Chapter 32

"I still can't believenobody told me," Josh says, and practically floors the accelerator as he gets us on the road towards Beaconsfield. "Mum and Dad have always been massive enforcers of the no secrets policy, but they didn't say a fucking word."

It's because of me– those are the words on the tip of my tongue. Your family didn't tell you because of me.

Josh sighs. "I thought Carly was avoiding my calls because she was being a stroppy little cow, not because she's been bawling her eyes out at their place."

"They must have been worried sick about her."

"Even more reason to tell me, not keep me out of the loop."

"She probably begged them not to. Seriously. Don't pin this all on them, Josh. It's not fair."

"Make excuses for them all you like, but they could have told me. I'd have been over there already, trying to help, stroppy little cow or not."

I thought at least a tiny part of me would be smug, or relieved, or overjoyed that Connor was a prick enough to ditch the girl he ditched me for, but I'm not exactly singing Rocky right now. There are stronger forces rising up through the disdain.

Compassion.

Sympathy.

Empathy.

I'm feeling them all in one churning caboodle, and it's a surprise to me. A weird turn of events I wasn't expecting – which is becoming a narrative of late.

I am glad, to be fair. Anything to take my mind off Connor's smash hit is a welcome distraction. I don't want to give his success even a smidgen of my time.

PRICK.

"She's probably embarrassed," I say. "Embarrassed and hurt, and hating herself for being so fucking stupid, falling so hard for a jackass like him. I know, because I've been there. I know what it was like to believe I was the centre of Connor's world, only for him to give me a see you later and drop me in the shit."

I still remember it all too well.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and die when Connor first left me. I wanted him back, even though he'd been a complete cunt. I wanted a light at the end of the tunnel.

And I wanted my parents.

I needed my parents.

No wonder Carly has been hiding away at their place. At least hers are in Beaconsfield, not in Sydney.

Josh shoots me a glance. "You sure you want to do this? We can turn around and take you home."

"I'll be alright. I can wait in another room, or in the car if she can't handle me being there, that's fine."

It was instinct, not logic, that had me dashing out with Josh once his mum finally picked up his call and admitted the truth to him. We were a couple in sync as we got ready to go, acting like a duo on autopilot, ready to face the trials together – dumb or not.

I tap my foot in the footwell, slightly nervous, but I know I'll cope ok. I'm a lot stronger than I used to be. I need to keep telling myself that.

"You were being sick and sobbing over him yourself just a few hours ago, remember?" Josh reminds me.

"No, I was being sick and sobbing over the fact he was singing a song about me being a hooker for the whole world to hear. He can fuck off and go to hell for all I care. Especially now."

I'd told him so as well. Right before I'd hung up the call and blocked him again. For good this time.

"Carly feels the same," Josh says. "She hates him now. Mum said so. She thinks he's a total fucking asshole."

I'm not quite so convinced…

"He is a total fucking asshole, but that won't stop it hurting. He'd have fed her lies and raised her up like a goddess, just to turn his back on her like a rotten turd."

"You're going to be ok with her, seriously?" Josh shoots me another glance. "She told Mum you'll be laughing, and think she deserves it."

"I sure won't be laughing at her expense, believe me."

I might be crazy, but despite the whole sorry mess of the past, Carly is still Josh's sister and she got duped, just like me. Wooed by the twin flame bullshit while he was milking her for everything she had. Or he thought she had. Whatever, really.

He fucked her over, just like he did with me. He fed her bullshit and used her, just like he did with me. We're closer to twin flames on that score than he'll ever be with either of us.

I get another flash of empathy.

"She can scream she hates Connor all she wants," I tell Josh. "But I very much doubt that's true. There will still be a part of her praying the megastar walks back in through the door. I'd put my entire bank balance on it."

"Really? Your entire bank balance? That would be quite a gamble."

"Yep. But a safe one."

Josh smiles. "Right. Well, I'm only glad you're not skipping into the sunset, singing his hooker song, arm in arm with him and his megastar status."

"As if. You're way more of a megastar than that prick will ever be. Millions of followers or not."

We share a soppy smile, and I almost forget the craziness of the situation. I'm here in the passenger seat of a car, speeding over to ease the pain of the girl I'd filed as a man-stealing bitch, and it's crap, but I ask myself – would I have fallen for his bullshit if I was her, with him professing his undying love, smirking like a rock god as he played his guitar?

Yes. I would. I did. Connor's charisma is convincing enough to charm the panties off a nun.

"He's such a cunt," Josh says. "A cunt to you, a cunt to Carly, a cunt all round."

"Yep, he sure is. And he'll be a cunt to whoever comes next, as well."

Josh's jaw is gritted, and I know he wants to kick Connor smack bang in the balls. Carly might be a bit of a twat sometimes, but Josh loves her to bits – that much is as plain as day. It's quite beautiful to see.

Beaconsfield doesn't seem all that far away when you're driving in the middle of the night on empty roads. I figured I was pretty calm, all in, but that illusion disappears when we pull up next to Carly's car at the farmhouse. These are a different kind of nerves than the ones before proposals. They are the personal kind, the intimate kind, the about my boyfriend's family kind. I never figured there would be so many shades of nerves. There could be a book about it. Fifty Shades of Nerves, by Ella Edwards. I'm becoming a fucking expert.

"Here goes," Josh says, taking a deep breath himself as he gestures me ahead of him to the garden gate.

The front door opens for us without us even knocking, and Heather gestures us in, as pale as a ghost in the moonlight. She looks so drawn, heartbroken herself as she pulls Josh in for a hug.

"We should have told you."

"Yeah," he says. "I'd have appreciated it." But he hugs her back, nice and tight. "I would've helped."

"You would've tried, but honestly, Josh, she's been so upset. She was crying her eyes out, begging us not to get you involved." Heather turns her attention to me, managing a smile. "Or you, Ella. I'm sorry you're caught up in this mess, too. It's just… horrible."

I give her a hug, and actually, I'm not sorry I'm caught up in this mess. I'm not sorry at all. Because if there's one thing the people who Connor screws over deserve, it's to get over him. He's caused enough heartache already.

"Where is she?" Josh asks, and Heather points to a door to the left.

"In the living room, under a duvet. She's been sobbing again since she found out you were on your way over."

"Does she know I'm here as well?" I ask, and Heather puts her hands over her heart.

"Not yet. I wasn't sure you were coming, so I just…" She sighs. "She suspects, but she doesn't know."

She seems so exhausted. So utterly broken for her daughter.

I put a hand on her arm, filled with another bout of empathy.

"I'll try and help," I say. "I promise."

"Thank you so much." The relief in her eyes is palpable, clearly reaching the end of her reserves. "Carly didn't know that Connor was already with you," Heather tells me. "He played it down, said it was done and over."

I smile. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I'm familiar with his bullshit by now."

Josh takes me by the hand, and gestures to the door ahead. Heather disappears into the kitchen, no doubt grateful for the break.

"Let's face the music and dance," Josh says, making the most of the calm before the storm.

"Just not to the hooker song, please. I never want to hear it again in my life."

We share a moment, and he raises my hand to his lips for a kiss.

"Thank you for being here. You didn't need to be."

"I know that. I wanted to be. I'll always be here when you need me."

"Same goes." He smiles right back.

He taps the door a few times before calling his sister's name.

Carly?

I hear a cry-sob before I can understand any words.

Leave me a-a-alone! Just, leave me…

Then more sobs. Wracking sobs, that sound as though her whole world is ending. Josh pushes the door open and his poor sister looks like a tiny little ball under a duvet on the sofa, just her head sticking out – scarlet hair a mess, and not a scrap of makeup.

Fuck, she really has been through the wringer. I get a thump of hurt for her.

Josh is straight on over to sit down beside her, but she rejects his attempts at a hug, sobbing fresh when she sets eyes on me.

I let my instincts guide me as I close the distance and crouch down beside her, putting a hand on her knee through the duvet. She stiffens up as though I'm going to attack her, but I shake my head.

"It's alright," I say. "I'm on your side, ok?"

She chokes on a couple more sobs before she manages to speak to me.

"Yeah, right. Like you don't think I deserve it."

"I don't think you deserve it, actually. I think he's a prick. I think he's always been a prick, putting himself before anyone else, and worshipping his career dreams like they're the breath of life itself." I look her right in the eyes. "I can imagine all the bullshit he told you, and I know it must hurt like fuck. I know how it feels to believe in him, and trust him, only for him to spit you out like you never meant shit to him."

She nods, and blinks out a fresh round of tears. Quiet ones this time.

"I… I love him…" she says and her lip trembles.

Josh leans in at that and takes hold of his little sister, pulling her into his side and wrapping his strong arms around her as she cries.

He doesn't speak, or try to argue with her, just rocks her steadily and lets her cry. A solid support in the midst of her pain.

My fucking God, how I love him.

He's the epitome of everything Connor isn't. The opposite force of nature, embodied in human form.

As Carly cries, my heart pounds, thumping with the love I feel for her brother. My guts twist for her in sympathy, and her tears hit close to home, but mine don't fall, they just linger. I nod and smile as I look up at the man I love.

When she finally calms enough to speak, Josh hands her a tissue, and she manages a laugh as she looks at the state of his red suit jacket. Snot and tears all over it – on the other lapel from the one I massacred earlier. He's had a double whammy.

"Sorry," she says, then she blows her nose.

I watch her afresh, and wipe my preconceptions clean – determined to meet her anew.

Not the irritating bitch Tiff rolls her eyes about, or the little show queen, determined to captivate everyone. Not the bitch who took my ex from me, either.

She's a young girl who wants attention, and love, and a boyfriend like Connor – with the personality to make her feel worth something.

I get it, and I get her.

We may have different ways of expressing it, and she may have chosen the prickly-walled bitch route, rather than little miss walkover like I did, but we're peas from the same kind of pod – and we both thought Connor would be the answer.

I have more in common with her than I thought.

She looks down at me, still scoping me out in case I want to kick off in her face, but I just smile, waiting until she breaks the silence.

"I didn't know he was with you," she says. "He said you were just an ex who moved to London when he did."

"Doesn't surprise me."

"I may be an idiot sometimes," she says. "But I, um… I didn't think it was cheating, and I really did think that he…"

She can't bring herself to say it. Loved me.

She really did think that he loved her.

Only Connor isn't capable of loving anyone but himself, no matter what the fallout.

I take a seat beside Carly as she starts crying again, so she's sandwiched between me and Josh, and we both hug her.

"I know," I say with a sigh, squeezing her tight. "I thought he loved me, too."

"It hurts so bad!" she cries. "I can't take it. I can't fucking take it."

My heart blends with hers, recognising her pain,

"I know it hurts, and I know it doesn't feel like you can take it. Believe me, I've been there. But you can take it, and you will take it, because he's nothing but a twat who doesn't deserve your tears." I look at Josh, who is looking at me as I keep on talking. "Just give yourself time, Carly, and trust me, because I swear there is someone else out there who's better. Who really is your twin flame. And when you find them, you'll be glad Connor fucked you over, I swear it."

She nods through her tears, but I know she doesn't believe it, and isn't likely to – not for some time, but I believe it, because I see it. Right in front of me.

Josh is my real twin flame, not Connor, and Carly's will be waiting out there too.

And as for Connor, he's got the saddest future of us all, because his only twin flame is his ego – and one day that ego will fall.