40. Leilani

The only sound in this room is my gentle sniffing as I try to deny myself even more tears. I can’t cry again. My eyes are so swollen and sore. I’ve been dabbing them with tissues, but they’re puffy and so tender that even the gentlest pressure hurts.

I sobbed on that bathroom floor.

Threw up more bile until my stomach and throat were aching.

Casey left at some point. I don’t know where he went, and all I can hope is that it wasn’t anywhere near Asher. I told him not to say anything, but will he ignore me and just do it anyway? Surely he’s not that cruel. This will kill Asher. He can never know.

Caroline’s stuck with me most of the afternoon. She helped me off the floor and made me take a shower. I cried under the hot spray, plunking down on my bare ass and weeping on the tiles. She ended up having to dry and dress me. Honestly, I just couldn’t function. I couldn’t make my brain work properly…

Until Asher’s text came through.

Hey, boo. Is it all right if I come over?

I couldn’t let that happen.

So I did it. I broke up with him the way I knew I had to. And it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever done. Telling the guy you love that you don’t want to be with him anymore is a torture I wouldn’t wish on anybody.

Because it was lie.

I do want him.

I want him so badly my soul is flailing in my chest. My body aches and burns… and there’s nothing I can do to ease this pain.

I’d give anything to have him walk through my door right now and hold me, kiss my tears away, and spoon me through the night.

But that’s a romantic fantasy that will never happen.

Because his cousin raped me.

And I can’t ever be in the same room with that man again. Which means I can never be with Asher because he and Harvey are blood. They’re practically brothers.

Family first.

That’s the way it’s got to be.

A shudder runs through me again as I battle another sob. It quakes my belly, and I whimper into my balled-up tissue.

This pain is immense. It’s a soul ache that burns my entire body. I don’t know how to handle it. And I hate myself for falling apart like this, but?—

There’s a knock on my door.

I flinch and turn to gape at the wood, because it’s not a polite knock, it’s a hard pound that’s turning into a series of urgent whacks. The door handle jiggles, and I lean closer to the wall, starting to freak out that someone’s trying to break into my room.

What the hell has become of me?

The old Lani would have told this person to fuck off and stop being so rude.

But this Lani—this wretched, weeping wreck—can’t even find her voice.

“Lani, are you there? Open up, it’s me.”

Casey?

With a confused frown, I jump off the bed. I’ve never heard him sound so worried before.

I pull the door back and take in his expression. Yep, he’s definitely worried.

“Hey, are you okay?” His eyes scan my face with a panicky look. “Is Asher here?”

“No,” I rasp. Ugh, even hearing his name hurts.

I grip the edge of the door as Casey visibly relaxes. “Okay.” He breathes the word with relief.

“Caroline’s not here either.”

“That’s all right. I was here to see you anyway.”

My head jolts back. “Why? What’s going on?” My voice is starting to shake… along with the rest of me. “Why are you acting weird?”

His relief is fleeting, his expression scrunching into a wince as he softly whispers, “Please don’t hate me.”

My insides revolt, clenching tight as I close my eyes. “You told him.”

“I had to.” Casey nudges his way into the room. I step aside to let him pass, and he glances around before turning back to me with a pained frown. “He was freaking out that you dumped him like that. He needed an explanation.”

“But…” I suck in a breath that then comes out as a pitiful whimper. “He’s gonna be devastated.”

“Yeah, he really didn’t take it well.” Casey runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up at funny angles as he cringes and looks over his shoulder. “He took off like a crazed man, and I was worried he came here to… I don’t know…” Spinning back, he takes me in with a sad smile, his voice dropping to a soft lilt. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

That’s so sweet.

I try to smile my thanks, but tears blur my vision, and those sobs I’ve been fighting for the last hour start to jerk my body again. Plunking onto the edge of my bed, I snatch a few tissues out of the box and bunch them into my eyes, catching the tears before they can fall.

Casey lets out a soft sigh and takes a seat beside me. “Where’s Caroline?”

“She went to get emergency ice cream,” I blubber.

He lets out a soft laugh, his voice warm with affection. “Of course she did.”

I sniff, my belly trembling when I glance up at him. “Ice cream’s not going to fix this, Case.”

“I know.” His face buckles with empathy and he puts his arm around me, pulling me to his side so I can rest my head on his shoulder and cry for real.

I stop fighting and let the sobs punch out of me—these low, aching noises that I’d usually be humiliated by, but I’m in too much pain to care.

Casey squeezes my shoulder, resting his cheek against the top of my head and not saying anything.

At some point Caroline returns, the door popping open, then softly shutting behind her. She doesn’t say anything, just shares a worried frown with her boyfriend before placing the ice cream on the floor and shuffling around to my left side.

The bed dips just a little as she takes a seat and curves her arm around my waist. Kissing my shoulder, she then rests her head against it, and we all sit there in debilitating silence.

Because there’s nothing we can say to make this better.

Nothing is going to fix this shitty situation.