Chapter 21

Twenty-One

The next night, it was Peek's sudden, warbling hiss that had me standing from my chair. His back was arched, fur standing on end, ears pricked forward.

It had been storming all day, a torrential downpour of icy rain that stung my skin, but right then it was a light pattering on my roof. For a moment I thought there might be a Shade outside. Peek never reacted like that unless there was danger near.

But when I went to my window and glimpsed out, my heart stopped in my chest.

Lorik.

Standing on the edge of my property, his clothing soaked, hair plastered to his skull.

He saw me looking through the window, but he didn't make a step toward the cottage. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my heaviest shawl from the peg near the door and stuffed my feet into my boots.

I'd been in a daze since my talk with Veras yesterday evening. I'd run through nearly every interaction I'd ever had with Lorik, starting from the beginning, analyzing every conversation we'd had. What he'd said about the Below, about Severs, about Shades, about Allavari.

And what I'd come to realize was that I didn't know anything at all.

Veras had been right. It was like a veil being pulled back from your eyes. How could you ever go back?

Before I stepped foot outside, my gaze caught on my chest near the door. I hesitated a mere moment…but then I grabbed a small dagger and hid it in the pleats of the shawl.

The chill outside was bone-numbing, but I trudged toward Lorik, my mouth set in a thin line. I didn't know what I would say to him. I'd tried to plan it all out, but the words stuck in my brain. Like a funnel, they all got clogged up toward the end.

Lorik hadn't taken a step forward. For a moment, I wondered about that. He was inside the barrier spell, but he hadn't taken a step toward the cottage.

When I could make out his face in the dark, I saw that he looked tired. There was a hardness in his features—one that softened briefly when he first saw me—that hadn't been there before. He seemed in no hurry to get inside from the rain, not that I would let him. I needed answers. I needed them tonight.

No more hiding. No more fear.

I stopped when we were a few arms' lengths apart. The hilt of my small dagger felt hot in my palm despite the cold.

Lorik studied me. The longer he studied me, the more realization settled into the lines of his features, deepening his frown, the space between his brow growing darker when he furrowed it.

"Marion."

I felt something crack in me at my name.

"Why can't you take a step toward me?" I asked.

His jaw ticked. He looked down at the ground between us, and I wondered what he saw.

"Is it because what you said is true? That Peek really does protect me from Severs?"

Lorik's head rose slowly, his eyes beginning to glow blue.

Finally, he said, "Your braydus drew its own barrier here. You've changed your mind about me. Peek senses it and will not let me cross."

How could I have been such a fool?

"So many things that I willfully ignored," I said quietly. "Why? Because I was lonely? Because I was that desperate for affection and intimacy and touch?"

"Marion…" Lorik rasped, running a hand through his slick hair, combing it back away from his face. Rain shimmered across his cheekbones as moonlight filtered into the clearing.

And I didn't know who he was at all.

Then he sighed, a rough exhale. I watched the light shift off his face. That familiar shimmering I'd only caught glimpses of, writing them off as a trick of the light. Then, with parted lips, I watched as his features changed, his body growing slightly larger, slightly taller.

Another veil dropping from my eyes.

Him.

It was that image I'd caught when we'd first made love. His features were sharper, more beautiful, more cutting. The tips of his ears were like knives, and his ethereal blue eyes glowed even brighter. His jawline widened. His skin silvered even more, practically glowing in its luminosity.

"Magicked glamour," he explained, though his voice didn't change. "Difficult to hold, and it takes energy. It's why the infection took root…because I was using most of my strength to sustain the glamour, even in my sleep."

"Who even are you?" I whispered. I feared my words would be carried away by the sudden gusting of wind, bringing in another dark cloud bank from the west.

"I'm the same as I was, Marion," Lorik said, attempting to step forward, to reach forward…but he hit something. Peek's magic. Peek's barrier. He'd been telling the truth about one thing at the very least…and I'd never even known. "I swear that to you."

"No, I never knew you," I said, my shoulders dropping. "Lies upon lies. And maybe you didn't outright lie to my face, Lorik. But you certainly weaved. And avoided. Anything not to tell me the truth."

"I am bound by oath, Marion," he insisted, a pleading note entering his tone. His face was the same, but the structure was all different. More rugged, more roughly handsome than the delicate Allavari features I'd come to know. "I cannot say things without punishment."

I certainly understood that. But there were ways around it…and he'd never even tried to help me understand.

"Tell me the truth now."

His sharp jaw tightened. There was a scar just underneath his chin, a scar that hadn't been there before, one he'd hidden with this glamour. I remembered what Veras had told me, that Severs had been living among us for a lot longer than anyone realized…and perhaps this was how.

Because no one would look at Lorik in his true form and not know there was something otherworldly about him.

He was Allavari and he was Kylorr…but he was much, much more. His bloodline must've run back generations.

"Marion," he said quietly.

"The truth. Or I walk back into my cottage and we will never speak again. Whatever oath you took be damned—I deserve to know the truth, Lorik."

I wondered what his punishment would be. I wondered what the magic would take of him. I understood blood oaths. I'd taken one myself. If I didn't help someone when I knew they were in need…I would feel their pain acutely.

Maybe that was part of why I'd hidden myself away in the Black Veil. Because it was easier to ignore others' suffering. Because it was no great risk to me. I hated the cowardly part of myself. But Lorik had been the last person I'd helped…and look where that had gotten me.

With the oath in mind, I didn't expect the truth from him. Not truly.

And so I began to turn away. It would feel like an unfinished chapter in my life, but I would accept that to spare my heart. I'd always told myself to never fall in love. Love only brought pain. Suffering. In Aysia's case, death.

Fool,I thought, fighting back tears, feeling that empty loneliness creeping back inside me as I remembered how content I'd felt lying next to Lorik in my small bed. Of hearing his breathing and feeling his heart against my back. Of memorizing the veins in his wings and the way his eyes gleamed when he was looking at me.

They were things I didn't need to remember because it would make the loss of him hurt all the more.

"I'm a Sever, Marion."

I froze, not looking at him but not quite leaving either.

"Though we call ourselves Kelvarians, not Severs. That's an old word, a distasteful one to us."

The rain began to pick up, icy pinpricks on my flesh, sliding down my cheeks like tears.

"I was born in the Below. It is my home. It is where I live. It is what I know," Lorik went on. His voice almost took on a trancelike property, and I found myself looking over my shoulder at him, studying the conflict over his changed features. "I am the Below King's Hunter. A high position in his court, and I do whatever he tasks me with, for the safety and security of our home. My father was the Hunter before me, his father before him. It was my purpose after my brother died. That is what I am."

I turned to face him but didn't take a step forward to close some of the gap between us.

"For such a high-ranking position in his court, why bother coming to the Above world at all?"

Lorik exhaled sharply. "Shades come from our world. They are a product of us, of a darker time and history in the Below. It didn't seem right to let them run freely in your world, when we knew their potential and their crimes."

"Then why come to the villages?" I asked. "Shades stay in the Black Veil, don't they?"

"For the most part, yes," Lorik replied, studying me carefully. "I wanted to know the villages better. I'd heard stories of the Above for most of my life—tales from my mother. I was curious. And I found they weren't as terrible as they'd always been described to us."

I released a shaky breath.

"And then…I saw a human woman at a market day in Rolara," he continued, his voice softening. "With beautiful hair, the color of which I'd never seen before, and soft, almost sad eyes…and I wanted to know more about her."

"Don't," I whispered, shaking my head.

"That's why I came to Rolara, Marion," he said…but I didn't know if I could believe him. I wanted to, but I didn't know what to believe anymore.

"And the arrow?" I asked, hardening my voice. "The poisoned arrow?"

His features shuttered, a brief flash of shame appearing until he smoothed it from his expression with furrowed brow, lines appearing between them.

"I need something from you," he told me quietly.

"What?" I asked, surprised. Then I laughed. "What could you possibly…"

Realization hit.

"Oh," I said. A flash of bitterness rose in me. I laughed, but it sounded like a choke. "You're no better than the rest of them, are you?"

Lorik's expression was pained. Again, he tried to step forward before he remembered himself. "It's not like that—I need you to believe me. Just let me explain."

"Then explain," I said. "And don't you dare lie."

"The arrow…the injury…the poisoning…it was all planned," Lorik said, the words released in a rush, like a purging. "From the very beginning."

I stared at him, hardly registering his words. My heart thudded in my ears until I could barely hear anything else.

"But please, Marion, know that I never acted the way I did…I never pretended when I was with you," Lorik said quickly, his words a dizzying rush.

"All you did was pretend," I said, my tone hollow. "Were you truthful about anything?"

"About the way I feel about you, yes!" he urged. "But you have to understand this is bigger than me. The entire Below is threatened, Marion. This wasn't about what I wanted. This was my duty, to help my people, my family."

I looked away from him, to glance into the Black Veil. I wondered how far the portal was from my cottage. Was it near where I'd found him, leaning against a tree, an arrow in his shoulder?

"The arrow was planned. I ordered one of my huntsman to strike me with it," he confessed. "I knew your healer's oath. I took advantage of that. Even the poison was taken into account…I knew you would send me on my way if it was a mere flesh wound. I needed to…"

"You needed to get close to me so that I would do what you wanted," I finished for him, the ugly truth tumbling from my lips. "You manipulated me. You tricked me. You used me. You made me like you so that in the end, I would do what you wanted."

Lorik's eyes closed briefly, his features scrunching up, his breaths coming fast.

"The shadevine queen, right?" I guessed. "That's what you want. That's what they always want."

Lorik met my eyes, that glow illuminating the sprinkling of rain between us.

"Not the queen," he murmured. "I need the hive heart."

I choked out a laugh of disbelief, and it sounded like a sob.

"The heart. Without it, the queen will abandon the hive. All her glowflies will die without the heat. All the shadevines will wither in the garden," I told him, numbness beginning to take root.

"I know," he murmured quietly. "But many will die without it."

"Why not just steal it?"

"The heart needs to be freely given," he rasped.

"Why?" I asked, my tone chipped like ice.

"Our most powerful Kelvarian sorceress demands it for her spell," Lorik told me, his shoulders sagging slightly, his wings dipping into the wet, mushy soil beneath him. "The hive heart must be freely given."

"So that's why you needed the deception. That's why you pretended to—"

"I never pretended, Marion," Lorik snapped. "I was disappointed that it had to be you."

I flinched.

"Not in that way. Fuck!" Lorik cursed, bringing a hand up to his horn. "I was agonizing over what needed to be done. For weeks. But you are the only one—the only one—who possesses a shadevine hive. No other healers' guild, no glowfly keeper within two week's flying distance has one. Because, believe me, I searched. It was a miracle that you have one. It had to be you. And I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to betray you, Marion, but this was the only choice. The only way to save my people."

I turned from him.

"Marion!"

He thought I was leaving, but I only paced a short distance away before I rounded back.

"What's the spell for?" I demanded. "You said people would die?"

Lorik opened his mouth, words perched on the edge on his tongue. Was this what he couldn't tell me? What his oath was bound to? Or had he already broken it?

"Kelvarians created Shades. Long ago," he told me, his tone grave. "I told you we have a dark history with Shades. It…it wasn't right. It was a terrible thing, a sordid past that not many speak about today. But something is happening in the Below, little witch."

I bit my cheek at the pet name he'd given me. Once meant to tease, it felt like a caress. Only now? It was one I didn't want.

"Someone powerful is creating Shades again with the same dark magic that opened the portal to the Below over two hundred years ago. It's a sickness, a plague that's spreading through our city and the surrounding villages. My sister…"

My breath squeezed from my lungs. His sister? He'd said she was sick. It had been with this?

Or it's another lie,I couldn't help but think, bitterness and anger eating me up.

"My sister started showing the signs of it nearly a month ago. She took a turn for the worse. That's why I had to leave, Marion. Why I was called back so urgently. Why I've been gone. This dark magic…it's almost consumed her. And once it does, there's no way to go back. There's no cure for this. Only death would be a relief. She would spend the rest of her days like a ghost. She wouldn't be able to speak, food would taste like ash in her mouth, she would no longer feel the warmth of moonlight, and love would wither away in her chest."

What he spoke of…could something horrible like that exist?

But then I remembered the Shade we'd encountered, very near to where Lorik was now. Lorik had told me the Shade had wanted to die. He'd said it was a mercy.

"I cannot see my sister go through that," Lorik confessed. "I would do anything to help her. To help all the Kelvarians who are afflicted with this cruel spell. Even if it means you hate me for it, Marion. Because this is bigger than us, even if I wish, out of all the people in this world, that you weren't the one who has exactly what I need."

I didn't know why I believed him.

But I did. I believed that he was telling me the truth about whatever was happening in the Below. Maybe that made me the biggest fool in the entire universe. Maybe that was why I didn't trust anyone…because maybe I trusted too easily at first and never learned my lesson.

I heard the sad truth in Lorik's voice. I saw it in his glowing eyes and in the pinching frown on his face, his features strange yet familiar to me.

I'd had the shadevine hive for years, had tended to it for years. The loss of it would feel like a dagger to my own chest…but how could I be that selfish?

"Wait here," I said, my voice hollow. "Not that Peek would let you cross."

Then I did what I knew was right, even if it hurt. With ice in my heart, I approached the night garden, walking beneath the trellised entrance with slow steps. Only some of the glowflies were out in this storm—the majority of them were hunkered in their warm hives.

I approached the shadevine hive, trying to keep my tears from spilling down my cheeks. I hated what I had to do, but I'd always known…I would always sacrifice my glowflies for Allavari lives. Or apparently Kelvarian lives too.

Without a second thought, my cold hand shot into the hive, securing my fist around the warm heart—spongy in texture, the home of the queen—which seemed to beat under my palm with its magic. I could feel the glowflies wiggling against my hand, confused and agitated.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Then I plucked out the heart. The queen was inside, and I watched her crawl out as the storm picked up. She stung me on the back of my hand, the prick worse than a dagger—making me hiss in pain and bite my lip to keep from crying out—and then she disappeared…flying off into the night.

Gone. Just like that.

The rest of the glowflies buzzed around me, a halo of blue light like Lorik's eyes. None of them stung me, however—only their queen had. I watched as they flew in dizzying circles, desperate in their confusion.

Lorik was watching me with sad eyes when I returned to him. The heart in my hand felt spongy. It felt soft and warm—a living, magical thing that I had stolen. Was this freely given when I had taken it?

"Here," I said, keeping my voice even, despite the tears that rolled down my face. Grief built in my chest. For my glowflies, for Lorik's betrayal, and for the strange sense of loss and heartbreak I felt.

Peek's barrier kept him from reaching forward, so I stretched out the hive heart to him. He took it, his fingertips brushing mine. I snatched my hand back when he made to reach for it.

"Take it," I told him.

"Marion—"

"But I never want to see you again," I said, cutting him off. "Good luck."

And goodbye,I thought silently.

Then I turned…and I didn't look back.