33

Rae

February 7th, 2020

I would have to start wearing a mask too. Jack said as much on our drive to Viv’s place.

I didn’t wholly mind, so long as I could pick it out, which Jack had assured me I could. I already had one in mind, if I were being completely honest. The idea of wearing a mask sounded fun and different. Far different than what mom had me do. Temporary hair dye, certain makeup to change the shape of my face, my eyes, and whatnot. A mask seemed a lot more fun. And I had always had a thing about rabbits. Cute, cuddly, and nobody would expect something so adorable to be so…cunning.

He dropped me off three blocks from Viv’s house and kissed me goodbye, the taste of my own cunt still prevalent on his lips. It caused me to shiver and at the same time nausea twisted my stomach.

No, I couldn’t remember everything that had happened to me during those four months, but I did remember everything Jack had done to me and every time I had a nightmare, it was always Jack doing something he had never done.

I hated it, but I would move past it eventually. These nightmares would stop. Rationally, I knew he hadn’t raped me. I knew he hadn’t taken a blow torch to my skin or broken my fingernails. I knew he hadn’t broken my fingers or made me drink small amounts of bleach until I puked.

But even so…

I was trying. I’d move past it, I knew I would.

I pulled my jacket closer as I headed for Viv’s house. I wasn’t worried about being mugged by some horny male in the shadows, I could take care of myself, so I allowed my mind to wander.

I think I would pick a black bunny mask. A bunny to represent my feminine side. The world looked at women and assumed we were so weak, so useless outside of creating babies and drama. The mask would represent that even those clothed in rabbit fur could bite like a lion and sting like a wasp.

I rolled my shoulders when her house came into view, but honestly, I was less nervous now than I had been the night we had gone to the club.

I couldn’t be sure if that was a purposeful attack or if it had been something else. I had only met ‘Beth’ a few times before this. She had been kind and really good at her job.

She and her parents were similar to us, only on a far smaller scale. She never had the training I did, she just did what her parents wanted and that was that.

Her family, like most in this world, had been close. Taking pictures with her had been one of the only rules my mom had given me that I had ever dared break. We had been friends. As friendly as we could have been in a world like this, but when her parents died, it had been horrible.

An assignment gone wrong. We had all been involved, and everything had been going so well until one of our targets caught sight of one of us. After that, it wasn’t really clear what happened.

All I remembered was lots of gunfire and shouting and then silence before Beth’s wailing rang through the world.

I didn’t see her again until two months after my mom ‘died’.

Max hadn’t said a word about her. None of them had. It gave me hope that maybe Malachi had known that she was Beth Dorsey and that’s the only reason he had said what he had.

Just another reason for Jack and Zo to lose their trust in him.

I wasn’t sure it would ever completely disappear though. My parents, Malachi, they all lied for good reasons, but I think it was different with The Family. I think it hurt more than they would ever admit out loud.

I walked up to her door and knocked twice before the door swung open, causing a smile to break across my face as I fell into yet another role.

Viv’s eyes were wide, her smile even bigger. She looked club-ready in her leather dress that could easily pass as a shirt, and her hair pinned back, her makeup caked on so it could be seen in the strobing lights of the new club. “Ready?” she asked, taking me in.

I held up my hands to either side, showing her my outfit. “Ready.”

She released a squeal and shut her door, flipping the lock with ease. “Let’s go. And,” she went on as we headed for her car, “I got some Molly. Don’t worry, they are from a trusted source this time, I promise.”

I’d pretend to take it just to play the part, but I was swearing off drugs from here on out. I never took them before this last year, and I certainly wouldn’t continue after.

She handed me a Molly as soon as I buckled my seat. I pretended to slide it under my tongue, only to drop it in the door compartment when she wasn’t looking.

We pulled away from the curb and headed downtown.

It wasn’t long before she started apologizing for the night at the cathedral.

“It’s not big deal,” I assured her. “Everything ended up fine.”

She looked over, studying me carefully. “You sure? I swear he said it was pure Molly, nothing added.”

I gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s all good, come on, don’t worry about the past. What have you heard about this club? It’s called Lighter? Kind of a lame name, huh?”

She laughed, turning back to the road. “It’s in reference to their motto. Something about lighting up the night with their aura.”

I snorted. “Aura? Oh my God, Viv, what have you gotten us into?”

“Hey, it’ll be fun, I promise. Everyone in the city is talking about it. We’re going to have lots of fun, okay?”

I nodded, tightening my ponytail. We would have fun. Just two girls, dancing at the club, me trying to find a good opening to feel out exactly what her role in all of this was.

Maybe I would just wait until a few drinks in. it seemed like the best option. Wait until her lips were a little looser and then ask her just a few main questions, nothing more. I couldn’t have her remembering the conversation just in case she had turned against me.

So, I sat back in my seat and watched the lights go by until we parked the car and headed for the entrance of Lighter.

It was just like any other club. Velvet rope, line around the corner, bouncer letting in those who had passes.

Viv showed her ours on her phone, and the guy let us in.

“Don’t let me forget to pay you back,” I told her. “Please.”

She nodded, sliding her phone into her purse. “Not a problem,” she smiled.

She would never let me pay her back. I glanced around as she led me in, wondering if Jack had already come in. He didn’t seem like the clubbing type, but I was interested in seeing him play the part, just like he had played his part at the mayor’s party.

“Come on, let’s get some shots,” Viv said, grabbing my hand.

I let her pull me through the tightly packed small club. It certainly was smaller than some of the other clubs I had been too. It felt more like a house party than a city club, but fine. So long as they didn’t let it get overpacked, I’d be okay.

We hit the counter, and she ordered two shots before turning to the club, the music blaring around us.

It was too loud for me to tell the bartender discreetly that I didn’t want alcohol. I’d have to figure out another way to drink tonight without getting drunk.

“Hey.”

I looked over at the familiar voice, my shoulders relaxing when I found a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

Jack leaned over the counter, looking me over slowly, leaving trails of heat along my skin before his eyes found mine again.

I offered a warm smile. “Hey yourself.”

“Shots,” the bartender announced before immediately leaving.

Viv shoved in on my other side, reaching for her shot just as Jack grabbed mine.

I looked over at him.

“Hey!” Viv bit. “That’s her drink. Get your own.”

Jack pushed it back and slammed the shot glass down, his tongue flitting over his lips, causing my stomach to flutter. “I’ll buy her another,” he said casually.

Viv appeared between us, glaring at him. “You better. We don’t do freebies.”

Jack straightened, turning to her. “But you’ll take them?”

Viv lifted her chin, and I couldn’t help but smile. “We’re women, of course we will.”

She turned to me, and I quickly wiped the smile from my face. “The audacity of some men. Can you believe it?”

I shrugged, glancing back to Jack as he held up a hand, calling for another without saying a word. “He’s kinda hot.”

Jack rose a brow. And I could see the unsaid word floating between us. Kinda?

It was an effort to hold in the smile.

Viv rolled her eyes. “It’s early, Rae, don’t let the first guy get into your head, okay? We’re here to party.”

It’d be fun though; to pretend Jack and I were strangers. To play that little game. “Whatever,” I told her. “We’re here to dance and have fun. Drink your drinks and I’ll drink mine.”

Jack pushed over another shot, and I reached for it, knowing he would have had the bartender pour an alcohol free one just for me. I downed the water in one gulp and set it on the bar. “Thanks…?”

“Just call me Jay.”

I held out my hand. “Rae.”

Viv looked between us and then sighed. “Damn, that’s actually cute.” Her eyes fell to our hands as he lifted my knuckles to his lips.

My heart soared at the small gesture, but just before his lips touched my skin, she ripped my hand out of his and held it up for me to see. “Is that a goddamn ring?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Are you fucking engaged? That thing is huge!”

My eyes flicked back to Jack who was now glaring daggers at Viv for interrupting his little move. “Yeah,” I answered, turning back to her. “I’m engaged but it’s open,” I told her, wanting to keep playing this little impromptu game we had started. “He respects the things I like.”

Viv frowned and found my eyes. “Or he knows he can’t satisfy you,” she commented. “Or maybe your thing isn’t everyone’s thing.” She dropped my hand. “Does he know about your toys?”

Jack pushed away from the counter and adjusted his shirt. “Yes,” I said quickly. “We have fun, open is just our thing, now, take another shot and let’s dance,” I tried, ordering one more shot for her. “Please?”

She studied me carefully before her expression shifted. “Yeah. I’m happy for you. What’s his name, when will I meet him?”

Jokes on her, I suppose. The bartender quickly came over, poured one more drink, and ran off to the other side of the bar to attend to those on the other side.

I handed the shot to her and smiled. “Ben and soon,” I answered, watching as she threw it back.

I smiled brightly as she shuddered and slammed the glass on the bar. “Let’s go!” she all but screamed.

I laughed and let her take my hand, but not before meeting Jack’s eyes and giving him a wink. Please let us role play. God, I suddenly wanted to role play more than I wanted anything else in the world.

But I let her pull me to the middle of the crowded room and we began dancing despite my want. This was about getting information, not about rekindling our sex-life. We could do that later when I was more appropriately ready for it. Right now, it was too soon, I think. I felt like I should still be in mourning for what they had taken from me, but honestly, it had been hard walking away from him after feeling his tongue suck me dry.

We started dancing to the beat of the music while I fed Viv alcohol from the waiter who was doing his best to keep the crowd satisfied while also trying not to spill the drinks as people grinded against him.

It didn’t take any time at all for her to find some guy to have fun with.

When this was over, I’d be able to ask her anything I wanted without worrying about her going out and telling anyone in the morning.

That’s all I cared about. Getting information without having anyone find out that I had broken through their programming.

I let the music move me while keeping an eye on her. It did feel nice to be dancing with her again, but honestly, this had never been my scene before this year. Crowded rooms were good for only one thing; lose the person tracking you.

I couldn’t help but wonder how they had managed to erase who I was so completely. I was strong, confident in who I was as a person, which had transferred over to my civilian life, but other than that? The Rae Bennett I had been, most of her had been what they had created.

I still loved adventurous, rough sex. I loved how clothes fit my body. I loved the way I looked and how I walked. Everything else had all been a lie.

Why did my father do this to me?

What had happened to make him completely turn on his own daughter? I understood his hatred for mom. The affair, the secrets she had found out, betrayals in our world were a death sentence, but me? What had I done to him to make him hate me so much?

I felt a pair of hands suddenly hover over my waist, and I decided to embrace it. I hated the feeling of hands that weren’t Jack’s, but knowing I needed to keep up appearances for Viv’s sake. I needed her to think everything was fine, and if that meant letting a man get too handsy, so be it.

Although he wasn’t actually touching me.

She looked over as I moved my hips seductively, her eyes alight with drunken desire. She gave me a thumbs up and went back to grinding the man’s leg she was dancing with.

I felt the man behind me slide his hands down to my hips, never touching me, not even once. I just kept dancing, grateful that he wasn’t actually touching me. I hoped Jack could control himself. This was important. I just needed to spend maybe an hour more here before Viv was sloshed enough to get the answers I wanted. Any longer than that, she may forget both of her names.

The male tilted his head down, the heat of his skin burning my forehead. “Careful, little daffodil, someone might think the worst.”

My eyes flashed open, but I kept dancing, immediately wondering where Jack was and why he hadn’t seen him first. “Azrael,” I said cooly, my heart hammering in nervousness. “Does Jack know you’re here?”

“Why would I ruin such fun?” he hummed.

I swallowed, turning back to the dance floor as I danced like a siren for Jack’s brother. I prayed to God he couldn’t see us. I couldn’t imagine those two getting into a fight here of all places. How many would die because Azrael was a psychopath?

Just breathe. Azrael wouldn’t hurt me, not with his brother’s initial carved into my chest. Maybe I could get some information from him while he was here too. What kind? I wasn’t sure, but information was key in the games of this world. The more you had, the more powerful you were. Azrael was smart, but so was I. “Are you following me?”

He chuckled, the sound inhuman. “Sorry to ruin your life, but you’re not my type.”

“Oh?” Maybe I could finally see his face. Jack hadn’t worn a mask tonight, Azrael might not have either, and I had been curious as to what the other brothers looked like ever since Malachi, Azrael, and Beckett showed up at my doorstep. “And what’s your type?” I asked, sliding down his body slowly only to shimmy back up a moment later.

He kept his distance as if he hated being touched.

A horrible place to be for a guy who didn’t like physical contact. I just had to be quick if I wanted to see what he looked like.

My heart skipped a beat, and I spun around, keeping my own arms close to my body as I kept dancing seductively, only to be met with a cracked mask. Much like the one he had worn the first time I had seen him, only this one had the ears of a deer.

He smiled, only half of his lips shown behind the porcelain mask that seemed to have been made to fit his face perfectly. The crack down the center looked sharp where it had broken apart, little fractals sliding through the porcelain like lightning.

Azrael clicked his tongue. “I always wear my mask,” he purred and then his sinister blue eyes fell to my lips. “I like my girls caged with metal collars around their neck and shackles around their wrists and ankles. Compliant,” he said thoughtfully, “but teachable. I like my girls to be conformed non-conformists. To love to hate and hate to love. To crave pain and fire. To worship me on their knees with their tongue out, blood dripping from the tip, their eyes pleading for me to take their confession.”

I slowed, my eyes widening. I had to be honest, that was absolutely terrifying.

“You think Jack is a sadist because he likes using ropes?” he cooed, such pity in his eyes. “You don’t know the meaning of the word.”

What. The. Fuck.

I shook my head inwardly, trying to get ahold of myself. Focus! If I wanted information, I couldn’t get distracted by the pure sadistic nature of him. I needed to focus. “Why are you here?” I asked, finding his eyes again trying to dance. It was more difficult than it should have been, dancing like this without touching. I hated it. It would be far better sold if we looked like everyone else.

He stepped closer an inch of distance between us as we both continued to sway. “It seems both our assignments have led us to the same place,” he spoke, studying my face as if he were planning on slicing it right off my skull later.

My eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re here with your friend, I assume trying to get answers, and here I am, doing the same.”

I searched his eyes. “You’re on assignment too,” I realized.

“Ding ding ding,” he hummed. “I wouldn’t be in this…unholy place if I wasn’t.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line. “Jack didn’t say you were on assignment in California. You’re usually out of the country.”

He chuckled. “’Out of the country’ is how they compensate for having no control over me. Everyone under Malachi’s wing has a leash, even dear old Jack. I hold no such weakness. Now, can we all just be transparent and admit that mustering up courage to talk to a girl is not worthy of calling an assignment? You’re Charlotte Alascer, you’ve been doing this since you were born, so drop the Rae act and get to it. Otherwise just admit to yourself that you’re not ready to be back in the game.”

I glared daggers at him. “I’m not scared to talk to her. I’m worried she’s working for my father and will get back to him before Jack and I have any real plan.”

“Plans,” he purred. “Who needs plans?”

“Intelligent people who don’t want civilians to die.”

He smiled. “And that’s where we differ. I don’t care who I have to kill so long as I get my work done. Dear old Charles doesn’t have a real army behind him, no matter what he might believe. Dear old Charles just wanted you to suffer because it was fun. Because he wanted to get back at his wife for having an affair with my boss. Revenge isn’t the way to fight but sometimes there are exceptions.”

I searched his eyes. “Do you want to know what she found out that made us go into hiding?”

He smiled then, and it was the creepiest, spine-tingling smile I had ever seen off-screen. “I’ve known for quite some time now. Here,” he said, placing something into my hand. “Until next time, daffodil.”

Without another word, he slipped into the crowd like the Ghost he was.

I lifted the bracelet he had given me only to find that it was the exact same one I had worn to the cathedral the night I had been drugged. I had never found mine when I had gotten up the next morning.

A second later, Jack appeared at my side, sliding his hand around the small of my back. “Where did he go?”

How did Azrael get that? “That way,” I gestured vaguely before turning to find Viv who was tongue deep in some guy.

“What did he say?”

“That I should go talk to her and what ‘out of country’ means regarding him.” I handed him the bracelet. “He gave me this.”

Jack studied it a moment before turning back to me, his eyes hard. “He’s a loose cannon,” he finally said. “We can’t always control him.”

I could see that.

I inhaled deeply and rubbed the back of my neck. “Okay, I’m going to tell Viv I’m ready to leave and start up that conversation with her.”

Jack nodded and leaned in to kiss my head. “I’ll be behind you,” he said and disappeared back into the crowd.

My shoulders fell. Dammit, there went our chance at roleplay.