Chapter 3

"WHAT DO you think you're doing?" Garvin asked once he could think straight again. William had kissed him, and instantly his mind had shut down all his thoughts, and his reasoning had skipped like an old-fashioned record. What was worse, he actually found himself kissing William back, because damn, he tasted good, smelled better, and…. But no. He couldn't do this. He was not going to do something as stupid as this… with anyone.

"I'm showing you why I came all this way." William didn't back away, and he didn't show the least sign of contrition. "I came here to tell you that I haven't forgotten you and—"

"To kiss me? Was this some way of saying that you've been secretly in love with me all the years you've known me? Did John know how you felt?"

William rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, get over yourself. I wasn't pining for you when John was alive. You two were so in love, and everyone could see it. John was my friend, and so were you." He stayed where he was, which only made Garvin more anxious.

"Then why?" He refused to touch his lips, even though they still tingled.

"Because at some point I developed feelings for you, and I thought that maybe you might feel the same way once you had a chance to grieve and heal. But you never did. You grieved and stayed stuck in that mode for so long." William leaned closer once again, which raised Garvin's temperature. "And then you fucking left, and I've been trying to figure out what to do about you ever since. So I came up here to see you again."

"And make a pass?" Garvin snapped.

William actually smiled. "No. I figured you and I could talk and maybe I could think some things through and get over you. But then here you are, and I see your deep blue eyes and the way your hair sticks up in the back and wants to fall into your eyes when you lean forward. I remember John brushing it away, and I want to be the one to do that. I was never jealous of John. The kind of love you two had was amazingly special, and I guess I wanted it too."

Garvin tried to process what William was telling him, but his head refused. This was the last thing he'd expected. William was handsome and always had been, with his blond hair that shone in the sun and a face that with one look could make you do just about anything. No wonder William was always in demand as a model. He could sell sand to a man dying of thirst in the desert. "And you thought kissing me was going to do what?"

"Words are cheap. I figured actions would speak a lot louder. It's time you got back to the land of the living, and I wanted you to know that I hoped you could do that with me." William seemed almost lost. "I guess I was just being my usual stupid self."

"You've never been stupid," Garvin said. "But how am I supposed to process all this? I wasn't expecting to see you, and now I'm supposed to just deal with you being in love with me?"

William snickered. "And people think I'm the dumb one. I didn't say I was in love with you, though I probably could be. I'm saying that I have feelings for you. I don't know what they are, and I knew I never would unless I found you and tried to work it out."

Now William was starting to really confuse him.

"So you're not in love with me?" Garvin squirmed in his chair, his head spinning wildly.

"Weren't you listening? I don't know. The last time I fell in love…." The pain in William's eyes echoed what Garvin had felt for years after losing John. "You know how that ended."

"Ambrose was a complete jackass and a gold digger. I know you cared for him, but he didn't give a rat's ass for you. But that isn't your fault. Ambrose used you to try to advance his… thing… as some kind of social media influencer." Garvin remembered the turmoil, though he had been preoccupied at the time and still hip-deep in his own grief. Still, he knew he'd been there for William because that was what friends did.

"Yeah. It never felt like that," William said as he sat back in his chair. Sasha went over to him and placed his head on William's lap. "I always thought I wasn't good enough or didn't deserve to be happy. "

Garvin leaned to the side as William stroked Sasha's head. "Look, Sasha sure seems to like you, and dogs have pure hearts, better than any of us. They know a good person." He took a deep breath. "Maybe both of us have to try to let some things go." He wasn't sure how he could do that, but William made him see that he had to try. He had been holding on to his grief and his pain for so long that maybe he didn't have anything else left. Maybe he didn't know how to feel unless he had them.

William smiled. "See, aren't you glad I came? You made a breakthrough."

Garvin covered his mouth and coughed. "You really are a screwed-up pain in the butt." Still, he couldn't help smiling.

"It takes one to know one," William retorted before getting up from his chair and wandering over to the window. "It seems like it's really late with how dark it is."

"You get used to it. Though I am ready for spring and summer. Then it's light all the time, so we sleep now and stay awake most of the summer." He winked, and William shook his head at the joke. "Still, it's only a little after eight." Leave it to William to show up on his doorstep—or in this case, nearly freeze to death and collapse in his carport—without any idea of what he was going to do. To make matters worse, he seemed to think he was in love with him. No matter what William said, you didn't kiss someone else like that without feeling something.

God, what the hell was Garvin going to do? First thing in the morning he needed to find out what happened to William's car and if it was even drivable. Then he was going to have to make sure William got back to Anchorage so he could go home. No matter how amazing that kiss had been, Garvin wasn't prepared to have William work his way into his life. The guy was the poster boy for not thinking any further ahead than his nose, and Garvin needed more than that. He needed to know what came next. It was how he'd made it through these years of loneliness after losing John.

"It feels so much later." William stood with his hands behind his back, rocking slightly from his toes to his heels. Garvin knew that movement meant William had something he was holding on to and wasn't ready to talk about. One thing about William—he had no poker face. Still, Garvin figured he'd talk about what was on his mind when he was ready. Sasha joined William at the window, nudging his hands for pets, which he of course got. The dog could be a pest when he wanted attention he wasn't getting. "What do you do to pass the time?" He didn't look away from the window as the aurora grew brighter and more intense, filling a good deal of the northern half of the night sky. "Is there television?"

"Not here. I don't really care for it. If I feel the need, I go down to the trading post. They have satellite and can get just about anything when the weather isn't too bad. I do have internet, so if I really want to watch something, I can go online, but I don't subscribe to a bunch of services."

William turned to him, his mouth hanging open. "What about Real Housewives ? The Kardashians ?"

Garvin was about to laugh, but the intensity of William's expression told him William was serious.

"How can you survive? I figured that even out here in the wilds of Alaska there would be some vestiges of…."

"Mind-numbing inanity?" Garvin joined him at the window. "Look out there. What do you see? That snow is two or three feet deep, and the lake is frozen nearly to the bottom in most places. It's almost twenty-five degrees below zero, and I only have so much propane to last me through the winter. In the summer and fall, I cut a ton of wood from the acreage away from the lake, split it, and use it to heat the place during much of the winter. I fish in the summer, and I hunt moose and other game, which is a lot of what I eat." He leaned forward. "Do you see the other house with lights on? That's Joe and Marie. Joe has a share of a fish wheel that catches salmon. He gets more than he can use, so I buy the fish he doesn't need and then process it into cans. It's a real late-summer and early-fall production at their house to get everything put up quickly."

"But you hate fish," William said.

"Yeah, I used to. Now it's a big part of my diet. I have a garden out back where I grow as many vegetables as I can here. Lots of potatoes and cool-climate greens. I have learned to do without tomatoes for the most part."

"It sounds like hell," William grumped.

"It's actually pretty wonderful. I know everyone who lives within thirty miles or so. We help each other out. Last fall I got a huge bull moose. Joe helped me butcher it, and Alan—his place is across the lake—he's mounting the head for me because it was worthy, in his words. I shared my bounty with a few others and was given bear and caribou in return. My freezers are full enough to last me through the winter, and for the things I need to buy, I teach school. I have a full life on my own, so I don't need to watch someone else's put-on, drama'd-up existence that's edited and hyped for maximum eye-rolling effect."

William seemed like he was in shock. "But…."

"Life here is hard. You should know that by now." Garvin turned to William, all teasing aside. "If you had been out there for another half hour, you could have lost your feet or hands to frostbite. Another hour and you would probably have frozen to death." Saying that sent a cold chill racing through him, because he knew in that moment that he did care and that it would have been a real loss. Fucking hell, that would have hurt. "This land up here isn't something to be taken lightly."

"I guess not." Garvin blinked hard as William continued watching him. "I really could have died," he whispered.

"Yes." And the best thing to do was to get William back to the city and on his way to someplace warmer where he wasn't going to get himself hurt… or worse. "You don't have the gear to stay up here." Garvin figured if he scared him a little and explained that he didn't have what it took to be here, William wouldn't argue about going back.

"Then is there a place where I can get the things I need? Obviously better boots, and a heavier coat and snow pants. Maybe your friends at this trading post can help me. I'm sure they sell stuff like that. You can take me over there tomorrow. I've got my credit cards and money. I took those with me when I left the car. The keys too. They're in the inner coat pocket. I wasn't going to leave that stuff to be stolen."

Garvin sighed. "You want to stay? After everything you've been through?"

"Of course. I did come all this way and almost die." The way William looked at him made all of the arguments against staying slip from Garvin's mind. There were times when William was the most exasperating person on earth. "Besides, I wanted to see you again." And just like he always did, he slipped past Garvin's defenses, leaving him without an argument.

"If you're sure."

"Yeah. Besides…." William licked his perfect lips. "I know you'd never let anything happen to me."

Fuck, what was he supposed to do with that? As Garvin tried to figure this shit out, William wandered through the main room of the cabin. "You know, this place is kind of cute. It needs a few things to make it more homey, though. I mean, you could use some curtains and stuff. It would help make the place warmer and more cozy." He put his hands on his hips and turned in a slow circle. "The moose head will look great over on that wall. The rustic wood is really nice, and there's even a hole already, so you won't have to make another one. That's really good." He seemed to be exploring Garvin's small living space. "So where are the bedrooms?"

"Mine is through there, and that's the bathroom. I leave the doors open so the heat can circulate." The entire place was less than eight hundred square feet, and Garvin liked it that way. "I'll get you some blankets for the sofa, and you can sleep there."

William continued wandering, peeking into Garvin's room as well as the bathroom before returning to the living area. He said nothing, and Garvin wondered what was going on in that head of his. "If that's what you want."

"Excuse me?" Garvin asked as William glided up to him in that way he had. Sometimes William seemed to half float when he moved. He was always so damned graceful and, if Garvin was honest, sexy as all hell.

"Well, there's one bedroom and a bed big enough for the two of us." He stood right in front of Garvin, and before he could say anything, William's hands glided along his cheek, warm and soft, his caress gentle, and yet intense enough to make him shiver. "Isn't it best when it's cold if we share bodily warmth? I've wanted to do that for a long time, and I did come all this way."

Garvin snorted. "That has to be the cheesiest line I have ever heard in my life."

William rolled his eyes and then held Garvin's gaze. "It isn't a line. You and I used to go out together, remember? I have never used a line on anyone, and I have never needed to." That was for fucking sure. Guys swarmed up to William like he had been dipped in testosterone and they were all on hormone replacement therapy.

Garvin swallowed hard, because he had seen what William had under his clothes when they went to the gym together. He was a gay man, so he looked, and there was no doubting that William was in tip-top prime shape. But being in the same bed with him was not a good idea. The two of them together was a recipe for disaster. Not that he didn't think that William could control himself; that wasn't the issue. It was the other way around. "That isn't a good idea, and you know it."

William chuckled softly. "Are you kidding? I think it's one of the best ideas I have ever had." He closed the distance between them. "I know you think I have fluff between my ears and that I don't pay attention to stuff around me, but I do… well, sometimes, if it's important to me."

Garvin bit back the snarky comment that threatened. "O-kay…."

"Hey. I can hear the way you're breathing." He put his hand in the center of Garvin's chest. "Your heart is beating like a drum, fast, and your eyes are wide and dilated. I know what that means. You can say anything you want, but I know you feel something for me and that you're scared. It's been a long time since John died, though, and you deserve to move on."

"I did. I sold everything and came up here."

William snickered. "You just changed from a studio to a location shoot." Whatever the hell that meant. "You're still doing the same thing. You hide yourself away. You did it in West Hollywood, and now you're doing it here." He shrugged again. "Fine. Look, I promise to be a gentleman and not make a pass at you." He turned to the sofa. "That thing isn't long enough for either of us to sleep on. So I'll be good… I promise."

Garvin could not believe he was contemplating this. "Fine. But you have to sleep on Sasha's side of the bed, and he snores and sometimes runs in his sleep. Under normal circumstances he's a bed hog, so don't be surprised if you end up on the floor." Garvin smiled at the shock on William's face .

"Doesn't he have a bed of his own?" William asked. "Fine. I can share with Sasha here. I'm sure he's a very good dog." He was still nervous, and Garvin wondered just what he was getting himself into. William knelt down, and Sasha went right up to him. "You need to leave me some room in the bed. Okay?"

"Don't count on it," Garvin said, and then William shifted his gaze, and Garvin wondered if he was the one who should be concerned. He could keep his hands to himself. The real issue was if he truly wanted to.