29. Asher

Rachel places the mammoth bowl of roast potatoes on the table and blows the bangs off her forehead.

“Is that everything? I think that’s everything.”

“Mi amor, this looks amazing.” Liam squeezes the back of her neck, kissing her forehead and looking all proud of his woman. “You are the queen of the kitchen.”

“Hell yeah!” Casey raises his fork with a cheer that fires breadcrumbs out of his mouth and across the table.

Caroline laughs, wrinkling her nose. “And you are the king of disgusting. The food’s supposed to stay in your mouth.”

With a wolfish grin, he grabs her pigtail and lightly tugs her toward him. “Let me share it with you, baby.”

“No, ew!” Caroline’s laughing and wriggling away, but he clamps his hand on the back of her head, holding her still and claiming her mouth until she melts against him.

I don’t know how he gets away with that shit. For one, I would never force Lani to kiss me because it’s just plain rude, and two, she’d probably use my balls as a squeeze toy if I tried. At least I hope she would, because I never want her to feel like she’s under my command. Like I have more power than she does.

From what I can gather, reading between the lines, that’s the thing that kills her more than anything about the rape. She felt powerless.

Well, she’ll never feel that way around me. Ever.

Which is why I can’t force the whole “go to the police” issue. I’ve wanted to raise it a few times, but the moments I’ve found an opening, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I want her to go to the police and have that asshole arrested, but she doesn’t even know who it is. I want to suggest we launch a full-blown investigation, question everyone who was at the party that night, but I doubt she’d agree, and I’m not about to pull that “what if he does it to someone else” card because she doesn’t deserve that kind of guilt piled on top of her. I just hope these therapy sessions will help her move on, and if one day she feels like she can do something more, then I’ll be there to support her.

“Would you guys stop making out so we can eat already.” Mick throws a bread roll at Casey’s head. “I’m starving!”

Fezzik yaps, wagging his little tail as he obviously agrees with Mikayla.

“Oh, shut up, you.” She pokes her tongue out at the dog. “You’ve already had your dinner.”

“Yeah, hangry girl over here.” Ethan points at her. “Do me a favor and let my lil’ mouse eat.”

She shakes her head with a grin, grabbing the bowl of potatoes and scooping a couple onto her plate before piling his high.

I sit back and soak it all in. I don’t know where the hell it comes from, but I’m suddenly struck with this surge of emotion. Listening to the banter firing between my friends fills me with such deep gratitude that I feel my eyes start to burn. I love these guys… and their girls. I love what we’ve created in the house, and I’m kind of gutted that we’ve only got a year and a bit left.

This house brought us together. I mean, sure, the team bonded us, too, but we wouldn’t be this close if we didn’t live in the same house. I’m lucky that my aunt and uncle let us use it this way. Without it, I sometimes worry that I’d just be the rich MOFO on the hockey team who no one really wants to hang with. But they live in my house, so they’re forced to be my friends, and I’ll take it, you know?

I just hope I can keep it after graduation. If my dad has his way, I’ll be living back in New York, miles away from all the people who actually mean anything to me. I’d rather eat slugs than do this fucking summer internship, but I don’t know how I’m gonna get out of it. My parents are already pissed enough that I chose Nolan U over Harvard. If I don’t agree to this summer internship, they might cut my funding for my final year. I mean, that’s a pretty asshat thing to do, but I wouldn’t put it past them. Mikayla’s mother and stepfather did it, so we all know that kind of shit happens.

Dad’s pride and joy are the twins and how they’ve followed in his footsteps. It’s never been about choice. Bensens join the family business. If I’m gonna break that tradition, I have to have a fucking good reason to do it.

And I don’t know what that reason is, dammit.

Maybe I could try and sweet-talk Uncle Hayes into letting me join his real estate business. Would my parents swallow that?

Probably not.

They already resent the guy for pulling you away from the East Coast. Maybe it’s best to leave him out of it.

“You want gravy?” Lani holds up the boat to me, and I take it with a smile. Her eyes narrow like she’s worried about me. She’s been giving me that look ever since my phone call, which tells me I’m doing a shit job at hiding my angst.

Sitting up a little straighter, I brighten my smile and smother my peas in the rich brown sauce before diving into this roast like a hungry bear.

Baxter joins us about halfway through—late, as usual. He saunters up to the table, eyes up the goodies, and makes himself a plate before wandering off again. Fezzik chases after him, his little nails tapping on the tiles while Casey shakes his head.

“That asshole’s gonna give him scraps off his plate. No wonder the pup loves him the most.”

Lani tracks Baxter with a look over her shoulder, then shakes her head at me. “Does he not like you guys or something?”

“I have no idea. The man’s a mystery.” I shrug.

“How’d he get a spot in this house?”

Ethan starts laughing. “He was the first one Asher invited.”

“Hey, he overheard my phone call and asked if I’d managed to secure some accommodation. I was so excited, everything just came out, and then he outright asked, ‘Got room for me?’ I couldn’t exactly tell him no.”

“Actually, you could have,” Liam murmurs. “But I’m glad you didn’t. Baxter might be quiet and likes to keep to himself, but he’s a good guy.”

“He’s a weirdo, but we love him.” Casey shrugs, shoveling in a massive bite that spurts gravy out the side of his mouth.

I cut my food into normal-sized bites and continue to eat like the gentleman I was taught to be. Some habits never die, I guess. The guys hassle me for being this way sometimes, but we were raised in completely different worlds. I’m the odd one out, but somehow I fit. Most likely because of Hockey House. If they lose me, they lose their home too.

Grabbing my beer, I take a swig from the bottle and relax back in my chair, letting my food settle while Caroline tells the story of how Lani is the worst snowboarder in the world.

It’s pretty funny, and everyone is laughing by the end… including Lani.

Seeing this other side of her is a thing of beauty. She’s been lighting up more and more over the past two weeks, and it’s like watching a flower unfurl. She seems to be moving past what happened to her, and I’m glimpsing the girl Caroline always talked about. The fun-loving boss bitch who isn’t afraid of anything.

Skimming my fingers across her shoulder, I play with the ends of her hair, wanting her to never be afraid of anything again. Wanting her to be completely liberated from what happened to her.

In every way.

My throat grows thick as an idea that’s been brewing for a few days flitters through my head again. Would she hate me if I suggested it?

Does she trust me enough?

Will she understand what I’m trying to do?

I bite my lips together, wondering how I’ll even raise the thought as Liam clears the plates and we head into the kitchen to do the dishes. The girls play Just Dance while the guys wash, dry, and stack everything.

Continual banter is called out between the sexes, but I can’t seem to get into it. It’s actually a relief when Rachel ends the game and asks if Liam wants to walk her home and stay the night. It takes him all of one microsecond to agree, and that prompts Mikayla to ask if she can stay in Ethan’s bed. Casey then tells Caroline she’s staying, and she bites back with a “You’re so bossy,” then jumps into his arms with a laugh.

He’s nuzzling her neck as he carries her upstairs, Fezzik trotting after them with a few little yaps.

I rest my hands on the kitchen counter and look to Lani. She’s straightening couch cushions and avoiding my gaze.

“What do you want to do?”

She glances up, tapping the remote against her finger before placing it on the coffee table.

“Do you want to stay? Or should I drive you home?”

“Um…” She licks her bottom lip.

“I want you to stay, but I’m not a bossy turd bandit like Casey, so…”

She laughs, the sound sweet and quiet. “I don’t have my stuff here. Toothbrush. Pajamas…”

“Well, I’ve got a spare toothbrush, and as for the PJ thing… who needs ’em?” I wink. “Or you can borrow one of my T-shirts.”

My look must be pretty damn hopeful, because she lets out a soft sigh and murmurs, “I’ll stay for a little while.”

“Okay.” That’s not what I wanted her to say, but I’ll take it. Holding out my hand, I wait for her to walk around the couch, then thread our fingers together and walk her through to my bedroom.

My dick starts twitching with anticipation, the thought I had earlier rising in my brain like a hot air balloon. I don’t want to scare her off, but I don’t want her being held back either.

I should just fucking say it.

“So, you said something about a T-shirt?” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Maybe we can snuggle up and watch a movie or something.”

I nod, grabbing it out of my drawer. She slips out of her jeans and sweater, throwing my T-shirt on over her underwear. It falls to her upper thighs, and my mouth pools with water. She’s so fucking sexy, and I want to experience her body in all the ways.

And I think she does, too, which is why I have to ask.

Her smile is sweet and oblivious as she brushes past me and walks into the bathroom.

I listen to her pee, then flush… and as she’s washing her hands, I tap my knuckle on the door.

“Can I come in for a sec?”

“Sure.”

The first thing I see is her pretty reflection in the mirror. She smiles at me, then asks if she can use my spare toothbrush. I grab one out of the cupboard, tearing open the packaging for her, then standing behind her as she brushes her teeth. Every time she bends over, her ass bumps into my hip, and the burning question grows bigger in my mind.

If I don’t ask now, my brain is going to explode.

“Hey, um, can I ask you something that could potentially lead to an awkward conversation?”

She frowns into the mirror, then spits out her mouthful of toothpaste and eyes up my reflection. “O-kay.”

“Do you trust me?” I rest my hand on the side of her waist while she wipes her mouth with the hand towel.

The toothbrush rattles as she places it in the cup holding mine, then nods. “Yeah, I do.”

Fucking best answer in the world.

I smile, lightly kissing her neck before threading my arm around her waist. “What’s your favorite position for sex?”

“Oh, a sex conversation. Right. Those can be awkward.” She narrows her eyes at me, her lips rising up on the left. I love the way they do that. It’s a playful smirk that makes my heart squeeze like it never has before. “Um… I’m not sure. Why, did you have something you wanted to try?”

She swallows, and my throat is getting thick, too, but I’ve started this now, so…

“I just noticed that you’ve been avoiding sex from behind, which is totally okay after what you went through.”

She stiffens, her nostrils flaring like she wants to bail on this thing immediately. And I have to accept it if she does, but…

“Did you used to enjoy it?”

Her lips purse, then drop into a frown, her forehead wrinkling as she lines up my soap dispenser perfectly with the faucet.

“You don’t have to answer if this is too much. I just… I’ve been thinking about it because I know that some women really like it. It feels different and good and… and if you never want to do that… it’s totally fine. I just don’t want you being robbed of something that’s enjoyable. You deserve all kinds of pleasure, and I want to give that to you.”

She blinks a few times, then looks up, studying my reflection in the mirror. I catch her eye, holding her gaze while my heart beats in triple time.

“Do you like that position?”

I can’t help a smirking grin. “Baby, I like all positions. I will enjoy your body any way you’ll let me.”

She smiles, running her fingers through the hair on my forearms.

I nestle my chin on her shoulder. “I’m just saying, if you ever want to try it with me… I’ll make sure it’s good and fun and safe.”

Nuzzling my nose into her neck, I brush my lips across her soft skin, then step back to let her go. That conversation went well. She stayed calm, and I’ve given her something to think about.

My hand is just gliding across her stomach when she snatches my wrist and whispers, “Okay.”

I pause, checking her face in the mirror. “Okay?”

“Yeah, let’s try it.”

My eyebrows pop high. “Like now?”

She swallows and nods again. “I trust you.”

And there it is again, that sense of warmth that runs right through my chest when she says that to me. It’s like the most precious gift she could hand me—her trust. And I’m gonna honor that as best I can.