Summer Journal

THE CARAVAN—TATE'S HOLIDAY PARK

AUGUST 9, 2010

Been hanging out with Mum and Dad the last couple of days. Wanted a break from The Manor. Had nightmares about that thing we found in the treehouse. And there's Hugo—even though he was different in the pub I still feel sick and shaky when I see him. But it's kind of boring lying on the picnic rug at the beach, Mum reading Maeve Binchy, Dad passed out with Lee Child over his face. I'm never bored with Frankie.

So I went for a swim—and saw Jake. On his own, carrying his bodyboard. He waved and came over. I was cringing as I kept thinking about what Frankie had said about having sex with him. And I still feel grubby, after what Hugo said. Dirty little prick-tease. But Jake's got such a great smile. Kind. And I know what Frankie said but I like his accent.

He asked if I wanted to have a go on the bodyboard and when I lay on it he went, can I? And he reached round to adjust my position. At first I just froze, after Hugo. But it was different. So gentle. And he asked. I can still feel the tingle of the places he touched.

Then when we got out Shrimp was sitting on the rocks poking around in the rockpools. I asked the guy if he lived at the caravan park. Yeah, he said. They're quite poor. He's a bit weird but you can't blame him. He's got kind of shitty parents.

When I got back to the rug Mum was like, he's cute! (CRINGE) Maybe you'll hang out a bit more down here now instead of the big house?

I was like, what does that mean?

I don't know. It just seems such a different world. I wonder what she sees... and then she shut her mouth, looked all embarrassed.

What she sees in me? Cheers Mum.

I guess it got to me so much because I've wondered about that myself.

AUGUST 10, 2010

Went back to The Manor today because I missed it, in spite of everything. Felt like I was missing out somehow. No sign of Frankie when I got there. I texted: where r u?

She texted: tennis court. Seemed weird as she has zero interest in sport.

Got to the court and there was Cora from the pub, smoking on a sunbed, topless—wearing just bikini bottoms and an armful of silver bangles. Her body was like a girl from an MTV music video. Then Frankie appeared holding two iced coffees (she doesn't even like coffee!), wearing eyeliner, her hair all piled up.

Oh she said, like me being there was a surprise (even though we'd just texted), we've only got two sunbeds. Didn't know if you were ever coming back. She chucked down a couple of cushion pads.

When Cora went to the toilets I asked why she was there.

Frankie grinned: you jelly, Sparrow? She's cleaning for the olds in the mornings. She needed a job after she lost that one at the pub. But she's cool. So we've been hanging out. Like it's been three weeks, not A FEW DAYS.

I'm actually an artist, Cora told us when she came back, so this is a stopgap. But it's hard living down here in the sticks.

Grandfa could help, Frankie said. He knows plenty of rich old people with cash to burn on paintings.

Oh seriously? Cora sat up. But Frankie had already picked up her copy of Heat and was all like, OMG look at the state of her. Must be her fourth boob job.

AUGUST 13, 2010

I miss it being just Frankie and me. Cora's there EVERY afternoon. The twins keep finding excuses to drop by and stare. She and Frankie talk sex—or Frankie does, and about the raves she goes to in London and the different drugs she's taken. But Cora has this whole vibe like she's experienced stuff we could never dream of. I just sit there feeling like a total loser virgin. Like, what am I going to contribute? That one of Frankie's brothers tried to finger me in the pool house? Also: surely Cora has some mates her own age to hang out with? We must seem like stupid kids to her.

It's so hot on the courts. The air gets trapped by the hedges. But when I suggested we could go to the pool, Frankie went: Cora prefers the courts, don't you, Cor? It gets chilly with the sea breeze. WTF? They're literally calling it a heatwave summer.

Then Frankie went: and we're not sure how the olds would take it, you know? Hanging out with the staff? But we're safe here. Granmama hasn't played tennis since she got her new hip. And Grandfa works in his study in the woods and phones his important friends slash mistresses in the afternoons.

Do you think maybe you could have a word with him? Cora said again. About my art?

Frankie screwed up her nose. Yeah. Sure. Maybe. Can I have another fag?

Good luck with that one Cora.

AUGUST 14, 2010

Today Frankie poured half a bottle of Malibu into a jug of banana Nesquik. The others were talking about sex again so I couldn't join in. I texted Jake. Probably wouldn't have had the balls if I hadn't had two glasses of Frankie's cocktail.

Hey. What u up 2?

He messaged straight back. Working @ the mo. But wld be nice 2 c u soon. Beach?

Who are you texting? Before I could answer Frankie grabbed the phone and read the messages. It's that guy, isn't it? Fish and chips?

Ooh, Cora said, how exciting! So patronizing, like a grown-up pretending to be interested in kids' stuff.

But Frankie looked actually pissed off. She was still holding on to my phone like she didn't trust me with it. I told you Sparrow... you could do so much better. She described him to Cora. He's local. You know him?

Cora looked a bit uncomfortable and said: I don't really know many of the kids round here.

See?! So patronizing! The "kids." UGH.

I wish I'd never introduced her to Frankie. I wish she'd just fuck off.

AUGUST 15, 2010

Ran into Hugo today on my way out of The Manor. It's the first time I've been alone with him since the pool house. He grinned at me. Not flavor of the month any longer? Frankie cancel your membership card yet? Aw, no one wants to play with you. Guess it's because you're a boring frigid little bitch.

He looked me up and down like I was naked. It's hotties like the new one who should wear bikinis by the way. Stick to the Speedo, little girl.