43. Baxter

CHAPTER 43

BAXTER

Kai creeps back into the kitchen, looking just a touch sad as he climbs back onto the stool.

"What's up?" I muss his hair, forcing myself to eat Ray's pancakes, even though I don't feel like it.

"Mommy and Daddy don't want any."

"Yeah, well… like I said, they're talking right now."

I tried to stop him running through before, but he wouldn't listen. Sweet Kai, so oblivious to how awkward it would be for Hudson to see me.

I don't even know if he's aware that Tammy and Kai have been staying with me. Has she mentioned my name or kept me out of the picture?

If I was just a respite while she processed what Hudson did, it'd probably be easier if my name never came up in conversation.

A bitterness twists through me as I try to relive, and analyze, the look on her face when she held up her bare ring finger and told me she was divorcing Hudson. Did she mean it at the time? Or was she just lying to me? Maybe she was lying to herself.

My heart is heavy, my chest aching.

The kitchen door swings open and Tammy walks through it, looking pale and wrecked.

I stand up, wanting to go to her, wrap her in my arms, and comfort her.

But it's not my comfort she seeks, right?

She looks at me, her eyes teeming with sadness.

Shit.

She's about to tell me something I don't want to hear.

She's gonna break my heart, and I can't…

"I can't do this," I murmur.

"Baxter, please. Can we just talk for?—"

"No." I shake my head, backing away from her. "I can't hear you say goodbye."

Rachel's gone still by the stove, her large green eyes staring at me while I walk for the door.

"Baxter," Tammy whimpers.

I stop in the archway to the mudroom, gripping the frame and looking over my shoulder. "It's okay." I try for a brave smile. "I know you're going back to him. I can tell by the look on your face."

She goes to shake her head, but she'll be lying to the whole room if she does that.

It's not just about her and me.

It's about Kai.

And even though I could be his stepdad, I'm not his flesh and blood.

She knows it.

I know it.

The easiest choice is that she returns to her marriage. She still loves Hudson. Who wouldn't, right? He's the big catch.

Clenching my jaw, I sniff and force myself to say it. "It's probably the right thing to do anyway. Can't go breaking up a family."

Her chin bunches.

"It's always been him anyway. I get it. We're friends…" My jaw shakes as I try for a smile. "High school buds."

Fuck, my heart is being ripped out of my chest right now.

Rachel lets out a trembling breath, and I can see her fighting tears.

Tammy can't speak, and I'm not gonna last much longer.

"Baxter? Where are you going?" Kai's little voice is like another knife blade in my back, but I hide all my pain, walking back over to him and holding out my fist.

He bumps my big knuckles with his little ones.

"I've got to go do some jobs."

"Can I come?"

"No, buddy, you're going home with Mommy and Daddy now."

"Oh." Kai looks to his mother for confirmation. He doesn't really get the gravity of all this, but I'm sure he's picking up the emotion in the room.

Tammy's lips wobble as she stares at her son.

"But thank you so much for staying. It's been the best vacation with you."

"I had fun." Kai's voice is soft and wispy, maple syrup dripping off his fork as he holds it in the air and looks at me. "Can I come back sometime?"

"Of course. You're welcome anytime." My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. "And you keep in touch, okay? You call me whenever you want. Your mom's got my number." I sniff and lean my arms on the counter. "And when you become a professional hockey player, you send me some tickets. I'll come to your games." I wink, and Kai grins.

Shit, losing Tammy my senior year was a piece of cake compared to this.

"Look after Mommy for me, okay?"

"I will." He smiles, and I bolt out the door before he tries to hug me.

Before I have to look at anyone else.

Before they see the tears blurring my vision.