10. Mae

10

MAE

D ino was completely silent on the drive home which gave me time to try and think. My mind was like a broken record, stuck completely on the events at the cemetery and Rocco's revelation. Nothing else mattered.

So, he was in the Mafia. Both of them were. No wonder they didn't want to call the police. I was far too exhausted to consider the true extent of their criminal reach, but they definitely didn't seem surprised by this afternoon's disaster. If anything, they were furious as if something much bigger were going on.

Something so big that his father was assassinated.

This was insane. So absolutely insane.

By the time we reached home, I was no closer to understanding everything I had learned. Dino turned the car off and moved as if to get out before me, but my hand was on the handle, and I was out of the car before he could unbuckle his seatbelt.

"Mae— "

"Don't talk to me." I slammed the door and stormed up the path, breaking into a jog, and I didn't stop until I was safely inside my mother's house. This late at night, all the lights were off, and I knew she wouldn't have been worried about me since I didn't give her a specific time I'd be home.

Still, there was something incredibly comforting about walking down the short hallway and spotting light coming out from underneath the kitchen door. Was she still awake?

Pushing the door open, my mother stood in her house coat, her graying hair wrapped in a silk bonnet to protect her curls. She stirred a small cup of freshly made tea in front of her as the tea bag near the sink was still steaming.

"Mae?" She turned to me with her brows pinched and her eyes narrowed. She must have taken her contacts out already.

"Mom."

"How was the funeral?" she asked. I didn't reply. I couldn't. Everything that I wanted to tell her was bubbling just underneath the surface, but the words couldn't form. Where did I even start? If I told her anything, would it put her at risk?

Rocco didn't exactly say I couldn't tell anyone, but the implications were clear, considering his line of work. Would she even believe me?

Standing in the kitchen, the entire day began to feel like some bizarre dream so far from reality that I scarcely believed it myself.

"Mae? What happened to your dress?"

I glanced down, having forgotten that Dino had torn my dress while looking for injuries and left me in a spare shirt. I had left the house, and Dino's car, without even tracking down my shoes.

"There was a… wine incident. "

"A wine incident?" The tired disbelief in my mother's voice was enough to convince me I had made the right call, but I was far too worked up to deal with whatever judgmental thoughts were coming my way as she picked up her tea cup.

"Yeah. I'm going to look in on Zack and then I'm going to bed. Goodnight." I flashed her a tired smile, faked a yawn despite how my body was still on high alert, and headed up the stairs.

Each step felt… different. It was difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what had changed, but so much around me was different. The smooth, peeling paint on the banister felt strange under my fingertips. The carpet was wiry and sharper under my bare feet, and stale coffee clung to the air. It was like I was touching and smelling everything properly for the first time.

Was that what a near-death experience did to you?

I padded down the hall and slipped into Zack's room, and the moment I saw him, everything else in my mind quietened. He was fast asleep with one small arm thrown up across the pillow and his mouth wide open, allowing gentle snores to fill the air. With little care about waking him, I slid onto the bed next to him and curled up. My eyes closed, and I buried my nose into his hair, breathing in his familiar warm scent and soaking up all the hints of life. His breathing, his grumbling, the heat from his body.

He was safe. I was safe.

I stayed there until I heard my mother come up the stairs. Tracking the creaking floorboards as she walked, I heard her pause outside Zack's door for a few minutes, then she continued on down the hall to her own room. The door closed and silence fell, allowing me to rest next to Zack. I would have stayed here all night if the calmness hadn't finally alerted me to other sensations in my body.

The pull of my bladder finally dragged me from Zack's bed, and I left after kissing him gently on the forehead. True to a boy who loved to sleep, he didn't stir even once.

In the bathroom, the harsh white light from the unshaded bulb highlighted exactly what I looked like after such a long day. No wonder Mom didn't believe that there had just been a wine incident. I stood in front of the mirror and took in the sight of me with a heavy heart. My carefully curled hair was a mess. Stands hung about my face like ragged cat tails. All of my makeup had been sweated or cried off, and my mascara had run, creating panda circles around my eyes. What remained of my gloss had smeared and dried around my chin, mixing with the streaks of brown dirt and faint grass stains.

The shirt Dino had given me was too big for me, hanging off my shoulders, and in this bright light, I glimpsed the dried blood that still clung to my collarbone.

Shit. In all my shock and anger, I hadn't even asked Rocco if he was okay. I should have asked.

Or maybe I shouldn't have, given what he told me.

Shaking those thoughts from my head, I relieved myself, stripped, and climbed into the shower. Much like everything else I came into contact with, the heat and soothing patter of the water against my skin felt as if I were touching it all for the first time. I turned my face into the spray and closed my eyes, letting the water pressure do most of the initial work for me.

The heat soothed tired muscles, and the familiar scents of home soothed the tension in my chest. After a few long minutes of holding my breath while facing the shower, the stress of the day began to melt away.

I prepared myself for exhausted tears, for the sheer terror of what happened to grip me, and I would probably spend the next half hour curled up into a ball, crying my eyes out that I'd nearly died. That I nearly didn't make it back to my son .

That… didn't happen.

Instead, an unexpected replay of how quickly Rocco had thrown me to the ground and protected me with his body burst into the forefront of my mind. How Dino had joined him half a second later and cradled my head as if they were both prepared to eat every bullet just to protect me.

A strange warmth bloomed in my chest, and I replayed that moment over and over. Then, even more attractive was how Dino had scooped me up like I weighed less than a sheet of paper, and Rocco had touched me and promised to come back to me.

Like I was someone important to them and not just some random friend from seven years ago.

Over and over, those memories played in my head, feeding into an odd sense of exhilaration that was building inside me. My soaped-up hands on my naked body became their hands holding me down, protecting me while hell broke out above us. The force of me scrubbing myself became Dino's grip as he carried me and ran to the car. My fingertips washing away my makeup became Rocco's firm grasp of my face as he swore to come back to me.

Even when Dino was tearing at my clothes, so panicked that I had been shot… Why did they care so much? Did they act like that with everyone?

I tried to reason that they were only panicked because I was one of the few civilians and surely, a civilian death would be a lot of trouble for the Mafia. Then again, I'd seen a couple of other townspeople at the funeral, and I'm sure they didn't get the same treatment.

By the time I finished washing up and stepped out of the shower, free of grime and blood, I was much clearer on the sensations flooding through me.

I wasn't angry or scared, and I wasn't fearful for my life .

I was… excited. Turned on. That was a terrifying afternoon, and yet the most exciting thing I had ever been a part of. I had never felt more wanted or protected in those moments, and it confused me even more than the Mafia revelation.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I grumbled into the mirror, slathering my damp skin in moisturizer. Meeting my own gaze, I found no answers in my eyes, only tiredness and an insistent ache between my thighs that flared up stronger the moment I started walking toward the guest room.

This wasn't a normal reaction, right? Who went through something like that and ended up excited and aroused? There had to be some sort of crossed wires in my head or something because this was not a sane reaction to danger.

By the time I'd toweled my hair dry and collapsed into bed, those feelings hadn't changed. In fact, the bed sheets against my bare skin only amplified the excited patter in my heart. They were softer than I remembered and caressed every curve of my body as I tried to get comfortable and sleep.

Sleep was impossible. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Rocco. His intense eyes, the sharp slope of his jaw, and the sexy tilt to his smirk. All I could smell was Dino and in my mind. His panicked grabbing at my clothes wasn't because he needed to check for injury. It was because he couldn't keep his hands off me.

"No," I muttered into my pillow. "Don't do it, Mae."

I shouldn't give in. I knew it. Those men didn't deserve any more thoughts from me after the danger they put me in, so I tried a different tactic. After hunting out the vibrator from my overnight bag, I turned it on and pressed it between my thighs with a long, satisfied groan. In my mind's eye, the sexy man from the store sauntered toward me and pulled me in for a deep, enticing kiss .

My hips ground forward, following my initial relief at the onslaught of stimulation, but to my surprise, my fantasy wasn't enough. As much as I tried to stay on track and focus on a gentle sexy fantasy with Jian, my mind kept dragging me back to the excitement of the afternoon.

I imagined Jian screaming my name and tackling me to the ground, his body weight pressing me firmly down and keeping me protected. I imagined Dino and Rocco fighting over me with me in the middle, hands tearing at my clothes and mouths fighting over who got to kiss me first. Dino swept me off my feet and threw me down onto Jian's lap. Jian held me down while Rocco buried between my legs, and his imaginary tongue matched the rapid back and forth of my toy.

Dino grabbed my jaw, forced me into a kiss, and thrust his tongue into my mouth. I hadn't even pictured Rocco's cock yet, and I came suddenly and hard, muffling my moans into the deep fluff of my pillow.

My entire body convulsed around the vibrations from my toy, and pleasure coursed through me in hot, tingling waves. My orgasm was so strong I had to angle my toy away from my clit, almost unable to handle the strength of my pleasure so rapidly after touching myself. After the initial waves of desire passed, I slumped down against the bed and cast the toy aside.

Holy shit.

I'd never come so fast in my life. And never before I got to the juicy part of my fantasy. Did today really have that kind of effect on me?

Or was it some strange trauma response?

I couldn't decide, but my post-orgasm clarity did make one thing clear.

Rocco leaving all those years ago may have been the best thing he ever did. There was no way in hell I wanted my son around someone as dangerous as him.