30. Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Mia

My body feels like it’s twisted into knots. Every part of me is heavy with an aching hollowness. My chest thumbs with a dullness to it that feels like someone reached inside and squeezed my heart until it burst.

Every movement feels like I’m trying to run against the wind, like there is a force there stopping me from taking my steps easily.

I sit at the table by the window with my three sisters-in-law, trying to listen as Alexis talks about something my niece said or did. Normally, I can’t get enough of the stories of my niece, but right now my brain can’t seem to focus on anything.

“Mia, earth to Mia,” Lexi says as she waves a hand in front of my face.

I shake my head. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Alright, that’s it,” Savannah puts her coffee down. “What’s going on with you? Was it too soon to come home?”

“What? No, no. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it? You’ve been home for two days and you’ve been different. Quiet. Something happened,” Alexis says softly. “You can tell us.”

I will myself not to cry. I’ve done enough of that since I’ve left. I think I cried myself to the point of dehydration on the way home.

“It’s just Eric, Layla’s brother.”

“The guy you stayed with?” Lexi asks.

I nod my head. “Yeah.”

They all seem to nod their heads with me in understanding. “I see. You two had a little thing, huh?” Savannah asks.

“Well, to him it was a little thing. To me it felt much bigger than that.” I wipe the tear that escapes. “Stupid, huh? To fall for a guy in only eight weeks.”

“Ha!” Alexis laughs. “I fell for your brother in eight days.”

“Really?” I ask hopefully, needing some kind of validation that I’m not some poor, desperate woman who will fall for any man that gives her attention.

“Well, I don’t know, I didn’t count. But it was pretty damn instant for me. As cheesy as it sounds, sometimes I wonder if it was the day I met him. There was just something that hit different. It was like my body knew before my mind.”

“The thing is, he warned me from the beginning that he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s my fault for thinking something had changed along the way,” I admit.

“Oh, please. Every single one of us heard that line from each of your brothers. But let me tell you, the damaged ones are always worth it in the end. They’re the ones who feel deeper, that’s why they get scared,” Lexi says.

“Yes, but there’s one difference in all of this,” I say as tears are now cascading down my cheeks with no hope of slowing down. “You all got your happy ending. I’m stuck here all alone with a man who told me he doesn’t care whether I stay or go.”

Even saying those words out loud is like another knife to my heart. My hands shake as I try to lift my coffee to my mouth. The last thing my body needs is caffeine, but I refuse to let his harsh actions stop me from enjoying one of my favorite things.

“Ouch. He said that to you?” Savannah asks. “I feel like we need more context. How did it all happen?”

I go through the entire story. How we started seeing each other, his resistance to intimacy. I tell them about how he got mad at me when I told him I worked on a business proposal for him, and how that kind of steamrolled into him telling me he doesn’t care if I stay. I tell them how he told me he never promised me anything and how he just watched me leave without any words, not even a goodbye.

“Mia, I’m so sorry,” Lexi replies delicately.

I shrug my shoulders. “Story of my life. I’m the fixer for everyone else’s life but can’t seem to figure out my own. I was always living in the shadows of my brothers. They were so charismatic. Everyone wanted to be near them, but no one ever noticed me. Maybe I need to accept that I’m just not the type of person someone could possibly fall hard for.”

“Mia, that is not true,” Alexis says sternly. “You are intimidatingly perfect. If anything, guys don’t think they’re good enough to be worthy of you. And to be honest, most aren’t.”

Savannah shakes her head. “Absolutely. I was terrified when I first met you because I thought there’s no way someone this put together and perfect will accept someone like me. But then I got to know you, and you are also the kindest, sweetest person I know. You’re the total package.”

“And if Eric can’t pull his head out of his ass enough to see that and work through his issues, he isn’t the one for you,” Lexi adds.

My head moves up and down in agreement, though their words do nothing to make me feel better.

“Look, I’m not excusing him treating you like this,” Alexis says as she rubs a soothing hand on my back. “In fact, I wish I could go down there and kick his ass. But what I will say, is that your brothers were also assholes who pushed us away. We’ve been here, felt the gut-wrenching pain of loving a man you think is incapable of giving you what you deserve.”

She looks at the other girls and they nod their heads in agreement. “So, while I don’t know what’s going to happen in the end, I do know that you are a very smart woman. You wouldn’t fall for a man who didn’t show you he deserves it. Now, it’s up to him to come to that realization. And if he doesn’t…we kick his ass.”

“I’m in,” Savannah raises her cup.

“Right there with you,” Lexi follows suit.

I laugh through my tears, knowing there’s no way I would survive this life without these women in my life.

I do my best to put on a happy face for the rest of the brunch. Distracting myself by listening to all the things I missed when I was away.

But everything that brought me joy before seems to feel dull and grey now. I couldn’t even enjoy the cannoli I stopped and got for myself on the way home. In all my years, I’ve never hit rock bottom like this before.

I can’t help but think that there seems to be one difference between my sister-in-law's stories and mine. They had a man who loved them enough to fight for them. I saw my brothers when they messed up with them, they were a wreck. They were hollow shells of themselves.

So, while I appreciate them trying to compare our situations and make me feel better, I don’t think they understand that Eric is different. Eric let me walk away without a second thought. I’m sure he’s happy that I’m gone and out of his space, and that is what hurts the most.