22. Mae

22

MAE

" A re you sure you should be doing all this by yourself?" Rocco sat across from me in the quiet coffee shop, one hand lightly grasping his mug. "You only got out of the hospital a few days ago. I can get you help."

"No, no." I shook my head quickly. "My boss approved the sick leave, and I've booked my mother in for a checkup so we can get a handle on whatever is wrong with her. My friend, Denise, is taking care of most things at work right now, so I'm not worried."

"Juggling a sick mother and a seven-year-old after being in a car crash isn't easy for anyone," Rocco replied, and he leaned forward against the table. "Let me help you."

"I'm okay, really." I flashed him a strong smile and sent one to Dino, who hovered nearby with one eye on the door. "That's not why I asked you here."

"Well…" Rocco's easy smile crept over his handsome face and he cocked his head. "Why did you ask me here?"

"Before that… How is Jian? "

"He's good," Dino spoke up. "He comes home tomorrow, and all his tests have been good. He's gotta take it slow, but…" Dino blew out his cheeks. "He's one lucky motherfucker. You both are."

"Mmhmm." Relief coursed through me like a river, and with it came the fluttering excitement in my stomach that I'd been trying to hide. The car accident had given me a unique, new perspective on how I wanted to approach things with Rocco. In some ways, it was a different kind of wake-up call.

I was falling for him. And Dino. And Jian. I was falling for them, and I needed to know if it meant anything or if it was just a crush. One of those scenarios would result in a lot of happiness. The other? Disappointment with relief in a few months that I didn't uproot Zack's life for a crush.

"Well, I asked you here because I've been thinking a lot about what happened and what it means, and how it makes me feel."

Rocco's cup paused at his lips. "How does it make you feel?"

"You… you broke my heart all those years ago. I know it probably doesn't mean much now, but back then, it was horrible. So when we bumped into each other and things were… well, almost exactly the same… it felt like no time had passed, and I was hooked. But then what happened at the funeral…"

I shook my head, not wanting to get too carried away with my own rambling.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I started to fall for you. Each of you. And it's been confusing and scary because your world is so scary, and I refused to put my son in any kind of danger. But then it turned out that… danger existed all around us anyway, and I could have died in that car accident. So it opened my eyes to how I was using the Mafia and the fact that you were criminals to try and avoid what I was feeling."

I reached for my cup and took a few sips of my tea .

"Really, I've just been trying to deny the inevitable because I am falling for you all, and if life is going to fuck me up regardless, then why deny myself something I would enjoy?" Slowly, I lifted my gaze from my cup. "Or someone."

My heart was pounding fiercely and slowly in my chest, like it was trying to leap right out of my chest and escape the possibility of rejection as I stared at Rocco. My hand trembled so I quickly set my cup down and clutched at my fingers in my lap.

"Wow," Rocco breathed out, then a wide smile broke across his face. "Words I'd dreamed but were sure I'd never hear in real life."

"What?" My heart continued to beat slowly like a drum. Did he like me back? This wasn't as one-sided as I'd feared? While their sexual interest had been strong, it was one thing to fuck someone and quite another to date them.

"I second that." Dino smirked from where he rested against the wall. "You mean to tell us you never got the impression that we liked you?"

"Well, I mean… it's all been very physical so I didn't expect there to be any kind of uhm…"

"Feeling?" Rocco's eye-splitting grin hadn't faded. "Mae, my biggest regret was leaving you. I recently learned that my father intended to keep us apart because he thought you would lead me astray and he wanted a soldier for a son, not a mechanic in love with an accountant."

"In… love?" I repeated softly. Whether Rocco noticed what he said or not, I couldn't be sure because he kept talking.

"I need to make sure you understand everything, though." He rubbed at his face, massaging his jaw. "The assassination of my father sent a ball rolling. A ball that's currently in the court of the Russian Bratva because we believe them responsible. People are dying. Buildings are burning, and I won't stop until I have his killer under my boot. And that all sounds terrible and scary, I know. "

I nodded quickly. It was like something out of a movie, yet here I was, listening to it in real time right in front of me. Over coffee.

"That's what the attack at the funeral was. They thought we were weak." His jaw snapped shut with a click. "Fools. You don't need to concern yourself with any of that, though, because I will keep you safe. This town is safe."

"What, do you own the town or something?" I joked nervously.

"It's part of our territory because my father loved it here so much." He sighed briefly. "It's also why my mother won't leave the manor, but that's another thing entirely."

I hadn't even spared a thought to his mother. That poor woman.

"My point is, if you can acknowledge all of that and you still… you still want to be with me, with us, then… God, I would take such care of you."

Warmth bled into my cheeks as I smiled. "Well, so far, your world and the regular world have tried to kill me, so things are looking pretty even."

Dino snorted with amusement.

"But I would… yes. Yes, I would really, really like to see you properly. All of you. For some insane reason, I can't stay away."

Rocco's smile widened, and then suddenly, there was a flash of pain in his eyes and his smile wavered. He glanced over his shoulder, sharing a look with Dino, who also suddenly lost his smile.

"Actually, Mae… there's one more thing."

I looked between them and my heart started to pound faster. "What, are you married?"

"No, nothing like that." Rocco reached across the table and took my hand. His warm fingers closed over my fist, but it did nothing to calm the sudden onslaught of nausea in my gut .

What was wrong?

"A few years ago, before we secured peace among the Families, as the son of the Don, I was a prime target for assassination. Dino did such a good job of keeping me alive that those who wanted me dead turned their attention to him."

"Okay," I said slowly, unable to see where this was leading.

"One night, a group of men tried to kill Dino, and they would have succeeded had Jian not taken a bullet for him."

"Oh, my God…" I looked to Dino, unable to fathom how terrifying that must have been. And poor Jian, giving his life for others without a thought.

"But… someone else died that night. Someone who was at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Someone you knew?" I looked back at Rocco, and his face was shadowed with sadness.

"Your father, Mae. When I was in New York, I saw the incident report. Your father was caught in the crossfire that night."

Coldness bled into my limbs like a trickle of freezing water.

"No." I shook my head. "No, my father was killed by a carjacker. By… by some asshole who wanted his keys."

"No."

Rocco's touch became crushing, and I snatched my hand away.

"Mae, I'm so sorry. My father went with that story because it was, as he called it, a clean kill , so he left it to the authorities."

"A clean kill?" I asked numbly. "What does that even mean?"

"No other witnesses. No pain. Just… dead." Rocco's voice was suddenly far away as my pounding heart rose to my ears .

My father… was killed by the Mafia? Accidentally or not, suddenly, everything I knew about one of the worst days of my life was a lie. He had died because of Mafia assholes trying to kill each other, treating the city like some kind of fucking playground!

"Mae?" Rocco moved to the edge of his seat. "Mae, I'm so sorry. Usually, civilian casualties are dealt with by our family. We take care of those left behind, but?—"

"Left behind?" I snapped suddenly as the pounding in my ears became so unbearable that I wanted to claw out of my own skin. "You and your fucking… war or whatever you want to call it, you take people away and then act like we were just left behind at a train station!"

"No, Mae, that's not what?—"

"My dad was a good man," I ground out, hot tears flooding my eyes and blurring the world around me. "He was a good man and he died because…"

Emotion choked my words. Static fizzed behind my nose, and my chest tightened.

Back then, it was my father. Earlier this month, it was me.

All I could picture was two months down the line and my son being next.

"My family is just collateral damage, huh?" I stood swiftly, sending my teacup scattering across the table. "Stay away from me and my family."

"Mae!" Rocco tried to rise and reach for me, but I slapped his hands away. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

"No! You stay away. You stay away from me!"