14. Baxter

CHAPTER 14

BAXTER

The arena is loud, a cacophony of slapping sticks, flying pucks, and skates slicing through the ice. My kids are working hard today, surprisingly motivated for a Thursday afternoon. There's an energy in the air. I can't explain why, but it's buzzing and electric.

"Good job. Good job." I clap. The drill I'm supervising is dynamite, and I'm getting great action from my little skaters. "Control the puck, Marty. You can do it."

I put him in a different group to Shelby today, and it seems to be bringing out the best in him. No more "I'm taller" arguments distracting the friends.

With a grin, I skate backward, giving him room to whip around the cone and head back for the goal.

"That's it! Nice!" I shout, lifting my arms as he fires and hits the back of the net.

He whoops, skating back to his line like he's just scored in a Stanley Cup Finals game. It's impossible not to laugh as I high-five him, then turn my attention to the next player.

Rescuing a flying puck from the drill behind me, I flick it back and check on Kai. He's bundled up in the stands with my jacket wrapped around him. He looks kinda cute engulfed by my clothing with just his little head popping out the top.

Those big brown eyes, just like Tammy's, are gonna do my heart in, I swear.

I watch him studying the drills with fascination and decide I need to give him some ice time before taking him back to his mama.

Checking the clock on the wall, I bang my stick on the ground and holler, "Two minutes! Go hard. Go hard!"

The energy in the rink picks up another notch as we rush to the end of practice. Then I gather in the group of puffing, exhilarated kids.

"You guys were awesome today." They grin up at me, their tired little faces splitting into cheesy smiles. "Now, we have a game coming up this weekend, and I know you're all pumped for it. I'll figure out the roster and make sure you all get equal ice time and get to play a mix of positions. You need to be here half an hour before game time so you can get suited up before we hit the ice. Any questions?"

A little hand shoots up at the back.

"Yeah, what's up, Toby?"

"Do you know my grandpa's coming to watch me?"

"That's awesome."

"My dad's coming!" Shelby shouts.

"My mom too. And my sisters." Cora jumps in on the action, and soon everyone is telling me who's attending the game. The student coaches at the back start laughing, and I shut down this shout fest by raising my hands in the air.

They all copy me, shutting their little pieholes and giving me their attention.

"I'm stoked that we're gonna have lots of support for the game. And if you don't have anyone sticking around to watch you, don't worry about it. I'll be cheering you on, okay?"

Mike, the scrappy little kid near my right foot, nods and gives me a sad smile.

I wink at him, then point for the exit door. "Get going. Don't leave the locker rooms a mess or you'll be skating laps next practice." They scramble up to their skates and head off the rink. "And be good to your parents!" I shout after them, the same way I always do.

They laugh and wave while I skate the rink and start collecting up cones and gear. By the time I'm done, I can see the next group arriving for their practice and skate over to talk to their coach.

"You're not starting for another fifteen, right?"

He looks at the clock, giving me a friendly thumbs-up.

"Just want to give my kid a little minute on the ice if that's cool. He's never skated before."

The guy gives me a confused frown but nods. I don't know what that look is about until I jump into the stands and realize I just said my kid . I don't know how the hell I made that slipup. I guess it was just easier to call Kai mine than try to explain that I'm looking after a friend's kid.

That wouldn't have been hard to explain, you idiot. And now that guy thinks you've got a kid who's suddenly appeared in your life, and you've never taken him skating before!

I mentally kick myself for the faux pas and try to put on a friendly smile as I take a seat beside Kai.

"Hey, you want a turn?" I point to the rink.

He looks kind of scared, gripping the stick he hasn't let go of since I handed it to him back at the house.

"I'll be with you the whole time. It's definitely one of those things where it looks scarier than it actually is."

"I can't go fast," he murmurs.

"You don't have to."

Reaching for the skates I found him before practice, I crouch down and start loosening the laces.

"Let's take your shoes off and put these on. We're only gonna have ten minutes anyway, so you only have to try for a short second."

After a long beat, he finally mumbles, "Okay," and rips his boots off without untying them properly.

I grin and help him into his skates, then walk him down the stairs. He wobbles and nearly trips trying to adjust to the blades under his feet, so in the end, I lift him up and rest him on my hip, carrying him down to the ice.

As soon we hit that hard, cold surface, I feel that familiar sense of comfort. My dad got me on the ice when I was three. He gave me my first stick when I was four, and I've never looked back.

"Okay, buddy." I set him on his feet, and he flinches, digging his little fingers into my arm. "I've got you. Hold my hands and I'll skate you around."

With a nervous frown, he takes my hands, and I skate backward, gently gliding him around the ice. He wobbles at first but starts to gain confidence by the end of our first circuit. His lips are twitching like he wants to smile, but he's kind of too busy concentrating.

"Do you want to try on your own or keep holding my hands?"

He glances up at me, then, after a little consideration, loosens his grip and lets me go. I move back, giving him some extra space and slowly skating beside him while he inches across the ice.

"Try to glide if you can."

I show him how to push off, and he copies me, doing a half-decent job. "That's it. Now this foot… Good… Good… You got it."

A small dimple appears in his left cheek. I think of Tammy, wishing she was here to see this. Slowing down, I watch Kai pull away, imagining Tammy against the wall, clapping and cheering him on. Or maybe she's beside me, beaming as she watches her sweet little boy trying something new.

A dreamy smile tugs at my lips… until Kai lets out a short gasp and starts to fall.

It happens so fast that I can't reach him in time, and for reasons I will never understand, rather than cushioning the fall with his hands, he decides to hit the ice face-first.

"Oh shit." I dash toward the crunch, skidding to a quick stop and crouching down to help him up.

He's shaking, his eyes wide with shock as I get him back on his feet.

Brushing the ice off his face, I notice that it's already starting to swell up, his lip getting fat and purple before my eyes.

I hiss with a wince, and that's when his eyes start to tear up.

Oh shit, please don't cry on me, kid.

My internal begging goes unheeded as Kai's lips start to tremble, and then this pitiful whimper that's gonna shatter my heart pops out of him.

"It's okay. You're okay. You hit that ice pretty hard, and I bet it hurts, but you're gonna be just fine."

"Mommy," he wails, and I'm quickly feeling like the worst human on the planet as I scoop him into my arms and skate for the edge.

"Is he okay?" One of the moms stops to check as I race up the stairs.

"Yeah, we're good," I bark, probably sounding like an asshole, but I don't need a fucking audience for this.

Sitting Kai on my lap, I undo his skates with quivering fingers while he cries in my ear.

Fuck.

Tammy's gonna kill me for this.

I was supposed to be looking after her kid, and I'm bringing him home a bruised, wailing mess.