39. Baxter

CHAPTER 39

BAXTER

Tammy nestles her head against my chest as I run light patterns over her naked back. That was fucking amazing. I'm tempted to ask if she wants to play Baxter Says again. Or we could play Tammy Says. I don't care. I'll happily follow her lead, just as long as I get to be naked with her and worship her body in every way I can.

"I guess I should head back down to Kai."

"You don't have to," I whisper. "Stay with me. He can find us in the morning."

"I don't want to confuse him." Her voice is soft, and I don't understand why the words sting so much.

"We could just explain it to him," I try to argue as she sits up and goes to leave my bed.

She glances over her shoulder. "Explain what? How? What am I supposed to say to him?"

"Uh…" I shake my head and shrug. "I don't know. Maybe that you and Daddy are getting a divorce because he did something terrible."

Her expression buckles. "I can't tell Kai his father cheated on me."

"Why not? He did."

She looks at me like I'm stupid. "Kai's too young to understand the concept of cheating in that way. I'm not exposing him to that. He's four."

"You're going to have to tell him one day."

"Do I?" She slides off my bed. "Can't I just not say anything?"

Sitting up, I shake my head at her, frustrated that she's putting her pajamas back on—covering up her sexy nakedness and leaving me. "Won't he eventually be curious as to why you guys don't live with Daddy anymore?"

She runs a hand through her hair, closing her eyes and avoiding my gaze.

"Tammy." I soften my voice. "Why don't you just tell him that you really like living here and that you're gonna stay?"

She goes still, a breath punching out of her before she turns to face me. "I'm staying?"

"Well, yeah. Aren't you? I mean, I know you said this was just a vacation while you figured everything out, but it's pretty clear, isn't it?"

With a thick swallow, she straightens her Tweety Bird pajama shirt and stares at the floor… and I get the distinct impression that she's not telling me something.

"You are still divorcing him, right? That's what you said. We hooked up because you're no longer in a relationship. Right?"

She's not saying anything, so I decide to be helpful and map it out for her.

"Hudson's a dirtbag cheat who doesn't deserve you. He never really did anyway. The only reason you guys got married was because you were pregnant."

Her eyes snap to mine, and my heart starts to shrivel.

"Right? You wouldn't have married him otherwise… right?" My voice sounds tiny and dies completely when she shrugs.

"I don't know," she murmurs, her face bunching. "I just don't feel like I can tell Kai that, okay?" Snatching her pajamas bottoms off the floor, she wrestles herself into them, the fabric twisting in her haste and slowing her down. "It's so complicated, you know?"

"It doesn't have to be," I mutter, my insides writhing. I'm hating every second of this conversation. "Just tell Kai that you're with me now and that you guys can live here."

"How?" She flings her arms wide. "This place is about to become a bed-and-breakfast."

"So?"

"I doubt the owners are gonna want me raising a child around their guests."

"They won't mind."

"Really? Have you checked? I'm sure Vanessa would have something to say about it." She gives me a pointed look, and all I can do is dart my eyes away from her. "And what about Kai? He gets nervous around strangers. This environment will unsettle him."

"So, we move someplace else."

"We're moving in together now?" She blinks at me in surprise.

I match her expression with a confused frown. What is she not getting here? Why is she acting like this?

Unless…

Oh fuck.

I clench my jaw and stare at the rumpled duvet cover, willing my heart not to die on the spot.

She doesn't love me.

This is just a fling for her. She's not serious about wanting to set up a life with me. I'm just… I don't know what the fuck I am.

But I'm definitely not Kai's father. And I'm obviously not Tammy's boyfriend either.

Sex must mean something different to her.

I thought we were making love, but she's not on the same page as me.

So, I do the only thing I can.

I go quiet.