20. Hayden

20

HAYDEN

I feel so unbelievably lost. I hate having to leave Cagan like this, but he must not be burdened right now by my shocking news. I have no choice but to go and figure things out on my own. Feelings of fear and uncertainty surge through my body as I turn to take one last look over my shoulder at my camp.

The crisp morning air chills my skin as I venture deeper into the forest, my hand instinctively resting on my still-flat stomach. I never dreamed this could happen, that I could get pregnant. My old clan was so cruel, so convinced of my infertility that they were ready to end my life. But now, a tiny spark grows inside me - Cagan's child. Our child.

My heart swells at the thought, even as my mind races with worry. I have been so happy with Cagan, but my life isn’t fit for a baby. The timing...it's all wrong.

I’m too scared to tell Cagan about the pregnancy right now. What will he do? How will he react? He still has his life ahead of him as the destined leader of his clan. From his stories, his father Malamute is a strict and stubborn orc. What if Malamute and the Swordstone clan try to take my child away? Malamute would never accept a half-human grandchild, jeopardizing Cagan's power. I’m so terrified of losing my baby.

The thought makes my heart clench with fear. No, I can't risk that. Not when this child is the only family I have left. I must stay strong, for this new little life growing inside me. I will do whatever it takes to protect my baby.

The early morning sun filters through the leaves overhead, dappling the forest floor. I duck under a low-hanging branch, the morning dew damping my hair.

I'm truly on my own now. But I'm a survivor - I'll find a way through this. For my baby's sake, I have to. My hand lingers over my stomach, my heart bursting with a fierce protectiveness.

I suddenly remember the rumors spoken in my old clan of a human doctor living among the Burning Sun clan. Bonnie, they call her. Kind, caring. My feet turn in the direction of their village before I can talk myself out of it. I must see her.

With each step of the long journey, my nerves fray more and more. My trust in others is hardly existent these days. But what choice do I have? If the Burning Sun clan discovers me, an outsider pregnant with a half-orc child, they could easily banish me back to the unforgiving wilderness. Or even worse. I shudder at the thought. My options are severely limited though. I have nowhere else to turn for help. I have to at least try to seek out this human doctor named Bonnie. For my baby's sake, I must find a way.

I arrive on the outskirts under the cloak of nightfall. Their wooden walls loom, fires flickering within. Sneaking past the guards, I slip inside a back entrance to the healer's quarters.

"Hello?" I call out hesitantly.

A middle-aged woman appears, her brows rising. "Can I help you?"

I take a shaky breath. "Are you Bonnie? I was told you might help me."

She smiles kindly. "That's me. What seems to be the trouble?"

My eyes dart around nervously. "I'm pregnant. But you can't tell anyone, please. I just need some guidance."

Understanding crosses her face. "Of course, dear. Let's take a look, shall we?"

As she examines me, relief trickles through my veins. Maybe this will be okay.

Just then, a voice calls out from the other room. "Bonnie? Have you seen my-"

A young woman enters, stopping short when she sees me. My heart leaps.

"Hera?" I gasp.

"Hayden!" Her face lights up and she rushes forward to embrace me. "I thought you were dead! What happened?"

Tears spring to my eyes as I cling to her, the friend I never dreamed of seeing again. We catch up in a rush. She tells me how she’s made a home here.

"What about you?" she asks eagerly.

I hesitate. "It's been hard since I escaped. I've been living in the forest, just trying to survive. And now..." I gesture helplessly to my stomach.

Understanding dawns on her face. "Oh Hayden..." She squeezes my hand supportively.

Bonnie smiles. "Well, you've come to the right place. We'll make sure you and the little one stay safe and healthy."

I let out a shaky breath, the fear and tension ebbing away. Maybe coming here wasn't a mistake after all. With Hera and Bonnie's help, I feel a glimmer of hope.

The next few months pass in a blur under their caring watch. Hera is with me every step of the way, holding my hand through the aches and pains. I am so grateful to have my dear friend back. And Bonnie becomes like a mother to me, making sure my pregnancy progresses smoothly.

My baby grows stronger by the day, her tiny flutters now full kicks against my palm. Each one fills me with indescribable joy. But still, a sadness lurks in my heart. I wish more than anything that Cagan could be here for this, to share in the wonder of our child coming into the world.

At night, I dream of him - those molten gold eyes lighting up when I tell him the news. His rumbling laugh as he rests a gentle hand on my belly. My eyes sting with tears when I wake.

"Soon, my love," I whisper into the darkness. "We'll be together again. You, me, and our little one."

For now, I have all I need - a warm home, trusted friends, and new life blossoming inside me. But my family won't be whole until Cagan is by my side once more.

The day finally arrives - after hours of agonizing labor, I bring a beautiful baby girl into the world. I name her Amira.

As I cradle her tiny body against my chest, tears of joy stream down my face. She is absolutely perfect. She reminds me of myself a lot in the sense that she appears entirely human, with tan skin and my build. But she definitely has hints of Cagan in her as well– her beautiful greenish golden eyes and short black hair. I am truly in love with this precious girl.

A month passes in a haze of sleepless nights and endless baby snuggles. Hera is always there to help, practically a second mother to little Amira.

One evening after Amira is asleep, Hera and I sit by the fire. She gives me a searching look.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I know you're still thinking of him," she says gently. "Of Cagan."

I fall silent, staring into the flickering flames. She’s right. No matter how much I try to distract myself, my thoughts always come back to him.

“I miss him so much it hurts,” I confess in a choked voice. “His smile, his laugh, the warmth of his arms around me. My heart feels like it has been shattered into a million pieces without him here by my side.”

Tears spill down my cheeks as I clutch my chest, raw anguish coursing through me. Ever since I left Cagan that day, it’s as if a piece of my heart has been missing. A hole I can never seem to fill.

“At night, I have dreams where we are together again. But then I wake up alone and it’s like losing him all over again,” I sob.

Hera wraps her arm around me as I pour out all the grief I’ve kept bottled up for so long. My body shakes with the force of my weeping.

“I don’t know how much more I can take, feeling so incomplete without him.”

Hera squeezes my hand. "You should go to him, Hayden."

Panic suddenly leaps inside me. "What? No, I can't! It's too dangerous for Amira there. If Malamute found out about her?—"

"Shhh," Hera soothes me. "Amira will be safe here with me. Bonnie and I will protect her with our lives."

"But what if Cagan rejects us? I couldn't bear it if he didn't accept Amira as his own."

Hera smiles sadly. "That's a risk you have to take. Otherwise, you will spend your whole life wondering. Regretting you never gave him the chance to choose you both."

I know deep down she's right. When the tears finally subside, I cling to Hera tightly. “You’re right. I have to try, no matter how terrifying it is. Even if he rejects me, or us, at least I’ll know I fought for what we had. My heart will have no peace until I see him again.”

Hera nods, her eyes glistening with emotion. "Tell him everything. He deserves to know."

I hug her fiercely, pouring all my gratitude into the embrace. She has given me the courage I need to fight for my family.

With a gentle kiss on Amira's forehead, I whisper, “I love you, my darling.” Her little nose scrunches adorably in her sleep.

Finally, I steel my resolve and set out into the night to find Cagan. As I quietly creep away, each step is heavy with purpose. The darkness of the forest surrounds me, but I do not fear it tonight. A blazing resolve burns within my heart, pushing me forward.

I think of Cagan's smile, his laugh, the love in his golden eyes. I quicken my pace. Nothing will stop me from returning to his arms where I belong. The night sky lights my path back home to him.