CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER SEVEN

JJ wasn’t sleeping. He couldn’t. He felt as if he’d lost the most important thing in his life. His house was empty. Soulless. He should’ve done what April wanted—hell, it was what he wanted—but he couldn’t touch her, sleep with her, until she remembered everything.

He had a deep-seated fear that she’d remember some huge reason why she wouldn’t date him before the accident—aside from the fact he’d never expressed his interest. And how could she not resent him if he took advantage of her? So when she’d said she was returning to her apartment, he didn’t feel he had a choice but to let her go.

He hated it. Didn’t like that she wasn’t here in his bed. It smelled like her, which was almost more than he could stand. More than once he’d almost gotten up and gone into the guest room where he’d spent the last week, but he couldn’t make himself move.

Jack hadn’t ever been a coward. He’d always met whatever life dished out head on. But he had no idea what the right thing might be when it came to April. He’d decided he was done holding back with her, yet knew he couldn’t be with her, completely, then lose her. Knew without a shadow of a doubt that losing her would send him into a downward spiral he’d never recover from.

It was better not to have had her at all, never taste her, never feel her pussy clamped around his cock, never watch her orgasm under him or hold her all night long, than to experience all that and more, only to lose it.

Turning onto his side, JJ punched the pillow under his head—and instantly groaned. All that did was make her scent waft up into his nostrils even more. His cock was hard as a pike, but he refused to touch himself. Didn’t feel as if he deserved to get off when he’d chased April away.

He wondered for the hundredth time what she was doing. Had she let her curiosity get the better of her and explored her apartment? Was she sleeping? Going through the photo album he knew she had on a shelf under her TV? Found her stash of Girl Scout cookies she kept in her freezer because she was addicted to the things and wanted to be able to indulge in them all year?

Shit, JJ knew her apartment better than she did at this point, and he hadn’t even been inside that often. But he’d memorized everything about her space the few times he’d been there. It was homey. Comfortable. It was no wonder she wanted to go back. Even without her memories, she must’ve unconsciously known it was a place she loved.

Sighing, JJ closed his eyes and willed his brain to stop. To shut down.

What seemed like hours later, he turned over and looked at the clock. Shit. Only ten minutes had passed since the last time he’d checked. It was three twenty-two in the morning, and he hadn’t slept at all. How could he, knowing April wasn’t on the other side of the door?

It had taken one week. One measly week for him to become addicted to her. His psyche needed to know she was safe. That she wasn’t hurting. And when she was in his bed, he could check on her in the middle of the night. Make sure her brow wasn’t all scrunched up in pain as she slept. Could make sure she was warm enough.

He’d gone years without needing her in the other room. But after her accident, after feeling so helpless watching her in that hospital bed, he knew his body had somehow rewired itself to be completely tuned in to the woman. It was an odd feeling, but it felt right.

“She’s fine,” JJ said out loud. “She’s an adult who’s lived on her own for a very long time now. She doesn’t need you hovering.”

His words seemed to echo back in the empty room. Mocking him.

He really should get up. Do something productive, since he was awake. But he didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t as if he could go and start chopping down trees or anything at this time of the morning.

Just when he’d decided to get up and take a shower, to try to wash away the cobwebs in his head, his cell phone rang from the bedside table.

Instantly, JJ was wide awake. He lunged for the phone, and his heart almost stopped beating in his chest when he saw April’s name on the screen.

“What’s wrong?” he barked as he answered.

“Jack?”

God. Her voice sounded all wrong. Tiny and scared.

He was already on the move. He didn’t need to know what was happening with April to instinctually understand he had to get to her as fast as possible. But he asked again anyway. “It’s me. What’s wrong?”

Without pause, he rushed toward the front door, grabbing his keys along the way.

“I don’t know . . . my head . . . it hurts. So bad!”

Fear coursed through Jack’s entire body as he ran to his truck. His hands were shaking when he shoved the key into the ignition. He didn’t remember if he’d locked or even closed his front door; all that mattered was getting to April. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah. I woke up, and it feels as if my head is going to explode.”

“I’m coming, hon. Hear me? I’ll be there in two minutes.” Jack knew he should tell her to hang up and call 9-1-1, but he couldn’t bear to lose their connection. He’d call when he reached her apartment.

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“I know, but I’m almost there.”

“I feel nauseous. And Jack?”

“Yeah, baby?” JJ had never felt this kind of fear before. Not even when he and his team had been held captive. Not when his captors tortured him. Not when he thought he might die at their hands.

He shouldn’t have let her go back to the apartment. This was his fault, and if anything happened to April, he’d never forgive himself.

“I remember.”

“You remember what?” he asked as he pulled into the parking lot of her complex.

“Everything.”

If possible, that one word made JJ’s fear ramp up even higher. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here, and I’m coming up.”

A whimper was her only response, and the sound tore his heart in two.

Thankful that he’d forgotten to give her the spare keys to her apartment that he’d been using to collect some of her things, JJ took the stairs two at a time. He was inside a moment later and running toward her room.

It was dark, but he didn’t need a light to get to her. He unerringly headed to the side of the mattress she was lying on. She whimpered again, and Jack reacted instinctively. He climbed under the covers, took the phone away from her ear and threw it and his own on the side table, then pulled her against him. One hand went to the back of her head, holding her close, and the other went around her waist.

She immediately curled into him, pressing her nose to his chest. Her arms were folded in front of her, and he felt her fingers against his bare skin.

“Jack,” she whispered, and he felt the warm air from that one word against his heart.

“I’m here,” he soothed. “I’ve got you, I’m here.”

She was shaking now, little sobs escaping her mouth. It was the most gut-wrenching sound he’d ever heard.

“I need to call 9-1-1,” he told her.

“No!” she begged. “It’s less painful already. Just hold me. Please?”

Everything within JJ told him to turn over and grab his phone, but he felt frozen. He couldn’t let go. Literally couldn’t make his muscles unclench from around her.

How long they lay like that, he had no idea, but eventually he felt her relax bit by bit. He’d never been as relieved as he was when she finally melted against him fully.

“Sweetheart?” he whispered.

“It’s better,” she told him, but JJ had a feeling she wasn’t being completely honest.

“What happened?” he asked. “Can you talk without pain?”

“I woke up, and . . . it all just came back! It felt as if an avalanche of memories were pounding on my brain.”

“You really do remember everything?”

“Yes.”

He stiffened. But his grip on her didn’t loosen.

“I remember the accident. It was an animal, just like the police thought. A moose. I swerved so I didn’t hit it. Everything was so loud when I crashed, and I was so scared. I knew you’d be mad at me for going out there without telling you first.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” JJ told her.

“I remember my interview with you. Meeting the guys. How Carlise and Chappy met. How each of the girls were forced to share beds with their guys, and the next thing they knew, they were in love. How Bob lied about visiting some nonexistent aunt and snuck off to another country to free Marlowe. The pregnancies, the lunches, our clients—all of it. But most of all . . . I remember lying in this bed, wondering what I was doing wrong. Why you weren’t interested in asking me out.”

“Oh, hon,” JJ said, closing his eyes and holding her even more tightly.

“I didn’t know what to do differently. How to be the kind of woman you’d want, especially since I figured I was too old for you. I remember all the times I masturbated in this bed, thinking about you. I started avoiding get-togethers with our friends because it was getting so hard to be near you.” She paused. “And I . . . I was going to leave. I’d started looking online for jobs in Bangor and Portland.”

“No!” JJ burst out, shaking his head. “You can’t leave me. I won’t allow it. I need you! And you’re exactly the woman I want. But I was terrified I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted,” she mumbled into his chest. “Stubborn, intense, bossy, protective. I’ve watched you for years. You’d do anything for your friends. Anything. That kind of loyalty . . . it’s so sexy, Jack. And I wanted it for myself.”

“You’ve got it. Got me,” he told her.

“Do I?” she asked.

“Yes.”

He felt her sigh against him.

“How’s the head now?”

“Fucking hurts,” she told him.

JJ smiled, even though the situation was anything but humorous. “I’m calling 9-1-1,” he said as he began to turn. But she made a small sound of distress and seemed to burrow deeper into him.

“No, please! I’m okay. I just . . . I think it’s because of the memories. I just need to lie here. If the ambulance comes, they’re going to make me move. Shine bright lights into my eyes, which will make my head hurt more. I just need the dark and silence . . . and you.”

Fuck. She was killing him. It was the wrong thing to do, but Jack couldn’t deny her anything. It didn’t bode well for the future. She could totally use his reluctance to say no to her advantage. But hell if he even cared at the moment.

“Twenty minutes, then I’m calling if the pain hasn’t lessened,” he told her firmly.

He felt her nod against him.

They lay there in silence, JJ holding her in an iron-tight grip and April snuggled into his chest as if she never wanted to leave, and a sudden thought hit JJ.

She remembered everything—and she wasn’t pushing him away. When she’d been scared and in pain, she’d called him.

For the first time since she’d decided to go back to her apartment, hope bloomed. Maybe, just maybe, she really could be his.

He had every intention of calling for an ambulance in twenty minutes, but as the burst of adrenaline waned, the sleepless night caught up to him. The scent of the woman he loved seeped into his consciousness as he held her in his arms. His eyes closed, and JJ fell into a deep sleep.

April lay in Jack’s arms and couldn’t remember ever feeling safer. Her head was throbbing miserably, and every movement sent spikes of pain shooting through her. But pressed against Jack’s body, feeling his heartbeat under her cheek, knowing he hadn’t hesitated to come as soon as she’d called, she had no desire to move.

Memories continued to flood her mind. The frustration she felt when Jack treated her like just another friend—or worse, merely an employee. The joy at knowing her friends had fallen in love. The terror when they’d each been hurt or in danger. The anticipation of June, Carlise, and Marlowe giving birth. The sorrow she’d felt at making the decision to move on with her life somewhere else once the babies were born.

The love she felt for Jack that she didn’t think would ever be returned.

It was all so overwhelming.

When she’d first woken from her fitful sleep, her head feeling as if it was literally going to explode, the only person she’d thought to call for help was Jack. And he’d come. Immediately. The second he’d gathered her into his arms, the pain lessened. It didn’t disappear, but knowing he was there was a massive relief.

Suddenly her bed didn’t seem so lonely. She’d fantasized about him holding her this way more than once over the years. The stories she’d woven in her head about how he’d feel against her body were nothing compared to reality. She didn’t want to move. Didn’t want morning to come. Because with the sun would come changes. She knew that as well as she knew her name.

Would Jack insist on keeping his distance, even after she’d remembered everything? Would he try to be noble and give her space to decide what she wanted?

Screw that. She didn’t need space. She knew what she wanted, and that was Jack. She loved him. Had for years. And if he changed his mind about being with her, she’d have no choice but to leave. Immediately.

Now that she knew what she’d be missing, the feel of his arms around her, the way her entire body tingled when he kissed her, Jack calling her hon and sweetheart in that deep voice of his . . . she couldn’t continue to live in Newton and not have it all.

Thankfully, the nausea eventually subsided, and the throbbing in her head lessened a bit as well. She discovered she loved watching Jack as he slept. It was as if she was getting a chance to see a part of him not many people did. His guard was down, and he trusted her enough to sleep in her presence. But it was the strength of his arms, never waning, that had her tearing up. Even in sleep, he was protective.

Light had just started to creep in around the curtains when he stirred against her. He didn’t wake up like most people. He didn’t gradually come back to consciousness. One second he was breathing deeply, still asleep, and the next he was fully awake.

“April?” he murmured.

“I’m here,” she said with a small smile.

“Shit, I fell asleep, and I was going to call for help. How’s your head?”

“It’s okay,” she told him.

He made a skeptical noise in the back of his throat.

“I am. I mean, I still have a headache, but nothing like last night.”

She felt him shifting, and she responded by getting impossibly closer.

He chuckled, and the sound rumbled through her entire body since she was plastered to him from head to toe. “You’re like an ostrich or something, refusing to take your head out of the sand.”

“I’m scared.”

All humor was gone from his tone when he asked, “Of me?”

“No, of course not. Of how things might be different, now that my memory is back,” she admitted softly.

Jack’s arms tightened around her, and the hand that had been tangled in her hair all night began to massage her head gently as he held her close. “They will be different.”

April’s entire body stilled. Tears filled her eyes.

“You’re mine,” Jack added, and April could barely breathe as he continued. “You remember our past. How I was a jackass and didn’t man up and ask you out like we both know I wanted to. I made you question your appeal and had you thinking about leaving. That’s done. You remember all my flaws and negative personality traits. And yet, you still called me when you were in pain and needed help. I’m not letting you go, April. As long as you want me, I’m yours.”

She closed her eyes to try to stop the tears.

“April?” Jack asked after a moment. “I can feel your tears on my skin. Please tell me those aren’t freaked-out, scared, I-don’t-know-how-to-get-out-of-this-situation tears.”

She shook her head. “They’re relieved tears. I-can’t-believe-he’s-saying-the-things-I’ve-longed-to-hear-for-years tears.”

Jack shifted, and for the first time in hours, he loosened his hold. Using the hand in her hair, he gently tilted her head back so he could see her face.

April felt her cheeks heat. She probably looked like a complete mess. Blotchy skin, red eyes, hair in disarray . . . but the emotion she saw in his eyes was anything but disgust.

He slowly lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. “Today’s the first day of the rest of our lives.”

She smiled at him.

“Jeez, sorry, that was so damn cheesy,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

It was, but April didn’t care. She rested her cheek against his chest once more and sighed in contentment.

“We need to see your doc today,” he said.

April frowned. “No, we don’t. I’m okay.”

“We do and we are,” he said firmly. “You scared me last night, hon. I don’t like that you were in so much pain. You could barely talk on the phone. We’ll go to the doc, get you checked out. You know he wanted to see you the second you remembered anything.”

April sighed. “Fine.”

“Good. We also need to let the others know. They’ll be thrilled.”

They would. The girls would squeal in excitement, and the guys would give her chin lifts and tell her it was about time. She loved her friends, and it was a relief to be able to remember their shared histories.

Neither she nor Jack attempted to get out of bed. He stroked her hair gently, and she idly traced circles on his chest. Several minutes went by before something occurred to April. She lifted her head and looked at him. The sun had risen far enough now that the light coming through the curtains allowed her to look him in the eye. “Um, Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re naked.”

He chuckled. “Not quite. I’ve got my briefs on.”

“You took off your clothes before getting into bed with me?” she asked.

To her amazement, his cheeks turned pink. “Not exactly . . .”

She frowned in confusion.

“I was in bed when you called, obviously, and I didn’t want to take the time to get dressed. My only concern was getting to you.”

She stared at him in disbelief, mouth gaping. “You came over here in nothing but your underwear?”

He shrugged. “Yup.”

As his words sank in, April’s eyes filled with tears once more.

“Shit, what’s wrong?” he asked anxiously.

“I . . . you . . . no one’s ever done anything like that for me before.”

He relaxed. “It’s a good thing I didn’t get pulled over. I wasn’t exactly going the speed limit,” he joked.

April couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that he’d been in such a hurry to get to her, he hadn’t even stopped to put on a pair of pants. Or shoes. Then she thought of something else. “I don’t really have anything that will fit that you can borrow to wear home.”

Jack shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ll call one of the guys to bring me something. I need them to check on my house anyway. I’m not sure if I shut my front door when I left.”

That had April rising on an elbow. “What? Jack, that’s crazy! I mean, Newton isn’t exactly crime central, but what if someone went in and stole stuff?”

“Then I’ll replace it. You’re much more important than any material crap I own.”

Gah. This man. He was killing her. “Okay, you need to stop,” she told him.

He frowned. “Stop what?”

“Being so awesome. I can’t handle it. I’m not a crier, and you’ve had me crying twice this morning already. You need to go back to being annoying and bossy.”

He chuckled, and the sound went straight between her legs. He rolled until she was under him. April could feel his skin against her own, and even though the nightgown she’d put on the night before had ridden up, which was thrilling enough, she wished she could feel his skin against hers everywhere.

“No can do,” he said with a shake of his head. “You need to get used to this. You come first, April. From here on out. I don’t care what it is, your well-being and wants and desires will always come first for me. I’ll never be ashamed to admit you’ve got me wrapped around your little finger. You want something? I’ll bend over backward to give it to you.”

“All I want is you,” she admitted. “Your attention, your time, your affection. I spent so much of my marriage coming in second, I don’t ever want to be in that situation again.”

“You won’t,” Jack vowed.

“But the same goes for me. I want to make you happy too.”

“You already do.”

April shook her head. “You know what I mean. I don’t want you to do stuff you hate just because I want to do them.”

“Not possible.”

“Jack,” April whispered, feeling overwhelmed.

“This is who I am,” he told her. “I warned you. This is why I wanted to wait for your memories to return. So you’d remember how focused I get. How stubborn I am. How I’m kind of a dick sometimes. I wanted you to truly know what you were getting into when you decided to be mine.”

Oh, April knew, and she wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. “I know who you are, and I want every inch of that man, Jackson Justice.”

She jerked in surprise when she felt one of his hands on her outer thigh. He caressed her briefly before moving that hand upward.

“Good. Because I want you too, April Hoffman.” His hand came to rest on her belly, and she inhaled sharply as his thumb brushed against the cotton of her panties while his pinky teased her belly button.

This was happening, and she was ready. More than ready. She’d dreamed about this moment for years and could hardly believe Jack was here, in bed with her. Practically naked, touching her.

Just as his head started to lower, his phone rang from the nightstand.

April winced at the loud sound, and Jack swore.

He rolled over and grabbed the phone. April could hear the conversation easily in the silence of the morning and because Jack was so close.

“Yo.”

“JJ? It’s Bob. Why the hell is your front door open? Are you all right?”

“I’m good. I’m not there.”

“So I’ve discovered. What’s going on?”

“I’m at April’s apartment. I need a favor. Can you bring me some shoes, socks, jeans, and a T-shirt?”

“Um, sure, but . . . I have questions.”

“I bet. I need to take April to the doc, so we’ll be late getting to the office. I think we only had that one small residential job this morning. Can you and the others take care of it?”

“Of course. Is April all right?”

“Her memories returned.”

“What? That’s awesome!” Bob exclaimed.

April smiled at hearing the genuine happiness in his voice.

“Yeah, although it came with a killer headache, so we’re going to go and get her checked out.”

“Right, of course. But your door? And the clothes?” Bob asked.

Jack chuckled. “She called in the middle of the night. I rushed over here without stopping to do much of anything else.”

“Like get dressed or shut your door. Got it. I’ll be over in ten or fifteen.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“Can I tell Marlowe?”

“About April’s memories returning? Sure.”

“No, about you running around butt-ass naked in the middle of the night,” Bob said with a laugh.

“You’re an ass,” Jack told him.

“Whatever. See you soon.”

Jack clicked off the connection and shook his head. “I don’t know why I put up with him.”

“Sure you do. He’s your friend,” April said.

The expression on Jack’s face turned serious. “Are you really feeling okay this morning?”

“Yeah. Again, I have a headache, but it’s nothing like last night. And the pain is fading.”

“You aren’t just saying that so I don’t freak out?” Jack asked.

April smiled. “No.”

“Okay. Let’s sit you up and see if the pain comes back,” Jack said as he shifted so his legs were hanging off the side of the bed.

April put a hand on his arm, making him stop and turn to look at her.

“I . . .” Shoot. She wasn’t good at this kind of thing. But she needed to be better at saying what she wanted. She’d wasted a lot of years by not speaking up when it came to Jack.

“What? You can talk to me about anything,” Jack told her.

“I want to stay at your house tonight. In your bed. With you,” she blurted.

The intensity on Jack’s face would’ve been frightening if she didn’t want him so much.

“Was already planning on it, sweetheart. As long as the doc gives his blessing, and you feel up to it, you’re mine tonight. In every way.”

“I’m already yours,” she whispered.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment before pressing his lips together and standing. “Go on and sit up, hon. See how you feel before you stand.”

She scooted up on the mattress and couldn’t help but stare at the man next to her bed. She’d lusted over him in jeans and a T-shirt while wielding a chain saw, but practically naked? He was irresistible. Surprisingly, he had a small pooch on his belly, but his thigh muscles rippled as he moved, and his arms were just as strong. In short, he was perfect—and he was hers.

“You look at me like that any longer, and we’re gonna have problems,” Jack said.

April raised a brow. “I’ll risk it,” she retorted.

Jack laughed. “Spunky. I like it a hell of a lot better than you whimpering in pain. Come on, let’s get you up and dressed. As much as I like Bob and know that he’s madly in love with his wife, I don’t want him seeing you in that sexy nightie.”

April wanted to argue. Point out the cellulite dotting her thighs and how her upper arms were getting saggy and how she could never lose the extra weight she carried around her middle . . . but she resisted the urge. If Jack thought she was sexy, she wasn’t going to complain.

She smiled as she took his hand and let him help her out of bed. The look of satisfaction and lust in his eyes was such a change from how she was used to him looking at her that she blushed.

“I’m going to go wait for Bob in the other room. Take your time getting ready,” Jack said as he took a step away from her. His fist clenched at his side, as if it was taking all his control not to grab hold of her.

When he’d gotten to the door, April said, “Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming over. I didn’t want to call anyone else.”

“If you ever feel scared, or unsure, or in pain, you call me,” he ordered. “No matter what time it is or what we’re doing. You call.”

“I will,” April agreed.

Jack nodded, then abruptly turned and exited the room.

Taking a deep breath and wincing at the pain it caused her head, April headed for the closet. She grabbed some clothes before going to the bathroom. Her life had taken a weird turn in the last couple of weeks, but she couldn’t be upset. How could she, when she had what she’d wanted for years?

Jack said she was his, and he was hers right back. She was going to do everything in her power to keep him. Smiling, she started to get ready for the day.