CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX

A week had passed since April had first gone to Jack’s Lumber, and she felt a hundred times better since that day. But to her dismay, even though the pain in her head had all but dissipated and the bruises on her face had disappeared, her memory still hadn’t returned. She had flashes here and there of what she thought were recent memories from before her accident, but the last five years were still largely beyond her reach.

She was frustrated, but Jack had been her rock. No matter how upset she got, he stayed calm and positive that her memories would return, insisting she just couldn’t rush things.

But with every hour that passed, April wanted to rush them. It was disconcerting to meet people around Newton who knew her and who she had no recollection of. Everyone was very understanding and patient, but April was nearing the end of her rope. She wanted her old life back.

Well, with one exception. Jack. She’d been told they’d both avoided their attraction before the accident, and she wanted no part of that old status quo.

Living with him was easy. They shared the cooking and chores, and he even insisted on going to the grocery store with her and taking an active role in deciding what they’d eat each day. It was a refreshing change from her previous relationship.

And there was no doubt that she and Jack were in a relationship. He kissed her all the time, touched her, told her how happy he was that she was with him. April always knew where she stood with him, which was another nice change.

The only problem was, he didn’t seem eager to do anything too physical. Yes, the little kisses he gave her were nice, but he hadn’t really kissed her since that first night in his home. Every day that went by made April feel more and more needy, especially since they spent nearly every moment together. If he really liked her as much as he claimed, why wasn’t he moving their physical relationship forward?

She knew the answer to that, of course. He didn’t want to have sex until her memory returned. He was still afraid she’d remember some reason why she didn’t want to be with him, and he didn’t want April to have any regrets. But she knew in her heart that wasn’t going to happen. It felt as if she’d known Jack forever. She felt safe and protected in his presence. And more comfortable with him than anyone she’d ever been with.

Just a few nights ago, her cell phone had rung, and thinking it was her mother—who’d said she was going to call that night—April had answered without checking the display. To her dismay, it was James. He’d gotten the number from her mom and claimed he was just calling to check on her. Of course, after she said she was fine, he started in on how much he missed her and wanted another chance, how badly he regretted the divorce.

April tried to tell him, again, that they were never getting back together, and he’d continually cut in, not letting her talk . . . until Jack took the phone out of her hand. He told James in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want anything to do with him, and if he ever called her again, he’d disappear and his body would never be found.

Then he’d hung up on James—who April could hear sputtering through the speaker—blocked his number, threw the phone on the coffee table, and said he was going for a walk.

When he’d returned a short time later, he apologized profusely. Explained that he couldn’t stand James pretending to be someone he wasn’t, making everything about him and not listening to a word April said. And he insisted that was still no excuse for stomping off or for grabbing her phone and threatening her ex.

The truth was, April was relieved. She didn’t want to talk to James. Wasn’t upset at all about what Jack had done. But she could tell his brief lack of control bothered him.

For the rest of the night, he wasn’t as touchy-feely as usual, keeping a careful distance and speaking softly, as if he thought she was afraid of him after that confrontation with James. When it was time for bed, he kissed her almost distractedly before heading to the guest room, where he was still sleeping because he refused to let April move out of his bedroom.

He was still a little off the next morning, and it wasn’t until April thanked him again for setting her ex straight that he’d finally started to relax.

Yes, Jack was a little rough around the edges. He probably shouldn’t have threatened to make her ex disappear, but since he’d done it to protect her, she wasn’t upset about it. Some people might’ve been worried about the violent tendencies that threat implied, but not April. She knew this man. Deep down, she had no doubt he wasn’t inherently violent. Though she was just as positive that, if it came down to it, he’d use everything he’d learned in the Army to keep her safe.

So a week had gone by, and Jack hadn’t done anything to move their relationship to the next level, not even so much as another deep, soulful kiss.

April was frustrated with the man, but more so with her memory, which still hadn’t returned. She’d been to Jack’s Lumber every day and was slowly learning more and more about operations. She’d started to schedule jobs for the guys, but only after promising each and every one of them that she’d never go out on her own to do the prechecks on a property. Since she’d gotten into the accident while doing just that, she didn’t have a problem agreeing.

Carlise, June, and Marlowe were constantly dropping by to visit, and honestly, being at Jack’s Lumber didn’t feel much like a job. She loved what she did, and laughing and eating lunch with her girlfriends was one of the highlights of each day.

But the biggest highlight was spending time with Jack each morning before they headed to the office, and then when they got home. They cooked dinner together, went for walks, and argued good-naturedly about which shows to watch. One bonus of losing her memory was that she could watch shows she apparently loved for the first time all over again.

Another bonus was reading. She had a tablet full of electronic books that she’d read but didn’t remember, so she got to read and enjoy the stories as if they were new.

But the frustration with her memory was growing . . . so she’d decided the time had come.

The time for her to go home.

She had an apartment that Jack had been visiting to bring her clothes and other things, like her reading tablet, but he hadn’t found the time to bring April there herself. She had a feeling it wasn’t that he didn’t have time but rather, he didn’t want her to leave.

Honestly, she didn’t want to leave either, but she couldn’t continue living in this limbo. She wanted Jack. Wanted a real relationship with the man—including all the physical perks.

Yes, she’d only been living with him for a week, and it was just two weeks since her accident, but memories aside, she felt pretty great. Jack had flat-out sworn he wouldn’t move their physical relationship forward until she remembered everything, and that sucked, but she had to respect his decision. That was Jack—honorable to the core. He’d never take advantage of her situation.

So if their relationship couldn’t grow until her memory returned, April would do whatever she could to facilitate that. Namely, go back to her own place. Try to force her brain to remember the recent past.

She had a feeling Jack wasn’t going to like it. At all.

They’d gotten home from the office around six, made homemade au gratin potatoes, steak, and corn on the cob for dinner. They ate at their leisure, talking about their day and their friends between bites, then cleaned up the kitchen and, as was quickly becoming their routine, sat down to find something to watch together on the TV.

Jack had just grabbed the remote when April blurted, “It’s time for me to go home.”

Okay, she hadn’t meant to be so blunt.

His head whipped around, and he stared at her with an expression she couldn’t read. She hurried to fill the awkward silence.

“My head doesn’t hurt anymore, and thanks to you and Cal, I have transportation again.”

Cal had pulled up in front of Jack’s Lumber two days ago in a brand-new red Subaru Forester exactly like the one she’d totaled, thrown the keys on the desk in front of her, and said, “Sorry it took so long.”

April had been baffled, but no matter how much she protested or how many times she’d tried to explain that it wasn’t in her nature to accept such an extravagant gift, the guys wouldn’t give in. Cal finally huffed out a breath and explained that the cost was nothing to him and he’d gotten it for her partially because June spent so much time at Jack’s Lumber, and if she went into labor, he wanted April to have reliable transportation to get her to the doctor without having to wait for someone to come get his wife.

She’d finally given in. Although it still didn’t sit well with her, deep down, she loved the little car.

She continued speaking because Jack was still just staring. “It’s weird that I’m living here, Jack. I’m in your room, and you’re in the guest room. I don’t like taking your bed. It’s not fair. And it’s not like we’re a real couple,” she ended, kind of under her breath, feeling petty even as the words came out.

“Not a real couple?” Jack finally broke his silence to ask incredulously.

“You haven’t kissed me since that first night . . . not a real kiss . . . and I basically forced that one on you,” she told him.

He snorted. “You didn’t force me to do anything. And you know why I’m waiting.”

April nodded slowly. “I do. And it actually makes me want you more. How many men would do that? Turn down a sure thing because you think it’s what’s best for me? You’re an honorable man, Jack, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. And I appreciate it. Appreciate you.”

She shrugged one shoulder as she added, “I want more. I want a real relationship. But I refuse to put pressure on you, so I’m done waiting passively for my brain to get its shit together. I want to go back to my place. Not only to see if I can jump-start my memories, but also . . . being here with you, and not being with you . . . it hurts, Jack.”

He frowned. “I have to make sure this is what you want. That you aren’t going to regret being with me once your memories return.”

“I know,” April insisted. “I also know I had some reticence about getting involved before my accident, so the not-dating thing isn’t just on you. After talking to the girls, I also know you were right about the things you suspected. I was worried because you were my boss, because things could get weird. Worried that I’m older than you. Apparently, I even had some concerns about ever getting serious with a man again, after James. But you aren’t him. And I’m over the age gap.

“I just want to be with you, Jack. And I think you want the same thing . . . but you’re holding back. Again, it hurts being so close to you but feeling so far away. So I’m going to do what I can to get my memories back, so we can both be sure of each other.”

She stared at him, hoping against hope that he’d agree. It wasn’t that she wanted to move out of his place, but she definitely wanted a real relationship with this man. She wanted him to pick her up and carry her into his room, put her down on the bed she’d been fantasizing about sharing with him for the last week, and make long, slow love to her.

She had no doubt he’d be amazing. That he’d rock her world. There was no way he’d be as selfish as her ex in bed. But if he needed her to get her memories back first, she’d do whatever it took, even if it meant leaving him to make that happen.

April sighed when he remained silent. “And I . . . I think maybe it’s best we take a break too. I’ve been with you nonstop since my accident. You’ve felt responsible for me. I don’t want to be someone you think is fragile, someone you have to keep in a protective bubble. As much as I love knowing you’re there if I need you, I need to figure out how to be myself.”

“You haven’t felt like you can be yourself here?” Jack asked.

It was the first time April had heard hurt in his voice. She hated that, she truly did. But she wanted more from this man, and the only way to get it was for her damn memories to return.

“I’ve been more myself since the accident than I think I have in a long time. I love being here with you. You have no idea how much I enjoy spending time doing mundane things like shopping, cooking, and cleaning with you. But I want more. I want you, Jack.”

“I don’t want you to resent me,” he said softly.

“I won’t,” April said fervently.

“I can’t take the chance. If you end up hating me for making love to you, it would kill me.” He raked a hand down his face, suddenly looking tired. “I’ll take you to your apartment, but if you change your mind, all you have to do is call me. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

April was glad that he wasn’t fighting her too hard on this decision, even as sadness filled her. She loved being with Jack. She felt safe with him. And despite still thinking this was the right choice, she couldn’t help feeling like moving out of his home was a huge step back. “Thank you, Jack. I’m doing this for us, you know.”

“I do know. And it just proves to me that you’re the stronger person in this relationship.”

April couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face at hearing that. “Whatever,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You could crush me like a bug.”

She was relieved to see Jack’s lips twitch in return. But then he said in a serious tone, “You and I both know I’m completely harmless when it comes to you.” He leaned toward her a fraction. “I’m serious, April. If you feel even the smallest bit of unease, you call me. You can come back here, or I can take you to one of the girls’ houses. I just want you to feel comfortable and safe.”

April nodded, and they stared at each other for a beat. Then she stood and walked into his bedroom to start packing. As she did so, her emotions ran the gamut, but by the time she was done, she was more determined than ever to prove to Jack that her lack of memory had nothing to do with how she felt about him, now or in the future. She’d go back to her apartment and hopefully remember at least some of the last few years, then she could come home.

Home.

Anywhere Jack was already felt like home to her.

“I’m ready,” April said quietly after she walked out of the bedroom.

Jack turned from where he was standing in the kitchen, and the look of misery on his face was nearly her undoing. She almost told him she’d changed her mind, that she’d stay. But she needed to do this. For both of them.

“I’ll follow you to your place,” he told her.

“That’s not necessary. It’s not that far away,” she protested.

“I’ll follow you,” he repeated firmly.

There. That. His protectiveness was both a blessing and an irritant. But April couldn’t say that he hadn’t warned her.

She nodded and led the way out the door. His headlights shone in her rearview mirror during the four-minute trip to her apartment complex.

When they got there, he walked her up to the second floor, all the way to her door.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked.

He shook his head. “If your head hurts, don’t be stubborn, take a pill,” he said.

April sighed. “It hasn’t hurt for a few days now. At least not bad enough that I need to take something.”

“Still. Don’t overdo anything. No staying up late cleaning or trying to refamiliarize yourself with your place. There’s time for that later. Are you coming into work tomorrow?”

This man knew her so well. It was uncanny and comforting at the same time. She was itching to explore her apartment. It was as if she was moving into a stranger’s place, and yet it was her own. She hoped to get more insight into her life here in Maine by looking at her belongings.

“April?”

“Oh, sorry. Of course I’m coming into work. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Just checking. I’ll see you there. Oh, shit. I bet you don’t have anything to eat here. I’ll bring your creamer to the office. I’ll also make a breakfast sandwich for you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she told him softly. She hadn’t even thought about the state of her pantry and fridge when she’d decided to go to her apartment.

“I know. But I am. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said.

“I sure you will, but still, I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, call. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They stood there in her doorway, staring at each other, before Jack brought a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed while looking down at the ground and sighing. “I hate this,” he muttered.

“Jack—” April started, but straightened and took a step back.

“No, this is good. You need to figure out who you are without me hovering. But just because you’ve moved back here doesn’t mean we’re going back to the way things were,” he said almost fiercely.

“I don’t remember how things were,” April reminded him. “And I don’t mind you hovering,” she couldn’t help but say.

He pressed his lips together, then took a step toward her. One of his hands held her nape, and the other snaked around her waist. He pulled her against him roughly as he lowered his head, kissing her hard and almost desperately.

April immediately opened her mouth and grabbed his waist. She’d wanted this kind of kiss from him for the last week. Passion bloomed between them, and April felt her nipples harden under her bra and goose bumps break out on her arms. She moaned low in her throat at the feel of his tongue stroking her own.

As if the small sound brought him to his senses, he lifted his head. Thankfully, he didn’t move away from her. He kept his hands clasped around her almost painfully.

“Jack?” she whispered when he didn’t say anything.

“My place is gonna seem so empty without you there,” he finally said.

April’s determination wavered. What was she doing? This man wanted her to stay with him. Why was she being so stubborn? Was it so bad that he wanted to wait for her memory to return before he’d touch her intimately?

Actually, yes. Because as sure as he was that she’d remember him and everything else from the last five years, she wasn’t as confident. It could be months before she remembered. Months of being near him but unable to have him.

“But you’ll get to sleep in your own bed tonight,” she told him.

He snorted. “As if I want to be there without you.”

April rolled her eyes. “You know as well as I do that I wouldn’t have minded if you’d climbed in next to me. In fact, I invited you to do just that, and you were the one who refused.”

“You’re killin’ me, April. Just so you know.”

Amazingly, April realized she was smiling. “You’ll live.”

“At least my sheets will smell like you.”

April pouted. “And mine won’t smell like you.”

“Nope,” he agreed. Then sighed. “Right, I’m leaving now, while I still can. Again, don’t worry about breakfast. I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks.”

“You don’t have to thank me for making sure you eat,” Jack said, shaking his head. Then his hands dropped, and April didn’t have a choice but to let go of him in return.

He backed up slowly. Not taking his gaze from her own. “Get inside,” he ordered.

“Bossy,” April mock complained.

“When it comes to your safety, yes,” he agreed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You will.”

April hesitated, then sighed and reached for the door. She slowly shut it, then locked the knob and the dead bolt. She turned and rested her back against the door and closed her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and opening them again.

As she looked around, it felt as if she was in a hotel room of sorts. A somewhat familiar one, but a strange place regardless.

She picked up the suitcase Jack had carried for her and wandered around looking for her bedroom. It seemed as if she was fairly neat, which wasn’t a surprise, as she remembered that from her past. Some of the items around the apartment were familiar, but others were new and interesting. There were shells on a shelf, some driftwood on the wall . . . but it was the pictures that fascinated her the most.

At least a dozen of them sat on a tall, skinny bookshelf in the corner of the room. Looking closer, she saw the photos were of all the people she’d gotten to know during the last week. April standing in the middle of Chappy, Cal, Bob, and Jack, in front of Jack’s Lumber. Shots of her with Carlise and the other women. One of April standing on a beach with her hair blowing in her face as she laughed. Then in front of a huge tree with Jack at her side, a chain saw resting on his shoulder.

Picking up the photo, she brought it closer to examine it. Jack was so damn handsome, and whoever had taken the picture had caught her looking at him with an expression of adoration on her face.

Seeing that picture was absolute proof that what she felt for Jack wasn’t a product of him spending so much time with her in the hospital or taking care of her since she’d come back to Newton. The feelings she’d had for him were deep seated and not new.

The pictures were an interesting glimpse into the life she’d led over the last few years. April realized that she looked happy in every image, which reinforced that she enjoyed her life in Newton and this was her home now.

Determination rose within her yet again. Jack might think she didn’t know her own mind, but he was wrong. Maybe her brain being sloshed around in her head was making her act differently than she might otherwise, but she was done tiptoeing around their attraction.

She wanted Jack. Period.

April replaced the picture on the bookshelf and went into her bedroom. She put her suitcase on the floor, not bothering to unpack because hopefully, she’d be back in Jack’s house sooner rather than later.

It was still somewhat early, but she was mentally exhausted, so she grabbed her toiletry bag and went into the attached bathroom to get ready for bed. She took in every tiny detail of each new room, hints into her life before the accident.

It was surprising how she seemed to know where stuff was, despite not recognizing most things. In the bathroom, she unerringly found her toothbrush and toothpaste and the lotion she used on her face before bed. Back in the room, she went to her dresser and opened the correct drawer on the first try. Muscle memory, perhaps.

She grabbed a silk nightgown and stripped off her clothes and tugged the nightie over her head. Then she crawled under the comforter and sheet . . . and stared at the ceiling.

It was dark, but there was a light outside that threw shadows around the room. Turning her head, April saw the curtains on the window were open, letting in the light. Annoyance swept through her as she stared at that window. That felt familiar. She climbed out of bed and shut the curtains, the feeling of déjà vu almost overwhelming. How many times had she gone to bed and forgotten to close the curtains and gotten annoyed by the light?

She returned to the bed and turned onto her side with her back to the window. April now stared sightlessly into the dark. She felt . . . weird. The bed felt cold. Too small. She was already used to Jack’s king-size bed, so this full-size mattress wasn’t cutting it anymore. Not only that, but the sheets weren’t as soft and, as she’d warned, didn’t smell like him.

Not liking the way her head was beginning to throb, April closed her eyes.

She was fine. She’d been the one who insisted on going home. She couldn’t call him and tell him she’d changed her mind. That would make her seem weak, and one thing she knew for certain she wasn’t was weak.

Ignoring the little voice in her head that insisted while she might not be weak, she was certainly extremely stubborn, April sighed.

Her last thought before sleep overtook her was she didn’t like being here. Which sucked, because this was her home. Her space. But it felt empty. And lonely. And maybe a little bit scary. The sounds were different from those in Jack’s house. She could hear music from her neighbor’s place on the other side of the wall, cars on the street outside.

It was all so . . . unfamiliar.