Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Gray

The day went along like any other day with Ella after that. We stopped and picked up Freckles, who carried his old shoe with him the entire way to Central Park, and then the three of us spent the afternoon watching the model boats. While Ella searched for Stuart Little, I quietly obsessed over Layla’s date tonight and remembered what a nice afternoon we’d had last time we were all here together.

Ella and I even bought ice cream from the same cart guy and sat on the same bench where the three of us had eaten it last time. It must’ve made Ella think about Layla, too.

She licked her cone while chocolate ice cream dripped down her fingers on the other side. “Can Layla come to the park with us next time?”

I didn’t think I should explain that we’d broken up. Today was already info overload. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”

She licked some more. “Are you and Mommy married?”

I coughed as I swallowed my ice cream. “No, Mommy and I aren’t married anymore.”

“So, does that mean you can marry Layla?”

I wish. “It means I could get married again. So could your mom, technically.”

“What’s tech-lick-ly mean?”

“It means it could happen, but it’s not necessarily going to.”

She turned her hand, examined her fingers covered in melted ice cream, and dipped her head to lick them off.

“Like finding Stuart Little out there.”

I chuckled. “I suppose so, yes.”

“Why do people get married?”

Good question. I’ve been trying to figure out why I married your mother for years now.

“They get married because they love each other.”

“Do you love Layla?”

Shit.

Well, that was at least one question I could answer wholeheartedly. “Yeah, sweetheart, I love Layla.”

Ella was quiet for a long time after that. I glanced over a bunch of times while she licked her cone in silence, just knowing the wheels in her little head were spinning fast.

“What does love feel like?”

Jesus, she asked tough questions. “It feels like you would do anything in the world for that person to make them happy. It makes you happy and sort of warm inside.”

She giggled. “My ice cream is making me feel cold inside. But I love ice cream.”

Ella finished off her cone, and I bought a bottle of water to wet the napkins so she could clean off her hands, even though Freckles looked more than willing to take care of it for us. I’d thought our little heart-to-heart was over.

“Do I make you feel happy and warm inside?” she asked.

My heart swelled. “You do. And I’d do anything in the world to make you happy.”

She smiled that toothy grin. “That means you love me.”

I rubbed my nose against hers. “I certainly do. I love you very much, sweetheart.”

Her face got very serious. “Are you staying here?”

“I’m going to stay forever, Ella.”

***

I kept thinking about my conversation with Ella, even hours after I’d dropped her off. I’d meant every word I said to her. I loved her and would do anything in this world to make her happy. A month ago, if someone had asked me if I even wanted kids, I probably would’ve said no. My life experiences had made me sour on family life. I’d thought I knew the path I wanted to walk. Yet today, I didn’t just accept that this was my fate—I wanted Ella in my life. Sometimes the most unexpected things redirect our course, and we realize we had no idea where we were even going before.

Which made me think…if I hadn’t wanted a family not too long ago, and now I couldn’t imagine my life without Ella, couldn’t Layla feel the same way? Love changes everything.

If Ella didn’t want me as her father, wouldn’t I fight for her love? Wasn’t that what I’d essentially told her today?

What does love feel like?

It feels like you would do anything in the world for that person to make them happy.

How could I decide what might make Layla happy when I hadn’t even known what made me happy a month ago?

Fuck.

I’d screwed up. Big time. Again.

Layla might not want to be with me, but Rip, Etta, everyone was right—that wasn’t my choice to make. It was hers.

I picked up my cell and glanced at the time on the phone. Seven fifteen. Scrolling with shaky hands, I got up and grabbed my wallet and keys. I found the number I needed and pressed call.

“Etta, what time is Layla’s date?”