Chapter 17

“Mmm. This is delicious.” The flowers now filed to the back of mind, I ingest another forkful of my fresh spinach salad. It’s filled with hard-boiled egg, avocado, and walnuts, all lightly coated with a yummy honey-mustard dressing.

Sitting across from me at the kitchen island and back in her white uniform, Nurse Marley smiles. “I’m so glad you like it, and it’s really good for you.”

Helping myself to more, I let her continue. “It’s rich in fiber, protein, and healthy omega-three fats. Plus the spinach is high in iron, which is especially important for someone like you who lost a lot of blood during your delivery.”

I’m awed by her knowledge and by how she always seems to have not only my baby’s best interest at heart, but mine too.

While I slip a toasted walnut into my mouth, she takes a sip from her bottle of Evian. “So, Ava, how did you and Ned meet?”

Thinking the conversation would stay focused on both my well-being and that of my baby’s, I’m a bit thrown off by her question. I swallow and clear my throat.

“I literally fell into his arms.”

She tilts her head, her expression a mixture of curiosity and perplexity. Silently awaiting more information.

“I am—or maybe I should say was—an interior designer, and I worked for the firm that was commissioned to redesign the lobby of my husband’s new office building. I was climbing a ladder to adjust a painting when my heel got caught on a rung. I lost my balance and fell off…and he saved me.”

I shudder at the thought of what could have happened if he hadn’t caught me.

“How romantic!” gushes Marley. “Was it love at first sight?”

“It was a whirlwind romance. It was hard not to fall for a man like Ned. Smart, successful, and as handsome as Henry Cavill. To be lured into his glamorous, fast-paced, charmed world.” I pause for a sip of my water. “But shortly after we became engaged, I saw a different side of him. I felt like more of an accessory, like a piece of jewelry, than a fiancée. Sometimes when I was with him, I didn’t know who I was. I felt like an actor.”

Nurse Marley takes a bite of her salad, then says, “Everyone’s an actor, pretending to be someone they’re not.”

I shrug. “I guess. Well, at least in this town.”

She laughs. “That’s for sure. So why did you marry him?”

“I thought about calling it off…giving him back the five-carat diamond ring he put on my finger. But my mother was all over me. She was always trying to make ends meet and couldn’t understand how I could give up a man like Ned. Not only was he rich, he was Hollywood royalty. Saying I snagged a prince, she pressured me to marry him. I was weak, and against my better judgment, I succumbed to her wishes. And succumbed to a man whose values I questioned.” I pause for a heavy sigh. “It’s been a stressful marriage.”

My companion looks at me compassionately. “Ava, you’re a strong woman.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. Just look at me. I’m a train wreck.”

My mouth dry, I drink more of my water. It gives me strength to go on. Truth is, it feels so good to unload. To have someone to confide in.

“Are you sorry you married him?” asks Nurse Marley.

I don’t respond right away. The answer is yes, but as open as I feel with this lovely woman, I can’t tell her why. The truth will open a Pandora’s box of secrets. Destroy my already crumbling marriage. And my family. Instead, I say, “I think he’s sorry he married me. Everything to Ned is a deal and I’m not the deal he signed up for. He didn’t want to have kids right away and he surely wasn’t looking to live with an invalid.”

Marley cups her hand on mine. “It’s not your fault you had such a difficult pregnancy.”

I meet her compassionate gaze and work up the courage to tell her something I’ve never told anyone. “Sometimes I think I’m being punished for something I did.”

The unthinkable thing I did…

She squeezes my hand. “Or maybe it’s something you didn’t do.”

My eyes stay locked on hers. “What do you mean?”

“In church, I learned there are two kinds of sins…”

I let her continue.

“Sins of commission. And sins of omission.”

“What’s the difference?”

She fiddles with the silver rosary-bead necklace, the one with the locket. “Sins of commission are the bad things you knowingly and willingly do. Sins of omission are those when you fail to do the right thing when, in fact, you can. Like turning a blind eye to evil.”

Silently, my skin bristles. I am guilty of both. Sins of commission. And sins of omission. A shiver runs through me.

“What do you call someone who is guilty of both?”

Nurse Marley’s eyes bore into mine. A hellish fire circles her violet orbs. “Quite simply…a sinner.”

Sinner.The word sinks in under my skin and burns through me.

I am a sinner of the worst kind.

Thou shalt not…

I squeeze my eyes shut and hear Marley’s voice.

“Ava, closing your eyes won’t stop bad things from finding you.”