Chapter 52
fifty-two
MADDOX
Thank God Mira and I had to drive separately from Chicago to Minneapolis. She knew something was up. Isla texted her the evening I overheard her conversation with her ex, and Mira hates not being in the know. She's like a dog with a bone when there's a mystery to be solved.
I'm tired of talking about Isla. Hell, I'm tired of thinking about Isla. Because it's all I can seem to do. I hate it. And I hate that I miss her so much.
If life were fair, it would be physically and emotionally impossible to miss someone who hurt you. But that's the rub, isn't it? Because even if someone does something that hurts you, it's not like the love you carried for them just ceases to exist. No, they get to hurt you again and again while you try to wrangle your rogue heart and force it to get with the program .
My heart doesn't seem to care that Isla is no better than Candace. It still aches for her.
Smells trigger me. The sound of a stranger laughing when I filled the truck with gas triggered me. Everything reminds me of Isla. Makes me miss Isla.
And I fucking hate it.
The seven-hour drive feels like it takes a week. Without a passenger, there's no one to distract me from my thoughts.
I can't believe I'd been about to tell Isla I loved her. How's that for a cruel twist of fate? I can't believe I actually thought she loved me back.
Mira beats me to Griffin's place. I suppose it's their place for now, even though it still weirds me out. I'll need to have another chat with my best friend and remind him what's at stake if he hurts my sister. Not that he would. Wright's a good man. Better than me in a lot of ways.
Maybe he's not the only one on the team whose love life is cursed.
The two of them are standing close together and whispering when I step inside Wright's place. Mira looks my way with a frown.
"What's wrong?" I swear to god, if Griffin has already done something stupid, I will kick his ass into next Tuesday.
Mira crosses her arms over her chest. "I know you've been hurt before, Maddy, so I won't kick your ass, but you're a real moron." She purses her lips before giving her attention to Griffin. "I'm going to grab some things out of my car while we wait for the rest of the guys to get here. Help him pull his head out of his ass, will you? "
Wright nods. His face is more serious than I've ever seen it. "You know I will."
My sister pats my friend on the chest before passing me with a shaking head. It pisses me off. Why the hell does everyone keep acting like I'm the screwup here?
Okay, yeah. So I've been getting some bad press. And yes, losing that sponsorship deal was a blow. Both financially and to my ego. Especially since the reasons they dropped me are usually so out of character for me. But I'm not the one who screwed up. Isla is. She's the one who bragged about using me to her shitty ex. She's the one who ruined our relationship.
Not me.
"The fuck is your problem?" I grumble as Wright stares at me.
His jaw ticks. "Come sit down. We have some things to discuss."
Great . Here comes another lecture about how I need to stop instigating fights and taking pictures with female fans until all of this blows over. And from Wright, of all people. I swear to god, the world has gone topsy-turvy.
I follow Griffin into his living room. He sits on an armchair and I fold myself into the couch. Neither of us speaks at first. He just stares at me until I can't take it anymore.
"I know what you're going to say," I growl. "And you can save it. I'll clean up my image again somehow. And yeah, it sucks about the sponsorship, but there'll be others."
My best friend's lips purse, and he shakes his head. "That wasn't what I was going to say at all. Not even close. "
Shifting in my seat, I cock a brow at him. "What then? Spit it out, Wright."
"Have you spoken to Isla?" He leans forward, his elbows on his knees. There's something in his expression I don't like.
"No. And I wish you assholes would drop it. There's no point. She's a backstabbing gold digger just like the rest of them." I hate the words even as they spill from my mouth like poison. I hate them for being true, and I hate myself for the hollow pang they elicit in my chest.
Griffin's face contorts into a deep frown. "I can't believe I spent the last couple of months being jealous of you. Fucking idolizing you, man."
"What?" What is he talking about?
"I spent so many years hoping someone would come along and see past my bullshit happy-go-lucky persona and the jokes and the sleeping around. Do you know how long I looked for my person? And every time I thought I found her, my stupid curse twisted everything up." Wright rises from his seat and paces in front of me. He punctuates his words with jerky hand gestures or rakes his fingers through his hair.
"I know you think you're cursed, but what does that have to do with me?"
"Because you had that," he shouts, turning to face me. His hazel eyes are full of emotion. Judgment and pity and anger. It makes no sense. "You fucking had it, Graves, and you blew it."
"How the hell did I blow it?" I push to my feet. My body vibrates with anger at his words. "She betrayed me, Wright. She was using me. None of it was real. I feel like a complete fool. "
"You should," he says derisively. "You really should feel like a fool because you had a woman who was head over heels in love with you. She loved you enough to push past her discomfort with the media attention and the bitchy fans, even though they made her feel like she wasn't good enough for you. She loved you enough to put her heart on the line, even though she was scared to be vulnerable with anyone after how her ex dumped her. She loved you enough to stand up for herself and you when that shitty ex caught her off guard and cornered her at work."
What?
"She loves you and you didn't even give her a chance to explain what happened. She's spent every day since you dumped her completely clueless about why you did it." His glare causes me to take a step back. "She thinks you dumped her because she's not good enough for you. Told me she knows she's not the prettiest or the smartest or best for your image." He barks out an incredulous laugh.
I'm lost and confused.
"Can you believe that shit? That woman has been sitting at home, crying herself to sleep, and she thinks you dropped her because she wasn't fake and perky enough for you." Griffin shakes his head. "I'd fucking kill to be loved the way that woman loves you."
My gut twists. A deep sense of dread churns inside of me.
"And the worst part?" I've never seen my best friend look so disgusted. "All of this could have been avoided if you'd simply brought up what you overheard like an adult and let her explain what happened. But you didn't. You jumped to the wrong fucking conclusion, and you broke her, man." He runs both hands through his hair. "You had the kind of love I've always dreamed about and you walked away from it."
"What the hell are you talking about?" My voice sounds strained and reedy, even to my ears. "Explain, Griff. You're not making any sense."
Griffin sighs. He flops back onto the chair and deflates. "She's not a gold digger. Never was. When I told her what you heard her say, you should have seen her face, Madds. She turned white as a fucking ghost."
I don't like where this is going.
"Seems you missed the first part of that conversation. And the end of it. Her prick of an ex tried to get her back. When he wouldn't leave her alone, she got sarcastic with him."
My stomach churns.
"And then she told him in no uncertain terms that you were ten thousand times the man that human skid-mark could ever hope to be, that she wouldn't care if you were broke as a joke because she loved you, and to get out and never contact her again."
No. That's not possible.
"I think I would know if she was being sarcastic," I say. Because he can't be right. So I dig my heels in and ignore the way my stomach rolls. All he has is Isla's word, and right now, that's not good enough. Not after what I heard. She could have made all of this up to get Wright's sympathy and play me for a fool.
Just like Candace.
"You don't believe her." Griffin shakes his head. "I knew you wouldn't. You're dead set on believing no one could love you for who you are and not what you could give them. "
"What? That's not true," I splutter.
"It is, man. And I get it, but damn. You're wrong about this one."
"Right," I say derisively. "Because I should just take her word for it."
"Honestly?" Griffin purses his lips and pulls his phone from his pocket. "I think you should. She's never given you a reason not to. But I know you, and I knew her word wouldn't be enough. Which is why I paid her ex a little visit at work."
Shit. "And?"
My friend laughs. "The guy almost pissed himself when I strolled into his office. The receptionist was a fan, so he let me right in. He told me where Alex's office was and I just barged right in." His nose crinkles. "The guy was trying to get into this blonde's skirt, man, and it was awkward as hell. Looked like he was having a seizure while he dry-humped the chick."
That has Wright laughing, but I don't join in. I'm too busy holding myself still. I want to shake Griffin and demand he cut the shit and get to the point.
"Anywhooo," he drawls. "After Blondie tried to give me her number as she fled the room, Isla's ex did that whole bullshit routine where he puffed up his chest and threatened that he'd get security. The guy's a serious tool. I don't know what Isla saw in him. She called him a micro-dick when we were talking, and after meeting him, I don't think she was kidding. The dude has total micro-dick energy."
"Griff. Spit it out, man."
"Right." He shakes his head as if clearing it. "After I told Alex that the security guards were huge Rogues fans and that I could shove my hockey stick up his ass without so much as a you probably shouldn't do that , I told him he could either tell me the truth about what happened that day, or I'd beat the shit out of him."
"You're lucky you didn't get arrested."
"I'm not a total idiot. I didn't take a video of that part. Just his confession."
I stare at my best friend as he unlocks his phone and pulls up a video. "His confession?"
"Yeah, man. He admits to all of it. Just watch."
So I do. I stare at Griffin's phone and watch Isla's sniveling ex squirm under my teammate's glare and detail how he showed up at Isla's school and tried to get her back. He even admitted that he didn't actually want my girl. He just didn't want anyone else to have her. Couldn't stand the idea that she was happy without him.
Fucker.
Griffin was right. I only caught a small part of their conversation and I totally lost my mind.
And my woman.
I'm such a piece of shit.
Wright watches the emotions play out across my face. Horror followed by anger followed by disbelief before grief wins out. He scoffs. "Yeah. You get it now, don't you?"
I do. Fuck me, I do. "But the things she said…"
"Dude, have you not snapped something sarcastic at someone when they won't leave you alone? You admitted you didn't even see her face when she said it. She was probably making his balls shrivel with her pissed-off glare. But you didn't stop to find out. You just assumed the worst of her and left."
"But I asked her if she had anything to tell me that night. She didn't bring Alex up. Why would she keep that from me if she didn't do anything wrong?" I'm grasping at straws here, and I know it. But how can I not? The alternative is accepting that I hurt the woman I love and blew up our relationship for nothing.
Because I was too much of a coward to risk hearing that she was using me. Too much of a coward to risk getting my heart broken in a way I couldn't ignore or deny.
Griffin rubs a hand over his mouth as he considers me. Like he's deciding if I can handle more truths capable of digging my grave even deeper. "She didn't want to throw you off your game. She was planning to tell you all about it afterward. But she blamed herself for the bad press you were getting, and all the assholes saying she was the reason you've been distracted got in her head. She thought she was protecting you."
Shit. Shit .
"Are you sure that's what happened?"
Wright nods. "Yeah, man. I'm sure."
I'm an idiot. A stupid, cowardly, raging idiot.
Meeting Griffin's eyes, I let him see every ounce of the panic in mine. "She loves me?"
"Yeah, brother. She fucking loves you."
"She's not using me?"
Griffin reaches over and punches me hard in the arm. "No, you stupid asshole. She was never using you. You know she's not like that. We all saw it the first time we met her at Skin and Tonic. She's the real deal, Madds. Once-in-a-lifetime stuff."
She is. I know he's right. She is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman. The woman. I could comb the globe for someone better and I'd never succeed. Because she's it for me, and I blew it.
"What have I done?" I choke on the words. It feels like there's a boulder lodged in my throat.
"You fucked up," Griffin says. "Badly. The question is, what are you going to do about it now?"
"What can I do?" Hopelessness wraps around me like a shroud. "She'll never forgive me, man. I ghosted her. Threw her aside like she was trash. I'm worse than her ex."
"You might be the dumbest fucker on the planet, but you're not worse than her ex. He never fought for her or tried to make it right. Even when he cornered her in her classroom, he never owned up to hurting her." Wright's hazel eyes bore into me. "But you're going to. You're going to own up to it. And then you're going to beg her to forgive you."
I bark out a laugh. "You make it sound so easy. I doubt she'll even answer if I call."
"Maybe, maybe not." He leans forward. "But we're past the phone call stage. You screwed up too big, Graves."
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
"Grovel big. Show her she means more than your pride or saving face. When you screw up big, you apologize big."
Image after image of Isla spurning my attempts to apologize plays in my mind. Isla slamming the door in my face. Isla dumping coffee over my head. Isla running me over with her car. They get progressively more and more violent and ridiculous with each passing second.
"How in the hell am I supposed to do that?"
For the first time since I walked into his place, Griffin smiles at me. "I've got some ideas. You're lucky I read so many romance novels."
I don't even have time to process that little nugget of information before my sister pushes through the door with a box in her arms.
"We'll brainstorm while we move Mira in."
My sister looks between us. "What are we brainstorming?"
"How Maddox is going to get Isla back."
She grins. "It'll need to involve some form of public humiliation."
"Obviously," Griffin replies with an evil grin.
"Great," I mumble.
But the truth is, I'll do anything to get Isla back. I fucked up. I hurt her. At the first test of my love, I assumed the worst of her, and I hurt her. Badly.
Public humiliation is the least of what I deserve.
"What exactly do you have in mind?"