45. Asher

Lani sat on my knee until my legs went numb. I didn’t complain. Holding her again was the best fucking feeling in the world.

She’s mine. I didn’t lose her. And it makes it easier to breathe.

She came home with me, and we ate dinner in my man cave, then curled up in my bed and watched Lord of the Rings until she couldn’t keep her eyes open. There was no lovemaking, no more conversation. All we seemed capable of doing was holding each other and trying not to think.

The movies helped a little, transporting us into a world of hobbits and elves and orcs and the one ring, but…

Sleep is still eluding me.

Slipping out of bed, I make sure not to disturb her as I creep out of my room and head for the kitchen.

Maybe an herbal tea will calm me enough to help me switch off.

My brain won’t stop tormenting me. Everything from Harvey’s smug smile to Uncle Hayes’s fiery glare is spinning nonstop, overlaid with my parents’ demands and then harrowing thoughts of how they’ll react if Lani presses charges against Harvey. She hasn’t said if she definitely will or not yet, but if she decides to, I’m backing her all the way. It’s her right, and if it can stop Harvey from treating women like his personal sex toys, then she should. She definitely should.

The weight in my stomach gets ten times heavier as I play out that scenario and everything it will mean for me.

And not just me.

All of the guys at Hockey House. And Mick. And sweet Rachel.

“Fuck!” I mutter, yanking open the fridge, then slamming it shut again when I can’t see anything I want.

“Tough night, huh?”

Ethan’s voice makes me jump a mile, and I turn with a growl.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

He lets out a soft snicker.

“What are you doing down here? And why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He stands from the table, shuffling toward the kitchen. “I come down here sometimes and just sit for ten minutes, do some deep breathing to try and relax. I’ll go back up in a minute.” He lifts his chin toward the stairs, then leans against the counter and crosses his arms. “What are you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Obvi.” I raise my eyebrows at him. I’m being a grumpy bastard, but Ethan doesn’t hightail it to his room like I would.

He sticks around, quietly standing there watching me while I boil a mug of water in the microwave, then give up on tea and grab the whiskey bottle.

I only fill my tumbler with a little. I just need a small hit.

Ethan watches me intently and it’s starting to piss me off, so I slap the glass down and glare at him. “Do you have something to say, because you’re starting to creep me out.”

His laughter is soft and throaty. “Just trying to figure out what’s eating you up.” He spins and rest his hands against the counter. “Liam said he saw you walk in with Lani earlier. Have you guys gotten back together or something?”

“Yeah.” I sigh.

He frowns. “So, why aren’t you happy about it? Why aren’t you lying in your bed right now enjoying the feel of your woman beside you?”

I swallow and try to smile. I should be fucking ecstatic about it. And I am.

It’s just all the other shit that’s weighing me down.

Will Ethan even want to hear it?

It’s usually Liam who sits there listening to our problems.

But he’s staying the night with Rachel and… fuck, soon she’ll be just as homeless as he is. I close my eyes with a heavy sigh.

“Today was shit,” I murmur. “I got her back, which is great, and I am really happy about that,” I assure him. “But… it’s gonna come at a cost.”

“What do you mean?” Ethan’s voice is deep with concern.

So I tell him.

I tell him pretty much what I told Lani, but this rendition is peppered with a lot more profanity as I let my anger spark and flail. I had to keep that in check around Lani. I didn’t want to scare her, but with Ethan I go for it, letting out my angst in growls and terse statements.

Ethan stands quietly through my rant, looking like a Navy SEAL as he calmly soaks it all in.

I end up slumping against the counter with a sigh. “And the worst part is that it doesn’t just affect me. You guys would get caught up in this drama too. It won’t just be me losing Hockey House.”

“It’s not about the house,” Ethan growls, his eyes sparking with anger. “It’s about Lani and doing what’s right for her.”

“I know that.” I wince. “And of course I’ll support her. She’s everything. I just… I wish I didn’t have to choose. I wish Harvey had never touched her. I wish?—”

“That little fucker,” Ethan spits.

“I know.” I clench my jaw, shaking my head and staring out the kitchen window. The night is black, broken only by the soft glow of the streetlamps outside. “He deserves to go down hard, but it’s complicated, you know? I stand to lose a lot. We all do.”

“Not us.” Ethan’s sure voice makes me spin to face him. “You won’t lose us.”

I can’t help a skeptical frown. “Come on, man. I know you only hang with me because we live in the same house. If I can’t provide you with this anymore… are you seriously gonna want to know me? I drive you insane.”

“Yet we’ll be friends for life.” His grin is broad, his eyes glittering with amusement.

My lips part in surprise. I was not expecting him to say that.

Moving around the counter, he comes to stand beside me, looking me right in the eye. “You’re not my bro because of this house. Yes, you piss me off sometimes.” He lets out a dry laugh. “But I wouldn’t want to do life without you, man.”

My throat swells with emotion, and if I fucking cry in front of him, I’m going to kick my own ass.

Blinking, I sniff and try to play it cool, like those words didn’t punch me straight through the heart.

Ethan studies my expression, then lets out a soft “Aw. Did I get you in the feels?”

“Shut up.” I sniff, slashing my finger under my nose, then flicking his hand away when he tries to poke my chest.

“I totally got you, dude.”

“Fuck off,” I grumble, annoyed that he can say something so meaningful, then shit all over it by hassling me.

Unless he didn’t mean?—

I quickly check his expression.

“I meant it.” He gives me a sincere smile, which only grows a little wider when he says, “I love you, man.”

A soft laugh punches out of me, and I have to give him the finger as he walks away or else my balls might shrink to unrecognizable raisins.

He glances over his shoulder and grins, flipping me off just before he disappears through the archway.

“Love you, too, bro,” I murmur, his words sinking all the way into my core.

Looks like I’m not going to lose it all.

I stand to lose a whole fucking lot… but not the most important stuff.

Gazing into the dark living area and dining room, I picture hours of good times spent in this place. If this goes sour, all of that will go away.

But not my bros.

And not my girl.

I shuffle back to bed, slipping in beside Lani and draping my arm lightly around her waist. She lets out a pleasant moan and burrows back against me. I inhale the sweet scent of her shampoo and soak in the feel of her body pressed against mine, forcing my brain to focus on the things that matter most.