Chapter 10

Chapter

Ten

GOVEK

H e looked down at Miranda, finding her brow furrowed and her lips pursed, as she watched the males mutter among themselves. She saw them look scornfully in his direction. Her eyes did not linger on any one in particular, but Govek inevitably felt rage burn away his humor at the thought that her affection might turn away from him and toward one of his brethren.

Before he could do anything foolish, she spoke. “So... I gotta ask, why does everyone here dislike you so much?”

He startled at the question, which he was certain he’d answered well enough the night before. “I have committed many atrocities, including the murder of humans, Miranda.”

“Govek, you killed soldiers that tortured your brother to death. That’s not the same as killing someone at random,” Miranda said as if the murder of her own kind didn’t unsettle her.

Just what kind of world had her Earth been?

“And isn’t your cousin a warlord ? Does he fight his war without killing? Don’t other orc soldiers also kill in battle?”

She didn’t understand, and why should she? She wasn’t from this world. She did not know the will of the Fades.

Or what kind of abomination he was.

But she would find out. As much as it pained him to speak on this, Govek was determined that she hear it from his own lips rather than those of another.

“The clan of Rove Wood isn’t like other orc clans. Those born under the Great Rove Tree are imbued with magic. Blessed. Chosen specifically by the Fades to conjure their power.”

“I kinda noticed that.” Miranda glanced briefly at the males who were walking ahead of them at a reasonable distance. They looked back often, ensuring Govek did not come too close. “They’re a lot scrawnier.”

Govek blinked. “Yes, they are. They fit the human ideals far better.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that . Maybe some women like a pretty boy, but I like my guys to have some meat.”

As if to prove her words, she slid her hand beneath his shirt and stroked his abdomen, dipped her fingers between the accentuated bulges of his abs. He shivered. Fuck! Her touch felt good. It blazed through his mind like a balm and made him want to fall to his knees, babbling her praise.

“And Karthoc had almost as much muscle as you. He’s your leader, right? So, don’t try to tell me that having brawn is what makes your clan wary of you.”

Fades help him! His blood boiled thinking about her noticing Karthoc’s body. He managed to gulp down the embers burning in his throat. “The orcs of Rove Wood do not have as much muscle because they can use magic.”

“So, they’re built like pansies because they can do magic? Does magic suck up testosterone or something?”

Govek could not help snorting in amusement at the comparison between Rove Wood orcs and delicate flowers. “That is the Fades design. Orcs either have magic or strength, but not both. Both is dangerous, deadly.”

“Oh,” Miranda said slowly, looking up at him. “But you have both.”

“Yes.” He was a wretch for being so relieved that she didn’t instantly understand how dangerous he was and bolt. Magic was powerful and should never be wielded by those who lacked control over their own violent rage.

“I have worked hard all my life to keep my magical gifts under control. My studies ended early in my youth when it became apparent I was growing like the warrior orcs, rather than taking the slender shape of those from Rove Wood. I have been kept away from group communions, where magical energy is thick, separated from celebrations where conjuring’s would be performed, and given a home on the outskirts so that when I do lose control, it is less likely to cause irreparable destruction.”

He’d worked so blasted hard to keep everyone in his clan safe over the many seasons, and still mistakes had been made. Orcs had been hurt by his fury. Chaos had been wrought by him. He could not be trusted.

“You’ve lost control before, right?” Miranda asked, her voice flat. “Or did they isolate you without just cause?”

Govek gulped. But she would hear this from someone . It may as well be him. “I have lost control many times. Not only am I far more prone to fighting, but the strikes I land are imbued with my magic, so they are more deadly. I have cracked tables in half with a single blow. Taken down trees. Even my preference for hunting betrays my tendency toward violence.” He swallowed hard as painful memories flooded his mind. “Once when I grew angry in the hall, I erupted soup boiling in the cauldrons and burned many in the process. That is why I am banned from eating there.”

Miranda’s face took on an oddly flat countenance and her voice was firm as she said, “If they had let you continue your magic studies, would you have better control over it?”

Govek blinked. “What?”

“They stopped you from learning, right? If they hadn’t done that, hadn’t isolated you...” Miranda shook her head.

“Miranda.” He swallowed thickly but worked the words out. “My magic is not just tainted by my anger, it is caused by it.”

Her brows rose and the calm reaction gave him strength to elaborate.

“Unlike my brethren, whose magic is sparked by meditation and serene control, my conjuring’s are fueled by fury. To connect to the Fades, I must be in the throes of rage or grief. This is what makes my magic so dangerous and difficult to control.”

He’d said it. He’d gotten it out. He watched Miranda’s face, and his breath caught, stomach twisting. Waiting.

Her expression crumbled and shock spiked down his spine.

“Oh Govek. I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”

He sputtered, words catching on his tongue before he could push them out. “Why are you apologizing?”

Miranda wrapped her arms around his, and pressed her warm head against him as they walked. “Because I’ve had you do a bunch of magical favors for me. And in order to do them, you have to feel bad. I don’t want you having to feel pain or anger just to make my life easier.”

He blinked rapidly. “It’s... fine, Miranda. I truly do not mind. I’ve been performing magic all of my life. It is unavoidable in this clan, as you saw by how many things within my home require magic to function. That is why I was given a home on the outskirts to begin with. It was for everyone’s protection.”

“So, you’ve been completely isolated from your clan almost your entire life because they didn’t want to help you?”

“Help with what ?”

“They could have found ways for you to live without having to use magic so much. And there are loads of ways to help anger issues, Govek. They could have helped you if they tried. Honestly, isolating you probably made it worse. It’s pretty shitty that they made you live all the way out there and wouldn’t even let you celebrate holidays with them.”

He shook his head. She didn’t understand. “My father did what he needed to do to keep the clan safe.”

Her eyes flashed with anger and she came to a halt. “You mean the chief. Your dad, the chief, was the one that alienated you?”

“No,” Govek said quickly. “No, it was my choice to keep myself separated.”

“So, you picked that house at the edge of the clan?”

“No, my father assigned it, but I went willingly.”

“And how old were you when you started living there?”

Govek’s brow furrowed, not quite understanding why that was relevant. He had to think about it a moment because he honestly couldn’t recall. “Seven summers or so.”

The anger evaporated from her face, and he almost managed a breath until pain replaced it. “Seven. You were seven years old when you had to go live out there. Alone.”

“Yes.”

She shook her head. “You were a baby .”

Govek jerked in shock. “I assure you I was not. I was twice the size of other Rove orcs my age.”

Her lower lip trembled, and she stepped toward him. “Come here. Just... dang it.”

Her voice broke as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Govek could not fathom why she was so upset by this information. “Orcs are not humans, Miranda. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“All orcs get their own homes at seven?”

“Well... no,” he mumbled. “But it had to be done.”

“Stop it,” she said, squeezing harder. “Just... stop.”

So, he did. He was enjoying the lush feel of her curled around him too much to speak anyway. Her honeyed scent and warm body and firm breasts pressed into his chest.

“I’m not going to argue about this with you right now, but damn.” Miranda reached up to scratch at the base of his neck, and he nearly shivered. “Why the heck did you stay here? If they were treating you so badly, why did you stay ?”

“They were not treating me badly,” Govek insisted. “They have every right to be afraid.”

“Karthoc didn’t seem afraid of you. Why didn’t you go live with him a long time ago?”

He wasn’t. In fact, Karthoc’s powerful warriors had accepted him into their fold when they had traveled to Clairton. But until then, Govek hadn’t thought any other orcs would want to give him sanctuary. What chief would want to harbor a male so dangerous? Karthoc had invited him, but that did not mean the rest of the clan would accept him.

And aside from that. “Tavggol was here.” His elder brother had been the only orc that Govek had considered a close confidant. Tavggol was the only one who came to visit regularly, brought him food, celebrated the seasonal shifts, foraged with him, fished with him, and even invited him to join his friends occasionally.

Miranda tightened her hold on him again, turning her face so she could nuzzle his cheek. He relished every gentle touch she gave him.

“If I had left, I would not have met you,” he said before he realized the words were forming.

But before embarrassment at the telling statement could sink in, Miranda pulled him down by his arm and kissed him. She grazed her lips along his cheek and up the bridge of his nose before finding his lips and teasing him into growling.

Fuck, he wished he could open his mouth to taste her, but he couldn’t risk lowering his jaw while they were still in the clan. He would have to wait.

“I’m glad I met you too, Govek. And it seems you had the perfect skill set to save me. The strength to protect me from that wild cat and the magical power to break us into the mines so we could escape that tornado.”

He stilled. He had not thought of it that way.

“Govek!”

The scent of Hovget registered before Govek saw the male storming down the paths toward them. A few of the other males stopped to watch, and Govek could hardly blame them. Of all the orcs in Rove Wood, Hovget was one of the few with the courage to be blunt with him.

And judging from the healer’s tense scowl, Hovget was certainly going to be blunt.

“Who’s that?” Miranda asked as Govek released her from his grip.

“Hovget, the healer.”

“No, the woman behind him? Is she friendly or...?”

Govek hadn’t noticed that Hovget’s mate, Wellia, had followed. The woman was a skilled healer as well, and quite a bit younger than Hovget, which had caused quite a stir when they began their relationship seven summers prior. Many still thought Wellia should be with a younger orc. One who was not too old to bear sons.

“Govek, what are you doing going to the hall? I expected you to come see me first. Blast, I expected you to show last night . Why didn’t you allow the woman to come get checked by me or Wellia?”

Govek gritted his teeth, tucking his mouth up higher until his gums stung. There was no point in explaining his reasoning.

“He didn’t stop me from doing anything. I didn’t want to go. I still don’t.”

Hovget’s sharp eyes landed on Miranda. He was one of the taller males, and though his slender form made him seem frail, Govek knew he had great strength. He’d seen Hovget haul an unconscious orc onto an exam table with little more than a heaving grunt.

“You did not want to be examined? Were you not traveling through the woods for multiple days?” Hovget asked with a scowl at Miranda that made Govek want to rip his graying hair out of his scalp.

“Well, yes, but Govek took care of me.”

“You scent of blood,” Hovget said, and Miranda instantly bristled.

“I’m menstruating. On my period,” she turned to Wellia. “What do you guy’s call it here cause I’m tired of the weird looks?”

“Do you mean... having your cycle?” Wellia asked, mostly whispering.

Govek felt flattened. So, this was a normal occurrence for women. He hadn’t been too rough and injured Yerina every moon.

He hadn’t needed to bend over backward offering the woman copious boons in apology or stay up night after night racked with guilt wondering what exactly he’d done to cause her harm so he could ensure never to do it again.

His fists curled.

“Right, I’m on my cycle,” she said to Hovget rather loudly. “I’m Miranda, by the way. Perhaps you should tell me your name before you interrogate me?”

Hovget straightened, embarrassment spreading color into his green cheeks. “I... apologize. Newcomers are rare in these woods. I am Hovget, the healer for this clan.”

“And I’m Wellia.” The woman hurried forward, dark, curly hair bouncing with every step. “Welcome to Rove Wood. We’re very glad to have you. Aren’t we, Hovget?” She shot her mate a hard look.

“Yes.” Hovget said quietly, looking at Govek again. “I am also sorry that the other women from Estwill didn’t make it.”

The accusation sunk deep into Govek’s gut and stirred up fire.

“I’m not from Estwill and there were never any other women. I don’t know what crazy rumors are going around, but Govek saved me,” Miranda insisted. “And I don’t want an exam. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Miranda, you should,” Govek said as coaxingly as he could under the circumstances. She was so adamant, but blast it, she could be injured and not know it. Or become ill suddenly. Hovget’s skills may catch something early.

“I’m. Fine,” Miranda said so forcefully that Govek wondered what might actually have her so defensive. What were doctors like on Earth?

“It really won’t take long at all,” Wellia interjected, ringing her plump hands. “And we can do it right here. We don’t have to go back to the healing house if you don’t want to.”

“You want to give me a physical in the middle of the street?”

“It’s done with magic,” Govek said, choosing his words carefully. “Hovget will only need to hover his hands over your head, and his conjuring will draw your condition to him.”

“Magic, huh?” Miranda said softly. “And if something is wrong with me?”

Govek’s gut twisted. “Then we will treat it.”

Miranda looked a little more stricken. “And... if there isn’t?”

Govek could not discern why being unwell was less upsetting than being well. “Miranda, you already think you are fine. Would this not just confirm that?”

She hummed softly, pursing her pink lips together and crossing her arms. The wind caught up her brown hair, displaying her neck.

She was so beautiful, he couldn’t catch his breath.

What if she was sick?

“Please, Miranda?” Govek asked softly, ignoring the wide-eyed look his pleading earned from Hovget. “For me, will you?”

She groaned. “Fine. Okay. Just... whatever. It’s okay.”

Hovget approached and Govek tensed. “You need to release her, Govek, or you’ll get muddled in.”

Govek knew that, but he still hesitated a moment, his touch lingering on Miranda’s back before finally stepping aside.

“I just stand here?” Miranda asked as Hovget raised his hands up.

“Yes,” he said, closing his eyes.

For a long moment, the only sounds were the wind in the trees and the subtle muttering of nearby orcs. Govek’s chest grew tight as he watched the waves of air shift around Miranda as Hovget’s magic dipped into her body.

Had Govek been allowed to learn magic, he could conjure this himself. Or a minor version of it, at least.

Govek stilled, brow furrowed.

This was the first time he’d ever wanted to perform a magical skill.

“Done. She’s well. No issues.”

“A-are you sure?” Miranda asked.

“Yes.”

“No radiation—er, I mean . . . poison?”

“Poison?” Wellia asked, approaching Miranda. “Were you also attacked by the boar?”

“You know about that?” Miranda tipped her head. “Man, gossip sure does fly here, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. We have heard. Goblin poison attached to a boar’s tusks, right?”

“Yes.”

“I want a sample of your blood, Govek.” Hovget was already reaching into his gray leather cloak for a vial. “Chief Ergoth said you would not consent, but I must insist on it.”

“You’re gonna take a sample of his blood right here ?” Miranda asked, looking between them in shock.

“Yes,” Hovget shot her a confused look.

“But it’s not sterile.”

“Sterile?” Wellia asked, coming even closer to Miranda now. “What do you mean by that? And where are you from, Miranda? Everyone says you come from Estwill.”

“Oh, uh . . . that’s a long story . . .” Miranda glanced at Govek, her expression tight.

“I found her lost in the woods. And I consent to give you some blood. Make it quick. Karthoc wanted us at the announcement.”

Hovget uncorked his vial. “Hold still.” He extended his index claw. Govek balled his fists to hide his own, which had unsheathed at the sight. Hovget wasn’t a threat, but his worthless hands didn’t seem to understand that.

“Wait, you’re seriously just gonna cut him open right here?” Miranda shook her head.

“Yes,” Hovget muttered as Govek lifted his shirt. “Looks like it left a small scar. How did you heal it?”

“Miranda brought water from the Spring of the Fades.”

“Hmm. That should have healed it completely. There shouldn’t be a remaining scar,” Hovget said just before he slashed into Govek’s hide.

Govek did not flinch, but Miranda did. She sucked in a hard breath and stepped to his side, taking his arm, rubbing it as if to offer comfort.

Govek soaked it up like the desperate wretch he was.

“There,” Hovget said after collecting a full vial. “Done. Thank you.”

Govek shrugged. “Can you use it to trace which faction of the Waking Order it comes from?”

“I don’t know. I’m going to experiment. I might need more.”

“Fine.”

“It’s already scabbed over,” Miranda said, grazing her fingertips right near the wound. Govek worked not to shiver.

“That’s all then. Wellia, let’s return to the healing house before?—”

“Wait.” Miranda tightened her hold on his arm. “Do you have... Do you have anything that could recover lost memories?”

“Lost memories?” Wellia asked, tipping her head.

Hovget tucked the vial of blood into his coat. “You have lost some of your memories?”

“Yeah, uh...” She looked to Govek for help.

“She’s been through a trial. Some things that occurred during that trial have been lost to her mind.”

“This isn’t uncommon. Human minds are weaker and often strive to block unpleasant memories.”

Miranda tensed, eyes narrowing when Hovget called her weak. Govek stifled his amused grin.

“I might be able to dislodge some of it with my magic. It might be painful.”

“No,” Govek said just as Miranda agreed. He snapped his gaze to his mate. “He said it would hurt you, Miranda.”

“A little pain is worth remembering, Govek.”

“The pain would not linger afterward,” Hovget assured them. “Unless the memories recovered were incredibly painful.”

Govek gritted his teeth, stomach rolling. He did not want to see his mate in any pain. No matter how short. And the Fades only knew what horrors Hovget would dredge up.

“I want to do it,” Miranda said firmly, releasing Govek’s arm, leaving him cold. “What do I need to do?”

“Miranda, no,” Govek said. His guts were twisted about this, warning him. “This isn’t the way.”

“I have to at least try.”

“No—”

“Govek,” Miranda said, hard and clipped. Her eyes flashed with the kind of anger that made him ice over. “I’m doing this. You can either help me or step aside.”

Fear snapped in his spine.

She would leave him over this?

He looked into her determined eyes and instantly knew he was not brave enough to take the risk.

“Fine.” His voice came out strangled. “I stand with you, Miranda.”

The hard expression fell away, and she gifted him a little smile. He wished it was enough to ease the turmoil rolling in his guts. The bitter, bone-deep warning that this was not the way.

Miranda stepped closer to Hovget. “What do I do?”

“Just stand here.” Hovget rose his hands to the top of her head again. “We’ll see. It is not a skill I have practiced.”

Fuck. Govek’s claws dug into his palms.

Wellia stepped closer to Miranda as if to offer support and Govek did the same, coming close but not touching her. Hovget’s eyes shut and Govek watched Miranda’s slack face.

For a moment, only the bird calls could be heard.

And then Miranda’s face contorted, and her body quaked as if struck by lightning and her legs gave out from under her.

Govek snapped her up, catching her before she hit the ground. She wailed and it seared him through with agony.

“Oh god, oh god. Help!” she cried. Pleas that caused the imprint inside Govek’s chest to blister. He clung to her and pulled her into his chest.

“I’m here, Miranda. I’m here with you. I will help you.”

“God . . .” Miranda whimpered. “Oh god . . . Govek?”

“Yes,” he said, lifting her a little higher as she pressed her palms to her forehead. “I am here. Are you in pain?”

“Yeah,” she admitted, and it spiked fury behind his eyes.

“Help her.” He ordered Hovget. Though now he saw the male was equally disheveled, bent over at the waist, clutching his own head. Wellia was holding his shoulder. Her brown eyes frantic as she peppered him with questions about his pain and symptoms.

“I’m okay,” Miranda said, drawing Govek’s attention back. Her eyes were red rimmed, her cheeks pale and sunken, and her body was shaking all over. “I’m okay. It almost... it almost worked. I saw things I didn’t remember. Things from when I was inside the vent...” She pressed her fingers to her lips, face pale, skin clammy.

“Are you sure you’re well?”

“It’s just a little headache now. I’m fine,” she assured him, patting his arm. “Put me down, Govek. I want to try again.”

“No,” Govek nearly snarled. Fuck, she wanted to do this again ? It was ruining her. Ruining him too.

Why must she remember things that caused her such horrible agony?

“Govek,” she said threateningly, and terror raged in him again. “I have to try. What if I remember something important?”

Fuck, was he fated to either watch her suffer or have her leave? To choose between her agony and her abandonment?

Abandonment was worse. So much worse. He could not let her go.

“No.” Hovget’s clipped refusal cut the air as he stood.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Wellia asked softly.

“I’m fine,” Hovget assured her, patting her hand on his chest. “But I will not do that again. The pain you have, Miranda... it’s too deep for my skill. You will have to find someone else. I’m sorry.”

Miranda’s shoulders slumped even as Govek was awash with relief so potent it loosened and warmed his chest.

“How do you feel, Miranda?” Hovget asked, coming close to look at her eyes. Govek held her tight. “How is your head?”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore. It only hurt for a second—er, I mean, a moment.”

Hovget hummed. “Perhaps, but even a moment more and there may have been permanent damage.”

Miranda sagged in Govek’s arms as he trembled. The damage could have been permanent ?

“Thank you for trying.” Miranda said, resigned.

Hovget nodded and stepped away. “We must return to the healing house before going to the hall. Otherwise, we would walk with you.”

“It was good to meet you, Miranda,” Wellia said, following Hovget as he walked away. “I hope we have time to talk more later.”

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll see you later.”

Govek could not find his voice to offer farewells. The two healers walked away, and Miranda squiggled out of his grip.

“I guess the seer really is the only one who can recover my memories and help me figure out where my babies are,” Miranda said and tension instantly closed Govek’s throat. “Do you think he’ll be at the hall?”

Govek gulped. “Miranda, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Hovget just said you could have been permanently damaged.”

“Yeah, but he’s the healer, not the seer. You said that the seer is more powerful,” Miranda countered.

“He is but even he may not be powerful enough.”

“ May not,” Miranda said. “So, there’s a chance that he is. I have to at least talk to him.”

“Miranda . . .” Govek’s voice came out tight, strained.

“I have to at least try, Govek,” Miranda said firmly. Each word cut deep, and he balled his fists. Her eyes narrowed on them before she met his gaze. “I’m going to try. If you don’t want to help me, that’s okay, I won’t force you. I can figure it out on my own.”

On her own?

Without him?

Fuck. Fuck .

He couldn’t lose her.

“The... seer might be at the hall,” Govek said quietly, holding out his hand to her. Desperate for her touch.

She took it without hesitation, gifting him with a smile. “All right, then. Let’s go find him.”