Chapter 54

fifty-four

ISLA

"I don't want to do this." I stare at Maddox's jersey. It hangs in my closet, taunting me. Laughing at my pain. And the nerves that have me worried I'm either going to puke my guts out or shit myself.

"He probably won't even come near you," Nevaeh says. She means it to be reassuring, but it's not. Because I want Maddox to be near me. I want him to pull his head out of his ass and want me the way I still want him. But Nev's right. He'll probably keep his distance.

"Sure." I settle on a plum-colored sweater, my nicest pair of jeans, and gray suede ankle booties with a slight wedge heel. I want to wear a hoodie and sneakers, but since this is for work, I need to look nice. Not like the depressed hermit I've become.

Again.

Don't want to scare the fans.

Jess and Nev keep me distracted while I get ready. They talk my ear off as we drive to the arena. And they don't leave my side as we push through the crowds. If anyone recognizes me, I don't notice. All of my focus goes to keeping myself calm.

Being back here is harder than I thought it would be. Knowing that Maddox is in this building, getting ready for the game, not missing me, makes it difficult to breathe.

"This was a mistake," I mutter to myself. I'm ten seconds away from turning on my heel and running when I hear someone call my name.

"Isla! Oh my god, I've missed you."

I only get a glimpse of Mira's smiling face before she wraps me up in a tight hug. My body is stiff for a moment, but then I wrap my arms around her, too. Tears threaten my eyes. As I'm blinking through my tears, I notice a beautiful, older, dark-haired woman watching us with a soft smile. Something about her is familiar.

"Hey, Mira. I've missed you too." I pull back from the hug, meeting her gaze. "You all moved in at Griffin's?"

She chuckles. "Yep."

"How's that going so far?"

"Well, we haven't killed each other yet. So I'm counting it as a win." She flashes me a bright grin as her eyes rove over my face. Whatever she sees dims her smile. "How are you doing?"

I shrug. That's all I have to offer because if I open my mouth, I'll start crying.

"Yeah," she says, giving my hand a squeeze. "I figured."

I introduce her to Jess and Nevaeh. They exchange pleasantries and some looks I can't quite figure out, and then Mira looks back at the older woman.

"There's someone I want you to meet. "

Looking between the woman and my friend, my stomach twists. Because now I understand why she looks familiar.

"This is my mom, Camila." Mira waves her mom closer. "Mom, this is Isla."

Oh, god. I'm meeting Maddox's mother. We're broken up, and I'm meeting his mom.

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I attempt to smile. "Hi. It's so nice to meet you."

Camila ignores my proffered hand and pulls me in for a hug. She's soft and curvy and the hug she gives me is a true mom-hug. The lump in my throat grows.

"Isla. It's so good to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you." Familiar brown eyes twinkle as she releases me. Maddox's eyes.

God, I miss him .

"Hi," I say, clearing my throat. "Good to meet you, too."

"I'm sorry to spring my presence on you, but it's been a while since I've been to one of my son's games. And I don't see this one enough." Camila hooks a thumb in her daughter's direction. Mira rolls her eyes.

"Mom. I'm back, okay? Don't get your panties in a twist."

Despite my nerves and the crushing regret of everything that's happened the last week or two, I laugh.

"Yeah, and instead of moving back home, you moved in with Griffin Wright. That boy is as sweet as they come, but the two of you lead very different lives."

Mira shrugs and gives me an exasperated look before hooking her arm in mine. The five of us weave through the growing crowds. When I asked Griffin to get tickets for us, I thought he'd get us something toward the back of the arena. But that's not where Mira takes us.

"We're sitting here?" I ask as she leads us into the first row of seats from the boards. My voice is squeaky. "Mira, this isn't a good idea."

She waves dismissively. "This is where the team wanted you. It'll make it easier to get you on the ice after the game when they present you with one of those huge checks for your school."

"But Maddox," I hiss. I'm as quiet as possible so her mom doesn't hear. "Mira, this is too close. He'll be pissed."

And I'll be struggling to maintain my composure the whole game. It will be hard enough to watch him play. But to be this close? Seeing every facial expression when he skates by—every frown, sneer, and grimace—will be too much for me. I already know it.

Mira gives me a sympathetic smile. "He won't be. Trust me. It'll be fine."

" I won't be fine," I whisper. She hears me.

"You will. Promise. You're not alone."

"I'm not ready to see him, Mira. I'm not…" My eyes well with tears and I have to clear my throat again. "I'm not okay."

"Man, I want to kick my brother's ass," she mutters, glaring at the tunnel the guys will walk out of soon for warmups. Turning back to me, she grabs my hand once we're settled in our seats. "Don't be mad, but Griff told me what happened. My brother is a dumbass and I get why you're not okay. And he may be my blood, but I'm on your side. So is Griffin. Plus, you've got your friends here to support you. You can do this. You're not alone. "

"I don't think you understand," I say as a booming baritone announces the visiting team—the Florida Gators—and the Rogues as they skate onto the ice for warmups. My chest tightens and my hands shake as my eyes find Maddox the moment he emerges from the tunnel.

I'm going to puke.

Turning pleading eyes to Mira, I clutch at her hand. "I'm in love with him."

Mira's face softens. "Yeah, girl. I know. I think the only person who didn't know was my brother. And that's because he's an idiot."

"I can't face him." I start to rise from my seat. "This was a mistake."

"Isla." Mira tugs my arm, and I flop back onto my ass. "Breathe."

But that's the thing. I can't. Because I can feel Maddox's eyes on me. Hell, it feels like everyone is watching me. It's like ants crawling over every inch of my skin. "I need to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I'm fleeing before she can say a thing. The hair on the back of my neck prickles. I'm sure Maddox is watching me run from the arena with a pleased smile. He probably loves seeing me upset and broken.

Careful not to make eye contact with anyone, I hurry into the women's bathroom and close myself in a stall. This was a mistake. I thought I could handle being in the same building as Maddox. But that was before I knew we'd be sitting right against the ice.

Leaning my forehead against the stall door, I try to slow my breathing.

In for four.

Out for four .

In for four.

Out for four.

Fans chatter all around, oblivious to the turmoil inside of me. Doors slam, toilets flush, and women laugh.

In for four.

Out for four.

Why did Trish ask me to do this? And why did I agree? Surely they could have asked someone else.

My mind wanders to Maddox. What must he think of me? Is he mad I'm here, on his turf, after he dumped me? Does he believe I'll throw myself at him and beg him to give me another chance? A part of me wants to. I still don't understand how all of this went so wrong. And if Griffin told him the truth, why hasn't Maddox reached out to me? Should I have reached out to him?

"Isla?" Jess's tentative voice breaks through my spiraling thoughts and the clamor of the bathroom. "Babes, please come out."

Taking one last, deep breath, I steel my spine, wipe the tears from my lashes, and open the stall door.

"Oh, honey." Jess pulls me into a hug. "A few hours, then this will be all over. Nev and I won't leave your side."

"Thanks," I mumble into her shoulder. "I don't know what I'd do without you two."

"Probably sit at home and gorge yourself on donuts until your skin is translucent and your couch is covered in a two-inch layer of crumbs."

A laugh bubbles out of me. "Oh, god. That's horrifying. Don't ever let me get that bad."

"We won't." Her gray eyes shine with promise. "Now. Are you ready to go out there and make Maddox regret the day he let you go? "

"Yes," I lie. With my shoulders back and my chin up, I almost believe myself.

Fake it until you make it… home so you can cry in bed.

I know that's not how the saying goes, but my way is more realistic.