28. Leilani

So, I’ve been low-key dating Asher for a couple weeks now. After our lust-fest in the elevator, I nearly bailed on the idea of seeing him again, because I was maybe a little appalled at myself for behaving that way. My physical reaction to him is overpowering sometimes, and I kind of hate that I wanted him so badly that I threw all inhibitions to the wind. He wasn’t even wearing a condom and only just got out of me before he came. What the hell was I thinking?

I wasn’t thinking. Pure and simple.

My lips twitch with a grin as I relive the heady encounter yet again.

Ugh! Memories are a bitch… or a blessing. I can’t decide.

Whatever they are, I’ve found myself saying yes to Asher over and over again. Every time he texts or invites me out, I make a way to be there. I even went and sat in on one of his hockey practices the other day. He got special permission for Caroline and me to be there, and since it’s offseason and the training is less intense, the coaches agreed.

It was freaking freezing in the arena, but watching Asher on that ice, the way his body moves like lightning, his skills with the puck… it was a whole new level of sexy.

It’s fair to say that things are going surprisingly well—the sex is fire, and hanging out with him makes me feel safe and happy in a way that nothing else ever has before. Yet I’m unsettled by it all. After what happened at that party, I was determined not be the kind of girl who needed a man in her life. But I find myself wishing for Asher’s company all the time. I freaking pine for it some days, and I don’t want to be that girl. But it doesn’t take much for me to be rushing out of my dorm room to meet up with the sexy guy I’m coming to think of as my boyfriend. We’ve never actually had that discussion, but I heard Asher refer to me as his girlfriend the other day, and the biggest, goofiest smile spread across my face. I know this because I saw my reflection in the glass and nearly died.

He’s making me goofy!

That should be a big red flag right there, but do you think I’m listening to the warning signs?

Nope!

Which is why I’m sitting in Hockey House right now, working on an essay at the dining table. We’re all working… and getting caught up in distracting conversations… but the thought of parking it in the library so I can study in solitude is too depressing. I want to be here. I want to be a part of this thing.

And the therapist at the student center, who I’ve now seen twice, said that hanging out with friends I trust is good for me. Shutting myself away like I did has potentially elongated this whole thing. Letting people in can be scary, but it’s also healthy. And maybe she’s right. I have felt lighter since talking about the rape. I do feel like I’m slowly making my way back to the Leilani I love. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. In fact, the therapist told me I wouldn’t be. But I can create a new version of myself. And Leilani 2.0 is going to be freaking amazing.

The thought makes me smile as I flip a page of the biography I’ve been using as one of my reference books and try to find that epic quote that will back up my point perfectly.

Casey is tapping out a drumbeat with his pencil, obviously struggling to concentrate on his studies and feeling the need to distract everyone around him. He leans in toward Caroline with a sexy smirk, and I can’t help myself.

“If you kiss her neck one more time, I’m going to throw this book at your head.” I narrow my eyes at him, and he jerks away from his girlfriend.

“Killjoy.” He makes a face at me.

“You guys promised me that I could get my assignment done if I came and worked here, and so far I’ve managed one measly paragraph because you won’t stop talking and kissing and playing pencil drums.”

Asher snickers, sliding his hand down my leg and winking at me when I glance his way. “You knew the risks, boo.”

I huff and shake my head, loving and hating the way he calls me that. It’s so cutesy and… and adorably sweet. I feel like it doesn’t fit me, but then… I know I’ll be gutted if he stops calling me that. I’ll never admit in a million years how much I love being Asher’s boo.

“I can take you to the library if you want. Or we can study in my office.”

Casey snickers. “There will be no studying in your man cave. You know you can’t resist the Hawaiian Hottie. Her clothes will be on the floor before she even gets her laptop open.”

I open my mouth to protest, but Caroline’s grin tells me he’s right.

I roll my eyes and don’t bother arguing. Asher’s irresistible.

He lightly squeezes my thigh, then trails his fingers up toward my lady parts, which are already starting to dance. I smirk at him, biting my lip and feeling like a sex siren when his eyes heat with desire.

He seriously makes me feel like a queen in the bedroom. The man knows just what to say, just where his lips are most effective, where his hands can create the most pleasure. I can’t get enough of him.

And don’t even get me started on the feeling of being wrapped in his strong arms afterward. The guy knows how to be stone and cotton candy all in the same heartbeat. His muscles are firm and secure while the pads of his fingers whisper over my skin like fairy dust.

My insides tremble as I quickly relive our session last night and hope we can do a repeat tonight. It’s the weekend, after all. No classes tomorrow. We could spend the night making love and?—

Asher’s phone rings, jolting me away from my sexy memories.

I catch Caroline’s eye across the table and she’s fighting a laugh as I blush up a storm and try to get back to my essay. But Asher’s sigh distracts me.

“Olds?” Casey asks him.

“You know it,” Asher murmurs, rising from his chair with a frown. I watch his back as he turns away from us and answers the call. “Hey, Dad, how’s it going?… Yeah… Pretty good… I’m studying right now, actually.” He spins on his heel and rolls his eyes at Casey, who starts to snicker and shake his head.

Asher hasn’t actually told me too much about his parents. I mean, I know the facts, but not any of those intimate details… like how he feels about them. I pick up a little tension in his voice when they come up in conversation, but maybe there’s more there than I realize.

Mostly, he talks about his cousins and aunt and uncle. He’s obviously closer to them, and not just location wise. His voice softens, and there’s always a smile in his eyes when he’s talking about holidays with Harvey and Halsey.

I’ve yet to meet any of them. The way things are going between us, I’m bound to soon enough.

“I’m doing that!” Asher’s voice rises with irritation.

I glance over my shoulder to watch him run his hand through his hair, then sigh again.

“I will, Dad. You know that.” His eyes land on me, his smile kind of sad as he nods and scuffs his socked foot on the floor. “Yep… Thanks for that… Yeah, it’ll be, uh… great. Thanks.” He’s saying words of gratitude and not meaning a one of them.

Turning back to Casey with a questioning frown, he kind of shrugs then winces at me. “His parents are hard work.”

“I can tell. What is he ‘thanking’ them for?” I use air quotes, and Casey snickers.

“Who knows, but it’s bound to be something about the business.”

“Dad, I gotta go. This assignment’s not going to write itself.” Asher’s wandering back to the table, cringing at whatever his father’s response is, before saying a quick goodbye and dropping his phone with an agitated huff.

He plunks back into his chair with a thud and looks up to find three sets of eyes staring him down.

He sighs and mutters, “The usual bullshit. Am I working hard enough? How are business studies going? Because apparently they’re the only classes worth asking about. And he’s gone ahead and lined up a summer internship for me with a company in New York that’s supposedly the best of the best and will be perfect training for when I join the family business. The twins had a great time there!” He snarls the last part, and I’m taken aback by his venom.

It must show on my face, because the second Asher glances at me, his shoulders deflate and he’s reaching for my hand with an apology. “Sorry.” He plays with my fingers, kissing the ends of them before threading our hands together, like he needs the support.

“If you don’t want to do the internship, you should just tell him.”

He lets out a hard laugh like I’ve just said something ridiculous.

“What?” I frown.

“Bensens don’t say no to opportunities like that. They go, they comply, they join the family business.” The dark way he mutters those words does nothing to hide his feelings on this issue.

I squeeze his fingers. “Baby, you don’t have to do that. I can guarantee that there is no law in this land that says Asher Bensen must join his family business.”

His eyebrows dip together.

“You’re making it sound like a life sentence. I don’t want that for you.”

The way his expression softens with a smile makes my insides melt. I’ve obviously just said something to make him go mushy, and he swivels to face me, his voice silky sweet when he asks, “What do you want for me?”

“Well, I…want you to be happy. I want you to live a life that’s gonna make you want to get out of bed in the morning. Everybody deserves that. If you want to play hockey or go pro or whatever, then screw the family business. You should be doing that.”

His eyes light with a brighter smile, but then he’s shaking his head. “I’m not good enough to go pro.”

“I call bullshit,” Casey mutters.

Asher glances at him. “Okay, fine, I’m not sure I want to go pro. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love hockey. I fucking love it. But do I want the kind of life where I’m traveling all the time? Playing away games? Working my ass off?”

“Well, what do you want to do, then?” Casey throws a pen at him.

Asher catches it with a lightning-fast move that makes my insides sizzle. So damn sexy. He twirls it between his thumb and forefinger, then shrugs. “I’m not sure.” That answer obviously unnerves him a little, so I lean across with a comforting kiss.

“You’ll figure it out. Something is going to come up that will make your heart jump out of your chest with excitement.” I tap his pec with my finger. “It’s in there right now, just waiting to wake up.”

“Maybe that’s you.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me, and I laugh.

“I can’t be your career.” I bite my lip and join him in the eyebrow wiggling. “I can be other things, but not your career.”

He chuckles and leans in for a kiss. I go for it, not caring that Caroline and Casey are no doubt watching us.

“And she yells at me for kissing you,” Casey grumbles.

“She’s kind of distracted right now if you want to take advantage.” Caroline giggles.

And that is how Mikayla and Ethan find the four of us when they walk in with their overnight bags and dump them on the floor.

“Well, I see you guys are working hard.” Ethan crosses his arms and grins down at us.

Caroline laughs. “How was the wedding?”

“Ugh!” Mikayla tips her head back with a dramatic groan. “May my mother never get married again. It was freaking painful!”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Ethan threads his arm around her shoulders as she comes to stand beside him.

“Are you kidding me? You liked that monstrosity?”

“I didn’t say I liked it, I said it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was a pink nightmare.” Mikayla bulges her eyes. “I swear, she hired the designers of the Barbie movie or something.”

“There was a little pink,” Ethan murmurs.

She slaps him on the chest. “Would you let me tell the story?”

He laughs, capturing her hand and sucking her index finger lightly before teasing her. “Baby, you’re not telling the story, you’re standing here bitching and moaning about colors. Yes, the bridesmaids were wearing pink. Yes, the napkins had pink edges, and yes, there was pink glitter on the white tablecloths.”

“The flowers were also pink.”

“Is that why you didn’t go up and try to catch the bouquet?” He smirks and winks down at her.

She rolls her eyes and turns back to us. “The only good thing about the entire event was that I wasn’t one of the bridesmaids.”

“Plus, the drinks were free.” Ethan grins.

Mikayla laughs. “That was kind of essential, to be honest. I don’t think I could have gotten through that thing if I hadn’t been a little tipsy.”

Ethan nods and turns to explain. “Mikayla’s sister and stepsister?—”

“Ugh!” Mikayla pokes out of her tongue.

“—were perfect bitches,” Ethan finishes. “But…” He grins down at his girlfriend. “Your mom gave you a hug at the end of the night.”

Mikayla’s smile turns wicked. “And I thanked her for all the bitchy things she did, because it led me to reuniting with Dad.”

Ethan cracks up laughing. “She went so pale. It was fucking epic.” He wiggles his eyebrows, then turns to look at us again. “As were the jealous glares Mick got from Megan’s friends.”

Mikayla rolls her eyes, although she’s fighting a grin when she admits, “My little sister’s buddies want my boyfriend.” She wraps her arms around his waist while he kisses the top of her head.

“And they can’t have him, because I am all yours, lil’ mouse.”

She looks up with a gooey smile and mouths, “I love you.” He replies with a tender grin and a kiss to her lips. “Thank you so much for coming with me.”

The sincerity on her face is beautiful. For all their teasing banter, it’s plain to see how much these two love each other.

From what I’d picked up, Mikayla was dreading going to her mother’s wedding. Her complaints were endless, and Ethan’s patient responses came on the back of every one of them.

“Who gets married on a Friday?”

“Your mother does.”

“I have to skip my afternoon classes for this!”

“Why are you complaining about that? We’ll be spending the night at a luxury ski resort.”

“Do we really have to stay the night?”

“Yes. It’s gonna be fine. The place is fucking six stars, Mick. We’ll be treated like royalty. That’s gonna be fun.”

“I don’t want to go to the breakfast thing the next morning. Can’t you make up an excuse to get us out of this?”

“No! Your mother invited you. Take the olive branch, like your dad said. You can do this. I’ll be right there beside you.”

And he was.

And I can see how much it meant to her.

I glance at Asher, who’s turned back to his laptop, knowing without a doubt that he’d probably do the same thing for me. Hell, any of the Hockey House men would step up for their ladies, because they’re good guys.

There goes my heart again, getting all mushy.

I frown, turning back to face my own laptop. I start to reread the paragraph I was working on but get distracted by the man beside me. His eyes are focused on the screen in front of him, but I can see the tension in his face, and I wonder if he’s still feeling the effects of his father’s phone call.

It’s obvious he doesn’t want to do that summer internship, but I guess right now he has no real excuse to get out of it. If only he could figure out what he really wants to do with his life. I want to see him happy. He deserves to pursue a job that fires him up. Everybody does.