11. Rocco

11

ROCCO

" Y ou need to get some sleep." Dino placed another glass of scotch in front of me, then placed his hands on his hips. "You're no use to anyone if you're too exhausted to stand."

"Not yet," I replied, taking the glass and lifting it to my lips. "Did she get home okay?"

"Yes."

"How was she?"

Dino shrugged and scraped one hand through his hair. "Pissed. She didn't say anything on the drive home, and I was honestly too scared to get into it with her."

"Scared?" I raised my brow.

"Yeah, man. You heard her. All she's thinking about is her kid, and we put her in a dangerous situation."

Dino's words dropped a pebble in the calmness I'd managed to create in his absence. I was a man who preferred to be out in the heart of things, fighting alongside those willing to lay down their lives. Being catapulted to the leader removed me from that. I was forced to stand back and watch because my father's death was still too near to the hearts of the men I was leading.

"We didn't put her in a dangerous situation," I replied tightly, draining my glass. "The whole thing was fucked." I slammed my glass down on the desk and winced as the action pulled at my freshly stitched wound across my bicep. A bullet grazed too close for comfort, but not enough to be any kind of issue.

"Okay, fine. But she doesn't see that, does she?" Dino pointed out, and he leaned against the desk. "She got one hell of a bombshell dropped on her amid gunfire and blood. Hell, when we were in here waiting for you, I had to keep walking past her because she was so still I kept fearing she'd die from the stress."

"I want to—" My words died as the door opened and Jian strode in, his stained shirt hanging loose around his shoulders. He wiped crimson from his fingertips with a bloodied rag and sniffed deeply as he approached.

"Boss."

"Jian." I ran one concerned eye over him, then focused on his face. "What did you learn?"

"Well, as of right now, all three of those fuckers are dead."

"Dead?" Dino surged upward. "The fuck can we do with dead ?"

"Relax." Jian held up one hand. "I killed the first two in front of the third. A few digits later, the threat of being dickless was enough to make him talk."

"And?"

"They're under the Russian banner. "

"Fuck!" Rage surged up and suffocated my next breath like a gust of smoke billowing from a fire. I snatched up the glass and threw it hard at one of the empty bookshelves, where it shattered into a thousand pieces. "Vito won't let me hear the end of this."

"So the Russians did this?" Dino spoke like his jaw was wired shut, containing his anger better than me. "Did you get a name?"

"Nah." Jian shook his head and puffed out his cheeks. "He kept insisting it was an anonymous bounty even after I choked his limp dick off. He didn't have a name to give, but it's a start."

The Russians, huh? The letter they sent promising to honor the old laws of grief was clearly bullshit, a ruse just to put us on the back burner thinking there was still some old blood loyalty running through those Russian veins.

"What do you want to do?" Jian balled up the rag and tossed it directly into the wastepaper basket. "You want us to strike back immediately?"

"Yes." I nodded tightly, pacing back and forth behind my desk. "But hit them where it hurts. I don't want any of this light threat bullshit. I want their clubs burned to the ground. I want the garages nuked. Anyone so much as breathes Russkie , and I want their head."

"You're starting a war," Dino warned.

"They fucking started the war," I growled out. "And someone call Vito. Try not to let him gloat too much."

"If the Pakhan reaches out," Jian said, pausing his retreat, "what do you want? A meeting, or I tell him to get fucked?"

"Right now, he can get fucked," I growled. "Ask me again tomorrow."

"You got it." Jian dipped his head and hurried from the room, followed by Dino, who was more hesitant to leave. He only lingered a few moments. His eyes locked onto me before he left, too, and silence draped around me like a cloak .

The Russians. So. All the work my father did to secure peace all those years ago was crumbling because… why? The Russians wanted more power? Territory? Killing the Head of a Family was usually warranted, but I'd been through my father's affairs. I'd found nothing that justified his killing.

And now they threaten my mother, shoot up my father's funeral, and…

And endanger Mae.

Fuck.

The anger that surges at the thought of her in danger overtakes me and I stop pacing. I don't trust myself to move, to think, or even breathe for a few moments for fear of snapping a tendon because I'm so tense.

Seeing her was the freshest, most exhilarating moment of the entire day. And then it was ruined, up in smoke like the rest of my fucking life. The terror in her eyes when we stood in that graveyard will haunt me until the end of my days.

To top it off, she's pissed at me. More than pissed. Understandable, but that didn't make it easier for me to swallow. This turn of events with the Russians meant I'd have to go back to the city sooner rather than later.

But I couldn't leave here on bad terms with her, not for a second time.

I had no idea if there was a way to make her see things from my view, to make her understand that Mafia didn't mean whatever horrible things she was thinking. I just needed to get her to listen to me.

Just once so I could apologize, because leaving town with her pissed at me was not an option.

___ _

Mae's mother's place was just as quaint as I remembered. Small, tucked out of the way, and cradling the first curve of the forest, it really was quite beautiful. As a kid, I'd cycled past here often when on my way toward the lake. Who knew I would be here decades later, wrestling with feelings for a woman I'd been forced to leave behind?

I was facing the same decision yet again. The only difference was this time, it was my own choice and not my father's.

Behind me, Jian sat in the car, patiently waiting for any hint of danger, and two other cars were parked up the street, ready to step in at a moment's notice.

I'd taken lives. I'd tortured people for information, gunned down people from other Families and even kidnapped for my own gain. However, none of that made me as nervous as I was right this second, lifting my hand and knocking on Mae's door. This could go one of two ways. I just wanted to walk out of here with my dignity intact.

Voices bubbled up from the other side of the door, followed by the sharp clink of metal, and then the door swung open.

Mae stood before me, looking every bit as delectable as she did in my memory, although a damn sight better than she looked last night. Her red hair spilled across her bare shoulders in loose waves, and her white dress was dotted with brightly colored flowers. It was secured by thin straps looping around her neck, and her pretty pink lips were fixed in a soft smile.

Until she looked at me.

Her smile vanished and a flash of thunder burst through those gorgeous green eyes. "What do you want?"

I was so infatuated with this woman that even having her snap at me felt like bliss. I smiled warmly at her and lightly adjusted the cuffs of my shirt as she stared me down.

"I want to talk. "

"Then find a mirror." Mae moved to shut the door in my face, so I lifted one hand and caught it before she could.

"Mae, please. I want to explain."

"There's nothing you can say that I care to hear, so just leave—" Her words died as the sudden sharp blare of an alarm rose through the house behind her. Mae's cheeks turned pink, and then she turned and dashed down the hall, leaving me standing there, holding the door open. The alarm continued to blare loud enough that my left ear cracked slightly, and I winced. Then I headed inside and followed her.

Down the corridor, I found Mae in the kitchen, where two very burned pieces of toast were drowning in the sink while she flung open a window. The smoke alarm died as a gust of warm summer air flooded the room. I breathed in, smelling only the sweet vanilla of Mae's own scent.

"I didn't say you could come in," Mae snapped, darting about as she cleaned up the burned toast.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, the toast isn't shooting at me, so I'm fine."

"Depends on how tight the spring is," I remarked.

Mae sent me a withering glance and turned on the tap. "You can see I'm fine. So you can leave now." She turned her back and grabbed a towel from the rack near the window.

"Mae." I couldn't leave. Not until I'd explained myself. I walked close, approaching cautiously since Mae was still within reach of several kitchen utensils which I did not want to see near my head.

"Rocco, leave me alone ."

"Do you mean that? Do you really mean that?" I stopped just behind her, close enough that the flare of the skirt from her dress brushed lightly against my knees. Breathing her in, she was soft and warm, and my heart skipped a beat. Mae didn't move away from me, but she didn't move toward me either.

"You shouldn't be here." Her voice was strained, tight, like it was being drawn back. Placing one hand on her shoulder, a spark of energy flashed between us. I turned her to face me, and crimson dusted her cheeks so deeply that her golden freckles stood out like little chocolate kisses.

"Mae. I have to explain. Please. What happened yesterday was a disaster, and I am sorry, okay? I'm sorry you witnessed that. I'm sorry you were put in such a dangerous position, but I promise it will never happen again."

Mae's eyes darted up to meet mine, but eye contact only lingered for a few brief seconds.

"Learning about the Mafia, I'm sure, came as a shock. I won't lie. We are criminals, and what happened yesterday may look like it was our fault, but we've been at peace for just over six years."

"So peaceful that your father was murdered?" Mae snapped, and she took a step away from me. "I'm sorry, but I don't care about your reasoning or your excuses. You're a criminal ." Her voice dropped a few tones. "And I nearly died yesterday. I felt sorry for you because of your father, but clearly, my sympathy was misplaced since trying to be there for you could have taken me away from my kid. So how about instead of coming here to clear your conscience, you fuck off like you did seven years?—"

"Mom!" The door to the back garden suddenly swung open and in ran a small boy. His hair was as red as Mae's, but he had hazel eyes rather than her striking green. At that moment, I was suddenly reminded that in all my thinking and obsessing over seeing Mae again, I'd forgotten entirely about which man was lucky enough to give her this.

"Zack." In an instant, Mae changed and a surge of kindly warmth swept across her face. "What's the matter, kiddo? "

"Grandma says we need more lemonade and—" Zack stopped abruptly when he noticed me, and the vibrant excitement on his face was replaced by a wave of shyness. It was exactly the same as the look I saw—and adored—so often on Mae's own face away back in college.

"Who is this?"

"This is…" Mae glanced at me, searching for the right words.

"I'm a friend of your Mom's." I dropped down to my haunches, bringing me to eye level with Zack, and smiled at him. "We used to go to school together."

"Oh." Zack hummed softly, tugging at the bottom of his T-shirt, which was covered in grass stains. "What's your name?"

"My name is Rocco. What's yours?"

"Zack," he replied, then his eyes widened. "Mommy was at your party yesterday."

"Party?" I glanced up at Mae, and she sent me a loaded look that was easy to decipher. Don't burst whatever gentle lie she had told him. "Yes, my party. It was a small, family thing."

"I wanted Mom to take me, but she said it was grown-ups only," Zack muttered.

"Just like how Kevin's birthday at school was kids only," Mae pointed out. She set about gathering a large jug from the fridge and two fresh glasses.

"Tell you what." I smiled at Zack. "The next time I have a party, I'll make sure you're invited. And your dad too. How does that sound?"

The glass in Mae's hand suddenly clattered from her grasp and hit the counter, but thankfully, it didn't smash.

"I don't have a dad?—"

"Uh, Zack, can–can you go ask Grandma if she wants a lemon slice? "

"Okay, sure." Zack's brow furrowed and he turned around, then sprinted back outside, yelling for his Grandma at the top of his lungs.

"Cute kid." I straightened back up and watched Mae as she poured two glasses of lemonade. Her hand trembled slightly, and her face was hidden behind a curtain of her hair. "Dad's not in the picture?" I couldn't even pretend to hide the joy that news brought me.

"No, no, he's—no," Mae said, stumbling slightly over her words.

"What happened?"

"None of your business." Mae's head snapped up and she glared at me. "Why are you still here? Was I not clear enough?"

"Mae… I want to explain everything I do. I want you to understand me and why my life is like this. Why I left all those years ago."

"Why?" Mae snapped. "Why should I give a crap what you need?"

"Because I need you to know how important you are to me. How much I…" Then the words caught in my mouth, and the extent of my affections remained unsaid.

"I'm not important to you." Mae sucked in a deep breath and placed one hand on her cocked hip. "Whatever you feel, or what you think you might feel, is just… residuals from when we were in college. We're different people now, and we have different lives. You're in the Mafia, for fuck's sake. So… so, no. I'm not some–some shiny toy you can just swoop back in to play with."

As she spoke, I walked closer and closer to her until I was half a foot away. Lifting one hand, I slowly stroked my fingers through loose strands of her hair and then tucked them gently behind her ear. A trembling breath escaped her parted lips.

"Are you trying to persuade me?" I asked softly. "Or yourself?"

Slowly, Mae lifted her eyes to me. "It doesn't matter what I think. Or what I feel," she replied firmly, despite the shakes in her breaths. " You're a criminal and you live in a dangerous world. I have Zack to think about, and after what happened at the funeral, within two days of meeting you again, I—" She pressed her lips together and then took a forceful step away from me.

"Stay away from me, Rocco," she said quietly. "You're too dangerous."

My heart plummeted like a rock cast off the edge into a drowning abyss.