11. Lila

11

LILA

F elipe: Good morning, beautiful Lila. What are you up to?

Lila: Good morning. ?? On the subway with Jamie, heading to Olivia's. First day with both kiddos! Wish me luck? XX

Felipe: Always, though I know you don't need it.

In every way but two—the baby in my lap and the beautiful man blowing up my phone—it was a perfectly normal morning ride on the subway. But I guessed those changes were pretty big. It had all come on so fast, I was still struggling to accept the reality of it.

I'd picked up baby Jamie from Mr. Pierce's penthouse bright and early this morning, and rather than accepting his offer of a car, I decided I'd bring Jamie on the subway to Miles Kramer's place for the first time. It felt easiest to rip off the Band-Aid now, rather than letting the kid get used to a more peaceful ride in a town car and then trying to transition him to the subway. So far, Jamie was loving it, giggling when strangers waved or smiled at him, his wide eyes taking in all the new sights with that uniquely childlike sense of wonder. I was happy to have proven myself right—and mean Mr. Pierce just a little bit wrong. Besides, there was always something romantic to me about taking the train. Or maybe everything just felt a little more rosy now that Felipe and I were flirting.

It was hard not to heart-react to every text he sent, especially when he called me beautiful and any number of other wonderful, complimentary things in nearly every message. I had my roommates' voices warning me at the back of my mind that he was too good to be true, that he was "love bombing" me and couldn't be trusted, so I tried to keep my emotional guard up as much as I was able. But after twenty-two years of never receiving this kind of attention from boys, or later, men, it was hard not to get swept up in the romance of it all. Felipe Rojas was gorgeous and a certified sweet talker.

When he'd first responded to me, I'd been almost too stunned to speak. It was tough to believe that my roommates' meddling had actually worked. Luckily, though, I'd been sans-roommates for the moment when his text came through, so I had plenty of time to consider the best way to respond. My acceptance of his offer to keep talking seemed all the permission he needed to let loose the romance within—and then we were off to the text-flirting races.

Lila: You don't really know that, though. You've never even seen me in action!

Felipe: I saw your interview. Smart and gorgeous is a winning combination, and you have a sweet spirit the kids must adore.

I grinned down at my phone. "See that, Jamie?" I whispered in the little guy's ear as I showed him my phone screen. "I think he likes me."

In seconds, another text came in, and it was hard not to squeal aloud.

Felipe: As for seeing you in action… well, I'm a gentleman, so I won't say exactly what I'm thinking.

That one I did heart-react to. I couldn't help it. At the same time I swallowed hard and wished for a little fan, or at least that I could more easily reach my water bottle without disrupting Jamie, who had insisted I hold him rather than keeping him in the carrier. Was it just me, or was the subway getting especially hot all of a sudden?

This level of flirtation was about all we'd gotten to so far, and that suited me just fine. I was still so new to this, and though texting came naturally to me as a writer, flirtation did not. It took me way too long to come up with suitable responses most of the time, and even when I hit Send , I wasn't always satisfied with what I'd said. Felipe was patient with me, at least.

The thing was, I always knew what I wanted to say, or at least what I wished I knew how to articulate. Felipe's flirtation gave me butterflies in my stomach and further down, and that rush of pleasure had me wanting wild things I'd never dreamed of before. Things that made my blood seem to heat in my veins.

I couldn't think like that with a baby on my lap, though. Besides, the little guy was getting too squirmy for me to hold onto him easily, so I leaned forward and put Jamie back into his little seat, shushing him gently and handing him his favorite rattling octopus toy when he started to get cranky. In seconds, he was buckled up, settled, and happy again, giggling to himself as he shook his toy around in his tiny fist.

Which meant I was free to fall back into the rabbit hole of Felipe Fantasyland.

His eyes came to mind first, bright green and always near glittering with his particular brand of overflowing charisma. I could so easily see him staring into my eyes adoringly, or else locking his gaze onto mine in the midst of carnal pleasure.

He would whisper sweet Spanish things, calling me beautiful as his hands traced my curves like he knew them as well as I did. In my vivid imagination, I could feel the rush of him stripping off my dress, cupping my breasts in his hands and squeezing them with a hot possession that turned my core to molten liquid. Even more, I could practically feel my inner muscles clenching at the thought of him plunging inside me, so much hotter and deeper than the impersonal vibrator my friends had gifted me for my twenty-first birthday. The stupid thing never felt like quite enough, lacking the body heat I really craved, even as I thrust it into myself hard and fast enough to bring forth the ricochet of my orgasm.

But with Felipe, it would be all heat, the warmth of his personality translating into a fiery passion in bed that I wanted to experience more than anything. I could grab his slender hips, urge him deeper inside me, his bare chest pressed to mine. I could press my breasts up against him, feel the friction of his manly physique against my oversensitive nipples. And right as I came apart, I could take his lips with mine, moaning into his kiss while he spent himself inside me in hot jolts.

The train jerked to a stop a little harder than normal, knocking me right out of my filthy thoughts. I felt my face turn the brightest, most neon shade of red as I realized I'd been fantasizing so intensely about a man I barely knew—while I was on the crowded subway, too. I watched the passengers on my car stream out of the open doors for a long second before I noticed which stop we'd hit, and my stomach sank.

"Oh, no," I whispered. We were two stops past the one where Jamie and I were supposed to have gotten off, and now the train was back in motion again. I checked my phone for the time and almost swore, stopping myself for the sake of the baby.

"Don't worry, Jamie," I told the little guy as I fought back my urge to cry. "We're a little late, but we'll get there soon, I promise!"

When I finally stumbled up the steps to the Kramer brownstone, sweaty and frazzled, I didn't even get a chance to knock. Miles himself threw open the front door, his expression wild with panic as he sputtered out, "Oh, my—where have you been? It's been half an hour!"

"I am so, so sorry, Mr. Kramer," I said in a rush of panicked air, breezing right past how he muttered "It's Miles," under his breath. "I missed our subway stop, and then I got off at the later one and had to walk so much further than I thought, and… I'm so, so, so sorry. It'll never happen again, I promise."

"It's… I was alone," he said bluntly. "With Olivia. For all that time. Do you think she'll be okay?"

That was the most confusing thing he could have said. I blinked up at him, my brow creased heavily as I tried to understand his logic. When a faint shade of pink covered his cheeks, it started to click into place in my brain.

Mr. Kramer—Miles—was too stressed out to even be mad at me. Because he'd had to spend half an hour of alone time with his daughter. And I got a distinct sense that Do you think she'll be okay? Could have been finished with, Even though I'm so screwed up?

He was afraid of ruining his child. Of not being enough for her. Miles Kramer, billionaire scientist, was absolutely terrified that he was a bad dad. And it broke my heart.

The only thing I could do in that moment was follow my instincts. So, once I'd set Jamie safely down in his carrier on the floor, I stepped forward and pulled myself against Miles' torso in a tight, warm hug.

I came from a family of huggers, so I'd learned that when someone needed comfort or reassurance, you hugged them. I probably should have asked first, though, because Miles' slender form grew stiff as a board in my grip. He didn't push me away, but his arms didn't come up to encircle me, either. Like he wanted the hug but didn't know how to accept it.

"You're doing a great job with Olivia," I told him softly, hoping he felt the vibration of my words rumbling all the way through to his heart. "You care. That's all she needs. You're not going to let her down."

Slowly, I felt Miles relax into my embrace, his breathing evening out as his anxiety eased. I held on tight, my softness against his firm, lean frame, and words kept spilling out.

"You're brave, and successful, and hardworking. She'll learn how to be those things, too, from you. You're… you're kind of incredible."

I wasn't even aware I thought these things about him until the words were out. But it was true. I'd done my research on him and his company, the work they were doing to improve health outcomes in developing countries. I'd read about his myriad of prizes and accomplishments in his field, long names of awards I'd never heard of for doing amazing things I couldn't comprehend. Everyone called him a genius. And even in the short time I'd known him, I'd grown to admire the man he was—his persistence through pain.

I could tell that pain was what was holding him back from me. But somehow, my warmth seemed to melt his inner iciness, and when his arms came around me, he squeezed me closer to him with enough force that I knew he meant it.

"Thank you." I barely heard him, his voice just above a whisper. "For your kindness… your sweetness."

Something about his voice, low and husky, made me instantly more aware of our physical closeness. The warmth of his body melding with mine. The sharp contrast between his hard angles and my soft curves. It felt… good. Right, somehow. And I couldn't deny the reaction it sent through me, a wave of pleasure and seductive heat tightening at my core. His arms tightened around me, and I knew he was subtly pressing himself against me. I could have sworn, even, that his body was reacting, something hard protruding against my stomach.

My breath caught. Miles pulled back, and though I worried he'd break our embrace, I apparently had no reason to. He kept his arms around me, a secure chain linking us together as we came face to face.

The air between us, the few inches between our mouths, seemed to wait. I could see a flustered pink dappling his cheeks, hear how his breath was shallow and jagged. His head was craned down, my chin tilted up, and for what felt like the first time in my life, I could feel my whole body screaming Kiss me! And for a moment, I thought he would, could have sworn he started to lean in?—

But Jamie made a small squawk sound from his carrier, and the spell was broken. Miles and I jumped apart, our faces flushed, my mind racing in an attempt to suss out whether that had really just happened. It was hard for my body to catch up. Suddenly, the lust that had distracted me into being late was back, but this time, the center of it was Miles instead of Felipe. The firm fitness of his body… I knew it would feel good between my thighs.

No, no, no. He's your employer. You have to stop this, Lila!

My hands were trembling, and I curled them into tight fists at my sides. Determined to recover from this haze of desire, I blurted out, "Maybe, uh, you should spend some more time with Olivia here soon. But with me there, too, and I can, uh, do all of the hard parts." I swallowed around the dryness of my throat, my cheeks reddening at the fact that I'd said hard parts to him out loud. "Um. You know, less pressure, and you can just… relax. Enjoy your daughter. We could–could call it a ‘family day', if you want."

Just when I was sure he was going to walk off in a huff, hiding away in his office again, Miles surprised me. "That… would be good, I think. Family day."

His nods were jerky, but the message was clear.

"Okay," I said slowly. "Okay. It's a plan."

Well, it would be soon enough.