59. Baxter

CHAPTER 59

BAXTER

Tammy spent the day sleeping at the motel, and once Kai woke up from a very long morning nap, I took him out for lunch at a local diner. By the time we got back, Tammy was showered and looking bright and playful. She let Kai have a little screen time, pulling me to the edge of the room and wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Are you okay?" I ran my hands up her back, molding her against me and wondering how I'd ever let her go again.

"I just read your email," she whispered, shuddering, then pulling back to smile up at me. "Thank you."

I kissed her. It was the only response I had in me, and if Kai hadn't been in the room, I would have done a lot more. I was desperate to show her everything I was feeling, but we hadn't had a chance yet.

That afternoon, Tammy pulled out Kai's Halloween costume, and we ended up booking another night at the motel so we could drive to the nearest town and do a little trick-or-treating with the rest of the kids.

It was a fun way to spend an evening, and I'd never felt more like a dad as Kai, the hockey player, walked up various pathways and knocked on different doors. I stood back with Tammy, my gaze watchful of the bigger kids as Kai did his thing. Tammy leaned her head against my arm as "our" boy went nuts over candy.

Getting him down that night became an impossible mission, and in the end, we all piled into the same bed. He finally fell asleep halfway through Aladdin.

The next morning, we headed back to Nolan. Kai rode with me for the first half, then changed his mind at lunchtime, and we arrived at Ponderosa Villa just before dinner.

The second Kai saw Casey coming down the stairs, he jumped out of the car and ran at him like an excited puppy. The two of them tussled on the cold lawn while Fezzik jumped around them yapping, his tail going crazy as he tried to lick Kai's face and tell him how much he'd missed him.

Then the little pup spotted me, and I got a very friendly greeting as well.

I swear I can still feel dog saliva on my face. I rub my cheek, frowning at my fingers while Tammy shifts her empty suitcase and tries to create a little space in our new room. I've created a few spare drawers for her, but we've got some work to do in here.

The villa is opening this weekend for the first exclusive guests, which means all of us are piled on the top floor. Casey's still in the pool house, thankfully, and Kai's been squished into the room next to ours. It was originally going to be a storage room, but we spent today clearing it out and putting a single bed in there. He's barely got room to move, and my mind is already ticking over with future plans. There's no way we can raise him here, which means we're going to have to find us a little house nearby. Maybe a small rental in Nolan. Tammy's already checking out schools for him… and I asked her this afternoon if she'd like to attend college.

She stopped short, blinking at me. "College?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Now that Kai's a little older, he'll be starting school soon enough. I'll be around to help out when you're busy. This could be the perfect time to get that degree you always wanted. Early childhood teacher, right?"

She nodded, her eyes rounding like I couldn't possibly be serious.

"I mean, if you still want it." I shrugged, thinking it wasn't that big of a deal, but she gaped at me like I was handing her the world.

"I could go to college?" Her voice pitched, and I swear I fell a little harder as I watched that really sink in. Her face was so freaking beautiful as she let out a surprised laugh. "I could go to college! Wait, can I afford to go to college? Maybe we?—"

"Shhh." I pressed my finger to her lips. "Don't spiral, TT. We'll work it out. There'll somehow be a way for you to do this."

"What about you?"

"What about me?" I frowned.

"Well, don't you have a job you really want or…"

I skimmed my fingers down her cheek. "As long as I get to be with you and Kai, I'm happy doing anything. I've got work here, plus the coaching job. It doesn't pay much, but if I need extra, I'm sure I could find some. Maybe I could start up my own handyman business or something. I'm sure Nolan could use a jack-of-all-trades." I winked at her.

She threw herself into my arms, then kissed me like she meant it.

Shit, I could spend forever kissing this woman. And I want to kiss her right now, but she's still on the floor, sorting boxes.

"Do you need a hand?" I go to rise off the bed.

"No, I'm basically done. I just…" Her voice trails off as she opens a box, then starts looking through the top of it.

"Tammy…" I pat the bed. "Really keen to play some Baxter Says, if you're up for it."

She doesn't respond, and I worry my lip, wondering what's got her so hooked.

This time I actually get off the bed, hitching my pajama bottoms. "Or we could play Tammy Says. I love both games equally."

She sniffs, and my insides pitch. Shit, she's crying.

Racing around the bed, I crouch down behind her. "Baby, what's wrong? What—" She's holding my journal, the page open on the poem I wrote her. Shit, why had I bookmarked that thing? Seriously.

I frown.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be reading this without your permission, but it caught my eye…" She looks over her shoulder, staring up at me with a glassy smile. "Did you write this?"

I nod. "I used to journal." Then I cringe. "I still do."

"I love that," she murmurs, then brushes her fingers over my words.

"When did you write this?"

"In high school," I admit. "It's not great."

"It's perfect," she whispers, looking at me with the sweetest smile. "Is it about me?"

I swallow, taking the journal from her and placing it back into the box. "Yeah," I rasp, my skin catching fire.

She swivels, rising on her knees so we're eye level. Taking my face in her hands, she brushes her thumb over my bottom lip. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see you. To see how you really felt about me."

I cringe, dipping my head. "I should have told you. I was just scared you wouldn't want me in that way. I didn't think I could handle losing you."

"You'll never lose me." Her brown gaze drinks me in. "I know that our situation is messy and complex. I know that I'm always tied to Hudson through Kai, and that's going to be really hard sometimes." Her hold on me tightens, like she's desperate for me to understand this next part. I run my hands down her sides, lightly holding her hips. "But I'm yours, Bax. From now on… yours and yours alone. You're the only man I want to be with."

My voice drops to a husky whisper as I catch her against me and rise from the floor. "Then be with me, baby."