Chapter 5

Chapter

Five

MIRANDA

M iranda rushed out of the bathroom to everyone scattering.

“Miranda, let me find you more clothes before you go. Maythra, come help me, please,” Viravia said, halfway up the steps already.

“Beleda can do that,” Maythra said from the front door. Her hand was on the handle, but she hadn’t opened it yet.

“I-I’ll help.” Savrah’s voice held a tremor and her eyes were wide as she nearly bolted up the stairs after Viravia. Beleda followed suit, eyes skittering from the door to the stairwell. She was far less terrified than Savrah but obviously wary.

“D-Do you think he could have heard us?” Savrah whispered too loudly to Viravia as she followed the pregnant woman up the stairs.

“Miranda,” Maythra said, chin high. “I will tell him to go. There are many homes within our clan that you can stay in. None as grand as this, but still very nice.”

“I’m going with Govek,” Miranda said, fumbling to knot the neckline of her cloak as she moved to the exit. “Step aside.”

“You don’t know him, Miranda. He may have hidden his nature for a few days, could well hide it for a few moons, but soon you will learn what he truly is and will regret not heeding my warning,” Maythra said coldly, her fingers clenching the handle.

“Is that a threat, Maythra?”

“It’s a warning. One you would do well to heed. I have lived in this clan since I was mated at a mere eighteen years of age, and have known Govek since the day he was born, and I know better than any how vile?—”

“I get to decide who I think is vile , Maythra. Now step aside .”

“Fine. But know that I will be watching. You are foolish, but I won’t abandon you. I am on your side, Miranda.”

“All right. I heard you.”

Maythra’s gray eyes narrowed at Miranda for another moment before she finally moved out of the way. “I sincerely hope that you do not end up like Yerina .”

She was trying to goad Miranda into asking questions, and Miranda was curious, but she also wasn’t keen on hearing any of Maythra’s biased answers. “Tell Viravia that I’ll come back for the clothes later. Have a good night.”

As Maythra sputtered, dumbfounded that none of her obvious manipulation worked, Miranda pulled the door open.

A wave of sage billowed out as she slammed the door behind her and ran right into Govek, who was perched on the top step.

“Oh gosh!” He caught her by the arms. “Jeez, for some reason, I thought this stoop was bigger. Or I guess it’s just cause you’re big, huh?”

“Miranda,” Govek said, his eyes dark and brooding. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh—” Oh shoot. He was big— big mad. But before Miranda could find a way to quell his anger, she noticed the sound of hacking from behind him and craned her neck to find there was another large orc standing on the path having some kind of asthma attack.

This orc looked much more like Govek, with more accentuated muscles and a much larger frame. That Rogeth orc from earlier looked like a twig by comparison—a very uptight twig.

“Is your friend okay?” Miranda asked, as the muscular orc coughed and wheezed. Waving his hand in front of his face as he moved away from Viravia’s house. “What’s going on? Does he need a doctor?”

“Fucking sage ,” the male croaked. “Get over here. Both of you.”

Govek gripped Miranda’s arm and led her over to the male. The orc was a darker green than Govek and not quite as tall, but had almost as much muscle. And what he lacked in strength he made up for in scars. The guy was literally covered with them. His arms were cross-hatched. There was a particularly gruesome one on his forehead, right under his cropped hairline. It cut through his eyebrow, stopping just above his eye.

He was also shirtless and wore a pair of shorts just as skimpy as Govek’s. It was no wonder the others hadn’t reacted to Govek’s lack of attire when they were freaking out about hers. They must all walk around half naked. Did orcs not feel the cold?

When the gasping male wiped the tears out of his eyes and looked up at them, Miranda could see an instant resemblance to Govek. Their eyes were the same shape though this new orc lacked the gorgeous gold flecks that Govek’s eyes had.

The orc opened his mouth to speak and started hacking again.

“Are you going to be okay?” Miranda asked, noting how the question made Govek’s grip on her arm tighten. “Lighten up, please.”

Govek’s expression flashed to chagrin, and he instantly released her.

Oh yeah. So dangerous and out of control.

The coughing male cursed loudly between gasps and rubbed his face.

“Seriously, dude. You need help?”

“I’m fine, woman. Fuck. It’s just the blasted sage. Fades curse me,” he said before turning his eyes on Miranda again. He scrutinized her. Those dark eyes flashed from the hem of her slightly too long skirt to the top of her unbrushed head.

Govek didn’t grab her again, but she could feel him step closer. The warmth of his torso against her back was kinda nice. The chill of the night made her cheeks sting.

“Fuck, Govek, don’t you feed her?”

Govek growled.

“He feeds me plenty,” Miranda said, wantonly leaning into Govek so she could feel the rumble against her back. “I’m Miranda. And you are?”

“Karthoc. Cousin to Govek. Warlord of Baelrok Forge.”

Miranda’s breath hitched. “Karthoc? Really?”

The male’s eyes flashed to Govek as he rose a brow. “Yes. What has Govek told you of me?”

“Oh uh. Lots of stuff about your home. He said we were going to live with you. Or”—she looked up at Govek—“that’s still the plan, right?”

Govek’s expression was set with a deep scowl, and his glower made a shiver course through her.

Oh, shit a brick. He was actually really mad she didn’t go straight to his house.

She’d have to make it up to him later. “Karthoc, the seer is in your company right? Could I talk to him?”

“ She’s the one who had questions for Evythiken?” Karthoc asked.

“Yes,” Govek whispered. Miranda turned to get a good look and found him twitching, fists curled, arms poised to strike, fierce eyes on Karthoc.

What the heck?

“Govek, what’s wrong with you?”

He flinched and looked away.

“He’s a possessive idiot, that’s what’s wrong,” Karthoc said, his tone laced with amusement. “For fuck’s sake, Govek, I’m not going to take your woman. Get control of yourself.”

Miranda blinked. Govek had indicated a jealous streak, but she hadn’t thought it would be this bad. “Govek, he’s your cousin , for crying out loud. You’re this upset because I’m talking to your cousin ?”

Govek raked a hand through his hair but still said nothing.

“There will be another time to discuss the seer. Best we part ways now,” Karthoc said, already turning away. “I will see you at the hall for the announcement tomorrow. Do not be late.”

“Announcement?” Miranda asked as Karthoc disappeared up the path.

“Why are you here , Miranda?”

The tension in Govek’s voice made her bristle. “You said I should get clothes.”

“I said they were to bring the clothes to you. At my home,” he growled, spearing heat into her stomach. Dang it, why did his rumbly voice always have to cue her up?

“Well, they didn’t. That Maythra woman is bossy as heck. But your sister-in-law is nice. Learned all about that. And a bunch of other stuff, too. I see now why you didn’t want me getting all social with your clan here. Why didn’t you tell me you were the chief’s son? And why were you...?”

Miranda trailed off as Govek’s expression paled, and the harsh reality hit her—his brother had been killed recently.

“Govek . . . about your brother, I’m really sorry?—”

“We’re going,” Govek snarled. He gripped her arm and pulled her down the path. “Now.”

“Oh, heck no. You let go.” His hold wasn’t tight enough to hurt, but she still would not tolerate him dragging her around. “Govek, let me go.”

He froze in an instant, and his eyes flashed. He released her and stalked away, yanking at his hair with both hands.

It only took a few steps for him to stop. Turn. Open his mouth to speak and snap it shut. He had his jaw all tucked up again. It looked so uncomfortable.

“Come, please .”

The tone made her chest ache and she nodded, falling into step beside him. She examined his tense face, his rolling muscles, the tick in his jaw. She should let him calm down before interrogating him. Really .

“Govek, are you really the chief’s son?”

He picked up the pace slightly, shoulders bunched.

“Govek, hold on! That’s too fast.”

“Yes.” The word came out strangled but he did slow his pace.

“Yes?”

“Yes, I am the chief’s son.”

She paused and caught her breath. “And... then you left to go to war?”

The look he sent her was so dark and pained she forced herself to drop it.

“Viravia was nice,” Miranda said, grabbing a topic right out of the icy air. “She makes soaps? She must really like the scent of sage because oof . Even her tea was sage. I guess it was fine, a bit overwhelming. At least I’m not allergic like your poor cousin?—”

Govek let out a low growl so deadly it actually straightened Miranda’s spine.

Oops. Probably best not to mention other guys right at this moment. “On Earth, I had lots of different soaps. They came in all kinds of scents. I liked the natural ones best which is all you guys have here, huh?”

God, what was wrong with her? All the shit going on and she was blathering about soap and sage.

“Miranda.”

She looked up and he let out a ragged sigh, raked a hand through his hair, and swallowed hard.

Some of her toddlers liked a cuddle when they were having a rough time.

She reached out and took his arm, holding it tight to her chest. He let out a long breath and didn’t pull away from her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t insist they take me back to your home.”

He said nothing but she could feel the tension release in his arm.

She reached up and stroked his jaw. “Why don’t you untuck your teeth? We’re alone now.”

He snapped his gaze to her face a moment, and his throat worked.

Then he did.

“That’s better,” she assured him, gentling her touch.

His eyes flickered down her body. “Do you like my dress?” she asked.

Govek continued to stare, throat working in a slight gulp.

“It doesn’t fit very well. Viravia must have been a total hottie. Not that she isn’t hot stuff now that she’s pregnant, just...”

Govek’s eyes got large.

Shoot, was he jealous of women too? Was she making it worse? “Anyway. It was really nice of her to let me wear her clothes. Even if I don’t do them justice.”

“Miranda.”

“Yeah?”

“You are beautiful.”

Heat bloomed in her cheeks and stomach and Miranda finally found the strength to go quiet. Instead, she distracted herself looking at the tree houses as they passed. The paths were vacant, and the homes were dim. She wondered where everyone was.

The tree houses were amazing. She couldn’t wait to see Govek’s home.

“How much farther?” Miranda finally asked. They were surrounded by woods now with not a single house in sight. The paths were much more overgrown and there weren’t any lanterns. It was so dark she was glad she had Govek’s arm to help her. Only his glowing green eyes were visible in the night.

“There.” Govek pointed to a tree about fifty yards away. It had taken quite a bit longer to get to his home than she expected. It was fairly small compared to some of the others they’d passed but it was too dark to really judge. As they drew nearer, she could make out the porch. Three steps led to a front door.

A front door which was half off its hinges.

“Er. Did you get robbed?”

Govek shot her a confused look before noting where her eyes were. “No. I’ll mend it tonight.”

“Not tonight. We should just relax tonight.”

“You wouldn’t rather be sure you don’t get eaten alive while you sleep?”

She quirked a smile. “We both know the only creature I could be eaten by right now is you .” He tensed again and Miranda straightened. “That was a sex joke, Govek. I don’t think you’re actually going to eat me.”

He didn’t respond and her gut twisted.

“Govek, how many members of your clan think you’d really hurt me?”

There was a deadly silence. “All of them.”

Miranda was struck dumb by the sincerity of his tone as he led her up the steps and into the dark room. She could hear him walking around, a cabinet opened with a squeak and clattered shut.

“Viravia didn’t seem to think that badly of you.”

“She has only lived in these woods for three seasons.”

Light burst in the room and she blinked rapidly, willing her eyes to adjust. Torchlight from several lanterns had all lit at the same time.

She was in a kitchen. A much nicer one than Viravia’s. There was ample counter space, an actual sink near the window, and a massive wood stove filled the entire opposite end. There were cabinets and drawers, and cooking utensils hung from most of the available wall space.

“This is great,” Miranda said, fingering the intricate leaf and vine detailing carved into the cabinet doors. “Viravia’s house didn’t have anything like this.” When he didn’t respond, she pressed, “Do you like to cook?”

He was standing in a rounded entry. Behind him she could see flickering firelight illuminating a living room with a couch and two chairs.

“No.”

Her brow furrowed. “No?”

“No, I do not like to cook.”

Her lips pursed. “Then... why so much cooking stuff?”

He looked away, fists still bunched up at his sides. If he tightened up anymore he might cut himself with his claws.

“Govek, talk to me. Why do you have a full kitchen if you don’t like to cook?”

Had it been for his other woman? Yerina, right?

Her chest tightened and the excitement at seeing such a familiar space dimmed. Apparently, Govek wasn’t the only one with jealousy issues.

“I am not welcome in the hall.”

“What?” She blinked, but he still wasn’t meeting her eyes.

“The hall is where the clan has their meals. I am not welcome there.”

“Why?”

Ignoring her question, Govek turned on his heel and stormed into the living room. She scampered after him, watching as he methodically lit all the candles in the room using a short twig with a tiny flame at the end. It took a while, there were ten or more candles all over the space.

This living room was much smaller than Viravia’s but felt cozy. The gray cushions looked more worn but soft. The carpets were plain, dark brown, but lush. The rich brown wood walls were decorated with vine carvings and the shadows caused by the candlelight made their intricate detailing more pronounced.

It was truly beautiful.

But that beauty was dimmed by Govek’s continued silence.

“Come on , Govek,” Miranda pleaded, throwing her head back in frustration. He’d had that whole walk to calm down and it wasn’t enough? “Work with me here. Talk to me . ”

“You should stay with the other women.” His voice was a low, deadly grumble that flooded Miranda with equal parts heat and worry.

“What? What do you mean?”

He stalked toward a tall door with a rounded top at the back of the house. It was at the center of the far wall of the living room. She could see the forest through the window next to it, deep and dark and swallowing up the light. He trembled on the precipice. As if he were about to bolt.

Terrified he might, Miranda stepped into the living room but stopped herself from grabbing him. “Don’t you dare leave right now, Govek.”

“It is not safe for you.”

“Govek—”

“If you knew what I was thinking right now...” he started with a snarl, whirling to face her. His eyes were pricks in the bright light. “You are not safe with me.”

Miranda’s brow furrowed. After growing up in a group home, she had ample experience dealing with dangerous people and knew when one shouldn’t be messed with.

But Govek wasn’t giving off that vibe.

“Why?” Miranda asked, and his expression flashed with confusion. “Tell me exactly why I’m not safe and I’ll decide if I should leave.”

“When you looked at Karthoc, I wanted to rip his fucking head off.”

Miranda rose her brows.

Govek continued raging. “I want to burn the fucking clan to the ground rather than have your eyes stray from me. I want to render every male that might turn your head to cinders. I want to rip every tongue from every mouth so they do not have a chance to turn you before I can win you. I want to hide you away, so you don’t have any chance to seek another male?—”

“Wait, stop. Hold on,” Miranda interrupted. “You think I’m going to seek out other men?”

“Why would you not? Look at you!”

Red hot anger flashed behind her eyes. “Sit down, right there on the couch.”

Govek froze, hand still on the back door. His other hand clenched tight. Red blood was seeping out from between his fingers.

“Oh, for crying out loud. Govek, you cut yourself. Sit down . Right now or I really am going to get mad at you. Your ears will be bleeding too, from the length of the lecture.”

Govek blinked at her, his eyes shifted from the couch and then back to her. “Did you not hear me? I am not safe .”

“God, yes, I heard you. You’re jealous and accusing me of things I would never do. Now sit down .”

“But—”

“ Sit ,” Miranda said using her best do-not-test-me voice. Govek’s eyes went as round as her babies’ eyes used too. “And tell me where your medical ointments are.”

She stormed into the kitchen not waiting for his response, she’d seen a rag in there, hanging next to the sink. She tried to quell her anger but wasn’t successful. Usually, she would force a smile and take some calming breaths but that was for her babies and Govek was a grown-ass man.

So, when she turned back and found him still standing, mostly unresponsive, she let loose. “Sit. Down. For pity’s sake! To think you’re this upset because I greeted your cousin. Do you really think so low of me that I would cheat on you with your family member? Really? What kind of woman do you think I am? Why would you even want to be with a woman like that?”

He attempted a meek reply as she snatched the rag off the hook and stomped back into the living room. Govek was very very lucky he’d obeyed her order and sat down on the edge of the massive, fur-lined couch.

“Give me your hand,” she demanded, holding her palm open, waiting, but Govek hesitated. She looked him dead in the eyes and got mad all over again. “Let’s get one thing clear, right now. I am not a cheater. I would never even consider cheating on you. If I don’t want to be with you anymore, I’m going to make it very clear long before I try to mess around with someone else. And I will never get with your family members, and I will never get with your friends, and for crying out loud, stop looking at me like I’m the crazy one here. You’re the one who thought I would cheat after fricking glancing at your effing cousin!”

Govek simply sat there with wide, blinking eyes.

She needed to calm the eff down or she was going to start spewing venom. She looked around the room again, taking in the comfortable space. “Your walls are pretty,” she mustered.

“My . . . what?”

“Your walls. I’m trying to distract myself here. I don’t want to fight with you. Lord knows I had enough of that shit when I was growing up.”

There was a long pause before Govek ventured. “Who did you fight with in your youth, Miranda?”

“A lot of people. I was raised in a group home. No one gets put in a group home because they have good role models for parents. Uncurl your fingers. I’m not scared of your claws.”

He finally obeyed and she dabbed at the cuts with the cloth. They were shallow and already seemed to be scabbing over, but she didn’t want to let him go just yet. “Though to be fair, I never had role models at all. My parents died in a car accident when I was three.”

“I am sorry, Miranda.”

She let the apology roll around in her head for a moment, soothing the worst of the burning rage. “Sorry about my parents, or for accusing me of cheating?”

“Both.”

A ragged sigh left her lips as she continued to stroke his now healed palm. Dang, orcs healed fast. Or maybe just Govek did.

“I truly did not intend to insult you. I am...” He was so quiet she could barely make out the tremor in the tone.

“You are . . .?”

“I am not in control.”

“You keep saying that, but you seem pretty controlled to me.” He met her eyes again. “You could have ripped Viravia’s house apart looking for me, but you didn’t. You could have attacked your cousin for saying hi, but you stopped yourself. You’re clearly being eaten alive right now, but you haven’t done much more than get all growly and threaten to bolt. And hurt yourself, which I’m pretty peeved about.”

His hands began to tremble in hers.

“Govek, what makes you think you aren’t in control?”

“I don’t think it. I know .”

“ How do you know? Tell me.” She clutched his hands, careful to avoid his claws.

“I have committed many atrocities in the past, Miranda. Far more than you could possibly imagine. Things that are unforgivable. Things that would make you despise me.”

“Is that why you wanted to keep away from the clan? Cause you didn’t want me to find out about all these atrocities .” She searched his haunted eyes. “Well, that ship has sailed. It’s way off over the horizon right now. You might as well tell me before they do.”

His face contorted and he looked away. “What would you have me speak on, Miranda? What would you have me say? That I am at constant war with my own fury? That this whole fucking clan is right about me? I’m a dangerous wretch whose magic is built on chaos and rage. I fucking drove away my own...”

He stopped short, wrenching out of her grasp and stalking back across the room. His hands ripped at his hair.

“I don’t fucking deserve to speak, Miranda. What could I say other than worthless excuses that do nothing to undo the damage I have done?”

“I still want to hear them.”

Govek froze, shifted to look at her with half wild eyes. Beautiful eyes that glimmered gold in the firelight.

“I want to hear your thoughts, Govek. Because they aren’t excuses, they’re reasons. ”

His hands dropped out of his hair.

“They are the reasons you acted the way you did. I’m not going to judge your actions until I can understand your perspective. Maybe I’ll agree with your reasons, maybe I won’t. But I ask that you trust me enough to tell me and let me come to my own conclusions.”

Govek’s throat worked. His eyes darted as if unsure he could speak, as if looking for someone or something to silence him.

Then he took a deep breath and said, “I’ve killed, Miranda. I’ve... murdered others.”

Miranda sucked air sharply in through her nose to mask the jolt that confession shot through her. Her voice came out a little higher pitched. “Okay... who?”

“Why the fuck does that matter?”

“Because the circumstances behind why you murdered them matter,” Miranda said, standing up. “You keep talking about control. Did you lose control and kill them?”

“Yes.” Govek’s eyes squeezed shut. “I went into a battle rage and my magic spiraled out of control.”

“Battle rage. You were being attacked?”

“Yes.”

“So, you were in a battle and killed people?” He nodded. “Civilians?”

His brows pinched together. “What?”

“People other than soldiers. Women, children, elderly?”

Govek swallowed hard, brows furrowing. Then he shook his head and she let out a breath of relief.

“So, you went battle crazy and killed soldiers ?”

“Who they were does not matter. All lives are precious. Magic should never be used to cause harm. It should not even be possible to do so.”

“Govek, if you lashed out because you were being attacked that is completely different from attacking someone unprovoked. You know that, right?”

“They weren’t attacking me. They were trying to flee and I . . . I still . . .”

“You still what?”

His hands were back in his hair. “I lost my mind , Miranda! I blacked out. I ravaged them. By the time I came to they were fucking pulp .”

Miranda managed to withhold a flinch at that mental image even as prickling coursed down her spine. “But something must have happened to make you do that. Something must have set you off. What was it?”

Govek’s eyes were stricken and lost. He stalked away from her. Into the kitchen.

Why had he killed them so brutally? Was she safe with him?

“Govek, tell me. I. Want. To. Know. Your. Reasons. ”

“They fucking slaughtered him. ” Govek whirled around, eyes wild, muscles bulging, frame terrifyingly huge. Miranda would have bolted had she not been frozen to the spot.

“They flayed him. Stuck him on a spit. Fucking cooked him alive .”

Miranda sucked in a hard breath. She already knew the answer before she asked, but she needed to hear it from him. “Who?”

“My brother.”