10. Love

CHAPTER 10

love

Lunch had been strange. After our initial awkwardness, it was so easy to talk to Leo again. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed our conversations. His stream of consciousness observations were sharply accurate, as well as unintentionally funny.

More telling, though, was how natural it had felt to kiss his knuckles, and how I could still feel the sensation against my lips.

While Leo had matured, maybe the thing that'd changed the most was that, beyond his innate sweetness, he now carried his sadness a little closer to the surface. I could see the regret in his eyes every time he looked at me. I'd never forget how badly it had hurt when he ended things, yet it was impossible to ignore the work he'd continued to do on his recovery.

Yesterday I'd wanted nothing more than to stay mad at him, and he'd gone and made that impossible. He was sunshine, natural and overflowing and earnest, with seemingly our broken love story as his only dark cloud.

Which was a shame because I rarely felt this comfortable in conversation with others.

How can you not feel like a man?

Why do you have to wear nail polish?

Wait, so you're not a trans woman?

Wouldn't it be easier to just act male, at least in public?

I didn't mind the questions so much, but I wished people understood I was basically like everyone else, save for the fact that I didn't feel attached to gender. I never understood why my gender—or lack thereof—bothered so many people.

It felt like my humanity was on trial every time I had to explain that acting like a man had made me want to peel my skin off, but Leo never asked for me to act like a man or explain why I didn't feel like one. He would listen, of course, when I talked about my experiences, but he never struggled to accept my reality. More importantly, he did it without acting like it was an imposition or like I was just looking for attention.

Even my incredibly supportive family didn't treat me with the same ease and acceptance. Leo… He just got it. Being around him again reminded me how much I'd missed the peace of sitting with someone who didn't view me as a puzzle to be solved.

More than that, the second he learned I was in town, he showed up. Not only because he wanted to see me, but because he did see me. He always had.

These were the thoughts that swirled in my head as we drove back to the ranch in silence. As we started down the long driveway, the AAA truck turned in behind us, and I felt a little lost knowing Leo would soon be heading home.

I lingered as the AAA guy chatted with Leo. He agreed that the tires were in perfect condition and just needed air. He had an air compressor on his truck and got the job done in minutes.

Before I knew it, the technician was on his way to another call and I was left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I was missing Leo before he'd even taken off.

Leo shifted awkwardly on his feet. "I had, like, three Dr Peppers at the restaurant. Do you mind if I use your restroom before I take off?"

"Not at all." I grinned. "Especially now that it works."

He didn't laugh at my joke, and instead simply followed me inside and used the facilities. After stripping down to his swim trunks, he loitered by the door, his shoulders curved in defeat.

That's when it hit me: I don't want him to go .

I couldn't have resented him this much if… Fuck . My hand went to my chest, and I let the sensation fill me up.

"Love—"

Whatever he intended to say, I cut it off with a hug.

"Lovett?" His voice trembled as his arms floated around me, like he didn't know what to do with them. I hugged him tighter until I felt him return the embrace.

"I've really missed you, Leo."

"I missed you, too," he whispered. "So, so much."

I wondered if our relationship would have survived had we tried to force it to begin with. Maybe, but probably not.

Now, though, he had let nothing, not even a lack of planning or clothes, prevent him from seeing me. The only thing standing between us was my resentment. And it couldn't survive in the face of his goodness. His Leo -ness.

I tilted my face up and touched his cheek. His eyes went wide with surprise. "I hated not being with you," I whispered, then touched my lips to his.

His arms tightened around me, and he deepened the kiss, his body welcoming mine. Soon there was wetness on my cheeks that I couldn't account for. I pulled back and wiped my face, realizing that the tears were his.

"Leo?"

"I love you so much," he said, his voice cracking. "I know I'm an idiot. I know I'm too blunt sometimes. I know I still have a lot of work to do and that I have so many insecurities, but…"

" Leo ." I had to cut off the rambling list of things that were wrong with him, because, well… "I love you, too. I think I was still mad because I never stopped loving you."

He blinked, his soulful eyes rimmed red. "Really?"

" Really ."

"I'll do whatever it takes, Love," he whispered low into my ear. "I need you. I… I don't mean to seem needy, but I really do need you, and I don't wanna be away from you ever again."

"Me, either."

Our eyes met and held, an unspoken promise. He touched his forehead to mine, then transitioned into a sloppy kiss, full of all the things we hadn't yet said to each other. His powerful body surrounding mine was heaven, and my cock hardened at the contact. When I pressed our hips together, I felt his own hardness.

He pulled away. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for." I emphasized this by grabbing his hand and tugging him toward my room.

"Love?" he asked, fear and passion at war in his voice.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just need you to hold me… if that's okay."

He let out a sigh, as if from the depths of his soul. "I need it, too. More than I could ever say."

Oh, my sweet, sweet Leo.

I wanted to strip him down to nothing, to go skin to skin with him, but I worried that might frighten him. Instead, I fell to the bed fully clothed, and he followed me. We kissed side by side, with Leo slowly but surely pushing me to my back.

When he was finally lying on top of me, he paused, breathing heavily. "I love you so much. Is this okay?"

"Leo, I promise, anything you want, I'm going to want, too."

He dove in again, rolling his powerful hips as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I was drowning in sex hormones and love for this sweet man. I wrapped my legs around his thighs, grabbing his fantastic ass.

I bit his ear and then whispered, "You still good?"

His eyes were like embers, and he responded with another searing kiss.

"Fuck, I'm going to come if we keep on like this," he said, breathing heavily, his ragged voice ratcheting up my desire.

Not wanting to scare him away, I asked, "Do we need to slow down?"

He bit his lower lip and shifted off me. "Yeah, maybe."

We moved our hips away from each other but continued to kiss.

The next time we came up for air, he looked down the length of my body, devouring me. "You are so beautiful, Love. I want to touch you. Can I?"

I nodded, half out of my mind. " Please ," I begged. "You can touch me anywhere."

His large, warm hand landed first on my chest, and he kissed my cheek. "Your heart feels like a baby bird's," he whispered.

I returned the cheek kiss. "That's all you."

His hand moved south, and he slipped it under my shirt. I gasped, loving the heat of it, the weight. He stroked back up over my heart, then glided his fingertips over one nipple, then the other.

I groaned at the sparking sensations. "Feels so good."

Repeating the action, he let his hand drift, tickling down my torso, playing in the sparse happy trail leading down from my belly button. He then ghosted his fingers across my erection, almost reverent. After a slight hesitation, he palmed me over the rough material of my jeans.

I buried my fingers in his thick hair, tugging as he worked me over. While I wanted to keep going, I remembered he was sensitive about smells. "We worked up a sweat this morning," I said, stilling him with a hand on his shoulder. "Let's take a shower before we go any further."

He pulled back, his chest heaving. "Yes, please."