2. Love

CHAPTER 2

love

I stared at my phone, my heart split right down the middle. I didn't know what to do. Maybe I hadn't explained myself well enough. I loved the program I was in. My studies were going to make me an excellent veterinarian, but now I doubted whether the sacrifices would be worth it.

I missed Leo so much. I missed his larger-than-life presence, his blunt-but-loving words, his unintentional humor. Mostly, I missed his arms around me.

I felt awful because I knew what Leo had gone through. I'd tried to say the words as kindly as possible so he'd understand I wasn't rejecting him, but that was exactly how he took it anyway.

I would have given anything to go to this wedding and get to see him, but I was so far behind. And I hadn't been slacking off. I'd been working really, really hard—harder than I'd ever worked in my entire life.

I'd even had to call my dad to let him know I couldn't work the part-time job I'd agreed to. My parents had said they'd help me with whatever my scholarship didn't cover as long as I met them somewhere in the middle, and I was letting them down on that.

I'd been so anxious, but Dad listened and then told me he'd talk to my brother and his husband to see if they could help cover my remaining expenses. Thankfully, Junior and Tanner's landscaping business was super successful, and they were willing to go in with Mom and Dad.

Even with all their help, I still felt like I was losing… everything. Not just Leo—which hurt so much I could barely breathe—but myself, too.

Maybe I should've tried to go to the wedding, but I'd gone to my advisor with concerns about the workload just this morning, and they'd basically said that this is what the next four years of my life were going to be. If I wasn't committed enough, there were plenty of people who'd be willing to take my place.

All I'd ever wanted since I was a little kid was to be a vet and spend my life supporting the farms and ranches in the place I grew up. I'd known that vet school would require sacrifices, but I hadn't expected that my dream would ruin my life.

I flopped down on my couch—a curbside special that my roommate and I had dragged up the three flights of stairs to our dorm—and called Junior.

"Lovett? Are you okay?"

I immediately teared up at the concern in his voice. " No ."

"What happened?"

"I can't make it to the wedding this weekend. And Christmas… I don't know how I'm gonna tell Mom."

"Ah, buddy. I'm sorry. Don't worry about Mom—she'll understand."

"That's not even the worst of it," I said, sniffling. "When I called Leo to tell him, he got so upset. I said I didn't know if we could sustain a relationship right now, and maybe we needed to take a break so I could focus on studying. So he broke up with me."

"Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with him?" Junior growled. "I have half a mind to get in my truck right now?—"

"No," I blurted. Junior never made empty threats, which was how I'd made it through high school mostly unscathed. The idea of him going after Leo made me sick to my stomach.

"Are you sure? One of my vendors sent the wrong dirt again, and I'm happy to take that frustration out on some jackass who doesn't know the value of what he's got."

"You know he lived at Lupe for a few years, right? He's got a terrible history."

The line went quiet, and I knew I'd surprised him. "What kind of terrible history?"

I didn't want to tell him Leo's story, but I wanted even less for him to hate Leo without context. "Charlie over at Wild Heart found him on one of their missions."

A heavy moment sat between us before Junior asked, "He was one of theirs?" The horror in his voice came from the stories we'd been told by the guys who ran the ranch and its under-the-table rescue operation.

Junior and Tanner had qualified through the state as foster parents, and they'd helped Charlie and company with a temporary placement on a few occasions. Every single kid Charlie rescued had suffered some version of the same big-T trauma that Leo had.

"Not to get too much into his business, but his mom never knew who his father was, and she died of an overdose."

"Well, shit."

"Worse, her pimp was family, and the state awarded Leo to him."

I didn't have to explain any further. "Jesus fucking Christ. Poor kid." Junior took a few deep breaths. "Still, that doesn't mean it's okay for him to dump you."

"I know. But I'm not willing to label him an asshole for being hurt that I can't be what he needs right now."

"I hear you." Junior took a deep breath, then said, "You're very kind to be patient with him. Are you going to try to reach out to him once he calms down?"

Goodbye, Lovett. Lose my number.

More tears broke through, and I shook my head. "No. I… He doesn't want anything to do with me, and I don't have anything to offer him."

"Lovett…"

"What am I supposed to say to him, Junior? Please take me back, and sorry if I'm basically going to ignore you for the next three and a half years?"

"Fuck." I could practically hear Junior's molars creak under his clenched jaw. "I've got the last two weeks of the year off. Do you need me to go up there and visit with you?"

I barked out a wet laugh. "As if I'd have time." I rubbed my forehead, letting the tears fall. "But I might keep that offer in my back pocket."

"Ah, damn, Lovett. I'm so, so sorry."

"I just…" My chest hitched as I contemplated the words I could barely admit to myself. "I'm afraid that I'm gonna get to the end of all this and regret focusing on school."

His response was immediate. "You will not regret following your passion, Lovett."

Junior wasn't a liar, and his words held so much assurance. Still… "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything. You've loved animals since the first time you met one. I was there, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm. You were crawling around in your diaper and saw Grandpa's old golden retriever. Your eyes lit up so big, and you made a beeline right for him. I'm sorry that Leo can't get his head out of his ass, but you deserve everything you want in life. Including this."

I needed to hear that. "I just wish it didn't hurt so bad."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"More than you have?" I shook my head and sniffled. "Absolutely not. Just talking to you helps."

"I'm here for you whenever. Call me anytime."

"Thanks, Junior. I'll try to remember that."

"Good. I mean anytime, day or night. And Lovett?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll always have a home in Texas."

Even though Texas seemed like it was in another solar system at the moment, I knew he was telling the truth.

I just had to make it through school.

And figure out how to get over Leo.