Chapter 38

Ipicked up the pace, I could smell that I was getting closer. I had no fucking clue where I was going, but I went on a whim. My feet were numb, my head hurt, and my arms were covered in nicks from sharp branches. The storm had completely passed, and the trees were starting to thin out. I pushed through my aches and pains as I held onto the amulet as though it had a magical possession of strength and willpower. The ringing in my ears was growing stronger the further I walked. I knew for sure now that I was close. It was her, I knew it.

The smell of pine was starting to diminish now that the familiar twang of blood and rotting corpses bombarded my nose. It should have revolted me, only it was a welcoming invitation. Not because I liked the smell. Because I didn't. But because where there were dead bodies and water, there was the shadow man. And the empty viscera that awaited me. Shadows and flickers of light between the branches from the moonlight accompanied me through my treacherous journey. There was brain fog or was it regular fog? I couldn"t be certain. I could only make sense of my hand before me, just.

I just needed to keep pushing.I was exhausted, it had been hours, at a guess. Suddenly, the ringing stopped. Little static voices echoed in my ear, whispering almost inaudible nothings. Humming so softly and tenderly like a mother would lull a crying infant. It was her, I knew it… this was the way she haunted. I could make out a few words, but not the sentence. "Mine." "You belong to me now." She sang.But the sounds faded again and the ringing pierced me once more. Perhaps her voice was not clear because I had not bled in the water. Who knew, it didn"t make sense to me, it didn"t need to. Blood, water, darkness, freedom.

I pinched my cloudy eyes to make sense of my vision as I was now seeing two of everything. I was feeling beads of sweat trickling down my forehead, this was weakness knocking at my door.

"It"s okay my dear. No need to fear me." She hummed again, and the feeling of dizziness and losing my sense of balance struck me. Could she control me this way?

I drew my hands to the sides of my head, trying to diminish the vibration of pain. It was like standing under the Big Ben"s bell. I limped further. The scent of rotting flesh was becoming more and more pungent. The stench made my stomach churn. I looked around my surroundings, I had to squint to see it but right in the very furthest of my vision, was a reflection of water and the black fog that smothered it. Glimmering hauntingly under the moonlight.

My heart pounded and my tears fled from my eyes without patience. I felt every emotion tear through my veins. After many hours,I made it. I was finally here. I scurried to the water's edge, panting, and whimpering with desperation, and more pain that radiated my body, mostly my head. I looked up, seeing that the moon was bright and full, shadowing between the clouds. I turned my head left, but nothing… no one. I turned my head to the right and my heart shattered. Nothing.No one.

Just me, the black fog, and her manipulation. "He will never love you.""He is broken.""He will never stop trying to kill you.""He is incapable of love.""I can make it all go away.""Just one… more… step."

But she was wrong, I knew he loved me. But he will never love me… fully. He was a monster. And the void will never stop making him suffer until I am nothing but a bag of bones.

The eerie ambiance rose high and the chill was powerful. I shuddered as it split through my core. I stood at the fringe… waiting. My toes dug into the sand-like terrain and cool pebbles. The bottom of my dress was now frayed from snagging twigs, branches, and the rugged ground. I froze, mindlessly staring into dead space which was death"s doorbell. Panting, and heavily overstimulated with the stench of demise from the countless bodies of innocent girls that filled the bottom of the lake before me… and quite possibly Tilly. Everything inside me was doing flips, turns, and tumbles. If only he was here.

I looked down at the glow of his amulet, radiating as bright at the moon as it rose and fell with each of my breaths. Come on, you can do this. For him.

Just… one… more… step.

I swallowed hard, but the nervous swell in my throat didn"t budge. How the fuck do people kill themselves so willingly without fear? I was a nervous wreck. I didn"t know what to do, how to act, or how to feel. I closed my eyes and mustered everything in my core. This was the moment. I craned my head, finally able to move my limbs again, and looked for something sharp, finding a nearby stone with serrated edges.

This will do perfectly. I collected my dress into my palm, lifting it slightly, and blew a heavy unsteady exhale. I can do this. I took a step forward, dipping my feet into the water. Instant shock repulsed through my body to the chill of the water. How was the water this cold? It wasn"t the last time. Though, I was in a heated sexual state of affairs with a bad case of tunnel vision. "Don't you want to set him free?" Her voice whirred.I walked further in, feeling a slight swirl of warmth circulate me. An invitation to the depths of her viscera.

I started treading water, blowing through each breath as I struggled to stay above. The dress had absorbed the liquid and was pulling me back, but I stayed bopping above the water. At least I would until I was ready. My head pounded, loudly and I started to sob... because he wasn't here. "He is broken. He is incapable of love. He is nothing without me." She howled again, closer this time. I propped myself onto my back to stay afloat and pulled the stone to my palm, holding it there for only a moment, letting myself blink and absorb what I was doing. The moon shone a shade of blue, and diamond-like stars twinkled in the trees, the visual soothed my nerves in an instant. If you looked hard enough, they looked like perfectly scripted pentagrams.

"You can give him everything he desires.""You can set him free darling."

Her voice was electric, with a suction-type power within it. It sounded like she was merely floating above me like a cloud. She was a lure, a siren. My chin wobbled to my sobs and I instinctively pushed the stone hard into my palm. I didn"t feel the pain at first, but it finally caught up with me and then the blood trickled down my hand, creating a whirlpool into the water. I lowered my hand, dropping the stone, and rolled back over. A strange wave of sensations hit me… weightlessness, the ringing stopped and my thumping became motionless. I looked up again, feeling the rain pour over my face.

"Don't be frightened. I told you I can make it all go away." She sounded again, almost like she was beneath me."You are ready to sleep, my dear.""You won't feel anything."

I blinked, not really making sense that this was happening. I had gone completely fucking insane. I felt like I was tripping on some kind of illegal drug, and yet I was chasing it for more. She started to hum, like a lullaby. Identical to the one Huxley had played me on the piano. Even though the melody was the same, the message was different. It was a hand, a guide, a passage of comfort. So I listened to her. I took a breath and clutched my bleeding hand around his amulet. I closed my eyes and gulped, hard. I swallowed another time because the first didn't budge the lump in my throat. I was scared, terrified. But not of dying… I was terrified of losing him. As I will never see him again, or tell him that I love him. I heaved and cradled all that I had of him as my heart shattered and broke into a million pieces.

Without hesitation I drew in a final breath of wisdom and rolled my body forward, letting my back face the moon. The water enveloped me and I blinked away the blur, seeing the amulet shining under the water. I felt a tug of heaviness pulling me from below, and weightlessness receding. Not a sliver of fear or trepidation ran through my veins. I was on cloud 9. It was calming. I felt no pain. Only the sense of his freedom warming my belly. I could hear my heart slow, it didn"t scare me like I thought it would. I counted each beat as it began to fade. I didn't fight, beckon, or pull myself back up. I let my imagination take charge, and what it would be like to kiss him one last time.

I felt the blackness pull for me, and my life the way I intended fled across the lids of my eyes. I let it consume me. Letting my mind carry me to a place in his arms. And then I felt it… my heart was taking its last beats for him, and my soul was about to leave this earth. And my diminished, delusional brain let me see him one last time. He cradled me. Smiling, ear to ear with his amber eyes. And even underwater he could speak to me.I promise the water will bring you back to me. When I have become the man you needed me to be.Then, I will be yours… to the end.

The illusion of Huxley comforted me. He nearly blended into the shadows of the water. He was the shadow… my shadow. And learning to love him, I come to understand my shadow… because no matter where you are, day or night, even when you can't see them.

They are always, there.My shadow.Fractured into a visual of one last kiss, his twisted journey was at an end.

As was mine.