23. Mae

23

MAE

" M ommy?" Zack placed his hand on my arm and patted me gently. "You're doing it wrong!"

"What, honey?" I glanced down at the puzzle piece in my hand and realized I'd been trying to fit the wrong piece into the wrong slot for too long. "Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Mommy's tired."

"You should go to bed earlier," Zack replied matter-of-factly, then he leaned over the table and resumed his intense scrutiny of the jigsaw box.

He was right. I did need to sleep earlier. I also needed to stop thinking about what Rocco had told me a couple of days ago, but I couldn't get it out of my head. It replayed on a loop like an ear worm, consumed my dreams when I tried to sleep, and wove into every song I tried to drown out my thoughts with while cleaning.

My father had died because of the Mafia.

Not directly, and not as a target. He was just an innocent bystander, a man trying to get into his car at night. He'd been gunned down, and for the past few years, I had built a venomous hatred toward the carjacker responsible. Now I knew it was some Mafia goon, and everything settled in my chest had flipped itself around.

Wrong place, wrong time.

All of my anger and unresolved hurt was now aimed at Rocco, as if he had been the one to pull the trigger. I hated him. I hated him for telling me and dragging up this old pain again. I hated him for being in my life. I hated him for being in the Mafia.

If he hadn't left me that night, my entire life would have been different and maybe my father would still be alive. I would have told him I was pregnant, and we wouldn't have moved to the city. Then, my father wouldn't have been there when that fight happened, and he would still be with me.

It was the only path that made sense to me right now. As if Rocco was the cause of all the hurt in my life, it was easy to blame him, easy to paint him as the villain in my mind. It gave me something to focus on.

And… I didn't really hate him. Deep down, it was easier to hate him than it was to focus on the real emotions I struggled with.

Guilt.

Guilt because my desire for Rocco still burned strong. My desire for all of them still burned strong. The car accident had unlocked something inside me, a deep need to live my life to the fullest, and denying myself things I enjoyed just felt ridiculous now.

But could I ever look at Rocco the same? Or Dino, knowing he was there when my father passed?

"Mom?" Zack turned back to me and drew me out of my thoughts. I blinked quickly, clearing the few stray tears that had built up during my mind's wandering.

"Yes, sweetie? "

"Is Grandma gonna be okay?"

I ruffled his hair a little, then pulled him close and planted a kiss on top of his head. "I think she will be fine. Once the test results come back, the doctors will know how to help her."

"Like they helped you?" Zack's eyes drifted to my hairline, where the healing laceration from the car accident glared out from my skin. The stitches were gone, so now it was just a red, angry line.

"Yes, exactly. They need to find all of Grandma's puzzle pieces. Once they have the full picture, they'll get her some medicine, and she'll be back to her old self."

Zack nodded slowly and returned to the puzzle. He slotted the last few pieces into place and then clapped his hands together.

"Yay!"

Pride lit up his face, and I fought not to dwell on my mother. Her illness had started as a cold, but the doctors had been throwing around the word pneumonia. My mother was stubborn in all aspects of her life, though, and was treating it as if it was just the flu. She was still as sharp as ever.

"Alright, kiddo. You tidy up the puzzle, and I'll get started on the popcorn, okay?"

"Okay!"

I kissed the top of his head once more and tried to put everything out of my mind as I busied in the kitchen making popcorn and drinks. Movies were next, part of my grand plan to bury myself in spending time with my son and not thinking about my whole host of new problems.

That lasted until after the first movie and Zack was yawning so widely that he decided to take a nap. Tucking him in bed, I promised him that we would have spaghetti hoops for dinner—and promised him three times since he seemed certain I would forget—then I headed through to my own room and collapsed into bed.

Mom was sick. Dad had been killed by the Mafia. I had come close. This was not a world I should want to be in. But as I lay there, my mind kept latching onto things I wanted to avoid thinking about. Jian's smile and his determination to be honest before getting close to me. The odd comfort that rose each time I spotted Dino's car when he was following me around. The flowers Rocco sent me. They all showed their affection in their own way.

And they were dangerous.

I cried myself to sleep, curled around my pillow with my face buried to prevent myself from making any noise. I was so foolish for thinking I could have had any kind of life with them. We weren't compatible in the slightest. I wasn't built for a world of guns and wars and assassinations.

And yet… I would always be connected to that world. Because of Zack.

My dreams were troubled nonsense that eventually woke me in a hot rush. Sweat made my T-shirt cling uncomfortably to my back, and my hair stuck to my forehead and the back of my neck. Kicking the covers back, the coolness of my room was a welcome relief. I yawned, stretched, and slowly stood from the bed.

Glancing at the clock, it was a little after seven. I'd slept much longer than I intended and my thoughts immediately jumped to Zack. We had to make dinner, and Mom should be home by now.

"Zack?" I knocked softly on his door and walked in, rubbing sleep from my eyes. My face was stiff from crying earlier. I'd need to wash up. "Come on, buddy. Up and at 'em."

Zack's bed was empty .

My heart jumped up in alarm. I scanned his room, then reasoned that he likely woke up a while ago. With another yawn, I hurried downstairs to the lounge, but that room was empty.

He wasn't there.

"Zack?" I called loudly, searching through the kitchen. "Zack, baby, where are you?"

I checked the wet room, the bathroom, and Mom's bedroom, but there was no sign of him.

"Zack! If you're hiding, this isn't funny! Come out, now!" I double checked everywhere, running from room to room while flinging open doors and cabinets to make sure he wasn't there. I checked behind furniture, under tables, and all the closets while calling his name louder and louder.

Then I sprinted outside onto the back deck. "Zack!" I screamed as loudly as I could reach, sending several birds scattering from the tree line.

He was gone. How the fuck was he gone?

My heart pounded so painfully that my healing ribs throbbed in time to each beat, while my mind immediately catastrophized what could have happened.

Did he get outside and wander to the forest, where he knows he's not allowed? Is he lost in there? Did he walk to the lake and drown?

"Zack!!"

I stumbled back inside. Hot tears flooded my eyes, and my hands trembled so fiercely that I struggled to hold my phone.

I had to call the police. I had to call them and get?—

My blurred eyes landed on Rocco's name, and another terrible thought entered my mind. What if this time, it wasn't the normal world that had taken Zack from me, but Rocco's world? He had Dino watching me for a reason. There had to be a credible threat, and now Zack was gone.

I hit the dial.

"Mae?"

The front door crashed open, and I leaped up from my seat, clutching at my umpteenth tissue as tears poured down my cheeks.

"Mae?"

"I–I'm here, I'm?—"

Rocco charged into the lounge, walked right up to me, and clasped my shoulders with his large, strong hands. The worried look on his face was similar to the look he'd worn when bursting into my hospital room, and it made the pain in my chest crack sharper.

"Mae, what's happened? What's going on?"

"It–It's Zack!" I almost couldn't get the words out through my terrified sobs. It was like a vise had been sealed around my chest and each time I tried to breathe in, it restricted a little more each time.

"What happened?"

"He's gone!"

"Mae, what do you mean he's gone?"

Footsteps thundered up the stairs, and I briefly glimpsed Jian darting into the kitchen. I hadn't seen him since the accident, and it was almost alien to see him now.

"I–I put him down for a nap and I w–went for one myself, and when I woke u–up, he was gone!" I sobbed, nearly caving in on myself. My legs wobbled, and the world tipped while a pulse of nausea flooded through my gut. "I looked everywhere, but I can't find him! "

"It's alright," Rocco said tightly. He pulled me firmly against his chest and wrapped both his strong arms around my shoulders. "We'll find him."

Footsteps thundered back down the stairs, and I spotted Dino through the gap in Rocco's arm.

"Nothing," Dino said grimly.

"Start a sweep," Rocco ordered. "I want everyone we have available looking, you understand me?"

"On it." Dino nodded once and left, just as Jian appeared. His face was still bruised from the crash and he held himself at an odd angle, but it was so good to see him on his feet again.

"Rocco, the forest…"

"Call the ranger. That fucker still owes us."

"Gotcha."

"Mae." Rocco moved his hands to my arms and pushed me back slightly. "Is there anywhere he could have gone? Anywhere he might have run to?"

"No, no, he would never. He's a good boy. He's sensible and shy, so he would never! What if someone took him?" I gasped desperately for air, threading my fingers across my mouth. "What if I never see him again?"

"Mae, darling, I need you to focus on more time. What about his father? Could he have taken him?"

"No." I shook my head rapidly. "No, no."

"How can you be so sure? He hasn't been around. Is he a threat?"

"No!" I yelled, pushing Rocco's hands away and stumbling back. "I'm sure. "

"How?" Rocco demanded. "Mae, if there is anyone that's even remotely an issue for you, it can help my guys with the search before we go wide?—"

"Because you're his father!" I yelled desperately. "You… you're his father."