33. Tammy

CHAPTER 33

TAMMY

I sip wine from the bulbous new glasses Rachel purchased this week and try not to laugh at the look on Mikayla's face.

"What is this crap?" She sticks out her tongue and gags.

"Oh, stop it." Rachel lightly slaps her arm. "You have no taste."

"I think it's delicious." Lani licks her lips, then tries another sip. "I really like it and think you should definitely have this on the drinks menu."

"As long as you've got normal stuff too," Mikayla mutters.

Caroline starts to laugh. "For the plebs like us, who can't tell the different between a five-dollar bottle of wine and some ancient bottle made in France, right?"

Mikayla lifts her glass. "That's right, my friend. That is so right."

Rachel and Lani roll their eyes, then share a look.

"Why did we invite them to this tasting again?" Lani murmurs.

"We didn't! They just showed up and parked it." Rachel looks around the table with a pointed glare that has no real venom to it.

"What else were we going to do?" Caroline blows a red curl off her face. "The guys are at practice, I'm caught up on my assignments for a change, and Jolie wanted to hang out with you guys."

Her cousin gives us a shy smile, and Mikayla leans forward with a conspiratorial whisper. "Is that actually true, or is she just being polite on your behalf?"

Jolie's cheeks turn neon pink as her eyes dart to each of us. "It's true. Being here's always fun."

Rachel's expression softens as she nudges the cheese board closer to the freshman. "How are things going? Is it getting easier?"

She bites her lips together, then nods. "Yeah. I'm writing an article for the school paper. I mean, they may not publish it. It's kind of like an audition."

"What's it about?"

"I'm not sure of my exact angle yet, but I'm interviewing some guys on the basketball team and thought I'd do a feature to highlight their season. Well, the start of their season, anyway."

"They've got a solid team this year. From what I've heard." Mikayla grabs a cracker and dips it into the hummus Rachel made from scratch. "But I think you should focus on the girls' team. They're way better."

"I did think about that, and I'm considering interviewing some of the female athletes as well. Like maybe I could do a story about the similarities and differences, but I know I'll need to be really careful what I write there, because I can't show favoritism."

"True." Lani nods. "As much as I hate to say it, sometimes it's better to play things safe."

"Plus, there are some really hot guys on the team, right? That can't be all bad." Caroline winks at Jolie, who goes bright red again. Her cousin gasps and nudges her with her elbow. "Wait, are you crushing on one of them?"

"No." Jolie shakes her head, so obviously lying.

"Which one? Do I know him? Who is he?"

"It's not…" Jolie shakes her head more vehemently. "No one. They're just cute. That doesn't mean I'm falling for any of them." She grabs the wineglass and takes a big sip, then cringes and puts it back on the table. "Do you have Sprite or… Coke Zero?"

Lani starts laughing as Rachel tries to stifle a groan. Getting up, she runs to the fridge and pulls out a can of Coke Zero, delivering it with a smile. "She's too young to drink anyway, Ray."

"This is a tasting while I try to decide which wines to serve and pair with the food I want to offer our guests. No one is going to get drunk!"

* * *

An hour later, Rachel is eating her words as Caroline and Mick giggle their way through a game of Truth or Dare. I have no idea how it even started, but somehow I'm caught up in this mess, sitting on the floor in the parlor watching Mikayla spin an empty beer bottle… which lands on me.

Thankfully, I'm sober enough not to suggest dare, because this crazy-ass girl opposite me would come up with something totally humiliating, I'm sure of it.

Instead, I risk "Truth" and instantly wish I hadn't.

Her eyes light with glee, and she asks the question that has obviously been on everyone's mind.

"What's the deal with you and Baxter?"

"What do you mean?" I swallow.

"Oh, don't act all coy. Ever since we got back last weekend, something has changed between you two."

"We've all noticed it." Rachel gives me a kind, hopeful smile. "Are you two…?" She wiggles her eyebrows, and now I'm the one turning fire-engine red.

"I knew it!" Caroline points at me, then high-fives Mikayla. "I told you. Didn't I tell you? They're totally doing it."

It's impossible not to choke out a laugh as I try and fail to deny it.

Sensing the inevitable, I quickly give up and admit, "Yeah, we hooked up the weekend you guys were all away."

"Woo! My girl!" Caroline holds up her hand, and I lightly slap it, feeling giddy giggles rumble in my stomach, followed swiftly by a heavy dose of guilt. I've been fighting it ever since the latest phone call with my mother, who has no idea about Baxter—I do value my life, after all—but she gave me another lecture on the importance of family stability and what Kai needs. How will this work? If Baxter and I become a permanent thing, what am I supposed to say to Kai? Or Hudson? Should Baxter and I even become a permanent thing, or is this just us getting some unfinished business out of my system?

I can feel myself starting to spiral and then notice all eyes are still intently on me.

So, I force a smile and tell them what they most likely want to hear.

"Being with Baxter is pretty amazing." Truth. "He's always been the sweetest guy and…" Another truth.

I shake my head, wondering why I feel so compelled to share. "We were best friends growing up… but then we grew apart. Being with him again is so familiar and fun and comfortable and… taking things to this next level is…" I let out a soft laugh, biting my lips, my skin burning. "It's incredible." And yet another truth.

But it's also super complicated, which is a truth you can't just keep ignoring, Tammy.

"Yay." Rachel distracts me, holding her hand over her heart. "I'm so happy for you guys. Baxter is such a closed book, but he once admitted to Lani and me that there was a girl in high school who he'd always loved. And then you show up here, and I've been desperate for you to finally make his wish come true."

My smile grows even wider.

It's been doing that a lot lately, and their joy for me only spurs me on, pushing me deeper into this love bubble… this make-believe place where everything outside of it stays away so I can keep living a faux reality surrounded by fun people who are so easy to like and a man who is quickly consuming my heart and soul.

I want to stay here and forget about my old life.

But I know that's not going to be possible.

Sooner or later, I'm going to have to face Hudson and the practical realities of my future. I can't keep saying I'll divorce him and then not actually do anything about it.

This isn't some fairy tale where Prince Baxter can whisk me away to his magical kingdom. There are papers to draw up, a lawyer to hire—I'm still not sure how I'm going to afford that—and I can't keep pretending that my marriage will evaporate all on its own.

Plus, there's Kai to think about. I have to put his needs above all else.

As much as I hate to agree with my mother, Kai does deserve a stable home, good schools. Can I give that to him without Hudson?

Does Baxter even want to take that on?

He probably would, but…

Thinking about all this stuff gives me a headache.

I guess I just want to delay the inevitable for as long as I can.

I'm not ready to go popping bubbles.