5. Leo

CHAPTER 5

leo

I hadn't thought I'd find Love right away. I'd just started driving, and I had little memory of the trip. I'd hesitated a moment as I set my blinker to turn into the long Rebel Sky Ranch driveway, but cars had piled up behind me, and I'd moved forward.

I forgot how beautiful this place was. I spotted the original bunkhouse back in the trees, and I hoped that Joaquin, Warwick, and Colt were still going strong. The ranch seemed to be doing well, with two additional bunkhouses and a new set of stables for the growing operation. Trip had really done his parents proud.

I parked just to the side of the main house, next to a cute little truck. I climbed out of my much bigger extended cab and stretched my back.

The bright spring sky and flower beds that followed the borders of buildings and trees reminded me that Junior's Goth sprite of a husband owned a landscaping business. Despite Tanner's personal aesthetic, he'd livened up the place in a way that spoke of Trip's deep love of the land. That plus the toys and kid-sized bikes strewn about the path gave the place a real family feel.

Knowing that I was procrastinating, I made my way toward the first of the newer bunkhouses. As I passed the stallion barn, I nearly fell on my face when I heard Love's voice, sweet as ever, filtering out. I went up to the barn door and slid it open, then lost all ability to function.

Love was there with Warwick, stitching up Tiberius, the fiery stallion responsible for a good portion of Rebel Sky's success. Wick was doing a good job of soothing him and keeping him in place, but I remembered how headstrong Tiberius could be. If he was cooperating, it was because he trusted Love.

Seeing Love's gentle touch and deft hands, I felt like I was breaking the surface after swimming up from the deepest part of the ocean. I inhaled deeply, settling my hand on my heart as I took in the smell of horses and hay.

This is what Love had been born to do.

Not only were they stunning in their element, Love had somehow grown more physically beautiful as well. Their hair was back in a bun, and I smiled when I saw that they'd put on a little muscle along with their vintage tees and Levi's.

I regretted having to announce myself, knowing it would break the spell. Still, nothing would've prepared me for the look in Love's eyes when they turned around.

"What are you doing here?" they asked, anger darkening their voice.

Warwick had somehow disappeared into the shadows.

I didn't have it in me to flower up my language, so I answered truthfully. "I heard you were back in town."

"Were you at a pool party when you found out?" they asked, the slight upward tilt of their lips at war with the confusion in their eyes.

"Uh…" I looked down at my swim trunks and broken-in kicks. "Yes."

"So… you found out I was back and just hopped into your truck and drove here?"

I ran my hand through my hair, realizing that having driven over with the windows open wasn't showing me off in my best light. I probably looked like I'd stuck my finger in a socket. "Yes. I was at Sawyer and Hen's house when I heard."

"Why are you here, Leo?"

Confusion and pain marked Love's features, and I'd have done anything to not make them feel that way. More to the point, you'd have thought that, in the two hours it took me to get here, I'd've come up with an answer to that question, but I hadn't.

"Leo?" Love asked softly.

"I miss you," I blurted out, then cursed myself for not finding the pretty words they deserved. Of course, I could've had millennia to come up with the perfect thing to say without finding anything truer than that. I miss you so much it hurts.

The moment between us stretched and expanded. Love didn't answer, and I should've taken that at face value, turned on my heel, and driven home. Home, where people understood and loved me despite—and because of—all my overgrown strangeness. And yet you could not have paid me to move from this spot.

I thought of Ginger and Jules, and the night they got together. When Ginger talked about it now, she'd say that seeing Jules after all that time apart felt as if no time had passed at all. That in an instant, they were right back to where they had been, except as better versions of themselves. Jules liked to interrupt and say not better, just people who'd lived longer and gotten some help in the interim.

I thought about my first kiss with Love. We'd decided that we'd wait until my high school graduation before we did anything physical. There was one visit, though, where the sun seemed to follow them wherever they went, lighting their hair on fire and setting their pretty eyes ablaze. They'd turned to tell me something, and my breath had caught in my throat. "You have the most beautiful eyelashes," I'd said, nonsensically.

Love's expression had softened, and they'd reached up to cup my face. We'd moved together, and in my mind, it looked like choreography, like a Hollywood movie scene in the perfect golden light. When their lips touched mine, it was game over. I'd had lots of experiences, but Love made me feel like a newborn calf, all knees and awkwardness and a heart so full of love I thought I'd explode.

My last sugar daddy liked to tell me I'd been used up like a piece of gum, that he didn't know what he saw in me, only that he felt sorry for me. He'd called me so many awful names that I'd started looking forward to sex, since that—usually—shut him up.

But Love… they knew I wasn't any of those terrible names.

Maybe that, as much as anything else, was why I'd driven all the way out here. I didn't know how to explain it, though. Didn't know how to tell them I hadn't felt my heart beat until I'd known they were back in Texas. How could I convey that I'd never feel it again if they couldn't find it in their heart to forgive me?

I should've started with an apology.

"I'm so sorry, Love," I said. "I know you weren't rejecting me when you called that day. You were telling me you were overwhelmed and could've used my support. I should've reassured you and promised to stay by your side. I'm sorry that I didn't understand that back then. I understand it now."