on the deepest parts of my soul. But it wasn’t just what he said. It’s how he said it.

Undaunted.

Almost as though he’s daring someone to push him beyond his limits.

I did it for you.

I had to do something.

I relived it again.

“What happened tonight?” My question tumbled out soft and unforced. It hung in the air, suspended on twin pillars of curiosity and worry.

Xavier blew out a harsh breath. “Fucking McKennie. I got so goddam angry I lost it. I couldn’t stop myself from…”

My head spun. “Stop yourself from what?”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Knocking him out again. I know. I shouldn’t have done it but…”

I gripped the phone tighter. “Why did—”

“Because I relived a memory and took it out on him,” he snapped. “It’s too much to get into on a video call. I just…I need you. I needed to see you, hear you. It’s the only way I can get myself right.” His lips formed a tense line. “Thing is Victoria, I’d do it all again. I’ll keep doing it. I won’t let him hurt you any more than he has.”

“This isn’t about me.” A dull pain spread in my chest. “And it’s not about my sister. You have to let go of this grudge. Or at least try.”

“No.”

I bristled at his sharp tone.

“How is it helping to keep such a tight grip on it?”

No answer. Only a cool, disinterested stare.

“It’s like what you said to me about the maybes and what ifs. Holding onto this anger won’t change what happened. You’ll just keep reacting without considering the consequences every time you see him.”

Don’t get me wrong. I wanted Jordan McKennie to suffer for what he did to Charlotte and Xavier. I didn’t want Xavier to put himself in situations where he’d either get hurt or do something he’d regret.

“There’s more to it than you know, love.”

“Then tell me. You started to once before. I really wish you trusted—” I stopped talking and squeezed my eyes shut. Shit . “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you trust me. I’m sorry.”

Processing all of this after the day I’d had and at this late hour gave me a splitting headache. Granted, I needed Xavier to answer so many more questions about a number of things but I don’t want him to spiral out of control again. The timing, as usual, was the worst. He should be asleep.

“Don’t you have a game in a few hours?” Maybe changing the subject will dissolve all this tension.

He dismissed my concern with a single shake of his head. “No. Not until Sunday. And even if we did, I’ve competed in matches on less sleep than this.”

Okay. Not asking about that right now.

The lighting was so dim in the room it shadowed his tired expression. “Are you at least in bed?”

“No. I’m at Bennet’s.” He sounded less than thrilled about that.

“In the library?”

“Yeah.” His piercing gaze burned through the screen. “I wish you were here with me. I really need you, Tori.”

The flare of emotion encasing every word sliced through my chest, piercing an inner shield I didn’t know existed. Maybe it was the late hour or the intense rush of concern I felt when he was so panicked. But this feeling? Utter fucking chaos.

Controlling my wild pulse was impossible.

“I’m with you as much as I can be.” Not sure how I got those words out.

“Stay with me on the phone so we can keep talking until one of us falls asleep.”

If I thought my feelings descended into chaos moments ago, I was so, so wrong. The noticeable tremble in his voice destroyed me.

I was not expecting his guard to collapse this way.

“Okay. Do you need to see me or is just hearing me enough?”

He smiled. “Put the phone down on something so you’re comfortable. I’m not going make you hold it up.”

“And you?”

“I’m putting you on the couch next to me.”

I laid my phone on the pillow and snuggled under the blankets.

“All tucked in, city princess?”

Hearing his voice so close, yet knowing he was so far filled me with an intense longing. What I wouldn’t give to have him right here.

“I am, country prince.”

“You know that’s not what I am.”

“Right. You’re a gentleman .”

He remained quiet for so long I thought he’d fallen asleep. Good. The man needed rest. He’d never admit he was mortal.

“I’m not even that sometimes, love.” Every ounce of air vibrated with an electric charge at the sound of his soothing, gentle tone. “The only thing I do know without question is I am undeniably in love with you. Nothing else matters.”

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