Chapter Eighteen

Brooke

I stare out of the window of Libby’s, watching the busy traffic on Atlantic Avenue as people push their way through the Zebra crossing, their faces tight with purpose. And here I sit across from Zoey, my heart breaking again with what she’s telling me.

“She was almost six months pregnant. A deer came out of nowhere and Xavi swerved to avoid it but lost control and the car spun and turned over. They were trapped under the car for almost an hour and Xavi could do nothing but watch Taylor bleed until she became unconscious. By the time the emergency response got them out, it was too late.” Zoey’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears.

I realize I’m crying too.

“The autopsy showed the baby’s placenta had separated due to the trauma from the seatbelt. Like Xavi, she was otherwise unhurt. ”

“You’re telling me that the only reason she didn’t survive is because she was pregnant?”

“Precisely.”

And Xavier has had to live with that . The unspoken words hang between us.

Zoey takes a few breaths and continues. “We knew he was suffering, but he withdrew to this place where it was impossible for anyone to reach him. He threw himself into his business with a singular focus and became tremendously wealthier.”

“He didn’t drink, but he smoked like a chimney, worked too hard and slept too little. But he refused to break. He remained the perfect brother, perfect brother-in-law, and perfect son.” She takes another swallow of her water. “And with Lisa, eventually, the perfect uncle.”

“Eventually?”

“I was also pregnant at the time, you see.” Oh God. I didn’t know it was possible for my heart to break even more.

“He couldn’t bear to be around me. He avoided me like the plague. But on the day Lisa was born, he came to see us. He’d stopped smoking because of Lisa, and heaven only knows what he did instead to cope. From there on he was perfect. Until now. Well, until two weeks ago.”

Zoey grabs my hand. “He’s got such an enormous heart, Brooke. He gives and gives so much love, so much of himself, he just struggles to really let people in. Which is why we’ve been so over the moon about you.”

“We?”

“Everyone. Our parents, Me, Dan, Ryan, Wyatt, Alex… everyone who knew about Taylor. ”

Vanessa wasn’t over the moon. She’d warned me. She had tried to love him herself and failed. Xavier is wrapped in Taylor’s ghost.

“I don’t see how I’m different seeing as he pushed me away.” Only, I was the one who was stupid enough to get pregnant.

“Brooke. I love you to bits, but Xavi is my twin brother. So, it may sound like I’m selfishly looking out for his happiness at the expense of yours, but I’ve never seen my brother with anyone the way he was with you. Not even Taylor.” She passes me a piece of paper. “He’s being a jerk and sabotaging his first chance of happiness in a long time, but I also know he’s hurting. He must be. Go to him. Please.”

I look at the paper. It’s the address of the Crowne. Room 901.

I want nothing more than to go, and I debate it for a long time. Then I push the paper back. “I love him and my heart breaks for him, but, Zoey, I’m sorry, I can’t deal with this for him. No one can. He has to decide if he needs us—the baby and me—more than the guilt of the past and fear for the future.”

“Thank you for telling me all this.”

I stand from my seat and hug her. She holds me for a long time. “I love you, Brooke.”

I leave quickly before I can change my mind and snatch the paper out of Zoey’s hands.

I return to find a damp kitchen floor, and when I enter the living room, I see a big, blond, half-naked man bent over his phone. He looks up as I enter and I recognize him with a shock that roots me to the spot.

Ryan? In my house, half-naked. His hair is wet.

“Great, you’re back.” He approaches, not seeing anything amiss.

Stella comes out of her room in a dressing gown, toweling her hair. I can’t believe Stella would do this—sleep with Xavier’s best friend, with everything that’s going on.

“Oh, thank God—”

“Stella!” I whirl on her. “How could you? Ryan, of all people, for goodness’ sake!” I point to him.

“Hey, it’s not—” Ryan begins.

“I swear, Brooke, I did not touch him,” Stella says.

Ryan scoffs. “Yeah, only because you were too busy wiping the drool off your face.”

“As if.” She rolls her eyes, throwing the towel at his head. He catches it deftly.

I look from one person to the other. “Whenever any of you would like to explain what is going on?”

“He came in looking for you and offered to help with the leaky faucet I was trying to sort out. Turns out he doesn’t know his head from his ass and ends up flooding the kitchen. But it’s sorted now.”

Ryan hasn’t stopped looking at Stella.

“What are you doing here, Ryan?” I ask.

He tears his gaze from Stella. “Is there somewhere we can talk—”

“There’s nothing Brooke doesn’t tell me. And if it’s regarding her ex-boyfriend, then that’s even more of a reason I need to be there.”

Er… I don’t remember breaking up with my boyfriend but apparently Stella has gone ahead and done it for me in her head.

Ryan narrows his gaze at Stella. “It is about Xavier and Brooke, and it’s got nothing to do with you.” Stella glares back .

I can’t tell what’s going on between these two, but I’m suddenly too tired to figure it out. “Look, Ryan, if it’s about Xavier and Taylor, Zoey beat you to it. I know all about Taylor.”

I walk toward my room, suddenly wanting nothing more than to lie down. I’ve been too strung up all week, and on getting to know that Xavier is alive and well, I’m suddenly exhausted.

“He loves you,” Ryan calls.

That halts me in my steps. For the first time in the past couple of weeks, anger boils inside me. I’ve just about had enough. “You go back to that jackass and tell him to man up if he has something to say to me. Otherwise, he should keep the hell out so I can get on with my life!”

“Xavier doesn’t know I’m here. There’s a chance he’ll kill me if he knows I came by,” Ryan says.

“He wants you, Brooke, desperately. Six years and we were never able to get him to have therapy, and we tried everything. He refused completely. Until now. He started seeing the therapist the day after he left here.”

Ryan comes closer. “He’s only staying away because he thinks that’s the best thing to do.”

“How did you find him?” I ask.

“Gail, his secretary, called and told me. He’s been working like a maniac. Just like he did six years ago.”

Falling into old habits. But he’s getting therapy now, so maybe he stands a better chance?

“He’s not picking up his calls,” I say.

“Because he left his phone at home. I suspect he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist if you reached out to him. Brooke, please. I know he must have acted like a complete nut job, but I’ve known him since we were boys. Xavier is a wonderful person. He’s your boyfriend, and he needs you.”

Everyone keeps banging on about what Xavier needs. What about what I need? Does it even matter if what I need most is what they’re asking me to go get?

I look at Stella to see what she thinks. She wrinkles her nose at Ryan as if she smells something bad, then looks back at me. “I’m not buying that shit.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know.” Ryan glares at her.

Stella rolls her eyes. “Yes, well, you’re an—”

Whatever she meant to say was interrupted by the pounding on the front door.

Stella goes to the door. She looks through the peephole then promptly turns, putting her back to the door as if trying to keep whatever or whoever is on the other side from coming in.

“It’s him!” she whispers.

“Him, who?” Ryan asks.

“Who else, your friend,” she retorts. My heart starts to pound.

“Well, are you going to open it?” Ryan asks.

“No way in hell.” Stella digs in her heels.

Ryan marches to the door.

“Don’t you dare—” Ryan picks up a shocked Stella and throws her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, then pulls the door open.

Xavier fills the doorway. He looks glorious in gray slacks and a soft white cashmere sweater that molds to his torso like a lover’s embrace. The sleeves are pushed over his forearms, exposing tanned skin and thick coursing veins. My eyes eagerly drink in the lines of his broad shoulders, his tanned neck, his square jaw covered with dark stubble, and finally creep up to meet his hot green gaze.

He looks straight at me. My heart lurches to a stop, then picks up its rhythm.

“Baby,” he whispers to me alone. I’m not sure what Ryan has done with Stella, but right now I couldn’t care less.

“Xavier,” I say through my parched throat. I can’t say anymore because he’s coming toward me.

He approaches slowly as if he expects me to bolt. He stops a few feet from me. He’s too far and yet too close. I can smell him. My skin prickles with awareness.

“Can you ever forgive me? I behaved like an absolute monster. I don’t know what came over me. Actually, that’s not true, I know. And I can explain. Not that it excuses my actions, but perhaps it might make you understand.”

“Ryan beat you to it.” I motion to the general area where I think he might be, but he and Stella have disappeared. “And I had lunch with Zoey today. She told me everything.”

He nods. “I was hoping to tell you myself.”

“Oh, so now you want to talk. Why didn’t you pick up your calls or respond to my messages? Why did you say those things? About the baby not being yours?”

“I said a lot of things that were not only horrible but untrue. I’ve never had any doubts about you. I know I’m the only man you’ve been with in a while. I just wasn’t ready to face why I never used protection with you, and I turned it around on you.”

“Xavier, look—”

“Brooke, I’m in love with you. I’m so utterly consumed with it. I think I loved you from the moment I first saw you. I wanted you with a ferocity I didn’t understand. I want you to know that I have never ever been with anyone without using protection. Never tried it. That’s a level of intimacy I haven’t been able to share with anyone. Except you.”

“How—what about Taylor?”

“The condom broke. That’s why she got pregnant.”

My stupid heart leaps and a languid warmth bubbles inside my chest. Xavier loves me. Right from the start he gave himself to me in a way he’d never shared with anyone before.

I put my arms around myself, not sure if I’m protecting myself or doing what I need his arms to do.

“Let me hold you, baby.” He moves closer.

You’re killing me, Xavier, and I need to keep my head sane to deal with you.

I take a step back. He doesn’t follow, but his eyes are pulling me in. Dominant Xavier is back, exerting the force of his desire. I look away, then turn toward the window, presenting my back to him.

“So what happens now? I’m still pregnant and you still have the trauma you’re dealing with. Are you going to repress your emotions the way you did with Zoey and Lisa?”

“I can’t, even if I tried. Haven’t you listened to what I’ve been saying? It’s impossible for me to suppress what I feel for you. You have all of me, body and soul. I want to fight for this, for us.”

My heart might as well be butter on a hot skillet for how it withstands the impact of his words.

Still, I fight the urge to go to him and stay with my back turned. “Are you going to be having random times when you’ll be weird?”

“What happened two weeks ago was a panic attack. It happened because I was blindsided by information that triggered my unresolved trauma about what happened to Taylor. I went straight to therapy. It’s only been a few sessions, but I can see that it’s helping already.”

“So you’re telling me the idea of having a baby doesn’t put you off?”

“Not in the slightest, babe. I know I lashed out and walked out on you when you needed me. I can’t tell you how awful I feel about that. And I made myself stay away because I never want to hurt you the way I did again.”

I take a few breaths. “I think I was more hurt that you shut me out.”

“I’m so sorry. That will never happen again. I promise.”

“Brooke, please,” he says when I remain silent.

“I forgive you, Xavier,” I say finally in a small voice, “and I love you too. I can’t stop.”

Xavier exhales a sigh of relief. “Brooke. I want you in my life. Always. Forever.”

“What are you saying?” I whirl to face him, and he’s on one knee.

My heart does cartwheels behind my ribcage. I can’t breathe. My leaden feet move toward him. Is this really happening?

“Marry me, Brooklyn Sofia Lewis.”

Oh God, I don’t know his middle name. What if it’s ridiculous?

“What’s your middle name?” That seems like the most important deciding factor.

“Dominic.”

I release the breath I was holding in a rush. “Not bad,” I say. “Sexy actually.” I try it out. “Dominic.” It rolls off my tongue nicely.

I try it again. “ Dominic. Now that’s a strong name. It suits you,” I say. “I like Dominic, maybe even more than Xavier and—”

“Brooke?” A worried frown appears between his brows.

“Hmm?”

He makes a sweeping motion to indicate he’s still on his knee and waiting for an answer.

“Ah, yes.”

“Yes, as in—?”

“Yes, Xavier, I’ll marry you.”

He catches me in his arms and twirls me around. I allow the joy inside me to bubble over and laugh out loud. He sets me on my feet and brings out something from his back pocket. My breath stops when I see it. It’s a beautiful pink solitaire diamond with a platinum band.

“Oh, wow.” I gasp.

“Do you like it? I had to guess what you might like.”

“It’s so beautiful, Xavier. I love it.”

“Good, because it’s yours. Permanently.” He holds out his hand for mine and then slips it on my finger.

“So, therapy, work, ring shopping. You’ve been a busy boy, Xavier,” I tease.

He laughs. “Mostly I’ve just missed you madly.” He takes my lips in a hard kiss. Whoa. Talk about sensory overload after having been deprived of his taste and smell for two weeks. And he’s not easing into it at all. It’s a devouring kiss, his tongue spearing into my mouth to mate with mine. He’s ravenous. My hands slide into his hair and I pull, just the way he loves it.

“Hello, wife.”

“Slow down, we just got engaged.” I smile .

“Not for long, babe. What do you think about a few weeks from now?”

“Xavier! We need a few months to plan.”

“We can plan fast.” He takes my mouth again and kisses me until I’m breathless and straining toward him, then lifts me up, and I wind my legs around his waist.

He walks us backward as my mouth feasts on his jaw and neck. “Hurry,” I whisper, sucking on his earlobe.

“Er… guys? Before you get it on, perhaps you’ll allow us to congratulate you.” Ryan’s voice comes from the direction of Stella’s room. I twist my head to see them. Ryan is still shirtless. Stella is now in a tank top and shorts and frowning at Ryan.

“ ‘Get it on!’ What are you? Ninety?” She scoffs. “Anyway, baby girl, congratulations.” She comes toward us while Ryan makes a strangling motion with his hands behind her back.

“I always said you’d come round, Xavier.”

“Er, Stella, you didn’t.” I disentangle myself from Xavier and show her the ring.

“Well, I suppose we could rewrite history with the size of that diamond,” Stella replies when she sees the ring. We laugh. “It’s beautiful.”

“Congrats, brother.” Ryan grabs the back of Xavier’s neck and hugs him hard.

“Thank you.” Xavier embraces him back.

“Right, Stella, off we go,” Ryan says, “let them bask in the glow of their new engagement.”

“Now you’re really pissing me off. Can’t you talk normally?”

“I could, but I really like how I can make steam come out of your ears.” He pulls her toward the laundry.

Xavier and I look at each other. “She’s too nice for him. Ryan’s a certified ass,” Xavier says .

“I was going to say he’s too nice for her. She’ll chew him up and spit him out.”

“Well then, they’re perfectly suited.” Xavier chuckles. “Where were we?”

“You were about to spend the rest of the day apologizing to me.”

“Fantastic idea.” His smile is wicked.

He knows exactly what I want. He bends and throws me over his shoulder; his hands start to knead my ass as he heads to my room.

His voice drops an octave. “You think you can make it filthier than that, though?”

My heart skips a beat. “Make love to me.”

He smacks my butt. Hard. “Specifics, baby.” I’m shocked by how much I love it. How much I want him to do it again.

“I want your mouth on me, Xavier.”

“Good girl.”

It’s several hours before we leave the room again.