10. Courtney

Chapter 10

Courtney

J ack showing up drunk to my doorstep last night was so unexpected. January would just tell me it's a sign he’s thinking of me, even while drinking, and I should really sit and give this a second chance.

I don't know that I want to give it a second chance. I feel I've done this a few times already. And though I think about him daily and see his face every time Joey looks at me, it’s not the same.

He broke my heart.

He chose a job over me, he chose money over me. Over us . And no amount of love can overcome that a second time.

But damn, he looks good. Jack was always very handsome, and our chemistry was unmatched. He was my first and only everything. When I left him, I moved home and never looked twice at anyone else, not even after the separation was legal and I knew it was really over between us. I don’t think I’ll ever look at anyone the way I looked at him. Jack knew things about me I didn’t even know. He used to touch me and look at me in a way that made me feel I was the only one important to him. Even signing the divorce papers couldn’t take that away for me. I knew I’d never find another that my soul craved like Jack.

But the more he worked, the less he saw me, and the more our nights were spent apart. I got lost in the mix. Sure, we were in the same bed, but I was fast asleep by the time he came home, and he was up and back to the office before I was even out of bed in the morning with Joey.

We lost the emotional tie, and when the physical died with it, I had to go.

Shaking those thoughts from my mind, I call out, “Joey! Are you ready?” I glance out the window, seeing the snow coming down at a steadier rate. If I'm going to get everything prepared for Christmas Eve, we need to move now.

“Coming, Mom!” He runs down the hallway, skidding to a stop by his boots, falling to the floor to put them on. He jumps up, grabbing his coat and hat.

“We have lots to do and not much time if we’re going to beat the snow. It’s supposed to get very bad.”

His wide eyes turn to me. “Can Dad come stay with us?”

I let out a laugh. “Honey, he’s fine at his hotel.”

“But what if it snows too much and he can’t get out? He won't get here for Christmas. We always have Christmas together!” he cries out, and his bottom lip begins to quiver.

I drop to my knees in front of him so we are eye level. “It’s going to be fine, Joe, he'll get here. You know Wintervale is always prepared for snow. He’ll be here for Christmas.”

“I want him here.” He sags into me and lets out a small sob and my heart breaks. Maybe Jack should stay here.

Can I let him stay here? We do have an extra bedroom .

But then we only have a wall separating us.

He could sleep on the couch.

But then I’d see him shirtless in the morning by the coffee pot.

If he still does that.

He always did that. He knows I loved him that way. Just starting the morning in shorts or sweats, bare chested, abs and strong biceps on display.

How bad could it be?

Bad, Courtney, really, really bad.

I pull Joey back from me. “Would it make you feel better knowing Dad was in our house?”

He sniffles and nods his head frantically.

“Okay, honey. I’ll call him when we’re done with errands, alright?”

He throws his little arms around my neck, almost knocking me down. “Thank you! Thank you, Mom, thank you!”

I want to try again. Jack’s words linger in my mind, and I wonder what the right thing to do is. Is he different? Have we both grown? Is getting back together for the sake of our son worth the risk? Would that even be enough, or do I want more? Would we be causing more damage by trying again? Do I even want to try?

We drove all over town gathering all the last minute items for Christmas dinner. The streets got worse and worse, but thank goodness for my four-wheel drive. You need a truck like this in the winter here in Wintervale. We head into Sweets n’ Spice to grab the holiday pies I ordered.

“Hey, Court, how are you?” Ashley, one of the girls who works here at Sweets n’ Spice, greets me. She’s a few years younger than me but she was a big help when I first moved back, babysitting Joey when I needed it.

“Hey, Ash! I’m good.” Joey runs by me and around the counter to give her a hug.

“Hey, Joey! Wow, you get more handsome every time I see you. Are you excited for Christmas?”

“Yes!” He bounces on his feet. “And my dad’s here! And he’s going to stay at our house!”

“Oh, wow, that's really great.” Her eyes are big when she looks at me, and I shake my head.

“Joey is afraid he won't make it to our house for Christmas with the weather we have coming in. I tried to reassure him that Wintervale is built for snow days, but to make him feel better, we’ll ask Jack to stay with us.”

“Well then, I think that sounds like a great Christmas gift for you.” She runs her hands through his hair, and he scurries back around the counter to my side.

“I’m picking up three pies. Pumpkin, Apple, and a Fruits of the Forest.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Whatever that is. January wanted it, so I ordered it.”

Ashley laughs. “I don't understand the Fruits of the Forest either, except that it's just a mishmash of everything!” She heads to the refrigerator in the corner and checks for my name. “Got ‘em right here!” She comes to the counter.

“What do I owe you?”

“They've been paid for already.” She pushes them closer to me.

I furrow my brows. “What do you mean? By who?”

She shrugs. “I don't know, but the ticket says paid.”

“Well, thank you for that.” I can guess who paid for them. “Come on, Joey, let’s get home before we get stuck. ”

We wave goodbye and walk to my truck. I secure the pies and get Joey strapped in before I sit and take a breath.

“Mom, I’m hungry. Can we go to the drive-through?”

“Yes, let me just get the centerpiece from the florist, and we’ll hit it on our way home, okay?”

“Yay!”

I take the streets carefully, thinking about how to ask Jack to stay. In the end it comes down to Joey. I’ll just make sure he knows this is for his son and that's it. By the time I get to the florist, Joey is asleep.

“Crap. I knew this would happen.” I pull up in front of the shop and call inside. “Hi, it's Courtney Becker.”

“Hey, Miss Becker. What can I do for you?”

“I’m here to pick up my Christmas centerpiece, but Joey just fell asleep in the car. Can someone run it out to me? I’ll give you my credit card over the phone.”

“Sure, let me just put you on hold.”

I glance in the rearview and smile when I see Joey’s little face so peacefully asleep. He looks so much like Jack. I’m startled when the owner knocks on my window. I roll it down quickly, dropping my phone in the cupholder and accepting the flowers.

“Did we get disconnected? I’m sorry I didn't give my card number.”

“They’re paid for. Have a great Christmas!” And as fast as she approached, she’s gone.

I place the flowers on the seat next to me and take a deep breath.

“Jack.”

I back out of the spot and head to the drive-through, getting Joey something to eat for when he wakes up and a coffee for me. I should spike it when I get home so I can deal with this conversation. Instead, I pull into a parking spot, leaving the car on while I sip on my coffee and call Jack.

“Coco, what's up?”

I grip the phone tightly. “Are you the one who’s been going around town paying for my stuff?”

“I’m just trying to make things a little easier while I’m here.”

While I'm here. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. “I can do it myself, Jack.”

“I know you can. But I want to help. Why are you whispering?”

“Joey and I were running errands and he fell asleep in my truck.”

“You’re still out? The roads are getting bad.”

“I know. That's actually why I'm calling.”

“Are you okay? Where are you?” His voice becomes frantic.

“I’m fine. But listen. The snow is supposed to get worse in the next couple days, and Joey is afraid you won’t get to our house on Christmas. I assured him you'd make it, but he was upset and crying about wanting you with him.”

He lets out a long sigh. “I’m making it worse by only coming once a year, aren't I?”

“It certainly doesn’t make it better. We knew this would happen though. He’s getting older and he’s asking a lot of questions. FaceTime calls aren’t enough.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“I think it’d be good for Joey to have you close.”

“That wasn’t my question, Coco.”

Oh, when he calls me that, he breaks down all my defenses. I wish it could be different. I wish our whole marriage could have been different. “Jack,” I whisper out. I thought I could learn to live without him, but the last five years have been hard.

“I want to stay with you. Do you want to come get me?”

I glance again at Joey, and within a matter of seconds, I make my decision. Joey deserves for us to try, at least for the holiday. “Yes. I'll be there in ten.”

“I’ll be ready.”