Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

"Are you going to tell me what happened between the two of you, or are you planning on moping the rest of the shift?"

Jess flicked Calvin off, bending over the ice cream cake in front of her with a bag of sky-blue frosting. "I'm not moping."

"You're certainly moodier than usual, and that's saying something," he quipped, taking a seat at the desk as he counted out the stack of bills in front of him. "I'm assuming based on how he's acting that whatever happened was bad ."

She stiffened, the bag of frosting in her hands hovering over the last dollop she just made. "How's he acting?"

"Like it's the end of the world."

She rolled her eyes and returned to piping. "That's dramatic."

"I've never seen him like this, Jess."

She didn't answer him at first as she finished off the line of frosting, then slid the ice cream cake in the box and sealed it up. She placed it back in the industrial freezer behind her. "He's a grown man. He'll get over it."

"But do you want him to get over it?"

She huffed and placed her hands on her hips. "For someone who can be such a hard ass, you really are nosy when it comes to people's personal lives."

"Only the people I care about."

Jess tapped her foot, looking down at her sneakers. They were the new pair, or at least new- ish , that she found at the thrift store last week. She didn't plan on wearing them to work, but when Calvin asked her last-minute to help him catch up on cake orders, she agreed to pop in after closing the bakery for the night. She breezed past Kevin without a word when he locked up, only briefly glimpsing back before getting in her car to watch him slink around to his apartment and escape inside. He hadn't said a single word to her since their fight. He didn't even bother to look at her.

Desperate to change the subject, Jess cocked her head toward the freezer. "Are you always this behind on cakes?"

Calvin groaned. "Yes. Melanie does her best, but we're not as speedy as you are."

She tapped her finger to her lips. "What if we partnered up somehow? Maybe I could make cakes and a portion goes to Port Wheels?"

Calvin frowned. "Sorry, Jess. I can't. The cakes bring in a significant amount of revenue."

"Eh, well, I tried." She shrugged. "Wish we had something like that to bring in steady business."

"I heard you added focaccia to the menu."

"For the afternoons, yeah." She shifted side to side. "Do you think it's helping?"

He sighed. He placed his elbows on the desk in front of him and steepled his hands at his chin before gazing up at her. "I think it's time to consider finding another financial partner."

Her heart sank down to her belly. She leaned against the back counter for support, squeezing her hands against the edge where the wood and the cool tile met. "Does he know?"

"We talked about it last night."

She blew out a shaky breath. "I feel like I failed him."

"Jess…"

Crossing her arms, she glanced away.

Calvin moved from his seat and slid next to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "You didn't fail him. You kept that business going for longer than we expected."

"But it wasn't good enough."

"But it was. We knew going in that opening a bakery would be challenging. Trying to compete with Grampy's and Seabreeze that have steady, loyal customers wasn't going to be easy. Yet you still brought in business each day. You should feel proud of that."

She said nothing, not returning his gaze.

But he didn't seem to mind as he continued. "Plus, we're not giving up. We're just going to consider some options."

"Why are you so invested in this? What's in it for you?"

"Seeing my friends happy is enough for me." He squeezed her shoulder tight, dropping his voice to a murmur so Blake and Rory wouldn't hear as they scooped cones at the front of the shop. "Will you let yourself be happy? With him?"

"I'm scared, Calvin," she whispered, cracking open the depths of her heart and allowing him to see it for the briefest moment. "I can't go back to the way things were. It was too hard."

"Or maybe things would be different. Maybe being with him would be like nothing you expect."

She exhaled, looking up at the popcorn ceiling above them, tears sliding down her neck and collecting at the collar of her T-shirt. Calvin released his grip, then tapped a knuckle to her elbow. She looked down at the pink napkin in his hand. She mumbled a thank-you and took it, then wiped her face.

"Go home. Thank you for your help," he said. "I'll see you back at the cottage."

She crumpled up the napkin and tossed it to the trash. "You should consider training Rory to make cakes. If she's around she can be another set of hands. She should be doing them anyway, being an artist and all that."

"Can you come in and train her for me?"

Jess agreed, setting a date that worked, then grabbed her bag and left.

Jess pulled into the driveway at the Balls' cottage. A familiar black Lexus was parked on the street. She ripped off the seat belt and stumbled out of the car, locking eyes with a pair of blue irises.

Charlie bolted out of the plastic chair on the porch, making his way down the creaky wooden steps and over to her.

She slammed the car door and stormed up to him. "What in the hell are you doing here?"

"Jessie, please," he begged, reaching a hand out to grab her.

Jess stumbled away from his grasp, squeezing an arm around her stomach. "How'd you know I was living here?"

He dropped his head, staring at his loafers. "Our phones still track each other. I've been watching—"

"That's so fucking creepy," she spat, stepping around him. She seized her phone in her bag and opened the app, deleting him as she made her way to the house.

He followed. "You were in Vermont? New York ?"

"Again, really fucking creepy."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry —" He bounded up the steps and reached for her again, his hand firm on her arm as he pulled her closer. "Please, can we talk about this?"

"No."

His expression crumbled. "Why not? What did I do to make you upset and leave me?"

"It's what you didn't do, Charlie!"

Charlie froze, his eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

She wormed her way out of his grasp, stepping beyond his reach. "You didn't really try. You never fought for me when it came to your family. You saw me struggling with money all the time and didn't try to meet me halfway unless I begged . You watched me wither away into this shell of myself and didn't give me the opportunity to live. "

"I thought we had a good life."

"Did you really? For fuck's sake, Charlie, be honest with me. Did you really think I was happy?"

He didn't respond.

"Going to Vermont or New York or anywhere besides maybe the Cape once a year would have never been an option," she continued. "Spending your own money was never an option. You relied so much on your father and you were so deeply tangled up in his toxic web to see that I was getting smaller and smaller. I forgot who I was—"

And he helped me remember.

The thought came to her so easily. A memory of Kevin flashed in her mind, the way his hazel eyes sparkled as he made notes on that scrap piece of paper, creating a list of things to do together that would make her happy.

We're doing this , he'd told her. You deserve this.

She gazed at her past standing in front of her, realizing he would have never done those things for her. Maybe surprise Chinese takeout, or burnt pancakes in the morning, but it was never really about her. With Charlie, it was about his needs. With Kevin, she rarely ever considered his needs. And she'd compared them, as if they were one and the same. When, in reality, Kevin was the opposite. A spark of golden sunshine on a bleak, cloudy day.

"This will never happen again, Charlie," she explained to him, keeping the tone of her voice calm and collected. "We tried, probably giving this more years than we should have. But it's not going to work. We aren't compatible."

Thunder boomed in the distance as Jess swung open the screen door, quickly latching it closed. Honey jumped off the couch where she sat in Gram's lap and ran after her, jumping on her back feet as she pawed at Jess's knees.

Rain came down in sheets. Lightning crackled in the sky. Honey yelped, her hoarse bark drowned out by the rumbling thunder.

"Living without you is so hard. Jess, please. Please . Tell me what I need to do." Charlie reached for the door and opened it wide.

"NO! STOP—"

Honey bolted, sprinting around Charlie and down the stairs, disappearing into the inky night.

Jess chased after her, pushing Charlie out of the way as she ran. "HONEY STOP!"

She kept her eyes on her golden fur as Honey ran down the street and to the beach. Lightning ruptured again in the sky, the sound causing Honey to pivot from the sand toward the wall of boulders at the end of the beach, vanishing into a forest of evergreen trees.

"Shit!" Jess screamed. Her hair was plastered to her face. She looked back at the porch and stalled. Charlie stood there in shock, his eyes wide. But he didn't bother to run after her, to help her.

It was enough of a confirmation as any.

She stormed up to the steps, her drenched clothes dripping on the porch as she pointed at his car. "Get out of my sight."

"Jessie—"

"Don't call me that," she demanded. "We are done, Charlie. I'm not going to let you rely on me anymore. Enjoy your life in Garrison. Do not contact me again."

She didn't care to watch him leave as she swung the door wide and snatched her phone from her bag. She dialed a number and hit Call, pressing the phone to her ear. Violent shivers ripped through her as she paced the linoleum floor. Gram was up and at her heels, her eyes full of worry.

He answered on the second ring. "Yes?"

She let out a sob. "Kev, it's Honey. She ran away. Charlie was here and he opened the door and the lightning scared her and she—"

"I'm on my way," he interrupted.

Her shoulders shook as she held a hand up to her mouth. "What if she can't hear us and we can't find her and—"

"We will find our girl, Jessica," he said. "Take a deep breath."

She did as she was told, listening to the sounds of jingling keys on the other end of the line.

"Now another."

She obeyed.

"Go, I'll be there in ten."

She hung up, handing Gram her phone and running back out into the rain. Charlie was already gone, the black Lexus turning the corner as he exited the neighborhood. She hustled down the beach and scrambled up the boulders, standing on the cement dock as she screamed Honey's name over the sound of the wind howling and waves crashing. Nothing. She weaved through the trees and kept shouting, stepping through a clearing that backed onto a curved road. She jogged down the street, swiping at the rain that pelted down on her, unable to see anything clearly.

Clicking from a bike wheel sounded as she rounded the corner back toward the cottage. Kevin dropped his bike in the lawn and ran up to her, his sweatshirt and board shorts sticking to him like a second skin. He stopped a few feet from her, keeping his distance. "Any luck?"

Her bottom lip quivered. She shook her head.

"Tell me exactly where she ran."

Jess motioned for him to follow as they retraced her path, down the beach and toward the boulders, then up into the trees. She followed Kevin as he stepped toward the evergreens, the branches partially shielding them from the rain.

"I already looked here," she shouted as thunder boomed again. "I couldn't find her."

The sound from the thunder faded. Kevin lifted a finger and tapped his ear. "Do you hear that?"

She frowned. "Hear what?"

He pointed to her. "Exactly. It's quieter around the trees. She hates the noise, so she probably wanted to find somewhere quiet."

They weaved through the trees slowly, turning every corner, looking around every rock. Jess kept sneaking glances at Kevin yards away, his face twisted tightly with worry and determination. He was soaked from the rain, his flip-flops squishing underneath him.

The complete opposite , Jess thought. She hated herself for the words she said to him in New York. She needed to tell him—needed to fix it.

Fifteen minutes later, she saw that face soften with relief. He bent over and scooped up a very wet, shaking Honey. The puppy burrowed into his arm and whimpered.

Jess sobbed as she ran up to them, nuzzling her face in Honey's drenched fur. She peered up at Kevin, noticing he too was openly sobbing, his cheeks crimson, his hair clinging to his forehead and grazing his eyes. She lifted a hand and slicked his hair back on instinct, then brushed her palm against his cheek.

"I'm so sorry," she wept. "I said awful things. You didn't deserve that. You are nothing like him."

His forehead creased as he squeezed his eyes shut. "You're right. I don't deserve it. You keep pushing me away."

She dropped her hand and stepped back, watching as he slowly blinked his eyes open.

Lightning cut across the sky. Honey dug her snout in the crease between his arm and his chest. He gripped her tight as he took a tentative step toward Jess, then paused, reeling back.

"Jess…I've had a crush on you since that day we met in tenth grade biology," Kevin admitted. "But this summer? This summer I fell in love with you. I am so head over heels that it scares me. I need you like I need air, and every time we're apart I feel like I'm cleaving myself in two."

He wiped at his tears with his free hand. "I know I don't deserve how you've been treating me, but I can't stop coming to you. I can't seem to control myself. Because I want you to be my home, Jess. I want to be wherever you are, always."

She closed the distance between them, balling his wet sweatshirt in her hands and pulling him close. "I don't want to push you away anymore. I want you to be my home, too."

Jess waited patiently and listened to his ragged breathing, feeling the beat of his heart pounding in his chest. Then, in one swift movement, he laced his free arm around her waist and pressed in. He pushed her lips open with his and slipped a tongue in her mouth as he guided her back and pressed her against a tree, the pressure of the bark on her back igniting something deep inside her belly. Her hands roamed down his chest and hugged at his waist. She slipped them inside the back of his sweatshirt and dug her nails into his skin. He moved his hand from her waist and pressed it on her ribcage below her breast, extracting a moan from her mouth the same moment thunder rumbled above them.

Honey squirmed in his other arm from the sound.

Kevin parted his lips from hers, his breathing heavy. "Jess, I don't want to drop her."

She nipped at his lip, sucking on it gently before responding. "Stay the night."

His eyes brightened. "In your bed?"

She nodded. "Yes. Don't go. Please."

He grinned, planting one last lingering kiss before pressing his forehead to hers. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Gram welcomed them back to the cottage with warm towels and cookies. Jess sat down on the floor and bundled Honey up in a towel, patting her dry. She yelped and jumped out of her grasp, shaking violently and scattering water droplets across the floor.

"Well, that's one way to do it," Kevin teased, wiping up the water as Honey tottered over to her fluffy dog bed. She plopped down with a defeated thump , then closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Gram yawned as Kevin stepped into the bathroom. "I'm glad you found her."

Jess, still sitting on the floor, squeezed her wet hair with a towel.

Gram leaned down and pressed a soft, wrinkly hand to her cheek. "Do you believe me now?"

Jess frowned. "Believe what?"

"That everything will be okay?"

Kevin opened the bathroom door, his gaze full of longing and love and delicious heat.

She glanced up at Gram and nodded. "Yeah, I believe you now."

Gram patted her cheek then scurried up the stairs, escaping into her room.

Kevin held out his hands to Jess and helped her up, wrapping her in his arms before kissing her deeply. A hand roamed down the small of her back as he cupped a cheek and squeezed.

She giggled. "You really like my butt, don't you?"

"It certainly is my favorite," he teased. "But I like everything about you, Jess. Every single bit."

Jess threaded her fingers around his neck, rubbing her thumbs along his jawline. They lingered in each other's arms as the storm relented, the rain softening against the porch steps, the gray clouds drifting apart.

"Promise me something?" he whispered.

"Okay."

"Don't say it back unless you mean it. I'm not expecting a response. I needed to tell you how I feel, why this means so much to me."

She nodded, then pulled him into her bedroom.

He released his grip on her hand, then with careful fingers, peeled the wet shirt off her body. She did the same for him, wet layers discarded to the floor until it was only cold skin and warm sheets. The way he held her felt different than New York. Like having her in his arms was the missing piece of a puzzle finally fitting into place. He murmured confessions in her ear as he touched her with gentle, unhurried hands, his soft words of devotion playing through her head long after they finished. Kevin cradled her in his arms, his lips at her temple, her back pressed against his chest.

She felt like love was a word that had lost all meaning, a phrase used to reassure the other that they were still committed, that they weren't planning on going anywhere.

Yet here, in Kevin's arms, she felt a spark of something she hadn't felt in a long, long time…and wondered whether she ever knew what it meant to truly be in love, and be loved in return.