14. Adrian

fourteen

Sven is asleep. After his explosion of passion, he slumped and just got really tired. I helped him to the lounge and sat there watching him until he passed out.

What the fuck even was that? I mean, I know what the before was, but that last part, that terror I'd smelled in the air, the fury, and the way he'd taken possession of my body. He'd knelt at my feet and swallowed me into that hot heat that is his mouth. I'd been helpless even as I'd been aware there was something terribly, dangerously wrong. He'd worked me with no mercy, not allowing me even a moment's thought. I've never, ever had anyone blow me the way he did, like it was his only mission in life, like he needed me inside him.

And when I came, he wouldn't let me pull out. He held my hips, leaving bruising fingerprints, and swallowing my length as I gave up my seed to him.

My cock makes an attempt to get hard again, but I push the feelings aside because there's still more I need to understand. He did that. Bordering on frenzied, bordering on insanity, and then he'd leaned in, while I was catching my breath, and he'd put his mouth on my inner thigh. He'd lathed his tongue over the spot. And then the fucking crazy prick had bitten me.

Not just bit me.

Sven bonded me.

I'm not going anywhere. Effectively removing my choices. I should be fucking pissed at him. This prick? What the actual fuck? But his bite on my skin? How long have I been fantasizing about this? Too long.

The spot throbs, and I rub it through my jeans. Sven murmurs in his sleep. I want to mark him back, put my teeth on his skin, let the bond go both ways, but I'm not going to do it while he isn't in his right mind.

I shake my head and go into the back of the house, finding my spare bedroom and stepping into the shower. I was in two minds. Jade is…she's something special, but whenever I think of living here with Sven or without him, the unrequited feelings of mine get too big and terrifying. I can only take so much rejection. Making the omega miserable would be the most awful thing I could do. I know she would be miserable if it was just me alone with her. I would never be enough.

So, what happened tonight?

I just wanted him once. One memory before we went with this ridiculous plan. See the omega through her heat. Save her. Watch Kandi and my alpha ride off into the sunset, leaving me and the omega broken and alone. I've seen this movie before, I know the ending.

Then he flipped the fucking script.

I shower and crawl into bed, sure I'm not going to sleep a wink as I let the events of the day play over and over in my mind.

Sven glances at me and raises an eyebrow. "How are you this morning? Sleep well? You slept pretty late."

Is he teasing me?

"I had a lot to think about," I say cautiously.

Sven raises his cup of coffee and points at the kitchen. "Coffee's hot."

I grunt in acknowledgment and slip into the kitchen. Okay, this is weird. What game is he playing?

I pour myself a coffee when he presses against me, his breath hot on my nape.

"Morning, Alpha," he purrs.

I shudder when he kisses the back of my neck.

"So, uh, that got pretty weird at the end," I say carefully.

"Nah, it was perfect."

"Oh." All my hesitation and concern drains out of me. I'd been worried he'd regret it. The relief makes me feel light-headed.

Kandi comes into the room, and he steps away from me quickly. She barely spares us a glance; instead, searching the cupboards and muttering under her breath.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Jade needs food, but she wants something sweet, and you're a health nut, and the sweetest thing you have in the house is the cardboard you call bran."

Sven snickers.

"I'll make pancakes," I say it easily.

Kandi pauses. "You can cook?"

"Of course, I have to eat, don't I?" I look between her and Sven. "Wait, you can't cook?"

"Well, no. I mean, we eat a lot of microwave meals on the go," Kandi says with an embarrassed shrug of her shoulders.

"I'll cook," I say firmly and try really hard not to look at Sven, who is five steps away and pretending that nothing between us has changed.

What is that? Am I some filthy secret now? My anger and frustration play beneath the surface, pricking my temper and making me pull open cupboards a little harder than I should.

Kandi leaves the kitchen, and I pull ingredients out of the cupboard. Sven leans on the counter with his arms folded. He's had a shower and changed.

"Did I imagine last night?" Sven growls in a low whisper.

"No," I admit, and I smile at the bowl. I feel like I'm sixteen again with my first kiss.

"It was good, huh?"

"It was incredible."

He smirks at me. "I can't wait to have you again. Fuck that mouth of yours." He exhales and licks his lower lip, his eyes drifting down to my groin.

"Maybe I'll bond you next time," I tease.

Sven frowns, and his whole body language changes instantly. "No bonds. Nothing has changed, Addy. This is just sex."

My mind goes blank. There's a strange roaring in my ears. "Just sex? No bonds?"

"Yeah, that's what we agree on, right? Just sex."

"My alpha!"I hear his voice in my head and remember the sharp pain, the bite throbs.

"Just sex?" I repeat dumbly.

"Of course. At the end of this, we'll go back to how we used to be."

"You don't want my bond?" I ask cautiously.

"I don't want anyone's bond," Sven says clearly. "You understand me, don't you? No bonds on me and none of mine on anyone else."

"Of course, Sven," I say mechanically. I turn back to the pancakes, wondering how I'm going to stop my world from shattering.

He bonded me. He put his teeth in me and claimed me. Doesn't he want me? No, he clearly doesn't remember doing it. So, what was that?

There are so many questions whirling around in my head that I somehow manage to cook the pancakes in a complete daze.

Sven whistles while he walks back into the kitchen. The smile he sends me is full of flirty innuendo, and I try, I really do, I try to smile back at him, but I don't know what to do about this, and I have no idea how to act.

There's a medical issue at the very least going on. That scares me. But the biggest issue is should I tell him or not? Is it ethical to keep it to myself? Or should I just throw it out there? I feel sick just considering what I should do.

I clean the kitchen until everything is clean and put away again, and only then do I notice that Sven and Kandi are gone, and Jade is sitting at the table, watching me with a frown.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "I honestly don't know where to start."

I expect her to press. That's what most people would do, but instead, she huffs a laugh and slides out of the chair, reaching out with those tiny hands and wrapping her fingers around mine.

"Let"s go and find something diabolical to distract ourselves."

Her smile is pure wickedness. I know what she is now. She's a wisp, a glowing specter that's leading me down a path of bad choices. When I can't see her, I remember all the reasons to stay away, but when she's in front of me, I forget everything.

She glances back and smiles, and I'm lost. "All right, what are we going to do? We can move all the furniture and make it so that we all have to be together. We could steal Kandi's resistance bands and use them to make a slingshot and fire balloons at the neighbour's house. Or we could play hide-and-seek."

"I don't play," I say without thinking.

Her eyes widen. "You don't play? Why not?"

"Because I'm a doctor, and an alpha, and I'm old."

She turns, walking into my space so quickly there's no time to get out of her way. "You're not old, Adrian, and I'm more than aware you're an alpha and a doctor, but we can still have fun."

My mouth opens and closes on the million arguments. I know I should lay them at her feet, but I can't get a single word out. Maybe I should just push everything aside and just try something fun.

She takes my hand but doesn't apply any pressure. It's all in her smile, I decide absently. That's her secret power, that takes her from a tiny omega to a goddess. I stare down at our clasped hands. I don't feel alone when she's near me. That's what that feeling is.

I take a step towards her and watch the light ignite her from within. She lets out a low laugh that makes my cock twitch, and then bounces forward, leading me deeper into my house.

"I have the most perfect idea," she whispers. "Let"s leave them love notes. Everywhere."

"What's the point of that?" I ask.

"The point is just because," she says with a shrug and yanks open my drawers. "I swear, I saw it around, uh-huh. Here it is." Jade holds up a stack of post-it notes and two pens.

I'm given half a stack and a pen. "What am I writing?"

"Hmm, stuff like, ‘Sven, your ass is hot. I want to lick you. I like your smile. You make me melt.' But the more outrageous it is, the funnier it will be."

I gaze down at the stack of bright pink squares. Why is my stomach fizzing? Why is my mouth dry? Why do I want to laugh until I cry?

"Start with Kandi. It will be easier," Jade suggests.

"All right, I can do this." I take a seat on the couch and start writing. She's right, it does get easier.

So, we go a little stupid and cover the house in post-it notes with handwritten messages.

"Now, let's get something to eat, and then phase two begins," Jade says cheerfully.

"Phase two?"

"You have a rose garden and lots of candles, right?"

I blink dumbly at her. "You tricked me."

She doesn't even try to hide the smirk that plays on her lips. "Isn't seduction the best game? It"s the most exciting. It"s the most fun. You can't tell me this isn't getting your blood racing."

I groan and put my head in my hands. "You're diabolical."

"I know. But you're smiling, Adrian. You're happy."

As soon as she points it out, I realise it's true. How different and new for me.

"All right. Let's go."

She races for the garden, but I call out to her.

"We're eating first."

She pauses and pouts but follows me back to the kitchen. I make us sandwiches, and we sit side by side at the counter and eat. Every time my elbow rubs against hers, it sends this lightning strike of awareness into me.

But it's comfortable. I'm not comfortable with people. Adrian Schultz is feared, reviled, or admired. I am never at peace with another person. Even Sven, there is so much angst and emotion between us that sometimes what we have feels toxic.

"Something happened last night, didn't it?" Jade asks gently.

"Would you be offended if I kept it to myself for now? Not because I don't want to tell you, but because I don't even know what to tell you."

She mulls that over and drops her chin. "That's fine. I just wanted to make sure you're okay, Adrian. You looked lost and scared when you were zoned out in the kitchen."

"I think perhaps I was." Admitting my feelings is easy to do with this pint-sized woman.

"Are you going to be okay?" Her voice is so concerned that it makes my heart clench.

I forget people care about me sometimes. There are so few of them. My baby brother, of course, Simon. Sven. Onyx, and strangely, since Hazel's near run in with the serial killer, she has become a bit of a fixture in my world.

But not one of them cares to the depth of this woman beside me. Sven assumes I'm okay and can take care of myself. I love that. But, Jade, I'm looking in her eyes, and, I swear, she can see straight through me, into the core of me that's been put together with paper mache and glue.

"I'm going to be okay," I promise my omega, and a tiny bit of resistance I was clinging to crumbles away.