11. Courtney

Chapter 11

Courtney

J ack loads his two suitcases and a giant bag into the back of my truck and we drive back to my house. My heart is in my throat the entire time because this feels different. This feels like we are moving back into familiar territory, and I don't know how to compartmentalize the feelings.

Having him and our son in my truck, in the snow, in our hometown , feels like the life we dreamed about as kids.

Maybe we never should have left Wintervale. Maybe we never should have looked for bigger and better.

Maybe we never would have made it even if we stayed.

My mind churns with every possibility but still, this man next to me lights me up like no one else.

“So did they promise us eight inches and everyone is hunkering down, or what?”

I roll my eyes and let out a little huff.

“How many inches will keep us inside?”

I side-eye Jack. His dirty smirk tells me exactly what he’s trying to do. “Bob keeps me busy with a full ten. ”

Jack's head snaps towards me so fast I think he may have whiplash. “Who the fuck is Bob?”

I give a smug grin as I turn into my driveway and throw the truck in park. “Just someone I know.”

“The fuck it is.”

“Jealous?”

“Irate.”

“You're so dramatic.” I undo my seatbelt and open the door, climbing out into the ankle deep snow. Jack gets out just as fast and is around to my side of the door before I’ve even closed it.

“Tell me.” His lips are tight and his eyes are wild. And I feel twenty-one again. Back to the time I used to push his buttons just to see how much it would take before he was on me, proving he was my one and only. But I can't play this game anymore, even if I want to with everything inside me. It’s too dangerous.

“Look up Urban Dictionary and type in B-O-B.” I spell the name. “And grab the bags while I wake Joey.”

He holds my stare for a moment longer before backing away and opening the hatch. We lug everything inside and I place Joey on the couch, letting him slowly come awake.

I flick the television on low and watch for a moment. “Reports are all over. Anywhere from a foot to four could drop in the next forty eight hours.”

“Insane. It’s something I’ve lost touch with since moving to New York. We just don’t get snow like that.”

“Mmhm.” I walk back into the kitchen and begin putting all the groceries away. “Are you over your tantrum? Did you learn something new today?” I can’t help but goad him. It’s like my brain is reverting back to when we were kids. This snowstorm is not helping. My body shivers when I feel his hot breath on my ear .

“You’re still a fucking tease, Coco.” His hand is on my hip, and he gives a slight squeeze before moving away from me just as fast as he came.

I stay still for just a moment, catching my breath.

“Mom?”

I spin around to see Joey. “Hey, babe. Did you have a nice nap?”

He’s rubbing his eyes and focusing on everything around him. “Did you get me drive-through?”

I chuckle. “I did. Your dad brought it in from the truck. It’s on the table.” He jumps onto his seat and digs into the bag.

“I’m glad you're here, Dad. I’m sure Mom is glad you were here to bring the bags in from the truck.”

“Anything I can do to help, Joey.”

“It’s something she struggles with, so I'm glad you were here to do it while I was sleeping.”

My eyes narrow on their little exchange. “I’m capable of bringing in bags from the truck, Joe.”

“I know you are. You’re a super mom! But I’m just saying it’s easier if someone else does it. Like Dad.” He concentrates hard on his food before giving a quick look under his lashes to his father, who’s grinning at him.

“Your mom should come with a warning, Joe. She’s feisty today.”

He giggles and swings his feet in the chair.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nothing,” they reply in unison.

Jack ruffles his hair and stands, walking to the front hall again, gathering his coat and boots. “I’m going to grab a shovel and salt the walk to the truck, just in case we have to get out. Is there anything else we’re missing? I can run out now. ”

“No, I think we’re fine.”

“What about Santa? Will he be able to get here?” Joey asks with concern.

Jack comes back over and bends down to his level. “Dude! Santa is magic. Don’t you know the North Pole gets three times as much snow as we do? Santa’s a pro. I bet he sleeps on a bed of snow!”

“But I bet the North Pole has bigger equipment than we do to plow it all. What if the snow is falling so fast he can’t see?”

I watch as Jack brushes the hair out of his face. “I’ll tell you a secret.” I smile as Joey’s eyes get wide and Jack leans in closer. “I know for a fact Santa has special goggles he wears to get through all the weather. Sometimes it is rainy, sometimes the snow is heavy, and sometimes the moon is so full and bright he needs sunglasses at night!” Joey and I both chuckle at that. “So don’t you worry about him getting here. We’re going to have the best Christmas. I promise.”

“I hope so, Dad.” Jack kisses his forehead and stands, turning to me and giving a little wink, and my heart completely seizes in my chest. I want this for Joey all the time. He needs his dad. I wish Jack would see that.

“Is Joey asleep?” I ask as I hear Jack approach. I’m cleaning up from dinner and trying to keep my heart and my thoughts under control.

“He is. I didn’t think he’d ever settle down.” Jack chuckles.

“Oh, I know. The first day you arrived he was so excited, he couldn't sleep then either.”

Jack stands at the kitchen door looking out. “This snow is really coming down. Are you sure you have everything we need for the next few days?”

I nod. “Whatever we don’t have, we’ll just have to make do without. We won’t starve, that's for sure. Especially if we really do get snowed in and no one makes it here for Christmas dinner.”

He turns back from the kitchen, and having him here, this normal conversation about Christmas dinner, is unsettling to me. Because it feels familiar, it feels normal, and it feels like I really miss it.

“Do you want a glass of wine?” He’s already pulling a bottle from the fridge, and I walk to the cabinet and grab two glasses.

“Sure.” I place them down and he opens the bottle smoothly and pours. Handing one glass to me, he takes the other and clinks it with mine. We walk into the living room and take spots next to each other on the couch.

“Wow, snowed in. It’s been many years since that’s happened.” His smirk lets me know he remembers the first time we were snowed in together.

It was three nights before we decided to leave this town. His parents had gone skiing for the weekend and were staying at the Wintervale Resort. I said I was staying at January’s house, and instead I stayed with Jack. It was one of the most romantic nights we ever had, and one of the few and far between where we weren’t fighting. Not even on purpose.

He knew to make it special. It was the first time for each of us and we knew we wanted it to be with each other. Even then, he took his time, knowing how to make it good for me before making it good for himself.

“Many years.”

“We’ve had many together. ”

I nod. “And it feels like just as many apart.” We’re silent for a moment, the house so quiet and peaceful you can actually hear the snow falling.

“Do you remember the time we skipped class to go to the lake with everyone?”

I smile. “I do. It was so hot that day. We had those torrential rains, and then the air just fell flat and muggy.”

“Lief thought he was so smart and wanted to ride through the trails to get there before us. I told him he was going to get stuck.”

I chuckle and take a sip. “Of course Meadow was daring him too. She didn’t help the situation.”

He turns to face me. “Oh, I spoke with her new boy toy down at the Range Bar two nights ago.”

“Is that where you were coming from when you were banging on my door at an ungodly hour?” I purse my lips and raise a brow, clearly he’s caught out.

He drops his head and shakes it, his hair hanging over his forehead before he picks his head back up to meet my eyes, brushing his hair away.

Fuck, he’s hot.

“I had good intentions,” he says sheepishly.

“Sure you did.”

“Anyway, yeah, his name is Cole.”

I nod. “I’ve met him a couple of times. We had girls’ night there a few weeks back. It was kind of fun watching the two of them banter back and forth. I’ve never met anyone strong enough to rope her in, but he may be able to do it.”

“I know another woman like that.”

My eyes flutter. “I was not like her at all.”

“You were close.” He’s teasing.

“I was not, and you know it! I only gave you a hard time; she likes to do it to everyone.”

“I was the only one who could handle you. Just like him with her.” He raises a brow, almost a dare for me to not agree with him.

“You liked to provoke me.” I take another sip and side-eye him. “Still do.”

He inches closer to me, facing me with one leg bent and one arm stretched along the length of the top of the couch. He’s close enough that he brushes my hair from my shoulder and squeezes it. My body instantly feels hot and my pull toward this man is still as strong as ever.

“Guilty,” he says, and we both huff a laugh, but mine is more so out of nervousness. Silence falls in the room again, and I don't know if it's the wine, the snow, or just having him physically sitting here next to me, but I’m really happy he’s here and it’s scaring me. There’s so much I want to say to him, but I don’t know if I can open that door again. I take another sip of liquid courage and decide to just say what I’m thinking.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jack.”

“I’m glad I’m here too, Coco. So much.” Our eyes linger on each other, and when his drop to my lips then dart back up, I know what's coming. And I can let it happen. I can let us have one more night together. Or I can stop it right here. I can get up and go to my room, lock the door, and wait for morning.

But my body really wants him. And I think my traitorous heart does too. Before we were ever married, then pregnant, then lost in the world of being adults, we were just Jack and Coco, a couple in love. If we could get back to that feeling again, I wonder now if all the rest would fall into place .

“Do you think we were just too young?” he muses.

“Yes. I think we tried to do too much all at once without knowing how it would change us. Moving across the country, leaving everyone we knew, and having to figure out how to survive on our own at eighteen and twenty was a big step.”

“You're right. And I won’t lie and say it wasn’t scary. I tried to do the best I could for us at that time. Working was all I knew, and I was too young to know there’s more to life than that. That you needed more than that.” He pauses, placing his wine glass on the coffee table. “We’re not young now though. I know what I want. I just hope you want it too.”

His fingers dance around my shoulder, brushing the side of my neck. I tilt my head so he has better access, and he takes it for the green light it is. He inches closer to me, and I turn toward him. He leans on the back of the couch, his head on his hand, and reaches for my hand with his other.

“We always did this well.” He gives me that boyish smile that always makes my heart beat faster. “Why are you blushing?”

I look down, slightly embarrassed. “I feel like we’re on a first date.”

“Are you a virgin, Courtney?” He leans in and whispers it to me.

I laugh. “Might as well be.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I roll my lips inward and freeze. His face goes stoic, and he takes a breath, his chest expanding like he's trying to get himself under control.

“Have you been with anyone since… us?”

Us . Such a simple word, but it carries all the complications .

I look at him and shake my head. He lets out the breath he was holding.

“What about you?” I ask.

“No one.”

“Bullshit!” I yell, and he holds my hand tighter when I try to pull away.

“No. One.” He’s so serious, I know he’s telling the truth.

“Jack. It's been a really long time.”

“No one was ever going to compare to you, Coco. Why bother to find someone new if I already had the best thing to ever happen to me and lost her?” I look down to our joined hands. “You’re still the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on.” With his thumb, he brushes my bottom lip, outlining it.

“If we do this, I need you to choose us. Going forward, right now, choose us or never again.” The words fall fast from my lips. I know it’s my heart speaking and not my head. And I have no choice but to go with it.

“I’ll choose you every damn time, Courtney. Every fucking time.” He leans in, capturing my lips, and the moment we touch it’s like there's been no time between us at all. Every bit of him comes rushing back, and my heart is full sitting next to him.

He cups my face and continues to kiss me like he needs to catch up on all the years lost. I feel frozen in place just letting us feel again. His hand drifts down my front, his fingers feathering my neck and my collar bone, lingering just above my breast like he’s unsure he should keep going. When I nip his bottom lip, I feel him smile against me. He pulls back slightly, looking at me with hooded eyes as he cups my breast, smoothing his thumb over my nipple.

I suck in a sharp breath; having not been touched in years, the feeling is electric. Everything inside me is going haywire right now.

He continues to rub his thumb back and forth, and I squirm on the couch. “Jack.” I whisper his name, my eyes fluttering closed at the sensation of his hand on me.

“Fuck. I missed you.” He leans back and pulls me onto his lap. I grind down on him like we’re teenagers searching for contact. Our need for each other only gets stronger and more frantic. I rip my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor before he’s kissing me again. Our hands are everywhere.

“Jack, please. I need it.” I fall to the side of him as he struggles to get out of his jeans, and I yank at my pajama bottoms, kicking them off. He slides his boxers down to his thighs, and I take him in my hand instantly.

He throws his head back on the couch. “Oh god, that's so good.” His sigh is long and turns into a moan the faster I stroke him. He reaches for my breasts, kneading them before grabbing my waist and pulling me over him. “Are you still on the pill?” When I nod he says, “Pull these to the side. I can’t wait.”

I kneel above him, pulling my panties to the side, and position him at my entrance. In one long stroke, he’s inside and I call out. The burn is so good, the stretch is so much.

“Fuck. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

I try to gather a breath. “No. Just give me a moment.” We’re both panting and trying to gain control.

“I forgot how vocal you are, Coco.” He smirks when I look at him. “You better keep it down if you want to finish.”

I begin to rock on him, and his mouth drops open. I trace his lips with my pointer finger before dipping it in his mouth. He sucks on it, flicking the tip with his tongue. I pull it out and rub my clit as I work my hips faster on his dick. “I’m going to finish right now. Hope you can keep it up.”

His lips twist and his eyes dilate even more. “You’re still my fucking fantasy come to life.” He grabs my hips, holding my body tight, and begins to pound into me while I rub circles around my clit. My breaths are short as we kiss, and I lean my forehead against his.

“I’m close, Jack.”

“Do that thing you do. Take me with you.” His words are short and clipped, and I know he’s close too.

Remembering how he loved this, I reach back, cupping his balls before adding pressure. I roll my hips in a wave motion, and when he reaches down to touch my clit, I fall apart. I cry out quickly, then bite my lip trying to keep quiet. His body locks up, and I feel him spasm inside me. He grunts, his mouth hanging open, eyes hooded as he watches me. A bit of sweat trickles down his temple, and I collapse on his chest, still rolling my body slowly, bringing us down from a high we haven’t reached in years.

“I forgot how good it was,” I pant out.

“I didn't. I’ve played our nights over and over in my head for the last five years. I’ve never forgotten how you feel, Coco.”

I lay against his chest, our heartbeats matching in rhythm, and fight for something to say. I have no words; five minutes ago this was a great idea, but now I feel confused.

“So, did I convince you?”

“That was just sex,” I say.

“It was never just sex between us and you know it.”

“Well then it’s going to take more than just sex to fix things between us , ” I retort as he slides out of me and I stand searching for my pants.

“But it’s a start, right?” I look back at him, the lights from the tree catching the beads of sweat as he lays spent on the couch, his cock still semi-hard on his stomach. His t-shirt is pulled up, exposing his still-cut abs and my mouth aches to lick each one. “Let me try to fix it.”

“Put that away!” I chastise him as I step into my pants.

“I can’t move. I think you may have broken me.” He reaches for his cock, stroking it slowly. “Can you kiss it and make it better?”

I laugh at him and fall onto the couch next to him, stilling his hand with mine. “I already did what you like, that’s a bonus for another day.”

“Another day?” His eyes are wide.

I hold his gaze before nodding. “I must be insane right now.”

“My dick always did make you crazy,” he snickers and I pinch his thigh. He yelps and quickly pulls his boxers back up.

“Maybe this could work,” I say tentatively.

“Really? You’re not just saying that?”

“I’m not just saying it. I missed you so much, Jack. Even when you were right next to me, I missed you. But I can’t do that again. So we need to decide what this looks like going forward.”

“Thank you,” he replies quietly.

“For what?”

“For at least being open to listen. There's a lot to talk about,” he says.

“There is. But there’s also a short window before you go back to New York.”

He nods. “Come on, that’s talk for the morning. Can we go to bed?”

“Not in the same room!” I exclaim.

“Why not? ”

“We’re lucky we didn’t get caught out here. I’m not going to confuse Joey! I don't want to give him false hope.”

His eyes hold mine, and it looks like he wants to say more. Instead he stands, holding his hand out to me and helping me up. He wraps me in his arms, and we just stand like this for a moment, hugging, and it feels how it’s supposed to be.

And I’m worried that I’m the one with false hope around here.