13. Sven

thirteen

"Well, this is cowardly," Kandi says as she approaches us.

Adrian doesn't even tense. He just stares morosely into the dark.

"This isn't cowardice, it's a strategic retreat."

"Hiding. Cowardly. Dictionary, look it up," Kandi says and sits beside me. "But paint me yellow-bellied."

"She got you, too?"

"Oh, yeah. She demanded I kiss her." Kandi scoffs.

"You said no, of course," I say without thinking.

Kandi stills. "Why would I say no to her? Of course, I kissed her. She tastes like blackberries. Sweet and tart. But she's sulking because I wouldn't kiss her the way she wanted."

"And how was that?" I ask.

"With surrender."

We all sit silent on that, absorbing the painful demands our omega is having on us.

"I mean, she's not that bad. She's adorable and really quite beautiful," Kandi says out loud. "She tastes amazing, and she feels incredible. It's just-"

"It's just?" Adrian asks with a protective snarl that threatens violence.

"I'm not her alphas," Kandi says flatly. "I'm a beta. No matter how hard I try, I can't give her a knot. I can't ease her biology. I can try. Fuck, it'd be fun to see if I could, but at the end of the day, it's you two who got lucky with the genetic lottery." Kandi snorts and wraps her arms around her knees. "She's got no filter, but underneath that exterior of confidence she's throwing at the world, I think she's really lonely."

"Is there a point to this, Kandi?" Adrian growls.

It should be weird sitting here with them. My ex-girlfriend and the man I love. But it's not. For a moment, I indulge in the fantasy that I can have them both, where we can live in the world the omega painted. But, inevitably, the memories slam into my head, bringing their usual mixed bag of shame, disappointment, grief, and fear.

"I guess the point I'm getting at boils down to one question. Are you going to take care of her heat?" She is so blunt. I've always loved that aspect of her. In that way, the four of us are perfect for each other. No, scratch that. Where did that thought come from? "If you aren't, I'm going to contact Hazel and see if I can find a rent-a-pack or something."

I expect Adrian to say no. To say he's going to find another way. To tell Kandi to contact the alphas. I sit tense, straining to hear his answer.

"Yes, I'm going to take care of it," Adrian says softly. "If anyone else touches her, I'll be forced to kill them."

You and me both. But it's such a relief to hear him say it out loud.

Addy's refusing to look at me, so I know he knows I'm upset with him. Am I upset he's going to be with her? Yes. Because I want him to want me. I want him to stay devoted to me. Even though I can't and won't have him. Even though I'm jealous that he can have her, and I can't. It's so selfish and greedy, but I can't bear to lose him, and I think if this relationship unfolds with this omega, I think I will lose him.

And Kandi.

The grief chokes my throat closed and flashes of my past flicker in my mind. I'll be alone again. The thought sends my mind reeling into the past.

"We should send her back to her mother." I don't know why I say it, god knows I don't mean it. The instant coldness I get from my companions tells me I've made a serious mistake. There's no need for them to say it. "I didn't mean that. I, no. That was wrong. I didn't mean that at all," I say flatly. "Shit, this whole fucked up affair."

"All right, boss, let's talk work, then, since you can't be nice," Kandi says with a wintry smile. She is the queen of smiles that look perfectly polite while her expression tells you where the nearest cliff you can jump off is.

"Okay."

Adrian goes to leave, but I reach out, putting a hand on his thigh.

"Stay."

"Are you going to stick to your promise?" Adrian's eyes bore into me, leaving me feeling raw and ashamed.

I hesitate a moment too long, and with a sniff, Adrian pushes my hand off his thigh and stalks away from us.

"You really need to just work shit out with him," Kandi says thoughtfully. "It's okay to love multiple people, you know."

"It would be too messy. He deserves better." I dismiss the conversation quickly, pushing all my emotions back into a box and slamming the lid shut on them.

Kandi stiffens. I rethink my last sentence and groan.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, he deserves a pack, an omega."

"Which you have right here in front of you. I don't understand why you won't give this a go?" Kandi hisses wrathfully. "Damn it, Sven, most people dream of an opportunity like this. You can have all three of us!"

Just the thought of having all three of them makes me sweat and has bile racing up my throat.

"You wouldn't understand," I growl at her.

"No, because you never talk to me. You don't tell anyone anything. Your past is a mystery. And that would be okay if it didn't come with all these contractual obligations. No bonds. No pack. No omega. No relationships with actual sharing of feelings or anything real."

"Candice, we have work to do," I snap at her. "Tell me about Trevor."

Kandi's eyes flash. She stands at attention and stares over my head. "Trevor is a man that we can find no information on, sir. We can find him showing up at parties, to venues, hotel bookings, but he doesn't exist at all before 16 months ago, sir."

"How's the search for his real identity going?"

"Not well. He fits the profile of a lot of alphas." Kandi hesitates. "Sir, I believe he's used cosmetic surgery to alter his appearance. His pack. I'm not sure if they are real and they exist or this is a gang. But either way, they haven't done anything yet that would de-mask them, except hurt Jade."

I hum and scratch my leg absently. It's where I was wounded, the scar aches sometimes in the cold.

"Keep searching."

"Yes, sir."

"Kandi, please. Don't be like this," I say with a tired groan.

"Like what, sir?"

I heave a frustrated sigh and put my head in my hands. "I can't tell you, I want to, but I just can't."

"Why not?" Kandi snaps. "What's so bad that you can't tell the woman who loves you?"

"It's so bad I can't tell anyone. I don't want you to hate me," I growl at her, finally losing my temper.

She scans my face and apparently sees the truth there because she sits back with a soft sigh.

"You want to protect everyone, Sven, but they need you. I need you. Not your protection, just you."

She smiles at me sadly, and then, with a little shrug of her shoulders, she stands up and leaves me alone in the dark, where I belong.

They need you. Shit.

No one needs me. If they knew the truth, no one would ever want to need me.

I close my eyes and hear the screams in my mind.

No. I'm not going back there. I got out, and it's finished and done. I stand up and start pacing, but my eyes are drawn back to the house. Where they are.

Jade is enticing, captivating, alluring in the most intriguing of ways. It wouldn't take much to twist my growing obsession with her into something more meaningful. Something stronger.

I put my hands in my pockets and slip back into the house. I may as well fire some emails off to Darion and Seb and see if they have any ideas. They are meant to be enjoying themselves somewhere ridiculously warm, but when this all broke, they dropped what they're doing.

That's how we roll at Raptore Security. We're one enormous family.

It's another bone that I choke on all the time. There are too many people depending on me, too many people who care. It's perilously close to being what I fear most.

Jade is asleep in the immense bed, alone. She looks tiny, but even as I watch, her movements grow restless, her breathing laboured. She cries out, a sound of fear and pain. In the moonlight, I can clearly see her face scrunch. Her flinch is violent as if she's been struck.

I ease into the room, padding towards her without making a single sound. I sink into a crouch beside the bed.

"You're safe, little fox. No one will hurt you here. Just sleep."

She seems to hear my words and sink back into a sleep that is more restful. I stay there until my legs cramp. Jade is beautiful. Her lashes are long, her skin is unblemished. She looks very young when she's not being herself. I can't imagine how low a human being you'd have to be to hurt a woman like this.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out while I'm slipping out of the room.

"Lukas looked at the security for the places nearby. We have him leaving the area. He was alone. His pack, if there is one, isn't with him," Darion speaks in a low growl.

I sit in silence, absorbing that information. "He's going to come back for her. He already has twice now."

"You're going to stay there? Will it be easier if I give you an order to remain with the victim?"

I stiffen. "Appreciated but not needed. I can take care of the omega."

"All right, Sven. But if things get dangerous or you need help, you will call us, and we'll bring the full force of our company down on his head."

"Thank you."

"Of course, you are family."

I growl, and Darion laughs. This teasing game he plays never stops amusing him.

"Get over it, soldier boy. You're one of us now, and Missy says I have to take care of you, especially since you saved all our asses."

"You would have done the same," I insist.

"I know. But I didn't expect anyone outside my pack to because I didn't see anyone else as part of my family. I was wrong. Your call to ignore our safeguard saved not just our lives but put those criminals in prison to rot where they belong. You saved Missy from a fate worse than death, what they would have done to her. Why did you decide to do that?"

Darion's asked me this question a million times since the Gala occurred. I never give him my real reason. If I give up that much knowledge, then he'd learn there's more to me than I'm allowing people to see, and he might start digging. My boss is smart, intuitive, and determined when it comes to puzzles.

The reason I did it was simple. I did it to protect them. I didn't want to see Missy, Lukas, Seb, or Darion hurt. So, I quickly sent off everything to the cops and overrode it all, ensuring that I and a team I'd already had organised, just in case, could save them.

I remember that poor woman in the hospital bed. Kandi. I can't even see her like that in my mind without feeling sick over it. I hadn't realised how much she'd meant to me until she lay there broken, unconscious. My attempts to stay away from her had failed, overridden by the need to protect her. I needed to take care of her, make sure she was safe and healing. She'd worked her way into my heart, right there next to Addy.

I didn't feel like I was betraying Adrian when our romance unfolded. It just happened. Adrian and I were impossible; if we'd given in to our feelings, he would have destroyed the walls I'd erected. Kandi allowed me to keep them.

"It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time," I say.

A shadow moves away from the wall, and I watch as Addy approaches me. Darion continues to talk, but I'm not paying him any attention.

In the dark, I can only get a soft shape of the man I'm yearning for. His strong jaw catches the light. My chest tightens like there's a band wrapped tight around it.

"I have to go, Darion. I'll ring you tomorrow."

I let my hand with my phone drop just as Addy slides up behind me, his arms encircle my waist from behind. I inhale and drown in the scent of him. All I can feel is his hard chest pressed against my back.

He dips his face down and buries it in my neck, and I find myself tilting my head back to rest it on his shoulder.

"Addy," I moan his name.

"It's just a dream," Addy whispers. His tongue flicks out, streaking across the skin on my neck. His fingers move lower and up under my shirt. I hold my breath until he hits my skin, but the feel of his cool fingers makes my breath explode out of me in a whoosh. It feels so good.

He moans again and puts his mouth over the spot he licked and sucks. His fingers splay out on my abs and press me back into him. I reach up and hold his head to my neck, and then, because I'm dying in this moment, I thrust my hips back, rolling them against his thick cock.

He's hard. He's hard for me. My mouth waters, and my own erect cock jumps. I want to turn, but I dare not move. I can't have him stop. This has been coming for too long.

He lifts his mouth from my skin and kisses my ear. I shudder, but his palm slides down in a slow crawl of intent. I focus on it, on the feel, on where it's going. His fingers snag on the waistband of my jeans, and then continue on.

Is this really happening? His raspy breathing is so loud in my ears. The first touch of him grazing my cock has me moaning. He stalls, and then fully cups the hard length of me through my jeans.

"Addy," I plead. I thrust helplessly against his hold.

He snarls, and the sudden change startles me, but before I can react, I'm spun around and shoved back against a wall. He slams our mouths together.

I slide my fingers through his hair, fighting him, fighting to control him. He kisses me harder, spearing his tongue into my mouth until my grip softens slightly.

He reaches between us and flicks open his pants. I break away from his kiss, resting my head on his shoulder to look down, watching in the dim light as he strokes his cock. My mouth waters, I want to taste him so bad. I want to feel him.

Addy lets go of his cock and undoes my pants. I'm so stunned I let him. Two seconds of shock, and my entire world shifts. His hand grips me with fingers softer than mine, but nothing like a woman's. He strokes me, long with the perfect grip. I grit my teeth and rock into him.

"Addy!"

"Stop speaking, Sven," the alpha rasps out.

He lets go of me, brings his hand up and spits in his hand. I watch as he reaches down between us again, and this time, he grips both our lengths in his massive hand.

I snarl and lift my head off his shoulder in time to open my mouth for Addy's furious assault. One hand is wrapped around his nape, holding him to me, while I anchor myself with a hard grip on his hips with the other. I thrust into his hand and the fucker groans into my mouth.

He's enjoying it. No, he's loving it. I tear my mouth from his and nip his jaw, following the path down to his throat, where I lathe a hot kiss on his neck.

He whimpers and thrusts into me. I groan, and he tightens his grip just a bit. I want him naked; I want him on his knees; I want his ass. One day, I'm going to have them all, I vow to myself.

"Addy," I whisper, and he looks at me, his eyes shining with the light from the moon. He's beautiful. I'm so in love with this man, and there is no hiding it. "Addy." It's a plea for something, I don't know, but his gaze softens.

He crushes our mouths together, taking control as he increases the pace. It's frenetic now, almost violent, between us. We're both fighting to pleasure the other. Thrusting into each other, chasing an end that is inevitable.

I reach up and grip the hair that I love so much and pull. He lifts his mouth from mine and growls. Our gazes clash, the air throbbing with the need and desire we've leaked into the room.

I reach between us, cover my hand over his, and move him, harder, faster. I don't look away. Addy opens his mouth, a silent scream as he stiffens and comes in a hot explosion over my hand. I growl and thrust faster, my balls tighten. I get a tingling feeling in the base of my spine, and I look down at his hot fucking cock covered in his release that I gave him. My release sends my vision white. I slam myself against him, burying my face in his shoulder and groan. Addy holds me, squeezing my back tight, as if he'll never let me go.

"Well, that was different," I murmur.

Addy leans his head back on the wall. "One last goodbye. I just needed to have you once."

My high seeps away as his words make sense. "You're not leaving, Adrian."

"You're going to go and make up with Kandi, and I just needed this, once," he waves his hand. "This. Having you, once. With you." His words are wooden, like he's trying really hard to hold himself back.

My snarl is vicious and deadly as I slam my hands against the wall, caging him in. How ridiculous. How insane. He's not going anywhere. He's mine. He's- "My alpha."

Addy's eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to say something, but I shove my tongue viciously inside, stealing his voice, stealing his air, and taking what's mine.

Things get fuzzy after that.